Chapter 1 - A Fruitless Scam

 Ed, Edd, ''n Eddy
Chapter 1: A Fruitless Scam
 

"No! You can''t leave!" Four year old Edgar clung to his eighteen year old brother''s leg. He looked down in surprise.

"Get off," I gotta go," he tried to shake him off.

"What''ll I do!"

"Same thing as we always did. Hold up the family name, Eddy."

Edgar, or for short "Eddy," looked up with big eyes and let go of his older brother''s leg. He walked over to his bed and pulled a shirt out from under his pillow.

"This don''t fit no more, might as well give it to you," he walked back to Eddy and slipped it over his head. When Eddy looked down at it more closely, he saw that it was yellow with a red stripe and even though it traveled to his feet, it felt like a trophy.

He peered up again and watched as his brother finished packing his suitcase.

"You''ll come back, right?" he asked. His brother stopped.

"I don''t know. Faster I can get out of this dump, the better," he laughed and closed the suitcase. "You''re gonna keep my magazines safe, right? Don''t let Mom find them."

Eddy nodded.

"Good. Well, I''m out of this joint," he grabbed his suitcase and made for the door.

"Wait! Don''t you want to chase Rolf''s chickens just one more time? I bet Ed''d be up for it!"

He shook his head and laughed. "That don''t matter to me no more, Eddy. Grow up." That was the last thing he said before leaving. Eddy rushed to the front door and watched him drive away with his friends. And then nothing. He just stayed and watched for him to possibly return.

"Bye, Eddy''s brother!" a loud, happy voice rang from behind Eddy before tossing confetti on him.

"I can''t believe he''s gone," Eddy continued to stare.

"Huh?"

"He''s gone, Ed," he shook his head in disbelief.

"But I didn''t get to say goodbye!" Ed threw himself on his shorter friend and sobbed.

"Hey, hey, hey, watch the threads," Eddy pushed Ed off. "We''ll be okay." This suddenly felt like an empty promise. Would they be okay? What were they going to do?

But he couldn''t let the big guy down or his brother''s shirt would be stained with tears very soon.

Ed wiped his nose on his arm. "We will?"

"Uh...sure. We just gotta think of a scam and we''ll be in the black!"

Ed began to shiver and fell into a fetal position. "The dark scares me, Eddy."

"Don''t worry about it. Soon we''ll be so rich, you can buy as many of those night lights as you need!"

"Really?" Ed''s eyes grew and he bit his bottom lip in a smile.

"Sure, why not!" Eddy shrugged.

"Can I buy a chicken farm!" Ed began to envision new possibilities.

"You could buy a chin. But first we gotta come up with the plan," Eddy pointed to his head.

"Like what?" Ed suddenly went blank and stared off into nothing.

"Uh...we could help Rolf with his chores," Eddy shrugged. Ed''s face lit up.

"And I could hug a chicken!"

"Just keep ''em in one piece, Ed," Eddy rolled his eyes and the two walked across the street to Rolf''s house. Eddy stepped up onto the porch and rang the bell. Ed looked randomly to the left and then to the right, up, down, and all around.

They heard a cow and Victor the goat, and then a scream from Rolf before a splash.

"Maybe no one''s home," Ed suggested. Eddy glared at the door and began ringing the bell viciously.

"Of course they''re there, we just heard!"

Another yelf from Rolf before he flew over the fence and hit the telephone pole.

"There he is, Eddy!" Ed ran toward him.

"No! Stop! Stay back!" Rolf screamed in terror. Ed stopped short and raised his eyebrow.

"Huh?"

"Leave! Rolf''s chickens have had enough dread!"

"Chickens?" Ed grinned.

"Relax, Rolfie. We just wanted to help with some chores," Eddy held his hands in front of him.

"Please! Rolf begs for their protection!" Rolf was now kneeling before Eddy.

"We didn''t come here to cause trouble. We just wanted to raise a little money," Eddy said.

"And hug a chicken, Rolf!" Ed exclaimed.

"Huh," Rolf looked up from kissing Eddy''s shoes. "You mean..." Rolf looked around in a paranoid fashion before whispering in Eddy''s ear "...he is not present?"

"Yeah. He just left for college," Eddy nodded. Rolf straightened, pulled up his overalls, and laughed.

"Ho, ho, then. Ed-boys want to help Rolf with Rolf''s chores, yes? Go away! You fluster Rolf!" Rolf turned and walked to his porch.

"Wait, Rolf! We only-" but Eddy never finished for Rolf slammed the door in his face.

Ed laughed. "Your face looks like a pancake, Eddy!"

