Chapter 5 - Arthur and His iPhone

Arthur was the third to succumb to the lures of the twenty-first century.

He was exhausted, having worked Merlin and his knights half to death during training earlier in the day in an attempt to shake off some of the frustration that had built up inside of him because of his father's new toy. He couldn't understand what was happening to his father, that strong, independent man who always had a plan and always had his head on straight. Uther used to care about his kingdom, about protecting their borders, and about taxes and other such things that kings are meant to care about. Now all he wanted to do was sit on his throne and fiddle around with his Blackberry Storm. And when he wasn't playing with it, he was talking about it.

"Oh, Arthur, did you know that my phone has more memory than a small computer?"

"Oh, Arthur, have you seen the new security screen cover I bought for my phone?"

"Oh, Arthur, smile, I want to take a picture of you for my new wallpaper!"

"Oh, Arthur, have I told you about the heat sensitive touch screen?"

On and on and on it went, driving Arthur completely mad.

Arthur had let Merlin and the knights, who also seemed baffled about Uther's strange change of behavior, have a three hour break for lunch and rest before they regrouped. He had told them it was because Merlin was looking like he was going to pass out like a little girl – which he was – and that he wasn't just going to let Merlin off the hook and not the knights – but the truth was, he was tired, too, and was hoping a quick powernap would clear his head a bit.

His plans were dashed, however, because ten minutes into his nap, one of his father's servants knocked on his door and told him that the King wished to speak with him. "Great," muttered Arthur sarcastically. "He probably wants to show me his new high score in colored Yahtzee again."

But he went to his father regardless, and when he arrived at the throne room, King Uther beckoned him in, an excited grin on his face and his Blackberry Storm cell phone resting on one of the arms of his throne. "Ah. Arthur. I have something to show you."

Arthur sighed and refrained from rolling his eyes. "Father, if it's about a new app you've downloaded, I really don't have the time. I…er…have to train my knights." Technically, it was a lie since he had let the knights take a break, but Arthur found he didn't exactly care. He really just didn't want to hear anything else about his father's new pride and joy.

"No, it's not about a new app, Arthur," Uther responded smoothly, smiling even wider, "and I'm sure your knights can wait for a little while. This is important."

Instantly Arthur was on the alert. Important? "Is it news from Cenred's kingdom, my lord?" he asked urgently. "Or is there some sort of magical threat?"

Uther stared at his son for a few seconds before bursting into laughter. "My boy, how paranoid yo've become," he chortled, reaching behind his back and withdrawing something wrapped in paper. "No, nothing like that, Arthur. But I have a present for you."

Arthur eyed the package with a bit of suspicion. "A…present, Father?"

Uther shoved it into the prince's hands and watched in delight as Arthur opened it, revealing a shiny new device similar to Uther's phone but with a long wire with little padded nubs at the end of the two branched out strings attached to it. Arthur stared. "Er, thank you, Father, but what is it?"

Beaming, Uther said, "It's an iPhone, Arthur. It's a cellular phone, like I have, except it also functions as an iPod, a music-playing device. I thought you'd like to peruse some futuristic music so I had Rosco download a big variety of musicians from different decades of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. You can also access a place called iTunes from your phone and download any further music, videos, or audio books that you wish to have." Arthur blinked, trying to process all the information. It was like his father was speaking a different language. "You've also got unlimited texting; I've had Rosco put in all your contacts so you're all set to go. Now take your gift and run along. I want you to know the joys of technology, my son." He smiled, patted Arthur's hand, and turned back to his web surfing on his cell phone. "Oh, and Rosco is waiting for you outside of your chambers. He'll explain everything you need to know. Have fun."

Arthur shook his head and slowly walked out of the room, his mind still reeling. He smiled slightly and looked at the little music player/cell phone in his hand.

iPhone…

Maybe this future stuff wasn't as bad as he had previously thought…

O.o

Three hours had passed and Arthur had not sent for Merlin or any of the knights. Merlin knew he had to see what was going on, even if it meant he had to walk through the main room where Gaius was still fixating on his "stories." There was a strange, high pitched music coming from the television and Merlin wondered vaguely what new drama Gaius had discovered.

When he stumbled out of his room and took a glance at the TV, he saw that Gaius was watching something in which a man wearing a suit similar to Rosco's but much more stylish, with mussed brown hair and spectacles, was talking animatedly to a pretty blonde girl that wore blue breeches and some sort of brightly colored shirt. The two people had just stepped out of some sort of blue box that said "Police."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "Gaius, what are you watching now?"

Gaius looked up at Merlin, grinning from ear to ear. "It's this fascinating show on a station called BBC, Merlin, called 'Doctor Who.'"

Merlin cocked an eyebrow. "Doctor who?" he wondered.

Gaius just smiled. "Exactly."

Shaking his head, Merlin muttered, "I don't have time for this." Raising his voice so that Gaius could hear him over the sound of the Doctor man saying, "Fantastic," Merlin said, "I have to go see Arthur."

Gaius nodded distractedly. "Yes, yes." Merlin was almost to the door when Gaius called his name. Merlin turned.

"What?"

"I just remembered – I was watching an episode of Doctor Who a little while ago, and you won't believe it – there was a boy on one episode that looked just like you, Merlin, except for his attire! His name was Jethro on the episode, and I swear, he could be your twin." He lowered his voice, "The actor who plays him is named Colin Morgan. You two look so much alike you could be brothers. In fact, you're so similar that he could be you."

