Chapter 2 - Rosco and His Not-Magic Stuff

Something odd was happening in Camelot. Then again, something odd was always happening in Camelot, and more often than not, it involved some sort of danger. This time, however, if there was danger in the new market stall on the side of the street, it was well concealed.

Arthur was doing his morning patrol of the city when he noticed something that, quite frankly, he had never noticed before. Next to Sampson's cabbage stand and across from Lillian's flower stall was a new, bigger place of merchandise, made out of metal, like his armor. He frowned, observing the strange man behind the armored table, having never seen anyone quite like this in Camelot.

He was a tall man, and very lean, with a shock of red hair just beginning to recede. He was thin – thinner than Merlin, perhaps – with long, slender fingers, knobby, chicken-esque legs, shifty green eyes, and a large nose (more of a beak, actually) that was a smidge off-center. He wasn't exactly a charming fellow in appearance, but something about him called out to Arthur, making him want to speak to the man, to learn more about him and what he was selling. Certainly there were enough people crowded around his market stall.

As he drew closer, he blinked in shock, because as odd-looking as this man was, it was nothing compared to his attire. He wore black breeches that hung loosely off of his skinny hips, drawing to a stop just above bony ankles that were covered in checked red, green, and white stockings. His shoes did not seem to be made of leather or skins, but of some sort of shiny, slippery material, and were ebony. He wore a crisp white shirt that was made out of a thin, light material. Over the shirt he wore a vest of sorts – a dark gray color with burgundy check patterns reaching across it. At his neck, right at the collar of his shirt and above the "V" neck of his vest, was a little red bow that Arthur would expect to see on a little girl's head, not a grown man's chest.

More people were gathering around the man's store, staring wide-eyed at his merchandise, oohing and ahing like crazy. Arthur knew that he had to find out just what was going on. "Excuse me," he said loudly, expecting the sea of people to part for their prince, but nothing happened. Everyone was too fascinated by the weirdly dressed man and his metal stall.

Arthur frowned. He wasn't used to people not listening to him – well, except Merlin, that is, but he hardly counted; it was just Merlin after all – so he tried again. "Citizens of Camelot. Please, step aside, so that I can speak with this man."

Still, no response. One young woman delicately picked up a small gray box and flipped it open, the red-haired man talking animatedly to her and putting the opened container to her ear. What was this man going on about?

Taking a deep breath, Arthur bellowed, "I would like to speak with this man!"

At last, his people acknowledged him, reluctantly backing away and putting some of the strange objects back on the surface of the table. Arthur motioned for the people to move along, wanting to talk to him in relative privacy.

When they were gone, he eyed the stand set up, his eyes travelling over the multitude of items littered on the shelves of the stand. There were more of the strange flip-boxes, along with a few other rectangular boxes that looked as if they wouldn't open but instead had a vast array of tiny buttons – marked with letters and numbers – on their front. On another section were a display of four books, all sheathed in a thin, papery black coat with pictures on the spines – one with an apple, another with a flower, the third with a ribbon, and the fourth with some kind of game piece. They were labeled Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn, respectively. He wondered if they were books predicting the lunar patterns for this year.

There were some bigger boxes, black with green X's on them. Strange yellow devices that could pass for some sort of weapon. An opened box that had a shiny black surface on the inside of the top and more letter and number buttons on the inside of the bottom, along with some other symbols that he had no idea what they meant. There was an even bigger box that didn't seem to open but had a few buttons on the bottom of it, labeled "On," "Off," and "Channel," whatever that meant.

Arthur stared up at the man, who was just an inch or so taller than Arthur, and asked, "What is this?"

The strange man grinned wide – his teeth were perfectly straight and blindingly white, and somehow he managed to show every single one of them when he smiled. "Ah, hello, my good man. How are you on this fine morning? Can I interest you in some of the most popular merchandise that will ever be sold?"

Arthur looked at the man blankly for a moment, slightly irritated that he hadn't answered the question. "Excuse me, but I just asked who you are, man. You should show respect to your prince."

The red-haired man's eyes grew wide for a split second, before he stepped out from behind his stand and bowed so low that the tip of his supersized nose almost touched the dusty ground. "My liege," he embellished, waving his right hand around in what Arthur assumed was supposed to look extravagant but in all honesty made the man look like he had a twitch.

"Stop that," Arthur snapped. Although he was the prince of Camelot and he wanted respect, there was nothing he hated more than bootlickers – although it had taken his smart-mouthed, entertaining, and outspoken servant, Merlin, to fully come to that realization. "All I ask is that you answer my question. What is this…" he gestured at the strange market stall, "…stuff?"

The annoying, all-too-big smile was back. "Stuff?" the man cried, pretending to be shocked but in actuality looking positively delighted at Arthur's question. "My dear friend, this stuff is what your grand kingdom of Camelot has been searching for."