Eddy shook his head and it regained its usual shape. "There''s gotta be something..." he pondered again.

"Oh! Oh! Pick me!" Ed waved his arm. "My mom just went to the market and we have lots of fruits!"

"Wait..." Eddy thought for a while "...Ed! We could make fruit slushis and sell ''em a quarter a piece! We''ll make a killing!" Eddy grinned and grabbed Ed''s head. "What kinds of fruits do you have?" Ed grinned and held out his hand.

"Oh, clementine and kiwi and pomegranate and mango and..." Ed counted on his fingers.

"Perfect! Now what would we use for a stand?" Eddy interrupted.

"I have a stand!" Ed exclaimed.

Eddy blinked. "What!"

"Come! See!" Ed grabbed Eddy by the hand and ran to his house, letting Eddy trip and stumble the whole way.

They descended the stairs to Ed''s bedroom and Ed flung Eddy at the wall. "Your face looks like a pancake, Eddy!" Ed laughed again. Eddy pulled his face off of the wall and glared back.

"Where''s the stand!"

"Oh," Ed began, "be right back." He trotted to the laundry room. Eddy sat down on the bed and waited. Ed came back to the doorway soon enough carrying the washing machine in front of him. Eddy hopped down from the bed and grinned at the appliance.

"Perfect! It''ll even make the slushis! Bring it outside, Ed, and then we''ll collect that fruit!" Eddy got up and walked behind Ed up the stairs. But they did arrive at one problem...

"It''s stuck, Eddy," Ed announced at the top. "It won''t go through!"

"Turn it the other way," Eddy suggested. Ed easily accomplished this alternation, but it still wouldn''t fit. "Push it harder," he shrugged.

Ed turned his back to the machine and pushed against it until it broke through the sides of the door. Ed wiped his forehead and looked up to see this. "Eddy! The wall! What will Mom do?" Ed panicked.

"Don''t worry about it. We''ll fix it later," Eddy said. "Bring this baby outside, Ed!"

They had trouble at the next few doors, but these problems were solved similarly to the first.

The washing machine was finally outside on the sidewalk. "Let''s go get the fruit!" Ed yelled, running back into his house.

They came to the fridge and emptied it of all fruits which were now spread across the floor. Eddy frowned at this. "We gotta think of a way to get these outside."

"My mom has laundry basket," Ed suggested.

"Well what are you standing around here for? Go get it," Eddy stated. Ed saluted and walked to the stairs only to trip over his shoelaces and fall down the flight. "Ow...I''m okay." He soon came back up with a basket.

"Great! Let''s put the fruit in the basket," Eddy bent down to pick up the fruit.

Three quarters of the way up the basket, Ed happened to step in one of the fruits and fell, smashing all those beneath him and the ones he was holding.

"Ed! People won''t pay for bruised merchandise!" Eddy shouted.

"I''m sorry, Eddy," Ed apologized.

"Where are we gonna find more! This ain''t enough!" Eddy exclaimed.

Ed shrugged. "I don''t know."

"Maybe Nazz or Jonny have fruit," Eddy wondered. It wouldn''t be likely that Rolf would have any: all they knew he had was a meatshed.

"But how will we get it? Ed asked.
Ed and Eddy stood on Jonny''s roof. Ed wore a long sleeved, black shirt, black pants, and black finger-paint beneath his eyes. Eddy wore the same, but also sported a black ski hat.
"Ready?" Eddy asked.

"Yep!" Ed pulled his toy saw out of their bag and brought it down to the roof. Eddy grinned and rubbed his hands together. Then he frowned.

"How come it isn''t working?" he stared at it, dumbstruck.

"I don''t know," Ed studied it.

"Is it on? Pull the chain...rope...string thingy," Eddy demonstrated by pulling on an invisible string. Ed did so, and the plastic chain went around once before stopping.

"It''s garbage," Eddy grumbled. "The windows! Come on!" Eddy grabbed Ed by the neck.
"Ready?" Eddy asked again. Ed gave his the thumbs up. Eddy returned it and put on a red helmet with yellow flames.
Ed pulled a spring out of his bag and tied Eddy''s shoelaces to it. Eddy put on his shoes and prepared to be shot.

"On the count of three. One, two...two..." Eddy stopped.

"THREE!" Ed exclaimed, firing Eddy at the side of the house.

"At the window, Ed," Eddy''s voice was faint against the house before he pulled himself off and fell to the ground.

"Ha, ha! You face looked like a pancake, Eddy!" Ed laughed.

