Slumping to Depression
Blog Entry: Slumping to Depression
Blog Entry: Slumping to Depression
Posted by: ladychaos
Posted: July 31, 2008, 2:53:02 AM
Mood: depressed
Listening To: I must be dreaming - Evanescence
Posted: July 31, 2008, 2:53:02 AM
Mood: depressed
Listening To: I must be dreaming - Evanescence
Lately i've been feeling rather lonely.
Ever since summer began i am finding it rarer and rarer to see all my friends, it feels as though we are all drifting further away from eachother.
As a result i am finding myself more often locked up inside my room with only people on the internet to keep me company.
It's not that i am complaining or anything, that is the last thing i want to sound like i am doing, it's just that i long for some human interaction, to be able to look at a person's reaction during a conversation, take photographs to remember the random summer fun. The simple things.
Every day i feel less human due to the solitary life...i don't mind being alone at times but too much i think will drive me to the brink of insanity.
Ever since we all finished high school it has become difficult to make plans with them, all i want to do is have a summer to remember with everyone before we all go our seperatge ways but now it feels as though it's already happening, like everyone is flickering away.
Another thing i have realised...well i have realised it for quite some time...
My father and i have a poor relationship with one another.
I a way it feels as though we have become strangers.
Ever since my mother passed away he has tried to do everytihng he can to replace her. He has taken to doing all of her old jobs while all i do is just sit there like a doll and watch with glazed eyes.
The only thing he hasn't done to try and replace her is going out with someone else, he isn't lonely, he seems content with how things are going. I doubt re realises our fading relationship for himself.
At times it would seem that he is trying to buy my love.
When my mother was alive we where happiest when we all whent out for long walks and go places in general, no longer do we do that.
Now his work takes up most of his life, if it isn't hiss office it is the daunting tasks around the house ones he never needs my help with.
I doubt i will be able to recapture the flame of my relationship with my father.
With my lonliness, my self confidence has depleted and my insecurities increase.
I long for human companionship, the feeling of a hug from my friends...or even my father...i havn't hugged him in years...
I don't want sympathy...I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
I want to be laughed at.
Perhaps then i might feel more human...
Ever since summer began i am finding it rarer and rarer to see all my friends, it feels as though we are all drifting further away from eachother.
As a result i am finding myself more often locked up inside my room with only people on the internet to keep me company.
It's not that i am complaining or anything, that is the last thing i want to sound like i am doing, it's just that i long for some human interaction, to be able to look at a person's reaction during a conversation, take photographs to remember the random summer fun. The simple things.
Every day i feel less human due to the solitary life...i don't mind being alone at times but too much i think will drive me to the brink of insanity.
Ever since we all finished high school it has become difficult to make plans with them, all i want to do is have a summer to remember with everyone before we all go our seperatge ways but now it feels as though it's already happening, like everyone is flickering away.
Another thing i have realised...well i have realised it for quite some time...
My father and i have a poor relationship with one another.
I a way it feels as though we have become strangers.
Ever since my mother passed away he has tried to do everytihng he can to replace her. He has taken to doing all of her old jobs while all i do is just sit there like a doll and watch with glazed eyes.
The only thing he hasn't done to try and replace her is going out with someone else, he isn't lonely, he seems content with how things are going. I doubt re realises our fading relationship for himself.
At times it would seem that he is trying to buy my love.
When my mother was alive we where happiest when we all whent out for long walks and go places in general, no longer do we do that.
Now his work takes up most of his life, if it isn't hiss office it is the daunting tasks around the house ones he never needs my help with.
I doubt i will be able to recapture the flame of my relationship with my father.
With my lonliness, my self confidence has depleted and my insecurities increase.
I long for human companionship, the feeling of a hug from my friends...or even my father...i havn't hugged him in years...
I don't want sympathy...I don't want people to feel sorry for me.
I want to be laughed at.
Perhaps then i might feel more human...