Chapter 4 - Gaius and His Soaps

Gaius was the second to succumb to Rosco's merchandise.

Uther had bought him a large box that Rosco had informed him upon its arrival in a big, brown box, was a plasma screen, 32-inch television with high definition. Whatever it was, it must have been something impressive because even the smiley, know-it-all salesman had been eyeing the contraption with a bit of envy in those green eyes.

Several guards had arrived at the doors to Gaius's chambers carrying a huge brown box between them. Rosco had been behind them and had invited himself in, all smiles and too-white teeth. "Gaius. It is Gaius, isn't it?"

Gaius eyed the brown box with suspicion. "Yes, that's right; who are you?" He had known, of course, who he was from Uther's interactions with the man, but he wanted the man to tell him nonetheless.

The man grinned even wider – how he could smile that big and manage to talk clearly was beyond the physician, but he would have very much liked to have taken a quick look into the man's mouth for his medical records. The amount of teeth he possessed had to be something unseen in the human race. "You're a man of business, Guy –can I call you Guy? – and I like that in a person. No dilly-dallying, no putting off the inevitable. Just – boom-bam! Straight into the heart of the matter."

Gaius looked at him flatly. "No."

The strange man had cocked an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, what?"

"No, you may not call me Guy," Gaius answered to the earlier question. "My name is Gaius, and yours is?"

He winked. "Not to be put off, I see. Name's Rosco, a humble salesman, at your service." He gave a slight bow.

Gaius rolled his eyes in exasperation. "There's no such thing as a humble salesman, I can tell you that. And I'm not looking to buy any of your gadgets, so if you'll leave me to my work. There's remedies to be made and I have rounds; Lady Percival's feet have developed a nasty fungus and I believe only my toad-paste remedy can sort them out."

He started to move around the man but Rosco casually stepped in his way. Gaius groaned inwardly; usually his technique of getting rid of unwanted visitors, filling them in on the more disgusting aspects of his job as court physician, worked like a charm. Rosco didn't seem to be perturbed in the slightest.

"Are you deaf?" Gaius asked, really starting to get annoyed. "There are ailing people out there waiting for me to tend to them. I'm not interested in buying anything from you."

"Ah, but you don't have to buy anything," Rosco happily announced. "I come bearing gifts!"

Gaius narrowed his eyes, the lazy one almost closing as he did so. "A gift? Whoever from?"

"Me, of course." Gaius stared as Uther appeared in his doorway, little Blueberry Lightning or whatever that thing was clutched firmly in his ungloved hand (the touch screen, he had informed Gaius when his physician had asked why he had neglected his leather gloves, was heat-sensitive and only reacted to flesh), his eyes never leaving the screen.

"You, Sire? But why?"

"Because I want you to see how harmless and positively enjoyable Rosco's items are, Gaius. Simply magnificent. I chose the HD plasma flat screen—" how Uther could say the name of something so foreign so casually, Gaius didn't know, "—because I know that you will find enjoyment from the dramas depicted on its screen. Now, do as your king commands and take a load off."

Gaius blinked. "A load off, Sire?"

Uther sighed heavily. "It means to relax. While you're doing your rounds, Rosco will get your new television set up and ready to go. And then you will sit and you will watch and you will enjoy. Relax, Gaius. Your world is about to be turned inside out."

Oh how right Uther was.

O.o

Merlin sighed, rubbing a weary hand over his face. He had been on the training field with Arthur all morning. The prince had worked exceptionally hard today, throwing spears at the target on Merlin's back, clanging on a shield Merlin used to cover himself as he banged on it with a mace, and picking up sword training again. When he had finished using Merlin as his practice dummy, he had moved on to the knights, who were equally exhausted when the prince was done with them.

Merlin knew that Arthur was simply getting pent up aggression and frustration out. Ever since his father had discovered the wonders of the cell phone, he had not been King Uther at all. Instead, he had been a man that looked like King Uther – minus his gloves – that sat on his throne and talked to various friends of his through the phone, played mind-numbing but addicting games like Tetris, and looking up battle strategies from the twenty-first century using the Google search engine on his phone. At least, that's what Arthur had told Merlin last night as the servant had prepared him for bed. Apparently Uther hadn't stopped talking about the wonders of his Blackberry Storm during the council meeting yesterday.

After seeing how worn out Merlin and the knights were, Arthur had looked a little guilty and told them all to get a bit of rest before training resumed later in the afternoon. They had happily complied.

Merlin let out a sigh of relief as he reached the flight of stairs that led to his and Gaius's chambers. He trudged wearily up the stairs, aching and ready for some sort of meal – no matter how meager – and a nice nap before having to meet Arthur on the training field again.

