Chapter 12 - And Jealosy Takes Me Over

~BPOV~~BPOV~
 
        What have Idone?
        Nothing… She was wrong…[/i]
        [/i]No! She’s totally and completelyright!
        You love her and you took care of her! Whatright does she have to do this to you?[/i]
        [/i]She can make her own decisions…
        NO! You should bang on that door RIGHT NOW andget her back! What if Haelo doesn’t want her anyway? She may be too embarrassedto come back to you? Then how would you feel, huh? She may even kill herselffor putting herself into deeper depression! You KNOW that night when you heldher there was SOMETHING THERE! She wants you just as you want her! Why do youtake that away from her? She didn’t mean what she said she just wasn’t used toa good looking, depressed, lost little puppy in need of love passing out in herarms![/i]
        [/i]Exactly, I shouldn’t take that awayfrom Haelo, as she said if he needs it she’ll give it to him at all costs.Clearly she loves him. I’ve been in love before… I’m not stupid.
        D*** it! Haelo may just be jealous of you!So he may be acting this out! [/i]
        [/i]What am I thinking! NO! Haelo is severelydepressed and IS IN NEED of her love because he LOVES HER TOO!
        Fine then, as a good ‘friend’ go knock onthat door and see if she’s all right. Apologize. [/i]
        [/i]But I won’t try to take her back.
        You say that now…[/i]
        [/i]Shut the h*** up.
 
        I walked over toHaelo’s bedroom door and hesitated. Whatif they are holding each other or kissing right now? [/i]A wave of jealousytook over and I knocked on the door. Moments later Tear opened up the door andglared at me. She was about to say something when Haelo puts his hand on thedoor post and looks straight into my eyes. He doesn’t have an angry expressionas Tear does but he opens the door wider and walked past her. I stood theregetting even more jealous than before as I watched him whisper something toher. She nodded and shut the door so that Haelo and I could have some timealone. “Is she alright?”
 
        He sighed andmotioned me to walk away from the door so she couldn’t hear us. We ended upoutside where it was raining hard. Surprisingly, it was so dark that one could mistakeit for midnight instead of noon. “Ben, lets stop this. Its hurting us…but moreimportantly its killing Tear. She can’t do this and God knows she loves both ofus.” The jealousy grew stronger and took over my entire mind and I lashed out.
 
        “So what? Now youdecide to keep her? She’s all yours? She lives with you now is that it? Evenwhen all her stuff is at my house THAT I BOUGHT for her?! I’m NOT letting youtake her Haelo! You will only hurt her, and that will only driver her tosuicide! She is mistaken, and she is trying to heal someone as broken as her.Stupid and idiotic, why can’t you see this?” Haelo punched me after that lastsentence. It was too much for him and he hit me straight in the jaw.
 
        I stumbled back afew steps and wiped the blood off my lip. Just as Haelo was about to speak Iwhipped my leg around into his stomach. He gasped for air and fell to theground. My anger grew with every hit, but I began to like this. Years and yearsof staying calm and collected, holding in all my emotions, fixing everyoneelse’s problems, ripping myself apart inside. It was all being paid off rightnow, in the rain, outside his apartment.
 
        “WHAT THE H*** ISWRONG WITH YOU BEN!?” My fist found his face and my knee found his private.Another gasp and he fell to the ground. Through clenched teeth he kept talking.“What if you- WHAT IF YOU HIT HER LIKE YOU DID ME?! This isn’t you BEN! I don’tKNOW who you are! Just get away from this place and leave her be.” My eyesshifted to a wrench lying in the next door neighbor’s house’s lawn next to abroken sprinkler. I quickly swept around Haelo and picked up the tool. Haelowatched in horror as he realized what I was going to do to him. He pushedhimself up and I swung the wrench into his side and he fell once more. “…Ben…stop.”He was holding his side in pain and I smacked him across the face.
         [/i]“ILOVE HER D*** IT! I LOVE HER SO MUCH!” Tears came down my face mixing with therain, barely readable. He tried to say something and I back handed him. “NO!DON’T SAY THAT YOU DO TOO! YOU CAN’T POSSIBLY LOVE HER AS I DO!” I dropped tomy knees and as I lifted the wrench for a final attempt to finish him, Haelohad a weird glint of hope in his eyes and I stopped. Just as I was about toturn around to see what he was looking at, arms wrapped around me.
 
        “NO! DON’T HURT HIMBEN!” Her loud cries sounded defenseless and beautiful. She was crying and Icould hear it in her voice. I made her cry again. My eyes darted from Haelo’sblank stare to her face buried in my side. She was getting soaking wet. Isuddenly couldn’t handle it. I shoved her off of me and stood there and staredat both of their lost faces. I let the moment linger in my mind as I ran backto my apartment. As soon as I reached it, I locked the door and opened a bottleof strong liquor and drank it all quickly. Sucking it dry and wanting more Ilooked angrily at the empty bottle and threw it against the wall as itshattered into a million pieces. The liquor quickly took affect and I brokedown and cried. The glass sitting next to my trembling was so tempting and Icouldn’t stop myself from what I did next.
 
        My love was realbut my jealousy over took it. A one sided love that caused me to realize Icouldn’t have her. The glass in my hand in the shape of a triangle with oddpoints jutting out of it. Absentmindedly I found the sharpest edge and carved“lost” in my arm. My eyes grew in horror as it bled heavily and every tear thatfell on it stung. I jumped up and franticly put my hand in the sink and washedthe blood but it kept coming. I searched my mind for sense but only found adark cloud keeping me from knowing what to do. A rag lying on the countercaught my eye and it occurred to me the pressure could stop the cut. With myother hand I pressed it on my arm and found others to replace it until itstopped bleeding.
 
        The only thoughtsthat ran through my head were I’m gonnadie… [/i]And I ran to the bathroom and opened the cabinet. My hand scrambledthrough the shelves till I found myself some medical wrapping. After I wasfinished wrapping it, I became dizzy and stumbled into my room and onto my bed…Sleep washed over me, I puked, and fell asleep in it. Feeling the guilt runthrough my veins, wishing I could take back everything and find a way for Tearto forgive me… She should’ve killed meright there…[/i]  Black…
        [/i]
 

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