Chapter 10 - Kilgharrah and His Riddle Book

Merlin would never have suspected it, ever, even in the darkest, most obscure corners of his mind, but Kilgharra the Great Dragon that was imprisoned beneath the castle was the eighth to succumb to one of Rosco's temptations.

Merlin had planned on creating a distraction for the guards that kept an eye on the entrance to Kilgharra's prison like he usually did, but this time, it was completely unnecessary. The guards were sitting at their customary table, iPods out, cell phones ready, paying absolutely no attention to what they were supposed to be doing. Any other time and they would be flogged or imprisoned for not doing their duty. Now, it seemed that the king was too busy playing Bejeweled on his Blackberry Storm and browsing eBay via his Internet connection to give these slacking guards any form of punishment. Merlin winced, not believing how much of these technological, future terms that he now knew thanks to those around him.

As he descended the staircase that led to Kilgharra's cave, Merlin found himself hoping and praying that the dragon would have something – anything – to say that would help him. At this point, he'd even be happy with a cryptic riddle. At least it would be something.

He would regret yearning for even a riddle later on.

o.O

Uther smiled widely as he lounged upon his throne and fingered his beloved Blackberry Storm fondly. After everything that this miraculous machine could do, he could scarcely believe there was more. He was so excited that Sir Leon had taken it upon himself to teach his king how to use this particular function on his cellular phone.

He chuckled. Arthur was sure going to be excited by this new development. Imagine his son's excitement when he found out that his father was now savvy with everything cell phones had to Arthur. The two of them could be in constant contact now – wouldn't Arthur love that!

He was sure that his son, the crown prince of Camelot, would be ecstatic when he found out that his father was now as "cool" as any of Arthur's friends with cell phones.

o.O

Merlin heard the first of the laughter when he was halfway down the dark staircase, the torch in his hand flickering eerily, casting light on the stone walls that surrounded him. He wondered what could have left the Great Dragon so delighted. He snorted slightly; knowing Kilgharra, he was reveling in the way that Uther and the rest of the kingdom had been taken in by Rosco and his stuff. The dragon had always had a weakness for laughing at Uther's weaknesses and failures. It could be amusing at times, but most of the time it was irritating.

Merlin rounded the corner and stepped onto the ledge above the deep, dark cave the dragon lived in. Above him, the ceiling of the cave was so tall that the warlock could barely even see it. Huge rocks jutted up from the unseen floor and ceiling of the cave. Kilgharra was seated on his favorite rock, a ball of light – magic – floating above a small book propped open in front of him. Kilgharra's great golden eyes were perusing the pages.

Merlin was quite surprised. He knew the dragon was highly intelligent but had never actually thought about it reading. This was certainly the first time he had ever seen Kilgharra with a book. It was a small book, about half the size of one of the dragon's giant paws, and Merlin wondered how such a great creature could see the tiny words on the page. He quickly decided that it was irrelevant.

Seeing and understanding that Kilgharra was not paying any attention to his surroundings, completely focused as he was on that book, low chuckles emanating from his massive chest, Merlin cleared his throat. The dragon lifted his great head and smiled a big, toothy grin at the warlock that had come to pay him a visit.

"Ah. Merlin. I was beginning to wonder when you would come to me for advice again." The golden eyes traveled slowly back to the page but Merlin made another irritable little cough and Kilgharra turned his attention back to Merlin. "Yes, young warlock?"

Merlin tried not to stare curiously at the book the dragon was perusing, because he didn't have time to worry about it. He needed advice, and quickly. Camelot was becoming overrun with technology and Merlin had no idea what to do about it. If anyone could help him, it was Kilgharra. "I suppose you know what's been happening in Camelot," he began cautiously, eyes locked on the topaz ones of the magical creature looming above him.

Kilgharra smiled even wider – his grin reminding Merlin vaguely of Rosco's, except much more unnerving, since Rosco's teeth weren't nearly that sharp. "Yes, Merlin, I am fully aware." He laughed loudly, his voice bouncing airily off the walls of the cave. "Uther has become enamored with an invention that will not be invented for hundreds and hundreds of years. He is abandoning his kingdom, and before he even knows it, Camelot will fall and Arthur will take his rightful place as king, and magic will be returned to the realm."

Merlin laughed shortly and bitterly. "Not likely," he announced, "since Arthur has an iPhone and being separated from it is apparently a fate worse than death." Merlin groaned. "I hate all of this 'technology' stuff. It feels so… wrong."

Kilgharra huffed. "Of course it does, Merlin." His eyes began to wander and Merlin knew that Kilgharra was itching to get back to his book – whatever it as; as long as it wasn't about controlling, sparkling, fancy bloodsuckers dating their food, there was some hope at least – so he raised his voice to keep the dragon on track.

"What do you mean?"

The Great Dragon sighed. "You are a creature of magic, Merlin, as am I. Technology, science, inventions, electricity, cell phones, televisions… they are so against your nature, so against the elements of magic, that the two of you – technology and magic – are like two positive magnets repelling each other."

Merlin cocked his head. "Magnets?"

"Never mind, Merlin. More technology. The point is, you, a creature of magic, cannot exist alongside technology for long without going mad because it is so much against your nature. As you do not just possess magic, but are essentially magic itself – as I've said before, an extraordinary occurrence that has never happened nor will ever again – it does not go just against your nature, but your being as well, everything that you are. Subjecting your magic to the modernity of the twenty-first century for too long could cause you to go mad."

Merlin snorted, a reaction that seemed to surprise the dragon somewhat. "You can say that again," he muttered. "I think I'm already going mad. Kilgharra – everything is changing for the worst – I fear Camelot is going to fall!"

The dragon had gotten bored with Merlin's speech and his eyes were now glued back onto the book, laughing jovially at whatever the script said. Merlin snapped, "What are you reading, anyway?"

Kilgharra smiled that slightly creepy, extremely sharp toothy grin again. "I, too, am a creature of magic, young warlock, but unlike you, I have great knowledge that surpasses all time. While I am not fond of the technology, there are other things from the future that I find extremely helpful. Unlike you, young warlock, you who has known nothing but this life here, and your magic, I can adapt. And so I have."

Merlin paled. "You don't mean to say… Rosco sold that to you, too? And how on earth did you pay him?"

The dragon laughed. "I wouldn't say he sold it to me, Merlin, but I don't believe he minded parting with it in the slightest. If you want me to say that I did 'buy' it to ease your conscience, young warlock, then this is how I paid him – with his life."

Merlin frowned. Swallowed. "What is it?"

"Alive without breath, as cold as death. Never thirsting, ever drinking. All in 'mail, never clinking."

Merlin's brow furrowed with the dragon's words, stranger and more cryptic than usual. "Are you trying to help me? Because I've told you, riddles mean very little to me. I don't understand, what are you trying to tell me?"

"A fish," Kilgharra answered smugly.

Merlin blinked. "What?"

"That's the answer to the riddle. A fish."

Merlin shook his head slightly. What on earth was the dragon going on about? Perhaps he had already lost his mind due to the complex between magic and science. "I don't understand. What does a fish have to do with getting rid of Rosco's junk?"

Kilgharra laughed. "Nothing, young warlock. But you asked what this book is."

Merlin rubbed his forehead, feeling more lost than ever. "The book… is a fish?" That's it. Kilgharra was mad. Maybe Merlin was too.

Kilgharra snorted. "Does it look like a fish to you, Merlin? I am beginning to wonder if you have already begun to go mad. It is a book of jokes and riddles, one from the twenty-first century. It is quite informative, enlightening, and entertaining. Right up my alley, so to speak."

Merlin could almost feel himself paling. The Great Dragon had been taken in by one of Rosco's futuristic traps? He felt his heart sink. The most powerful and wise being he knew, sucked into something of the future as well. Had he no one to turn to now? Was there ever to be a solution to this terrible problem? Would Camelot fall?

His dark thoughts were cut off when the dragon let out an extremely loud laugh and said, "Young warlock, I can see that you are distressed. Allow me to give you something that might help you."

Merlin glanced up, hardly daring to believe it. Was there really some of the Great Dragon left behind the obsession for this riddle book? Would he help? "You're going to help me?"

"Yes, Merlin." Giggle. "Answer me this – what do you get when you cross a rooster and a small dog?"

Caught completely off-guard by the query, Merlin blinked rapidly several times. "Uh… I dunno," he admitted, increasingly confused.

Kilgharra's great form shuddered with a barely contained fit of laughter as he answered, "Cocka-poodle-doo!" And then the laughter burst forth like the tide, washing over the warlock and increasing the hopelessness building up inside of him. Merlin groaned.

Something had to be done. This was worse than he could have ever imagined.

o.O

Arthur was lounging about in his room, listening to music, when he got the text. He paused Poker Face, silencing Lady Gaga's voice for the time being, and went to check his message. He blinked at the number it was from and felt an uneasy feeling clench his gut.

Since when did his dad know how to text?

Warily, he pushed the view button and looked at the message contained:

Arthur – it's your father. Sir Leon taught me how to text! Isn't it gr8? See what I did there? Replaced great with gr8? It's cool, huh? Leon showed me how to do that too! Now we can tlk (did you see that?) all the time!

Arthur groaned. Oh no. No. This could NOT be happening.

He ignored the message, turned the music back on, and tried to forget his problems. "M-m-m-m-my p-poker face – can't read my, can't read my, no you can't read my poker face…"

The phone buzzed as he got another message. He sighed heavily, hoping that it was from Gwaine, Lancelot, or even Vivian. Anyone else. Just not his dad trying to be… cool.

He winced when he saw the number. The message said:

Did you get my message? Wasn't it gr8? U (see, u for you!) need to answer me, Arthur. And guess what? If you put a colon : and a parenthesis ) together, it makes a happy face! See? :)

Arthur had barely had a chance to erase that message when he got the next. This one read:

Quick question – if I write ROFTLOL, does that really mean that I have to roll on the floor, laughing out loud? Because I did that during the council meeting, and they looked at me funny.

Arthur flopped back down on his bed, ignoring the urge to chuck his beloved iPhone across the room. After Gwen leaving him and his father trying to be 'cool,' not to mention the humiliation that was sure to follow him when his father began to interrupt everything he did with stupid texts and floor-rolling, Arthur was beginning to doubt whether or not any of this was worth it. But then "You're the Voice" came on again and he relaxed. Sure it was. His phone buzzed again and Arthur knew without even checking it who it was from. Then again…

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