Chapter 8 - Why Do You Love Me?

~TPOV~~TPOV~
 
       I broke out in tears and ran out of theroom and went under my blankets. ‘What amI supposed to do?’ [/i]
2ndvoice *in her mind*: ‘Well you just made a big scene…’
‘I know… but I couldn’thelp it… I didn’t know that Ben…uh…’[/i]
2ndvoice: Idiot. So, the nicest guy you’ve ever met *not to mention the bestlooking* has just basically declared his admiration for you… Why is that sobad?
‘That I don’t think Ilove him…yet.’[/i]
2ndvoice: And that’s because…
‘I just met him… andplus… my plan was to get to Haelo, and on the way I got Ben too…’[/i]
2ndvoice: Too? Haelo likes you?
‘Um…no that’s not what Imeant.’[/i]
2ndvoice: THEN SAY WHAT YOU MEAN! Life would be so much easier for you!
‘I CAN’T!’[/i]
2ndvoice: Why? Your not with Nick anymore… it’s not like they will punish you ifyou do…
‘I don’t know…’[/i]
2ndvoice: Are you doubting that Ben is a good guy, because let me tell you. He’sone a billion. Or more…
‘How would you know? Allwe’ve ever known is Nick you jerk… how would we know what a nice guy can belike…’[/i]
2ndvoice: I’m just saying… that you don’t trust him… And you need to give him achance. I mean, this dude let you into his house, he’sprotected you, and cried with you. You’re telling me that you have doubts? Thisis all you’ve ever wished for…SO WHAT IS HOLDING YOU BACK…
‘It’s…the….it’s…um….’[/i]
2ndvoice: WELL?
‘Haelo.’[/i]
2ndvoice: What’s so good about stupid Haelo?
‘What’s so bad abouthim?’[/i]
2ndVoice: He has mental break downs, which won’t help you considering you do aswell. He’s just a jerk. Member that little kid he was mean to? Obviously he iscrude.
‘Why are you so judging?What’s so good about Ben? WHY ARE YOU SO HOOKED ON HIM?’[/i]
2ndvoice: That’s just it. There is nothing bad about him at all. He’s got looks,personality, in a band-
‘WAS in a band.’[/i]
2ndvoice: What ever, anyways, in a band, sensitive, caring, loves you, andprotects you. He hasn’t done anything but TRY to make you smile, and you alwaysend up crying. What is this, like the 50th time you cried or what?
‘Why are you so mean? It’snot like I’m going through the best parts of my life.’ [/i]
2ndvoice: LET BEN HELP YOU!
‘But I don’t want himto.’ [/i]
2ndvoice: I give up… go ahead… get Haelo, become more screwed up than you alreadyare and don’t come crying to me when you break Ben’s heart and he commits suicide.
‘Oh GOD! Ben would NEVERdo that! Would he?’ [/i]
2ndvoice: BYE! *walks off angrily*
‘Meanie…that’s why I’mso depressed…she makes everything worse.’[/i]
 [/i]
      
       At that moment Ben came into the room andsat next to my bed. “Did I do something wrong? Why do you keep crying? Justtell me and I fix it I swear…” He put his hand on the top of the covers wherehe knew my head was.
 
       “I don’t want you to help me… so stop.”My words were shaky and soft. The voice in my head started yelling at me againand I could barely hear Ben with my screaming thoughts.
 
       “What? Tear please… let me see your face…tell me what’s wrong…” He inched the blanket slowly down my forehead and Ishrunk back deeper into the covers. “Fine, I won’t look at you but at leasttell me what’s bothering you.”
 
       “………………………Why…why do you love me?” Iwhispered it as quietly as I could without letting myself realize I said it.The thoughts in my head quieted, and there was a silence.
 
       “I… am I making you feel uncomfortable?Do you want to me leave? Or do you want to…” His whispers were just as soft asmine. I thought for a moment and then I slowly revealed my face from theblanket that was covered in my tears. Ben gazed at my red face and was still.
 
