Chapter 1 - The Silleh Cinderella Parody

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*14 yearold = me
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Once upon a time.


There was a princess. Named...[color=#545454" size="2][size=17]
Christopher. : D
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And poor Christopher was very sad.


[/size][/color]His daddy was going to find him a husband (aka a very...German-wrestler-esque girl to help him rule his kingdom)[/size][color=#545454" size="2]
 
[/color]And he didn't want him to.

Because he believed in true love and finding your own person-to-be-with-till-the-end-of-time.[color=#545454" size="2][size=17]
But his daddy refuseded to let heem rule alown.
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So.
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One day, after his daddy got smart and watched Cinderella, said king staged a royal ball.
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Whores from nine countries (even the third-world ones [cough]) arrived on their doorstep.
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And...
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Chris was forced to dress nicely, 'cause his mommy said so and he is a momma's-boy.
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So, he wears a black leather corset and a red velvet dress with all kinds of shiney silver jewelry.
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And his wolf's collar.
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And so.
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The ball commenced.
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And consisted of him promising his butler-friend Jeff a blowjob later.
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Because Jeff was nice and spiked the punch.
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So, Chris drank a lot of puch.
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A lot of punch.
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(aka he now has to have bladder surgery, because his daddeh is evil and wouldn't let him take a piss.)
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He winds up dancing with the bajillions of girls there.
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But it was okay.
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Because he was so drunk he didn't notice that they were girls.
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Of course, this made no difference.
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Chris was straight.
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Until he saw the prettiest potential bride--Esmerelda--'s brother, that is.
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Then he was as straight as a rainbow.
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Chris became very determined to get to know teh brover.
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Who is named...
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...
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Um...
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;Cough BRET Cough;
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Bret.
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And so, he sneakeded away from all teh girls and teh whore Esmerelda.
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And he goes in drunken search of this...Bret.
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And finds heem outside, by the angel fountain in the middle of their garden.
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Um...

Playing guitar.
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And seenging.
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Very prettily.
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Soes, he waits for the song to be over, and den goes over and seets beside teh Bret.
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/Closely/.
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[rubs hands together] [light cackle]
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[returns to normal] And he compliments teh Bret's singing and guitar skeels.
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And teh Bret ses, "Thank yous. I likes your dress."
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And teh Chris says, "Thank kews! ^////^" and fiddles with the strings at the front of hees corset.
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And teh Bret asks teh Chris eef he plays anything, and the Chris gets sad and ses no, but he would like to learn somedays.
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And teh Bret weeshes to make teh Chris feel betters, so he offers to teach him to plays the geetar.
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And teh Chris accepts.
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So, they fumble around for a bit, trying to feegure out a way for teh Bret to teach teh Chris how to play.
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Tis verry deeficult, seeing der seating position.
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So, teh Bret comes up wiff they plan dat, maybe, if teh Chris sets in teh Bret's lap, twill work out better.
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And teh Chris goes "./////." and ees embarashed, but ses that mebe it weel help also.
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And so, teh Chris sets in teh Bret's lap.
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And dee geetar gets zelous and seets in teh Chris's lap.
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Butanyway.
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Then teh Bret gets teh Chris to hold the pick, and holds his hands so he can show him how to play.
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And he teaches heem for about two minutes, beefore ze butler-buddy comes outside looking for teh Chris.
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"[gasp]" he ses. "What are you doing out here? Yo daddeh has been looking all over for yous!"
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And teh Chris frets.
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"Ohnoes! Meh daddeh will make me do terrible, awful things if he finds me away from teh party!"
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"Like make me clean the stables and take away mah porn!"
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And teh Chris began to cry.
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And then the Bret is like, "aww, don't cry! I'll give you some of my porn and my stupie sister can clean the stables!" and hugs him and rocks him back and forth and pets his hair.
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And teh Chris is all, "[sniff] Weally? ;.;" and looks at teh Bret with beeg shineh eyes.
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And teh Bret is likes, "Yeth, weally. I like yous. I dun wants yous to be sad or smelly," and keeses hees forehead.
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And teh butler-buddy is all, "...[jealous but happeh for heem]"
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And goes to stall the King.
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And teh Chris, he is confusded.
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And he ses, "Why did you do that?" and the Bret ses, "Do what?" and teh Chris ses "Kees meh forehead" and teh Bret ses "Because..."
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And chewies his bottom lip, 'cause he is skerd.
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(of being beheaded, of course.)
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And tear ees an awkward pause.
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And tehn teh Chris goes, "I theenk I liked it. [blinkblink]"
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And tehn teh Bret is all, "...Weally? [believes he to be lieing]"
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"Yeth."
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And tehn teh Chris keeses heem out of nowhere.
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And tehy boff like eet.
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But zen, zen zee KEENG comes outsidez.
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And he is all, "WTF is you /doing/?"
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And tehy is all "[ignores heem]"
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And he is all "A /boy/ is not sufficient in helping you rule your fracking kingdom!"
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"[blahargyblahargy]"
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"[ignores him(there is a snogfest now, jsyk)]
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"[sees dey ees ignoring heem] Aw, frack it. We'll make him grow his hear out and they'll never know."
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And goes to find a giant red and black wedding cake made of pie.
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And teh foreign whores was dissapointed, but only unteel a strange fourteenyearold child running around in a green fuzzy hat with pink-tipped hair* gave dem the tapes of de honeymoon for big cash.
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Later, dey addopted tree scandinavian keeds, got two siberian huskies, a kittee, and a beta fish, and later formed a band with ze gardener, and ze butler-buddy, who got a blowjob from each of them, because he spiked the punch at the wedding also.
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And they had a one year anniversary, on which they had a second honeymoon and more big cash was made by the crazy little girl, and dey rode of a shiney, black, white-horned unicorn.
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And ze leeved 'appily ever after.
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Zee end.
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Yaaaaay!!!!
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[feels so proud]
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^---^


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I'm really not this stupid. I swear.
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