Arthur was confused but not about to show it, so he hid his uncertainty with arrogance. He scoffed, "We aren't searching for anything."

"Or so you think!" the happy man replied giddily. He picked up one of the gray boxes that flipped open. "Have you ever wondered, just once, what it would be like to talk to someone who was miles away, and hear them like they were right next to you?"

Arthur was instantly alert, shushing the vendor and glancing around to make sure that no one was paying too much attention. "Quiet!" the prince hissed. "You speak treason!"

"Treason?" The odd man looked genuinely confused and the corners of his perky smile lowered marginally. "How is this beautiful array of goods treason?"

"Magic is banned in Camelot," Arthur answered stiffly. "If you know what is good for you, you will take your forbidden wares out of the kingdom, because if my father finds out that you are peddling magic, he will not give you a chance like I am. Leave. Now."

To his surprise, instead of looking terrified or trying to hide his merchandise, the man simply threw his head back and laughed, holding his stomach. "But it's not magic," he countered, wiping a tear of merriment from one of his emerald eyes. "It's science."

Arthur frowned. "Our court physician, Gaius, knows science, and he's never shown me anything like this. Where did you get it?" Another thought struck him. "And who are you, anyway?"

Looking all too pleased with himself for reasons that Arthur couldn't figure out, the man bowed deeply again, this time his nose actually brushing the dirt. "Allow me to introduce myself – I am Rosco, a humble salesman of extraordinary goods – of technology and other wonderful items from the future."

Arthur looked at him sharply. "You are from the future? You must be magic."

Rosco tutted to himself and shook his head. "I am afraid I know nothing of the magical arts, My Lord. I did not, in fact, build the device that brought me here or any of the things that I am selling. I know little of science, either. But what I do know is people, and people like, as you say, stuff. So I came here to sell my 'stuff' and to introduce you to a whole new world beyond your wildest dreams!"

"This box," Arthur said, pointing to the gray thing in Rosco's hand. "How does it work, if not by magic?"

"Excellent question, my friend," Rosco beamed, moving around the counter and showing the gray box to Arthur, flipping it open. "This is called a cellular phone." He gave a short and supposedly simple explanation about how the device worked but Arthur didn't understand a word of it. He shook his head, a bit dazed.

"Rosco, I am afraid that I am going to have to take you to my father. He will be the one to decide if you are using magic or not. And if you are… well, don't say that I did not warn you."

Instead of looking wary, Rosco grinned ear-to-ear. "Wonderful, I will be thrilled to see your father again!"

Arthur stopped in his tracks. "You have met my father?"

Rosco nodded enthusiastically. "Of course. He's the one that gave me permission to set up my stall here."

At that moment, Arthur thought his whole world was going to come crumbling down on him. His father had condoned this? But it was – it had to be – magic. "That doesn't sound like my father," the prince said slowly, watching Rosco's reaction to see if he were lying.

He wasn't. Arthur could tell by the way his voice never changed pace or inflection and the way his sharp green eyes never left Arthur's blue ones. "Well, I'll admit, his first reaction when I came to him with my story and my merchandise was rather scary – he was about ready to fry me on the spot! But then I told him, 'Your most merciful Excellency, please, I implore you – take one of my devices – free of charge, and after using it for an hour, if you still think it is evil, by all means, do what you wish of me.'"

Arthur frowned. "That was awfully brave of you."

Rosco shrugged. "That was nothing. You should've been there the time I had to wrestle that Sumo guy over a misunderstanding about a shih tzu I sold him by mistake." Arthur blinked, having no idea what this man was on about. Rosco seemed to catch on that Arthur had no idea what he was talking about and chuckled. "Never mind. The point is, at the Lady Morgana's insistence – she really is quite charming – he agreed, fully expecting to have me killed within the day. But he saw the beauty of my device and not only did he thank me profusely for opening his eyes, but he allowed me to set up right here."

Arthur was dumbfounded. "You didn't enchant him, did you?"

It was Rosco's turn to have a blank look on his face. "Enchant him? With magic? I told you, Sire, I know nothing about magic, except that magicians get really mad when you mess up their order and stick a piranha in their top hat instead of a rabbit…"

Again, Arthur was lost, but this time, he just asked, "What on earth did you give my father that has him so engrossed?"

Rosco grinned, holding up one of the shiny, buttoned boxes. "The wonders of the Blackberry Storm, my friend."

Arthur turned on his heel and stalked off. He had to go see his father.

Rosco's voice followed him as he strode away, charismatic and peppy, "Alright, so we'll talk iPhones later, then? Okay, cool. Just give me a yell. I'll be here all day…"

And that was when the madness began.

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