       “I…Ben…I have no where to go. How could Ileave? No where…ever. I’m always just…..here.” I was looking straight intoBen’s eyes. Trying to read his thoughts through that blank expression. Tearsjust flowed like waterfalls from my eyes, and Ben’s expression grew lost, andlonely. I looked away before I lashed out to hold him again. “I’m sorry I… Ididn’t mean… that I… its just…” I closed my eyes and forced a smile beforelooking at him again. “I don’t know what love is Ben…so how could I loveanyone?” With my red face, forced smile and teary puffy eyes, he put his handson my face, and cupped it. His thumbs began stroking my cheeks as the tearsflowed over them.
 
       “You don’t have to love me if you don’twant to… don’t force your love. It might become hatred if you do. If you don’t wantto love me then I don’t want you to hate me either.”  He was still staring into my eyes but hisface was more soft than hurt.
 
       “Ben, I love you. But I want you to loveme…not as a romance, but as a love of a brother. I never had family… and you’rethe closest thing I have. I don’t want to hurt you and I mean this in thetruest way, I love you as a brother. Sometimes I think it might be more, butI’m not ready for more.” I let out what I had kept in. He looked away for amoment, and took his hands off my face. I began to get nervous that he was hurtby my words. “…Ben?” He still stared in the distance for a few moments and thensighed.
 
       “Okay.” I could tell it was hard for himto say it, because by the tone of his voice, part of him was rejecting it. “But,tell me something. And I want to know the real answer. Not what you think Iwant to hear okay?” Ben was facing me now, and had a determined expression onhis face. I knew what he was going to ask. I didn’t want to answer it, but if Ilied, he would tell and begin to think all I said was a lie as well.
 
       “Uh…o-ok.” His golden eyes swept over myexpression and he put his hands on my shoulders.
 
       “Do you think that you love Haelo…or doyou just truly want no relationship?” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
 
       “I don’t know why… but I can’t help butwonder if I do. The feelings I feel for you and your cousin are different. Areyou angry with me Ben? For being so unclear?” My tears had stopped and hesmiled a breathtaking smile…
 
       “No. Thank you for telling me. I loveyou. And always will, however you want me too.” ^_^ “…little sister.”  I fell into his arms and held him close. Imaginesomeone like him…so close to me. Why did he have to be so easy to talk to?  “Tear… just one thing… I asked you becauseyou said that Haelo shoved you off and ran away when you met him, so, if you dofind that you love Haelo. Be careful. I don’t want you to get hurt more thanyou already are…Haelo can be harsh and say things he doesn’t mean. If anyoneever does anything to hurt you, find me.” Wow… he really was a brother.Wait…WAIT. Did he…HE REMEMBERED? “Yeah you told me this morning that you likedhim from the beginning… I’ve been thinking about it all day.”
 
       “Why didn’t you tell me you were awake?”I pulled away from him and looked away with an angry expression on my face.
 
       “Tear, don’t get angry. I didn’t tell youbecause if I did, you wouldn’t have told me! Besides, it wasn’t very nice tomanipulate me in my sleep either.” I glanced at him and tried to keep the angryexpression on my face but I just couldn’t. He looked irritated as well, and Ihad never seen him like that, I started laughing. He got up and helped me up.  Ben started to walk towards the door and athought crossed my mind. I caught him before he turned the handle.
 
       “You won’t say a word to Haelo?” Helooked like he was distressed.
“Why not?”
“BEN!” I balled my fists and put them at mysides frustrated. And he began to laugh.
“I’m just joking. Of course I wont say a word tohim, or anybody… this is as much a secret mine as it is yours agreed?”
“Stupid Ben!” I giggled and nodded my head.“Agreed.”
 
Ben opened the door and I walked under his armand onto the couch. We walked in on Haelo singing a song. It was called…“Unwell”…
 
Ironic…[/i]
 [/i]
 [/i]
Okay, sorry for it being so short but I didthis all at night and I’m tired now! Its almost one! Please comment, I hope youenjoyed this chapter.[/i]
Como[/i][/i]
 
      
 
 
 

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment