Chapter 1 - Hermey on Jeopardy!
Submitted November 30, 2011 Updated November 30, 2011 Status Complete | This parody salutes Ken Jennings lookalike, Hermey the Elf, appearing on Jeopardy!
Category:
Television » - Game shows |
Chapter 1 - Hermey on Jeopardy!
Chapter 1 - Hermey on Jeopardy!
We find our friend, Sam The Snowman, playing the banjo &
singing "Silver & Gold". After the song...
SAM: Well hello again. I'm not here to tell you the story about
Rudolph & how he saved Christmas. This time, our story involves
Hermey the Elf & how he saved Christmas. You don't know the story of
that? Then pull up an ice block & lend an ear.
Scene shifts to Santa's castle.
SAM: It started around April. Hermey the Elf's giving a check-up on
Mrs. Claus' teeth.
HERMEY: There you go, no cavities. Good going Mrs. C.
MRS. C: Thank you Hermey.
HERMEY: Just pay the $200 fee.
MRS. C: Papa won't like this. He was saving it to pass GO!
As Mrs. C. left his dental office, Hermey overheard Santa & the
Missus arguing over finances. Santa claims that if they can't raise
enough money for making toys, Christmas would have to be cancelled.
HERMEY: There they go again, worrying over finances, just like they
did on Jingle Bell Rock. But that's another cartoon on another
network. How can I help?
Hermey turned on the television. There he saw game shows! First he
saw an old man telling viewers to spay & neuter their pets. Then he
switched it seeing people guessing letters & spinning a wheel. Then
he saw two ladies running around the supermarket winning $5,000!
HERMEY: Oh brother, what's next?
Hermey switches it to find a Canadian personality asking for
questions to answers.
HERMEY: That's it! I'll get on that show! First I better get a
hitch. I'll ask Comet!
Over @ the Reindeer Games, Comet's training all the new bucks in some
reindeer games in order that they'll pull Santa's sleigh.
HERMEY: Say Comet?
COMET: What do you want, dentist? Reindeers don't go to the dentist.
HERMEY: I was wondering if you could help me in a special mission.
COMET: Special mission? Do I look like Maxwell Smart?
HERMEY: No, would you believe you sound like him!
COMET: OK. Guess I better tell my doe 99.
HERMEY: 99? Oh brother!
Hermey gets a small sleigh together & hitches Comet to it.
COMET: Where are we headed?
HERMEY: To California over to the Sony Pictures Studios! I'm going
to save Christmas for Santa!
So Hermey & Comet were off to Los Angeles.
Over in the California skies, Hermey is on the sleigh with Comet
leading the way. Just then, fog happened!
HERMEY: How I wish Rudolph was here. But he had to go out on a date
with Clarice!
COMET: I'm landing this sleigh down.
Comet landed the sleigh & there they saw a raisin factory over near
Fresno.
COMET: Sorry about that chief!
Comet resumed the flight as they followed highway 99 leading to I-5
in Los Angeles. When they found the Sony Pictures studio, Hermey got
his bags & left. Comet had to return to the North Pole to get out of
the heat.
Hermey visited the famous movie studio. There he got directions to
how to get on Jeopardy! Hermey went into the offices. First, he had
to take a test, followed by an interview with contestant coordinator,
Sally.
SALLY: You're name is Hermey. Got a last name?
HERMEY: Elf.
SALLY: Cute, you saw that Will Farrell movie too? Where are you
from?
HERMEY: The North Pole.
SALLY: You mean North Pole, Alaska. Tell me Hermey, you wouldn't
happen to make toys?
HERMEY: No, I am a dentist.
SALLY: You watch too many Christmas specials.
HERMEY: What is what The Brain said to Pinky?
SALLY: That isn't on part of the test. I'm afraid you don't qualify
for our show (looks @ test), I don't believe it. Very high score!
Just then, a staff member comes in & says...
