My Confessions

Why is it that I want to cry when I'm happy or smile when I'm sad? I want to just SHUT the world away from my mind and forever stay alone. I see no light at the end of this long tunnel or DARKNESS and ANGUISH. But why do I linger on? Is it because of love? Is it because I have a certain DESTINY that I must fufill? I'm so confused. I'm alone in the dark. The shadows of my past keep pulling at me. The future doesn't matter. It's those dark SECRETS that wake me up in the middle of the night and make me want to believe they were LIES. But life doesn't work that way. Life keeps pulling you into believing that the world is a happy little place where LIFE is so WONDERFUL. But no. It's really no. Those noises you hear at night ripping at your mind are coming for you. DEMONS watching you constantly whisper all of those forgotten evils that you've committed. They make you feel as though DEATH is pleasant and the sooner the better. But you musn't give in to them. They are FALSE. The world keeps pulling at me but I don't understand it. Happiness sometimes comes to me. But is it true? LOVE is tearing me apart. That's how I became this way. It was all because of love. I remember so clearly now. Love....love....love.... It all started when I was young and not as full of HATE, sadness, and lies. Even before I moved to a different school and was made fun of just because I was DIFFERENT. There was a boy. A boy who didn't particularly stand OUT, but he was KIND and made me laugh. We had been best friends ever since Pre-School. Whenever I'd cry, he'd make me laugh. Whenever I'd be made fun of, he stood up for me. And I made him feel happy, too. But I was blinded and thought of this friendship as only a friendship. At that young age, I never would have GUESSED that it was love. But then one day, he told us that he was moving. I thought that he was only joking. I thought that he was simply "playing a TRICK" on us. But he wasn't...and now I realize that he was my true love.....all because of LOVE....