Augustus' Incident

Here's old tubby in the pipe. I just thought it would be funny. I am also going to post the Oompa Loompa song to go with this.<br />
<br />
Augustus Gloop! Augustus Gloop!<br />
The great big greedy nincompoop!<br />
How long could we allow this beast<br />
To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast<br />
On everything he wanted to?<br />
Great Scott! It simply wouldn't do!<br />
However long this pig might live,<br />
We're positive he'd never give<br />
Even the smallest bit of fun<br />
Or happiness to anyone.<br />
So what we do in cases such<br />
As this, we use the gentle touch,<br />
And carefully we take the brat<br />
And turn him into something that<br />
Will give great pleasure to us all–<br />
A doll, for instance, or a ball,<br />
Or marbles or a rocking horse.<br />
But this revolting boy, of course,<br />
Was so unutterably vile,<br />
So greedy, foul, and infantile<br />
He left a most disgusting taste<br />
Inside our mouths, and so in haste<br />
We chose a thing that, come what may,<br />
Would take the nasty taste away.<br />
'Come on!' we cried, 'The time is ripe<br />
To send him shooting up the pipe!<br />
He has to go! It has to be!'<br />
And very soon, he's going to see<br />
Inside the room to which he's gone<br />
Some funny things are going on.<br />
But don't, dear children, be alarmed;<br />
Augustus Gloop will not be harmed,<br />
Although, of course, we must admit<br />
He will be altered quite a bit.<br />
He'll be quite changed from what he's been,<br />
When he goes through the fudge machine:<br />
Slowly, the wheels go round and round,<br />
The cogs begin to grind and pound;<br />
A hundred knives go slice, slice, slice;<br />
We add some sugar, cream, and spice;<br />
We boil him for a minute more,<br />
Until we're absolutely sure<br />
That all the greed and all the gall<br />
Is boiled away for once and all.<br />
Then out he comes! And now! By grace!<br />
A miracle has taken place!<br />
This boy, who only just before<br />
Was loathed by men from shore to shore,<br />
This greedy brute, this louse's ear,<br />
Is loved by people everywhere!<br />
For who could hate or bear a grudge<br />
Against a luscious bit of fudge?