"Let''s just try again," Eddy growled as he was forced to climb up the tree again. "This time, the window," Eddy instructed. "FIRE!" However, this time was not the window, either. Eddy''s head hit another tree, causing an avalanche of acorns to fall onto of him. He climbed out of these, pulled one out of his ear, and stomped back to the tree.

"You were suppose to hit the window, Eddy," Ed laughed again. Eddy took the helmet off and slammed it on Ed.

"Get on the spring, I''m launching you!"

Ed smiled. "I have achieved greatness!"

"Shut up and get on," Eddy disciplined. Ed tied himself on and was ready. Eddy pulled back.

"One...two...three!" Eddy released him and he crashed into the window...which was shut. "We gotta think of a better way to do this," Eddy stated, crossing his arms.
"So we tried air attacks, now we''ll go underground," Eddy stated. He was holding Ed''s legs up. "Dig, Ed!"
Ed''s hands ripped through the soil as they descended beneath Jonny''s house.

"Eddy, there''s a wall," Ed stated.

"Use your head," Eddy said. Ed rammed his head into the concrete wall, causing it to crack in the center.

"Perfect!" Eddy kicked it and the broken blocks fell onto the floor of Jonny''s basement. He jumped inside and landed in a ninja pose while Ed tripped through the hole. "Shh. Come on." They tip-toed up the stairs.

"Shh," Eddy pointed to the fridge in the kitchen, and then made a motion for Ed to follow his.

"Come on," Eddy opened the fridge and began handing fruits to Ed who placed them in the bag. When they stripped the fridge of all of its fruits, Eddy closed its door.

"Look at all this fruit!" Ed exclaimed. Eddy clasped Ed''s mouth shut immediately and looked around in a paranoid fashion. He then dragged him down the stairs and quietly shut the basement door.
Jonny and Plank stuck their heads out of their bedroom floor.
"Did you hear that, Plank?"Jonny asked.

"---------------," Plank replied.

"Of course I wasn''t hallucinating," Jonny said.
"Phew," Eddy took his hat off and wiped his forehead. "Dump ''em in, Ed. How many did we get?" Ed lifted the bag and filled the basket to the brim. "They fit! Quick! Bring it outside, Ed!"
Now in their regular attire, they ran back outside with the basket and set it beside the washing machine.

"So how does this thing work anyways," Eddy studied the machinery.

"Oh! You turn this knobby thingy and it turns," Ed demonstrated, but the washing machine did nothing. He scratched his head and shrugged. "Maybe it''s broken."

"Your head''s broken," Eddy pulled Ed''s head to the back of the machine. "It needs to be plugged in!"

"I''ll be on it!" Ed ran back to his house and returned with a long extention cord. He plugged it into the back and proceeded to plug it into an outlet on the side of his house. "Ready?" Ed gave the thumbs-up.

Eddy, ontop of of machine, returned the sign. "Contact!" He turned the knob. It began shaking and jumping off of the ground. Eddy clung onto the sides to avoid being flung off.

"Ed! Do something!" Eddy yelled. Ed looked back at the plug and unplugged it.

"Phew," Eddy sighed and climbed down from the washing machine. "It works! Lets fill it!" The two carried the fruits from the basket into the machine. "Turn it on!"

Ed turned the knob again. "Whoa, way cool!" Ed''s head rotated with the turning laundry machine.

"Ed," Eddy pulled Ed away by his eyebrow, "we need customers, Ed."

"Oh, okay," Ed replied. "Presenting his royal majesties King Eddy the sixth and seven eighths-" Ed groaned with a kick in the stomach from Eddy.

"I''ll do it, windbag," Eddy jumped onto the washing machine and projected to the cul-de-sac: "Step right up, folks! Limited time only! Get your very own fruit slushi for the small fee of a quarter!" Soon Rolf and Nazz were walking toward the stand. "See, it''s all in the presentation," Eddy told Ed before facing their two customers.

"Rolf sees you are trying at Rolf''s pumpernickel, yes," Rolf laughed.

"No nickels, Rolf. Quarters," Eddy corrected.

"So what flavors do you got?" Nazz asked, slightly giggling. She was a small girl with blonde pigtails, a blue shirt with a pink flower on it, and a short, white skirt.

"Anything you want," Eddy shrugged, slightly blushing.

"What''s in there now?"

"Uh...a fruit punch."

"Oh. Like what fruits are it it?"

"Just about everything."

"Oh," Nazz looked sad. "Is there cantaloupe in it?"

"Yeah," Eddy nodded.

"I can''t. They make me seriously pack the punds."

"I''m sure one would be alright," Eddy scooped a cupfull out of the washing machine and handed it to her, straw and all.

