Rest in Peace.

i am at a complete loss of words. i know i may be wasting my time, but art and writing out my feelings is currently the only way i can cope with what is going on. i ask that no one make comments regarding to religion, because it seriously upsets me.

the heartagram symbolises Sebastian, and the butterflies symbolise Liz.

on 5/28/11, i have experienced a second death within the past 8 months.

one of my friends named Liz molar, had died literally like 30 minutes of me seeing and talking to her. she was about 20 or 21. she had left with her husband and his friend, and gotten in a car wreck. she wasn't wearing her seat belt, flew out the window, broke her neck, and was trapped under the car for 15 minutes before help arrived. they all had been drinking, and liz was also on 'bars'. i still remember the last couple of conversations she was having with everyone. first, she had said she liked my bathing suit because of the color, and she was talking about her new one that she was wearing. it was really cute, it was white and had pink and light green flower disigns on it. she was also talking about this new tattoo she got on her back; it was a really pretty fairy, but she said she needed to fix it because she said she looked like hitler haha. and she was also talking about this crazy show she watched the night previous about prisons. she has 3 children, and i hate thinking about what might happen to them.

Prior to this, 10/8/10 my friend named Sebastian Hayes died from suicide. he was 17. he shot himself in the head with a 12 guage. i hadn't talked to seby in a long time, mostly from just not really seeing him around, and he had also gotten into harder drugs like meth. it was just recently his birthday, and he would have turned 18. he was the most funniest and most weirdest person i had ever met. he could always make you smile, just by looking at you. the last time i had seen him before he died it had been a couple months before. he was at my sisters place hanging out. he had either done meth or other stuff before he came over so he was kind of tripping. he kept looking at me making googly eyes trying to creep me out on purpose. i used to call him atticus, like my cat, because he was a natural red head.

it's getting so hard. i HATE seeing everyone around me suffering because of this. right whenever we all start to get over sebastian, another death happens. my best friends, ashley and mikeala, were the closest to seby and liz, and i know that they are WAY beyond suffering. and all i can do is pat them on the back, support them, and tell them i love them. but it just doesn't seem enough. all i want to do is be with my friends. when death happens around you, it feels like any second EVERYONE that you love will leave and you won't ever get them back. i wish i wasn't sitting at home, i want to be mourning with my friends and staying close to them.

i know that this is just one of those things that over time i have to get over. and i know i will. but i will never forget seby and liz. the wounds that heal, but the scars will still stay only barely fading away. i hope those scars symbolise the happy memories that i had spent with two wonderful people on this earth. wherever they have gone, i hope they are happy. dispite the problems on their surface i know that they were beautiful individuals on the inside.



art(c)Aesthetic