Chapter 9 - The Knights and Their Nerf Guns

The knights of Camelot were the seventh to succumb to Rosco's wares.

They had, of course, all received cellular phones, as Uther had declared that they were required for his knights to possess. While many of them had been dubious at first about the small, buttoned devices, most of the knights had formed a bit of a liking for them, as they provided a way for them to keep in contact with each other when they were not close together and it made scouting missions so much easier. Still, the knights were not completely satisfied with their little phones.

As knights, men of action, they longed for something that could allow them to train and get exercise. This way, they could enjoy the newfound technology while also managing to stay fit and ready for battle. The cell phones were not much use in this scenario, and so several of the men – Sir Leon, Sir Rupert, and Sir Roland – had taken a "field trip" to Rosco's stand and had discovered a collection of new wonders that would help them with training and looked absolutely, beautifully, fun.

After making their discovery, Sir Leon had opted to go to Arthur and request that they begin to train some with these exciting and colorful new devices. Arthur had been wrapped up in his iPhone – bobbing his head along to a rock and roll song while texting Gwaine about llamas (another story for another day) – but had still seemed quite enthusiastic about the suggestion. He, too, had felt that training needed to be spiced up a little. He informed Leon that if he and the other knights would go ahead and purchase as many of these "Nerf guns" as they needed, then they would meet for training the next day at noon.

Plans having been made, the knights pooled together the needed money and made the biggest – and most ridiculously fun – investment that they had ever done before. Tomorrow, they told each other as they went ahead and loaded the vast array of guns (all different shapes, sizes, and colors) with foam-like Nerf bullets, was going to be epic.

They just hoped that Merlin wouldn't try to bring them all down. They had noticed how the outspoken servant had tried to talk Arthur out of his iPhone and Gaius out of his television. They did not want Merlin to try and ruin their Nerf battle. In fact, they vowed that they would show him what a blast Nerf guns were. Tomorrow, it wouldn't be much of a battle – it would be a metaphorical massacre of the pessimistic servant.

Merlin was going to stop griping about the dangers of technology or find himself getting jumped by a bunch of big, burly knights wielding plastic guns filled with squishy, suction-cup ended bullets.

They could hardly wait.

o.O

While the knights were busy planning their surprise Nerf attack on the oblivious servant, said servant was stalking down the corridors, all but fuming, preparing to try and talk a bit of sense into Rosco. He knew that the man was a salesman and that he was just doing what salesmen were supposed to do, but he was really beginning to wish that Rosco would just go and do it in his own time instead of infiltrating upon theirs.

It wasn't that Merlin didn't like seeing the others have fun with their new toys, like Arthur had, in a very prat-like manner, suggested when Merlin had attempted to warn him that he was losing his mind to his cell phone. No, Merlin was just growing increasingly concerned because instead of successfully incorporating the wares from 2010 into their daily lives, the people of Camelot were rapidly losing themselves to the devices. If he was the only sane one around here, it was going to fall upon him to do something about the insanity.

As he passed Arthur's room, the prince's head popped out of the doorway, those silly ear buds still planted firmly in his ears, and he called out to Merlin. Sighing, and really not wanting to hear another one of Arthur's renditions of Michael Jackson's "Thriller," Merlin reluctantly turned to face his master. "Yes, Arthur?"

Merlin could hear the muffled scream of an instrument that, thanks to Arthur's iPhone and Gwaine and Lancelot's Guitar Hero game, he had come to learn was called a guitar from the ear pieces that were in Arthur's ears and he inwardly winced. Having music up that loud couldn't be good for his ears, could it? Shaking his head ever so slightly, Merlin chided himself. He was wary of Rosco's merchandise, yes, but he was starting to sound like a mother, and that was something he was not happy about so he forced the petty nagging voice that said "Turn that music down!" out of his head and waited for his master to speak. When he did, Arthur's voice was much louder than usual as he was trying to be heard above the blaring of the music.

"HAVE YOU MUCKED OUT MY STABLES YET?"

Merlin winced at the volume of Arthur's voice. He groaned, "Not yet. I'll get to it in a little while."

Arthur frowned and pointed to his ears. "WHAT? YOU WANT TO JUMP INTO THE NILE?"

Merlin rolled his eyes, smothering a laugh at Arthur's antics. If you'd just turn the music down, you prat… No! No nagging mothers! He scolded himself and tried again. "I said, I'll have to muck out the stables in a few minutes."

Arthur shook his head incredulously, "YES, I KNOW THAT A LLAMA WILL OCCASIONALLY SPITTLE, MERLIN. WHAT ABOUT MY STABLES?"

Mildly irritated but also quite amused, Merlin yelled back, "NOT YET, I'LL DO IT IN A MINUTE." In all honesty, he'd get to it when he got to it; he doubted Arthur would be taking any trips to the stables to see if Merlin had actually done his chores now that he had his iPhone to keep him company, anyway.

Arthur nodded in approval and then shot Merlin a patronizing look. "YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO YELL, MERLIN, MY HEARING'S JUST FINE."

Exasperated, Merlin fought the urge to just yank the ear buds out of his master's ears. Instead, he forced himself to keep smiling.

"WELL, GET ON WITH WHATEVER YOU'RE MEANT TO BE DOING," Arthur ordered, then stopped Merlin before he could walk away. "WE'RE RESUMING TRAINING TOMORROW, SO MEET ME ON THE FIELD AT NOON."

Merlin nodded, hoping that this meant that at least a shred of normalcy would be returning to Camelot with the resumption of training.

How very wrong he was.

o.O

Rosco was grinning from ear to ear when Merlin approached his metal kiosk. "Hello, my good fellow," he tried to charm the agitated warlock. "I've seen you around the castle but this is the first time you've shown any interest in my products." His green eyes were flashing with excitement at another potential costumer. "This must be my lucky day – first I sell all of my Nerf guns and bullets to the knights, and now you, my elusive friend, have decided to pay me a visit –"

Merlin felt a bit nervous as he heard what Rosco had said. Not the knights, too! "What's a Nerf?"

Rosco smiled even wider. "Only the most fun toy gun on the face of the earth!"

Merlin still didn't understand but he didn't have time to get into any complicated discussions about what guns were with Rosco – Arthur wanted his stables cleaned out and Merlin had a feeling that if he didn't get them done, Arthur would punish him by making him listen to (he shuddered) country music, and that was an experience that he did not want to go through again.

"I'm not here to buy anything," Merlin announced, but Rosco's grin did not falter.

"You say that now, but once you have seen the –"

Merlin cut him off. His friends, his home, and quite possibly his destiny was at stake because of this peddler's merchandise and he couldn't afford to be conned into trying out any of the… stuff… that was changing those around him, changing Camelot as a whole, so drastically. "I'm really not interested."

Rosco looked Merlin up and down, the hope of convincing him to buy something still burning brightly in his eyes and his unnerving smile still plastered on like it had been painted there. "Of course you're not," he laughed good-naturedly. Merlin had to admit, the man had charisma, even if he was a tad creepy at times with his toothy, nearly wolfy grin. "May I ask what brings your fine self to my humble establishment today?" Merlin found himself a bit distracted by the enormity of Rosco's nose, watching as the skin around the nostrils flapped around as the salesman's head moved from side to side as he embellished.

Shaking himself out of his stupor, Merlin cleared his throat. "I came because I need to speak to you."

Rosco raised two fiery eyebrows. "Oh, I do love to be informed on the local gossip. Tell me, has Prince Arthur decided that he's man enough to sparkle for Guinevere yet?"

Merlin snorted. "Hardly. But that's just what I want to talk to you about."

"Your master's relationship with the woman who is ultimately destined to have a juicy affair with his best friend after their marriage?"

Merlin choked. "Excuse me?"

Rosco winced. "Sorry. Just… kidding."

Not wanting to get into this now, Merlin shook his head. "No. That's not what I came here to discuss. I know that you're not trying to harm anyone – at least, I hope you're not – but I think it would be best if you took your stuff from the future and left Camelot. Everyone is changing, and Camelot is becoming vulnerable to attack. The king doesn't care about anything but his cell phone anymore, the prince randomly starts singing "The Circle of Life," and other Elton John Classics in the middle of council meetings, Gwen is running around wearing a shirt over her dress that says, "TEAM EDWARD," Gaius cares more about whether Angelina and Xavier are reunited than about his own patients, and who knows what evils Morgana is plotting with Morgause over that Facespace, or MyFace, or whatever… and now you've got the knights of Camelot into some kind of toy when they should be defending the kingdom!"

He was breathing heavily when he finished his little rant. He had not realized just how stressed he had become over this whole thing, but he felt justified. If only they could have fun with their toys and still do their duty… but that seemed to be impossible for the residents of Camelot. Now Merlin could only hope that Rosco would see reason and that it wasn't too late to set things right…

o.O

The next morning Merlin awoke to the sound of Charles threatening to kill Xavier if Angelina and Arabella tried to go to the police from the main room of Gaius's and his chambers. Groaning, he rolled out of bed, tugging his clothes on and trying to get ready without thinking about how terribly the talk with Rosco had gone the day before.

It seemed that no matter what kind of appeal, logic, or tone Merlin used on the merchant, nothing could get his mind off of selling things or that big grin off his face long enough to get his point across. The conversation always lapped around to what an X-Box's graphics looked like, or how pac-man revolutionized video games, or how vacuum cleaners made cleaning ten times easier (Merlin had had to force his mind to stay on task here and not to cave in).

Merlin had left Rosco's stand much more frustrated than he had been when he had approached it. He had decided that for now, he would do what he had been doing and keep a close eye on things around Camelot. If things got any worse, he would go to the Great Dragon for advice, but for now he would wait and watch.

The time might come when he had to reveal his magic to Rosco and force the time-traveler to leave Camelot and its citizens alone, but that time had not yet come.

He stumbled down the stairs to the usual sight of Gaius watching his stories and hurried to get some chores done before he had to meet Arthur on the training field at midday. When he saw how neglected Arthur's usually semi-clean chambers were by his musical highness, Merlin's stomach clenched and he found his mind wandering to Rosco's description of the vacuum cleaner, but he shrugged the unwelcome thought as quickly as he could and got to work.

o.O

The training field was quiet when Merlin stepped onto the grass and looked around for any sign of life. Too quiet. The uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach was back. Where was Arthur? The knights? He began to slowly walk across the turf, trying to pick up any hints of where the others might be. With a groan, he realized that they had probably been so immersed in their phones and Nerfs – he still wasn't sure what a Nerf gun was – that they had forgotten about training.

Yeah, that was it, Merlin decided as he turned and began to walk away – normally he wouldn't particularly mind, as getting walloped by Arthur was not on his list of "My Favorite Activities," but seeing as it was because of Rosco and his merchandise that they were forgetting, it only made him despair more.

He was about to leave the training field when he heard a yell – actually, it was more of a battle cry. He spun around, his magic boiling just beneath his skin, yearning to come to life outside of him and kick some butt. He pushed it back when he saw that it was not an enemy that was advancing upon him, but a whole slew of knights, all wielding different colored and sized weapons that shot out fairly soft little cylinders with a loud popping sound, led by Prince Arthur himself.

Before Merlin knew what was happening, they were upon him, shooting the foam bullets at him at such a speed and density that Merlin found it increasingly difficult to run away. "Oh goody," he thought, as he was pelted by the small, stinging things from the guns, "that's what Nerf guns are."

After "training" was over, Merlin stumbled into his room, disheartened to discover that he had Nerf bullets in places that he didn't think Nerf bullets should be. He flopped down on his bed, dislodging on from under his arm, where it dropped to the floor, sticking perfectly to the floor and he sighed heavily, the beginnings of another massive headache coming on.

He had a strong feeling that he'd be paying Kilgharra a visit very soon.

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