Chapter 2 - Chapter 2: Mind Reading Wish

Chapter 2

Maya has violin lessons every Wednesday and for that reason it has become the day I most frequently spent my
after-school-hours alone with Russ.
,,Now, we can finally enjoy our time together without that suicidal freak.'' He would utter relieved while throwing
his head in his neck, sighing at the sky.
I don't know if it made me a bad friend, I guess it did, but I never said anything against it. I'd just look away.
Focus my attention on something else. Stare at cars passing by, couples smooching while walking hand-in-hand
on the sidewalks, notice the dogpee on the lamp poles and the poop in the gutters, only halfly paying attention to
what Russ was laughing about and wondering if he would ever make Maya bleed again. Probably not.
Today Russ suggested to go shopping. He needed a new jacket. As always, he rested his leftarm on my shoulders
as we were walking towards the shopping centre. He was laughing and talking, Wednesdays more enthusiastic than
on other days, must have been due to Maya absence, and most likely it was all talk about himself. I don't know for
sure, because, like I said, I only paid little attention anymore. Just an occasional nod was sufficient most of the time.
,,Don't you think so too, Jenn?'' and I nodded, but this time instead of continuing with his self-adoring it seemed this
time he was talking about something else, because he was silent and looked at me. Just looked. As I turned my face
to see his expression, I saw a frown. A deep gaze that attempted to read my mind, or so it looked. Finally his lips
parted: ,,You weren't listening were you?''
Stunned. I was stunned. Since when did he notice something or someone else beside himself?
I stared him in the eyes, then looked up at his forehead. ,,Wrimpels.'' I spoke.
,,What?''
,,Frowning gives you… wrimples... Right?'' I didn't really care, but I wanted to cover up my exposal as quick as
possible. And it worked. He even appeared to be shocked for a moment for forgetting it. His arm left my shoulders
and soon two manly, perfectly manicured and babybottom-soft hands massaged the once frowning flesh. Nice safe,
if I may say so myself and I continued watching cars and couples and lamp poles and gutters. Not too long after, his
arm rested on my shoulders again and he was gaily talking away.
,,Oh we're here, this is the store I want to browse through. It's said to have real cool clothing, so let's see if there's
something worthy for my beautiful body.'' He laughed excitedly and pushed me inside.
It wasn't that crowded, but there were more people I'd liked to be there.
,,Oeh, maybe this. Oh and what about this? Mmm, no this is just rubbish. Ugh awful! Ah! Splendid!''
As Russ went through the pieces of clothing, judging them, intensely feeling if the fabric was nice, label them as either
`disgusting' or `fabulous', I just watched the whole scene. I might not always have my thoughts with what's happening,
but never did I get distracted when Russ was going at it in a store. It was funny, amusing. Sometimes you could see
him occasionally tiptoeing out of pleasure. Russ went up, down, up, down, up, squealing, the perfect outfit right before
his eyes. As he went into a changing-cabinet I was wondering; was this something you could wake me up for in the
middle of the night? It was amusing indeed, but I doubted the answer.
After showing outfit one, two and three in store A, then outfit four and five in store B, and finally outfit six in store C,
we decided, well Russ decided, to take a rest at a café. He treated me on a diet-coke and a loaf with cheese, he
himself took water and a salad.
When we were near to finishing our lunch a friend or acquaintance, or anyway somebody who knew Russ, came over
to us. A Brunette who must have spent all morning squeezing herself in her little sister's miniskirt and tanktop.
,,Hey Russ, what's up?'' She glanced over to me, smiling a weird smile, ,,She your girl?''
,,No,'' Russ smiled back, ,,she's a friend of mine, a friend from school.''
,,Oh I see,'' she said still glancing at me, ,,Have you heard of that party this Fridaynight? It's going to be lots of fun, are
you going?''
,,Yeah, I heard of it! Billy's parents are gone on a holiday right? Unsupervised house-crashing, wouldn't want to miss it!''
He laughed a cool person's laugh.
The girl giggled: ,,You want to go with me sweetie? My friends aren't going and it'd be lame to show up alone, you know.''
She smiled, giggled, flashed her teeth, flicked her hair and pulled her skit a bit more up. Behind her I saw some men staring
with fascination at the revealing of even more skin. It wouldn't surprise me if there was already a panties-shot.