STAFF: Sally, our scheduled female contestant went into labor. We
need a 3rd for Jeopardy!
Sally looks @ Hermey & tells him to report to wardrobe.
Hermey's ready to play Jeopardy! against a plumber & an architect,
both with a PhD!
HERMEY: I'm not Weird Al Yancovic!
Hermey's on the Jeopardy set & is introduced first.
JOHNNY GILBERT: This is Jeopardy! Let's meet today's contestants.
A dentist from North Pole, Alaska, Hermey Elfin.
HERMEY: Elfin?
Then after the other two contestants are introduced, Alex Trebek
comes out. They play the first round. When they reached the first
commercial break, Hermey racked up about $5,000. After commercial,
Alex interviewed Hermey.
ALEX: Hermey Elfin from North Pole, Alaska. Says here you're a
dentist.
HERMEY: That is correct, Alex.
ALEX: You must like Mama's Family. (audience laughs) This must be a
stupid question to ask. Did you use to make toys?
HERMEY: Yeah, but my true call is being a dentist.
ALEX: My kid got a cowboy who rides an ostrich & loves it!
After the other interviews, the game went on. Hermey went on to
$10,600 going into Double Jeopardy! Every time Hermey foubd a Daily
Double, he'd make oddball wagers. When it came time for Final
Jeopardy!, Hermey ended up winning $44,444 & became the new champion.
Days & days pass. Hermey keeps racking up the wins on Jeopardy! By
his 24th day, he had won $710,281! Game show fans all over the
country were tuning in to Hermey's winning streak.
Over in Washington DC, while the President's giving a speech, the
camera crews left him.
PRESIDENT: What's the big idea of turning off your cameras?
CAMERAMAN: Some stations are having Hermey on Jeopardy!
PRESIDENT: I do the pre-emptions around here! I sting Bob Barker so
much because I don't believe in spay or neutering pets! All this
fuss over a little Christmas elf.
The streak continues for Hermey. Wins 30, then reached $1,000,000 on
his 35th, 40, 45, 50, 55 & his 57th game netted him $2,180,453,
making him the all time game show champ!
But when his 75th game came, he competed against Lucy. The Final
Jeopardy category; SATURDAY MORNING TV. The answer; NBC series in
1969 that was set in Living Island & featured Witchiepoo.
The think music played. Alex gets to Lucy & she responded "Who is
H.R. Pufnstuf?" & she ends up with $22,000. When it came to Hermey,
he responded, "What is Lidsville?"
ALEX: Sorry. Guess you were thinking of Hoo Doo!
HERMEY: I knew I shouldn't have watched Match Game!
ALEX: What will it cost you? Everything! After 74 games, we have a
new champion, Lucy!
LUCY: I won! I did it Ricky, Fred & Ethel!
Hermey ended up winning $2,578,464. Lucy, was a one time champion,
she lost the next day & ended up crying...
LUCY: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Just as Hermey the Elf was about to collect his $2,500,000 +
winnings, two goons along with the head of the IRS comes by.
IRS MAN: Are you Hermey Elf?
HERMEY: Yes I am.
IRS MAN: I'm P Hinkle, head of the IRS. You owe a lot of money to
the government.
HERMEY: How much?
HINKLE: All of it.
Just as Hinkle was about to take Hermey's winnings, along came Santa
Claus.
SANTA: Don't you touch that elf!
HINKLE: Why should I?
SANTA: If as so much as take a penny from my friend, you'll never
get another Christmas present again!
HINKLE: No more binders or adding machines?
SANTA: No more anything!
HERMEY: Good grief, Frosty The Snowman!
HINKLE: We evil IRS agents have to make a living too you know.
SANTA: I want you to go home & write, "I am sorry for what I did to
Hermey 100 zillion times & maybe, just maybe mind you, you'll find
something under your tree.
HERMEY: Yeah, a ZONK!
SANTA & HINKLE: Stay out of this!
HINKLE: Oh yes sir! I gotta start writing, busy busy busy busy!
Then Santa took Hermey back to the North Pole & with his winnings,
he was able to makeover his dentist's office as well as buying toys
for all the good boys & girls all over the world!
THE END
singing "Silver & Gold". After the song...
SAM: Well hello again. I'm not here to tell you the story about
Rudolph & how he saved Christmas. This time, our story involves
Hermey the Elf & how he saved Christmas. You don't know the story of
that? Then pull up an ice block & lend an ear.
Scene shifts to Santa's castle.
SAM: It started around April. Hermey the Elf's giving a check-up on
Mrs. Claus' teeth.
HERMEY: There you go, no cavities. Good going Mrs. C.
MRS. C: Thank you Hermey.
HERMEY: Just pay the $200 fee.
MRS. C: Papa won't like this. He was saving it to pass GO!
As Mrs. C. left his dental office, Hermey overheard Santa & the
Missus arguing over finances. Santa claims that if they can't raise
enough money for making toys, Christmas would have to be cancelled.
HERMEY: There they go again, worrying over finances, just like they
did on Jingle Bell Rock. But that's another cartoon on another
network. How can I help?
Hermey turned on the television. There he saw game shows! First he
saw an old man telling viewers to spay & neuter their pets. Then he
switched it seeing people guessing letters & spinning a wheel. Then
he saw two ladies running around the supermarket winning $5,000!
HERMEY: Oh brother, what's next?
Hermey switches it to find a Canadian personality asking for
questions to answers.
HERMEY: That's it! I'll get on that show! First I better get a
hitch. I'll ask Comet!
Over @ the Reindeer Games, Comet's training all the new bucks in some
reindeer games in order that they'll pull Santa's sleigh.
HERMEY: Say Comet?
COMET: What do you want, dentist? Reindeers don't go to the dentist.
HERMEY: I was wondering if you could help me in a special mission.
COMET: Special mission? Do I look like Maxwell Smart?
HERMEY: No, would you believe you sound like him!
COMET: OK. Guess I better tell my doe 99.
HERMEY: 99? Oh brother!
Hermey gets a small sleigh together & hitches Comet to it.
COMET: Where are we headed?
HERMEY: To California over to the Sony Pictures Studios! I'm going
to save Christmas for Santa!
So Hermey & Comet were off to Los Angeles.
Over in the California skies, Hermey is on the sleigh with Comet
leading the way. Just then, fog happened!
HERMEY: How I wish Rudolph was here. But he had to go out on a date
with Clarice!
COMET: I'm landing this sleigh down.
Comet landed the sleigh & there they saw a raisin factory over near
Fresno.
COMET: Sorry about that chief!
Comet resumed the flight as they followed highway 99 leading to I-5
in Los Angeles. When they found the Sony Pictures studio, Hermey got
his bags & left. Comet had to return to the North Pole to get out of
the heat.
Hermey visited the famous movie studio. There he got directions to
how to get on Jeopardy! Hermey went into the offices. First, he had
to take a test, followed by an interview with contestant coordinator,
Sally.
SALLY: You're name is Hermey. Got a last name?
HERMEY: Elf.
SALLY: Cute, you saw that Will Farrell movie too? Where are you
from?
HERMEY: The North Pole.
SALLY: You mean North Pole, Alaska. Tell me Hermey, you wouldn't
happen to make toys?
HERMEY: No, I am a dentist.
SALLY: You watch too many Christmas specials.
HERMEY: What is what The Brain said to Pinky?
SALLY: That isn't on part of the test. I'm afraid you don't qualify
for our show (looks @ test), I don't believe it. Very high score!
Just then, a staff member comes in & says...
STAFF: Sally, our scheduled female contestant went into labor. We
need a 3rd for Jeopardy!
Sally looks @ Hermey & tells him to report to wardrobe.
Hermey's ready to play Jeopardy! against a plumber & an architect,
both with a PhD!
