Chapter 17 - Gwaine and His Unintentional Brilliance

King Uther was not happy. He had been on his cell phone, playing Tetris – he had almost beat his high score! – when suddenly a strange feeling overtook him. He felt as if something was not right, like he was missing out on something big. The phone in his hand vibrated slightly and at first he was overjoyed, thinking that maybe – just maybe – someone had finally decided to text him back. He had been texting all the knights and of course his son ever since he learned what a text message was. For some reason, no one ever messaged him back and that had made the king very grumpy. The only thing that had served to cheer him up was that he still had his phone (even if everyone else was rude and didn't LOL at his jokes), and, of course, the impending doom of the sorcerer, Merlin.

His eyes quickly jerked to the screen, hoping to see a message or even just a simple :) (that was a smiley face made by punctuation marks – he had been so thrilled to learn how to smile through a text, although he preferred making mad faces the most because that was truer to real life) from Arthur. He frowned when he realized that this was not the case. The screen of his phone had gone completely black.

The king of Camelot began pushing buttons frantically, almost madly. Fear gripped his heart as he realized that his phone might be – as horrific as it was – dead! He glared at the little box in his hands as if just staring at it would bring it back to life. "Why?" he mumbled softly, as if speaking to a lover that was abandoning him. "Why do you betray me like this?"

The phone didn't answer. It didn't flash or ring or vibrate or even show a dead battery sign. Growling in anger, Uther realized what must have happened. That servant! He had magic; he must have been angry when Uther sentenced him to death by open-fire machine guns (not that Uther was very surprised, no one was ever happy do die in such a painfully bloody and brutal way). He must have decided to take his revenge by turning Uther's Blackberry Storm against him. The king gritted his teeth and pressed a finger to his walkie-talkie headset, intent on contacting his guards with orders to bring the boy to him from the dungeons.

"Rainbow Princess, this is P-Dog. P-Dog, do you read me?" Apparently Rainbow Princess did not read him. There was no crackle of static, no response, nothing. He tried again but the apprehension in his stomach only grew worse. Something was terribly, terribly wrong. "This is P-Dog calling Big Bird, come in Big Bird, we've got a Code Unicorn in the throne room. Do you hear me? Code Unicorn, man! This is serious stuff!" Big Bird didn't answer.

That SORCERER!

Uther let the anger fill him up and he yelled, "GUARDS!" Rainbow Princess and Big Bird rushed in, having been right outside the door where Uther had assigned them to be. He supposed he could have yelled for them the first time but it was so much cooler to use the walkie-talkies. Rainbow Princess, whose real name Uther hadn't even bothered to learn, spoke up. "P-Dog. I, er, I mean, King Uther – your majesty! What is going on?"

Now positively seething with hatred toward that boy, Merlin, Uther demanded, teeth gritted, "Go to the dungeon and bring the sorcerer to me. He has cursed our technology and he will pay dearly for his crimes." He paused dramatically. "We can only hope that when he dies, this terrible curse will die with him."

o.O

Merlin had used his magic to unlock the cell and had slipped out of the dungeon unnoticed. No, he hadn't had to distract the guards – not Rainbow Princess or Big Bird this time, they had gone back to guarding King Uther. He hadn't had to knock them out or wait until they fell asleep. In fact, he used magic to escape right in front of them and they hadn't even noticed.

Why?

Because they were too busy having panic attacks over their broken iPods and cell phones. Shortly after Arthur had reluctantly left his servant in the dungeon, the guards' technological equipment had stopped working. There had been wailing, cursing, throwing of said broken objects against the wall, and maybe even a few tears shed. Shaking his head at the pitiful scene, Merlin slipped out of the dungeon and through the empty corridors to Gwaine's chambers – he only hoped that he'd be able to pull the knights away from their game.

He wasn't expecting to see Arthur in the room with Lancelot and Gwaine – both of whom looked very glum like they'd just lost their best friend. Upon seeing Merlin, Arthur leapt to his feet and rushed over to him, hauling him the rest of the way into the room and slamming the door shut, blocking it with the large TV that didn't look like it was working. Merlin flinched, not knowing how he was going to explain his escape to Arthur or how Arthur was going to react.

To his complete amazement, Arthur just stared at him for several moments before breathing, "Merlin! Thank God."

Merlin cocked an eyebrow. "You mean you're not angry that I escaped?" Arthur shook his head and Lancelot gave a little whimper that Merlin figured had something to do with the TV whose only use now was a barricade. "You're not even going to ask how I escaped?"