She was a weird girl, or so I thought, but even stranger was Russ. No word of bragging, no sign of self-adoring, just cool
guy behaviour. Like all those guys who are, I don't know, keen on parties and seducing `chicks' and comparing sizes in
the schoolshowers and stuff like that. Is he only so obsessed with himself when he was with Maya and me? That would
explain why he is so popular. I mean, I always found it a bit funny that someone so stuck up about himself would be so
popular, but this would explain it.
I sipped from my last bit of coke and listened to the one-on-one conversation. I felt like an outsider, it was as if I wasn't
even there, sitting at that same table, discovering a whole new side of Russ which I wasn't sure of if I was happy to have
found out or not.
Maybe he, I thought, is in fact very insecure about his looks and for that reason hangs out with outcasts like Maya and me,
so he can brag and make himself feel better. But what did he have to feel insecure about? He was dropdead gorgeous!
Or was it, to make him not seem too available? If he were to always hang out with the popular kids at school, the pretty girls
would be spending all day talking to him and hanging over him, and since he sat with us at lunchbreak, no girl would come over,
because they didn't want to be spotted together with Maya and me, so he would have a bit of rest.
I don't know how many explanations had crossed my mind by the time their conversation finally finished and Russ turned my
direction again. It appeared all this time I had been sucking on an empty glass. He laughed, I put the glass away, he rose from
his chair, I followed, his arm was around my shoulders again and we walked out of the café to head to store D, E and F.
When I got home, I waited until Maya's practice would be over and she had gotten a chance to get home herself. Then I
phoned her, to ask if she knew.
She didn't and added: ,,Only shows how two-faced he is!''
Maya told about her violin-lessons and about a difficult song called the Devil's Snare that she aspired to play someday and I
caught myself nodding. What was wrong with me, had I become an automatic?
,,Ah uh yes!'' I added quickly.
Two-faced Russ, depressed Maya and nothing-special Jenny. Yes, my feelings today were because the people around me
were interesting, but would Russ at home tell stories about me? Or call his friends to tell about me, like I just did about him? I
wanted a change! But… I'm just me. I doubt if anything will happen. Maybe if I called Maya, maybe she would understand?
But I immediately shook my head to rid the thought. She would say something like: ``You are worried about irrelevant stuff like
that while I'm stuck in hell?!'' It was no use talking to her about stuff like that, certainly not.
I dragged myself to my room and started on my homework. History, English and Math.
I had just finished History when mom called everyone to come down for dinner. The first one to sit at the table was myself, then
my father after turning the television a bit louder so he could hear the sports results being announced and finally my brother rushed
down after the third calling.
I chucked down the Brad Pitt dinner, and observed my near to choking little brother who could eat with such a pace that it almost
was inhuman. My father, on the other hand, was slow, forgetting to chew whenever the voice on the radio said something interesting,
which, apparently, was all the time. When he finally stuck his fork in his mouth and managed to chew a recordbreaking two times,
he would scream out a ``Nooo! Those idiots! How could they lose!'' and all that was first in his mouth, flew out again. All over the
table, little pieces of stake with garlic-sauce, it was revolting and I was used to it.
Since it was my brother's turn to do the dishes, the one with their hands in the soap, after everyone had finished eating, was me.
Michael has rushed off to his videogame. Understandable, because he challenged himself to reach level 12 today and he was only
at level 5 and more than half a day had passed already.
When I was almost done, Russ called. With my hands still soaked I accepted the phone from my mother.
,,Hey.''
,,Hey, what are you doing?''
,,Finishing up on the dishes.''
,,Isn't Wednesday your brother's turn?''
,,Yeah.''
He laughed: ,,Little doormat.''
,,I guess'' He was right that I just let people step over me, but I didn't really care, so I never thought it as troublesome. He laughed
again.
,,Will you come to watch a video at my place when you're done?''
I paused for a second. ,,If I'm coming over, whose homework are you going to copy then tomorrow? I haven't finished mine yet.''
He laughed. ,,It's alright. So are you coming?'' I stopped myself from nodding and said that I was fine with it.
,,Good. Want me to pick you up?''
