Sunrise

Have you missed me?

I suppose I owe you all an explaination. I have been away for a long, long time. And I have missed you all. I have, however, been very depressed for a long time. To give you my livejournal entry (a very good explaination):

I don't know what's happening anymore.

Only two things haven't changed.
1. My father's a prick.
2. My stepmom's a dog.

Everything else is confusing and scaring me.

1. My older brother is joining the Air Force. He may go to Iraq. I won't see him for four years. He may go overseas. He may die. I don't understand why he's doing this.
2. My older sister and I are suddenly friends. I have no idea when this happened. I know, this isn't something I should be angsting about, but it's weird.
3. My little brother is still an annoying plebe, but he's also getting more mature. I don't understand why he has to grow up: I like him the way he is.
4. My little sister is getting bigger, too. She's walking, she's talking, and I don't get to see her every day. It's a little weird seeing her and seeing how much she's grown.
5. My mom's a teacher. I never get to see her anymore in the mornings. She sometimes doesn't get to say goodbye.
6. My social life is insane. A 'slutty' friend, a brilliant friend (who claims she's not), a friend and her boyfriend's on-again-off-again relationship, and a friend who I want to be more than a friend who won't pick up the phone when I call him from out of state.
7. I'm changing. Hormones, a changing body, craziness. I'm not even going to pretend I don't hate God for those little tricks. Why does he do this to the XY chromasome?

My family's crazy. My friends are crazy. My life is crazy.

I don't understand. Life needs a manual.

So, there you have it. Shortly after posting this on livejournal, my sketchbook (full of unposted drawings and a comic I was working on) was stolen, and it still has not been recovered. [insert sad violin music here]

I was very depressed for a while, sort of like a spiral. I began giving up on things: my singing, my acting, my cello, my art. I became very withdrawn. I stopped calling my friends so often and I became particularly snarky with my dad. Essentially, I hated the world.

On Tuesday morning, I awoke very early (don't ask, I don't sleep well). I pulled out a new sketchbook and tried to draw for a bit, but all my drawings were very depressing. I instead took a book outside and sat on the porch and read (or, I tried to). I kept thinking about my life, and I started crying a bit. I looked up and saw that it was twilight time. I wated a bit, then saw the sun break out, and the sky was completely lit.

You know how you can see something that completely hanges your frame of mind? That sunrise did it for me. It was like an epiphany: my life was like the sunrise. There was twilight, when the sun is so temptingly close, but it is still dark, then the sun bursts in, lighting everything. So, I decided it was high time for my sun to burst in. I went inside and sketched this, watercolored it the next day, then let it dry. I think it turned out rather well.

I have gotten a lot brighter (back to my cheery self ^_^) and have decided to keep up with my friends more. I'll be posting more drawings soon.

Elijah's back, baby!

~SiN