Before he could open the door, though, he heard a soft murmur of voices from inside the physician's quarters. Frowning slightly in concentration, he tried to make out who the voices belonged to – there were more than one, and none of them were Gaius's – but it was in vain. They were talking too quietly. He wondered why Gaius didn't speak and wondered if he were even in there, if these strangers had waltzed in there on their own and were helping themselves to what little stuff they had. Either that, or if Gaius was there but in danger and not able to talk.

His heart racing, Merlin steadied himself, not wanting to burst into the room without knowing what was going on at all. He needed to take stock of the situation, just a bit, before he went barreling in harum-scarum and got them both into trouble. He closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, they were flashing gold. "Eisteacht," he whispered. He smiled triumphantly. Now he could hear what was being said behind the door.

A woman's voice spoke first. "I KNOW what I saw, Charles! You cannot lie to me anymore, this stops NOW!"

A man, presumably Charles, replied. "Face it, Angelina. He doesn't love you anymore. He was kissing another woman. He was kissing YOUR SISTER!"

The woman began to scream. "LIAR! I KNOW it was YOU that night, Charles! It was not Xavier. You are his twin, and you want nothing more than to tear us apart so that YOU can take his place!"

The man yelled back. "I would NEVER want to be with you, Angelina. That's your own denial speaking."

Angelina's voice was deadly. "It was you, wasn't it? You switched Leanna and Paris in the hospital, didn't you? You're the reason that my daughter wound up in the hands of my ex-husband's mother-in-law's plumber's care, aren't you? YOU want me so terribly that YOU concocted this whole scheme so that you could comfort me when I found out that the girl I've raised since birth isn't my own… but my mortal enemy's flesh and blood, you MONSTER!"

Charles's voice became cold and icy. "And now I have you. No one's around. No one's here to save you, Angelina Decrausiana. You're on your own."

Angelina sounded scared. "Why are you doing this? I thought you loved me!"

"Oh I do, Angelina, but you've made it perfectly clear that you don't love me. You'd rather have my stupid twin brother, Xavier, even if he IS cheating on you with Arabella. So if I can't have you, no one can!"

Angelina screamed. "Please don't hurt me! We can get married, you'll be my only one, Charles, I swear, I won't even say his name again…"

Charles chuckled coldly. "It's too late for that, Angie. It's too late for you."

Merlin had absolutely no idea there were two people arguing about who was in love with who in Gaius's chambers, but when this Charles person began to get violent, he knew it was time to interfere.

Without wasting another precious second, Merlin lunged forward and burst through the door, magic bubbling just beneath the surface. "What's going on?" he yelled, eyes darting back and forth for trouble.

He stared at the sight in front of him. Gaius was sitting on the patient bed, eyes glued to one of the big black boxes that had been on display in Rosco's market stall. There was a picture on the front of it, but the picture was moving and the voices were coming from the large box. Two strangely clad people, a tall, muscular man with dark, soulful eyes and shoulder-length black hair and stubble on his jaw was arguing with a beautiful woman with long blonde hair, crystal blue eyes, and a very short, very tight red dress that covered much less skin than was decent.

Gaius tore his eyes away from the moving picture and glared at Merlin. "Merlin!" he exclaimed, using the tone of voice he reserved for reprimanding his ward for doing magic foolishly, "will you please keep it down? I'm trying to watch my stories."

Merlin took a tentative step forward, an ominous feeling in his gut. "Your… stories?"

Gaius nodded excitedly, the lazy eyelid on his left eye flapping wildly as he did so. "Yes, Merlin. My soap operas. It's quite riveting – Angelina caught her sister Arabella kissing her boyfriend, Xavier. But it wasn't Xavier, it was Charles, his evil twin, the same man who kidnapped Angelina's daughter and switched her with her arch enemy's child the day they were born. Xavier's been kidnapped by Charles and is going to die unless someone saves him, but…"

The rest was a blur to Merlin who, dazed, stumbled up the stairs to his room and collapsed on his bed, his headache a million times worse.

First Uther, now Gaius?

What is happening to Camelot?

Merlin could only hope that he would always have a like-minded skeptic in Arthur… but little did he know, Uther was perusing Rosco's website for something for his son, via his shiny new Blackberry Storm cell phone, basking in the wonder that was technology.

From within the main room, a deep voice said, "To be continued," and Merlin heard Gaius give an irritated groan. "Now I'll have to wait until next week to find out whether Charles's father's uncle is really an alien…"

Merlin moaned. His headache had suddenly gotten so much worse, and he still had to go train with Arthur some more in a little while.

Today just really wasn't his day.

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