Nazz looked at it closely for a moment before taking a small sip of it. "Mmm," she grinned, dropped a quarter into Eddy''s outstratched hands, and walked away with it.

Rolf smirked. "The Ed-boy cannot delude Rolf so easily with his imprudent tricks. You shall have to try harder if you so wish to suceed-"

Rolf was knocked over by an excited Jonny and Plank.

"Two for us, Eddy!" Jonny said. "What was that?" He put Plank up to his ear to hear. Ed did the same. "Plank says to take a hike, Eddy. Your fruitless scam''ll never work. That was harsh, buddy."

"Fruitless! Is he blind!" Eddy pointed to the almost full basket.

"Don''t listen to him, Eddy. He don''t know what he''s talkin'' about," Jonny replied. "Here''s two quarters, Eddy!" Jonny put them onop of the washing machine. Eddy scooped two cupfulls out for them.

"Wait, Eddy! Plank likes bendie straws!" Jonny added as an afterthought. Grumbling, Eddy bent Plank''s straw halfway. "Thanks, Eddy!" He looked down at the board again with a frown. "At least I don''t got sawdust for brains."

"Rolf does not believe it," he walked toward them with a bewildered look in his eyes. "May Rolf have a taste of your-"

"Hey Eddy, could I have another?" Nazz asked.

"Uh," Eddy began, "okay..." Nazz gave another quarter. Eddy gave her the last cupfull the laundry machine had in it.

"Thanks, dude!"

"Sure Nazz," Eddy waved.

"BYE NAZZ!" Ed yelled.

Rolf cleared his throat, bringing attention back to him again.

"How may we assist you, Rolfie boy?" Eddy asked.

"Rolf wishes to sample you peculiar new beverage, yes," Rolf said.

"A quarter and you can go to town," Eddy grinned.

"Yes, see," Rolf handed him a quater. Eddy grabbed a cup, but saw that there was not enough of the fruity mix to fill a cup.

"Ha, ha. We just need to reload," Eddy ran to Ed who was sliding a cucumber through one ear and out of the other. Eddy slapped it away. "We need another load, Ed."

"I will whip it up!" Ed picked up the basket and poured all of its contents into the machine.

"Ready?" Eddy asked.

"Yep!" Ed turned the knob. The machine began spitting smoke and rattling as it was earlier.

"What''s its problem now?" Eddy walked and stood beside Ed.

"Shaklakar! She''s going to burst!" Rolf yelled, running quickly back to his house.

It was too late for Ed and Eddy, however. The washing machine exploded, splattering them with the fruits.

Eddy wiped what he thought were grapes off of his eyes and glared at Ed, rolling up his sleeves.

Ed licked some of it off around his mouth. "Mmm!"

"Why you!" Eddy pounced ontop of the now surprised Ed.

"Ahh! Don''t gouge my eyes out, Eddy!" Ed screamed as Eddy viciously clawed at the air above his face.

"I''ll do worse than that!"

"No, Eddy! AHHH!"

A truck drove in front of the blue house on the corner. Ed and Eddy stopped their fight: Ed pulling Eddy''s hair and Eddy holding Ed by the neck.

They heard the truck door open and close. Then a few hammers before the door again. The truck pulled into the cul-de-sac, turned around, and drove away.

"What was that about?" Eddy asked, letting Ed go. Ed walked across the street squinting at it.

"Sss...suu...suul...suuld...sold," Ed sounded out the word.

"Sold..." Eddy trailed off.
To Be ContinuED...
 
A/N- So, the first EENE story in probably a year now. I saw the new episode and it inspired me to write a new "How The Eds Met" since the story was set in the third season. This will now be canon with season five. It was a lot of fun to write, though. I got to play with quite a many puns. Which are my favorite form of humor with the English language. And best of all, it''s not another "Sirius" one! The one I am most proud of is the pumpernickel part where Eddy says no nickels, quarters! I thought I''d die when I wrote that. What''s happening to me!
 

Well, I hope this becomes as well liked as the old version. I''m four years older, can spell almost all words in the English language (that I know), and can understand not just Double D anymore, but ALL of the characters. Even Nazz. Except Lee and Marie. I still don''t quite get them yet.

"The Wizard Of Ed"...I think I now know where I''m stuck in it. I am going to rewrite the last chapter and my original ideas about Rudolph and the Tinman before I go onto the Lion. But there should be an update when I''m inspired. I am currently coloring a HUGE work in the paint program and I want to be done with it. Ugh.

Well I hope y''all enjoy this and you haven''t forgotten me! Please review! I''ll give you candy if you do!

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