Chapter 1 - What they will NEVER say

 

Chapter one

Enjoy! And Happy Christmas!

Captain Thunderbolt Vulpoon: I feel personally connected to each and every slave and crew-member that boards my ship. In fact, let's all have a group hug and a sing-song.

Cowlquape: But I don't want to leave Sanctaphrax! I've been so happy here!

Wingnut Sleet: You know what? I really DO look scary beyond belief.

Woodfish: You'll have to speak up a bit.

 

Random Person: Look! That cute apprentice kid over there is battered beyond belief!

Kobold the Wise: Oh, that sucks. *leaves*

 

Forficule: Ears? Who needs ears?

Tem Barkwater: I'll be out in a minute! Just let me finish shaving!

Mag: But I'm not thirsty.

Goom: Hello, how are you? My name is Goom, and what's yours? Twig? Well, I'm very pleased to meet you!

The Roost Mother: I'm so happy!

Maris: Sixty-five colours of eyeshadow, how will I ever decide?

Twig: Beyond the Deepwoods? Who wants to go beyond the Deepwoods? I'm perfectly happy here.

Cloud Wolf: I'm having a bad hair day.

Maugin: I don't think I can mend this.

Linius Pallitax: No, all that stuff about the great scholars of the past? I just made it up to sould all wise and mighty. What a hoot. Works every time, though.

 

Twig: YOU LIE!!!

Gloamglozer: That's... so cruel.... *sniff*....you could at least be...*teardrop*...a little... nicer...

 

Quint: I know EXACTLY what I'm doing!

Cowlquape: Why would I be reading? My soap operas are on.

Twig: I have the BEST hair in the books!

Wig-wigs: We should have our own reality show! We're universably recognisable, or smooth fluff is easy to render in CG, and it's not as if we're not cute!

Professor of Darkness: I really miss Kraan...*sniff*

 

Cloud Wolf: But Twig... I AM YOUR FATHER!!!!!

Twig: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ....waitta minute?

 

Wind Jackal: I think I'll take up gardening.

Sinew: Red? I hate red! Why can't we be blue?

Bogwitt: Mmm... I think all these tattoos may be getting a bit much, really. Maybe just one more...

The Shrykes: Come and stay sometime. You're always welcome, you know that.

Maugin: It's just a patch job. Call a pro if you don't like it.

 

Maris: Maugin, how come we're the only girls?

Maugin: It gives the boys an excuse to fight about something.

 

Rook: What exactly are you smoking?

Xanth: Dandelion fuzz. Why?

 

Mag: I still love you, Twiggy!

Twig: But you were trying to kill me just a moment ago!

Mag: *innocent voice* I was?

 

Maris: I'm so lonely up on this cloud. There's no McDonald's or Burger King anywhere.

Vox: I forgive you.

Captain Thunderbolt Vulpoon: I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those meddling kids!

Screed Toe-Taker: Eek! That slipper smells!

Professor of Light: I hate this job.

Maugin: Like, Sky above! I broke a nail!

Cloud Wolf: Okay, men! We're all going to Pizza Hut to have a party!

Cowlquape: Hey, if you don't leave me alone, I'm going to beat you down!

Quint: I wanna be a child star before it's too late!

Turbot Smeal: You know, I feel really bad about setting fire to Wind Jaclal's house. Maybe I should just go apologise.

Maris: Woodsaps? Yuck! I hate woodsaps!

Thaw Daggerslash: Can I stop smiling now? My cheeks hurt.

Maugin: I have facelifts twice a year, you know.

Twig: I think I'll drop the Geordie accent. It's just not coming over.

 

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