Arthur rolled his eyes impatiently. "Why would I? You always come up with a stupid excuse, I tell you to tell me the truth, and then you say something completely idiotic to distract me from whatever the truth is… it's all very tiring and gets a bit boring and we have more important things on our hands." He paused, rolling his eyes at Lancelot and Gwaine. "Like the fact that those two are so bummed about losing their Wii and TV power that they're doing nothing but moping. And the fact that my father is so angry that none of the electronic stuff isn't working that he's blamed you and has ordered you to be killed on sight."

"What?" Merlin yelped. This was going to make things much more complicated.

"And that's not all," Arthur added ominously. "Cenred's army raided Rosco's supplies and stole all of his guns – deadly weapons that our swords are no match for. They're going to attack Camelot and slaughter us."

Merlin gaped. "But… Rosco! Can't he do something? Those are his weapons!"

Arthur winced. "Well… see, Merlin, the reason all this stuff has stopped working is because Rosco ran away after Cenred's men roughed him up a little. There's no supply to the TVs, phones, Wiis…" Gwaine mumbled something about his "Wii-Mii" and Arthur found he didn't exactly what to know what the knight to be was talking about.

"But shouldn't the guns stop working, then?" Merlin asked hopefully.

Arthur shook his head. "No – the books, the guns, anything that doesn't require some sort of signal or electrical source still exist. Gwen's still pining over Ed-Weird Sullen—"

"Ha! Good one!" Merlin crowed and even Lancelot and Gwaine had to agree. Then he sobered, realizing that the dragon would still be hooked on his riddle book. He would be of no help. On the plus side, now that Rosco was gone, Morgana couldn't communicate with her sister through FaceSpace or MyBook or whatever the heck that thing was.

"Surely we've got something we can use to fight back?" Merlin asked hopefully.

Gwaine stood up, sauntering over to the prince and Merlin while Lancelot stayed slouched on his chair, looking forlornly at the Wii-mote. "Look, mate – we've got nerf guns. Heck of a lotta fun to play with, but somehow I don't think that they're going to do us much good." The man grinned and flipped his hair and Merlin couldn't help but smile back, seeing that maybe Gwaine was beginning to snap out of his lethargic, grieving stupor. Maybe Lancelot would come round soon, too. "Not that it means I'm not going to try – if all else fails we can just beat them over the head with plastic toy guns until they're dead." Gwaine looked far too pleased by his idea, despite the fact that if that were the case, swords would make more sense.

But Merlin jumped to his feet, an idea striking him. "Nerf guns!" he crowed, grinning ear-to-ear. "That's it – Gwaine, you're brilliant!"

Gwaine tossed his hair. "Of course I am… Not that I'm questioning your completely accurate observation, Merlin, but could you tell me why I'm so brilliant? Just so I can know for sure you know what you're talking about?"

Lancelot (who had finally stopped pouting and decided to join his other three friends), Merlin, and Arthur all looked at the man blankly before intoning, "What?"

Merlin shook his head. "I don't have time for this – I've got to go!"

Arthur grabbed his arm. "Oh no you don't! My father has ordered you to be killed on sight – you're staying here. Gwaine and I will go see how father is doing and find out if we've been able to scrounge around for any weapons. Lancelot, you stay here with Merlin and don't let him leave your sight. If anyone comes searching for the idiot, hide him. Whoever sent that picture to my father was playing a cruel joke and no matter how useless Merlin may be, I don't want him to die because of it."

"I'm right here; I can hear every word you're saying," Merlin commented dryly, but as usual, Arthur ignored him.

Lancelot sighed and nodded solemnly. "Of course, sire."

Once Arthur and Gwaine had left the room, Merlin grinned widely. Arthur had unwittingly left him with the one person that already knew about Merlin's magic and who would be sure to help the warlock with his Gwaine-inspired plan. It was a wild plan, and it might not work, but then again Gwaine was wild and he never worked, but somehow he was still alive anyway. Merlin realized, startled, that his line of thought was becoming as confusing as Gwaine's and he shook his head, clearing it. Now wasn't the time or the place.

He turned to Lancelot, who still looked a little out of it and announced, "Okay, Lancelot – you've got to snap out of this. Because I've got a plan on how to stop this bloodshed from happening… and with luck, we'll all come out of this alive and with our sanity intact. Maybe."

Lancelot blinked a few times, tore his gaze away from the dead Wii, and turned to face Merlin, the spark returning to his eyes. "Okay, boss," he smiled warmly. "Tell me what to do."

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