HERMEY: I'm not Weird Al Yancovic!
Hermey's on the Jeopardy set & is introduced first.
JOHNNY GILBERT: This is Jeopardy! Let's meet today's contestants.
A dentist from North Pole, Alaska, Hermey Elfin.
HERMEY: Elfin?
Then after the other two contestants are introduced, Alex Trebek
comes out. They play the first round. When they reached the first
commercial break, Hermey racked up about $5,000. After commercial,
Alex interviewed Hermey.
ALEX: Hermey Elfin from North Pole, Alaska. Says here you're a
dentist.
HERMEY: That is correct, Alex.
ALEX: You must like Mama's Family. (audience laughs) This must be a
stupid question to ask. Did you use to make toys?
HERMEY: Yeah, but my true call is being a dentist.
ALEX: My kid got a cowboy who rides an ostrich & loves it!
After the other interviews, the game went on. Hermey went on to
$10,600 going into Double Jeopardy! Every time Hermey foubd a Daily
Double, he'd make oddball wagers. When it came time for Final
Jeopardy!, Hermey ended up winning $44,444 & became the new champion.
Days & days pass. Hermey keeps racking up the wins on Jeopardy! By
his 24th day, he had won $710,281! Game show fans all over the
country were tuning in to Hermey's winning streak.
Over in Washington DC, while the President's giving a speech, the
camera crews left him.
PRESIDENT: What's the big idea of turning off your cameras?
CAMERAMAN: Some stations are having Hermey on Jeopardy!
PRESIDENT: I do the pre-emptions around here! I sting Bob Barker so
much because I don't believe in spay or neutering pets! All this
fuss over a little Christmas elf.
The streak continues for Hermey. Wins 30, then reached $1,000,000 on
his 35th, 40, 45, 50, 55 & his 57th game netted him $2,180,453,
making him the all time game show champ!
But when his 75th game came, he competed against Lucy. The Final
Jeopardy category; SATURDAY MORNING TV. The answer; NBC series in
1969 that was set in Living Island & featured Witchiepoo.
The think music played. Alex gets to Lucy & she responded "Who is
H.R. Pufnstuf?" & she ends up with $22,000. When it came to Hermey,
he responded, "What is Lidsville?"
ALEX: Sorry. Guess you were thinking of Hoo Doo!
HERMEY: I knew I shouldn't have watched Match Game!
ALEX: What will it cost you? Everything! After 74 games, we have a
new champion, Lucy!
LUCY: I won! I did it Ricky, Fred & Ethel!
Hermey ended up winning $2,578,464. Lucy, was a one time champion,
she lost the next day & ended up crying...
LUCY: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
Just as Hermey the Elf was about to collect his $2,500,000 +
winnings, two goons along with the head of the IRS comes by.
IRS MAN: Are you Hermey Elf?
HERMEY: Yes I am.
IRS MAN: I'm P Hinkle, head of the IRS. You owe a lot of money to
the government.
HERMEY: How much?
HINKLE: All of it.
Just as Hinkle was about to take Hermey's winnings, along came Santa
Claus.
SANTA: Don't you touch that elf!
HINKLE: Why should I?
SANTA: If as so much as take a penny from my friend, you'll never
get another Christmas present again!
HINKLE: No more binders or adding machines?
SANTA: No more anything!
HERMEY: Good grief, Frosty The Snowman!
HINKLE: We evil IRS agents have to make a living too you know.
SANTA: I want you to go home & write, "I am sorry for what I did to
Hermey 100 zillion times & maybe, just maybe mind you, you'll find
something under your tree.
HERMEY: Yeah, a ZONK!
SANTA & HINKLE: Stay out of this!
HINKLE: Oh yes sir! I gotta start writing, busy busy busy busy!
Then Santa took Hermey back to the North Pole & with his winnings,
he was able to makeover his dentist's office as well as buying toys
for all the good boys & girls all over the world!
THE END
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