,,I'll walk.''
,,Then I'll meet you halfway.''
,,Is… Maya coming?''
He laughed: ,,No way. My home is no place for freaks.''
,,Don't…'' say that. Don't say that. Why couldn't I say it? It wasn't like he would make her beautiful ever again.
,,Don't what?'' But I hung up, put on my jacket and started walking. He didn't meet me halfway like he said he would and as I
stood in front of his house, I looked up to his window, turned around and went to Maya's instead. He wasn't going to make Maya
do beautiful things anymore and after we all have graduated he'll forget about us. Besides he didn't keep his word when saying he'd
meet me halfway, and people who break their promises don't really care about you anyway. I wanted to change and I was going to
try to break it to Maya carefully, if there were any negative responses I would give up right away and change the subject.
Torture-techniques from the Middle-Ages always did well with her.
She was surprised to see me but didn't ask questions, she just let me in and guided me to her room. Then she went down to fetch us
a drink and sat down right across me. Her room was decorated in a darkish way: purple and black walls, a black bed with dark purple
and blue sheets and an even darker purple carpet. All the other furniture was black too. Her parents thought it to be a `fase in growing up'
and just let her decorate it anyway she wanted, even when it screamed drepression. The only cd's she had were all depressing, dark
music and her parents never frowned once. Maybe she was begging for attention and her parents just don't give her any. They were rich
and enjoying life and expected their daughter did the same, with her `experimental' behaviour.
,,Want me to put up some music?''
,,Do you think I should change?'' Honestly, it was the most subtle I could do. I'm not so good with words.
,,What?''
,,Don't I… Don't I ever bore you?''
She stared at me. I guess when all you can talk about is your own misery; you lose your words when someone else fesses up about their
worries. ,,You don't bore me.'' She finally said.
,,But I never… I'm not… I don't have anything… interesting…'' I tried.
,,Oh, like I'm something special! Ha! Did you come here to talk about `you being boring' and then later switching it to your real purpose
of coming here? To tell me I'm boring?!''
There she went, she really was a person like no one else. ,,I don't think you're boring.''
,,Oh you don't think I'm boring huh, yeah right.''
,,I think you're special.''
,,…special?'' She looked at me with disbelief, blinking her eyes. ,,What?''
,,I think you're special, so I never thought of you as boring.''
,,Why would you… Why would you say…?'' and then, suddenly, I saw something I never saw before. Tears and a smile she was trying
hard to hide, but couldn't. Maya was often depressed but she never cried. Well I never saw her doing so, but now she did.
,,I can't explain it, I just think you are…that's all.''
She didn't try to hide it anymore, and smiled freely now making more and more tears come out to roll over her white cheeks, putting some
colour on them. She leant forward and let her head fall on my shoulder. She kissed it and then buried her tears where the kiss had landed.
I felt my shoulder getting soaked. I placed my hands awkwardly on her back, patted a little.
,,Thank you…'' she whispered. I didn't understand. The only thing I knew was that we weren't going to talk about my need of change.
When the soundless crying finally stopped, she still kept her head lying on my shoulders, panting a little heavier than normal, sometimes
inhaling in such a way as if she wanted to suck in life which was apparently somewhere stuck on my T-shirt.
,,Are you staying over tonight?'' she asked making me feel her warm breath in my neck, her lips tremble relaxed against my thin clothes.
,,Sure, why not.''
I called home, got the okay, and was forced to sleep in the same bed as Maya. She wouldn't have me sleep anywhere else. The entire night
she clung onto my body, sometimes pecking my cheek, neck or shoulder, and whispering a `thank you', until she fell asleep with her arms
never losing grip around my waist, and I just kept patting her back from time to time, managing to fall in sleep as well after approximately two
hours.
The next morning her eyes were swollen and she refused to go downstairs for breakfast, so I went down to get her a cold wet towel for her
eyes and to bring the breakfast from the table to her room.
We ate silently, but it wasn't awkward, because Maya seemed… relaxed, maybe even a little bit happy and ease.
,,Maybe, I should buy some other cd's.'' Her voice kindly breaking the silence.
I nodded, deliberately this time, to not make a noise and to be able hear the sentence float through the room a couple of minutes more.

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