Instead of finding this information as exciting as Gaius had, Merlin simply found it a bit creepy. Someone named Colin thousands of years in the future looked just like him? Now that was just weird. "Great," he said hastily, waving to Gaius. "I have to go."

Thankfully, Gaius was wrapped up in his show again and didn't respond.

Merlin arrived at Arthur's room and burst in, not bothering about knocking – he never did – and fully expecting to get fussed at by Arthur for his rudeness. Instead, he saw a dreaded picture in front of him: Arthur was sitting in one of his dining chairs, a device similar to Uther's resting on the table with cords snaking from it and into Arthur's ears.

Merlin hurried forward and said, "Arthur!"

Arthur turned, saw Merlin, and grinned, pushing a button on his gadget and pulling the little strings out of his ears. "Ah. Merlin. I've decided we're not going to resume training today, but we'll be right back at it tomorrow morning."

Although Merlin didn't like the sight of Arthur playing with one of Rosco's toys, he did find it a relief that there would be no more training today. "So you're giving me the evening off?" he asked hopefully.

Arthur paused in the act of putting the little things back in his ears and rolled his eyes incredulously. "You've been smelling those herbs of Gaius's again, haven't you, Merlin?" Merlin chuckled, glad that some things never changed, but his smile faded as Arthur went on, "I need you to polish my armor, tend to my horses, feed my dogs, draw my bath, wash my clothes, clean my room, and prepare me for bed later. Oh, but before you do, sit down for a minute." He patted the seat beside him and, having put one of the wires in his ear, held the other out in Merlin's direction. "Listen to this first."

Merlin eyed the seat and the proffered cord disdainfully. "What is that thing, anyway?"

Arthur grinned. "It's an iPhone. I can text, talk, surf the web, and listen to music on it. And there's this one song I want you to hear. It's my favorite."

Merlin shook his head. "Nah, it's okay. Thanks anyway; I'll get started on your chores."

Arthur glared at him. "That's not an option, Merlin. It was an order. Sit. Listen. Now."

Merlin sighed. "If I must." He sat down and took the wire. "What is this?"

"This is a set of ear buds. The music flows from the iPhone and through the wires and out of the speakers, into our ears. You put one in your ear, I'll put one in mine, and we can both listen." Merlin nodded, doing as he was instructed.

Arthur snorted softly. "Well, I'm surprised. I thought the ear bud would fall right out, as big as your ears are and all, but apparently they are one size fits all."

Merlin glared at his master, feeling his ears burn. "If you're just going to make fun of my ears…"

Arthur shook his head, pushing a button that said "PLAY" on his iPhone. "This is an amazing song from the 1980s, a power ballad by a man named John Farnham."

Merlin frowned. "John Farmer?"

"No," replied Arthur with barely restrained patience. "Farnham. Now listen."

The music came on and Merlin obediently listened through the song, trying not to notice Arthur mouthing the words over-enthusiastically; the lip-syncing was enough to embarrass even Merlin. "You're the voice, try and understand it! Make some noise and make it clearer-er-er-o-oo-oh, wha-oh, a-oh, a-o-ooh! We're not gonna sit in silence! We're not gonna live in fear! Wha-oh, a-oh, a-o-ooh! Wha-oh, a-oh, a-o-ooh!"

When Arthur stopped the music and took his ear buds back, Merlin nodded, having been surprised at how much he had enjoyed the music. "It's catchy," he admitted.

Arthur stared Merlin down. "Now, Merlin," he said seriously.

Merlin gulped, wondering what Arthur was about to tell him to do.

The prince continued, "Can you tell me, who sings that song?"

Merlin racked his brain, trying to remember what Arthur had said. Farm-hand? Farman? Farmer? Farmer!

"John Farmer," he answered confidently.

Arthur rolled his eyes to the ceiling. "You really are completely useless, aren't you, Merlin? It's Farnham. Go do your chores or something."

Merlin sighed. "Yes, Sire," he conceded, noticing that Arthur had gone right back to his iPhone.

This was not good.

O.o

Later that night, Arthur was laying in his bed, listening to music and texting some of his noble friends that also had cell phones, when he got a text that befuddled him a bit and made him a tad uneasy.

Hey baby, it said, I've been watching 4 weeks. I miss u. We should meet up & make out sumtime.

Arthur blanched. Someone was watching him? Who? Why? Wait – I miss you? It was someone he knew?

Quickly, he texted back: Who r u? What do u want? Do I know u?"

The response came back quickly, Duh, its me, Vivian. Remember? U were gonna fight my dad 4 my heart but u changed ur mind. But ill always luv u, baby.

Arthur stared. How had Lady Vivian gotten his phone number? Someone in Camelot must have sneaked it to her, knowing how madly in love with him she was. Someone had done this deliberately, just to spite him! Cursing, he texted, How did u get my #?

The reply was, Duz it matter? We r 2gether again, that's all that matters, isn't it?

He groaned and fought the urge to throw his phone across his room. Tomorrow, he would talk to Rosco and ask him how to block numbers. In the meantime, he wondered who could be the one who had betrayed him and given his number to the crazy stalker girl that he wanting absolutely nothing to do with.

Meanwhile, somewhere in the castle, Morgana was smirking…

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