Chapter 18 - Gwaine and His Pink Dragon, Bubbles

Camelot was in an uproar. Arthur had informed his father about the theft of Rosco's ammo and the merchant's subsequent flight from Camelot with his metaphorical tail tucked between his legs. Uther hadn't responded at first, as he was still gazing longingly at his Blackberry Storm, not quite accepting that it really was over. Finally in desperation, Arthur did something that no other person, no matter how brave, would have ever attempted. With a growl of frustration, he grabbed his father's cell phone and chucked it across the throne room, watching in satisfaction as the heat sensitive touch screen shattered and the phone fell to pieces.

That had gotten his father's attention. Rubbing his ringing ears from Uther's near temper tantrum at the ruining of his precious phone. Once Arthur managed to calm him down enough, though, Uther's eyes had gone wide at the news his son brought. Cenred's army had guns and they were preparing to attack Camelot with them… and what did they have? Swords and Nerf guns. Neither one would do much damage against the weapons that Cenred and his men would be wielding. They would be slaughtered and Camelot would fall.

Of course, this was all Rosco's fault, but Uther, who had an annoying tendency to blame exactly the person needed to save them all, had decided that it was the sorcerer's fault and that if Merlin died, somehow all the guns would vanish into thin air. Arthur attempted to poke holes into his father's ridiculous logic (if you could call it that) but Uther would have none of it. He ordered that Merlin be found and executed immediately. Arthur told his father that he would take care of it personally.

Arthur wasn't actually planning on killing Merlin. In fact, the prince had no intention of letting anyone else kill his servant, either. But he was, for once, thinking with his mind and not his emotions, and had twisted the situation to their advantage. "Father, we are going to need all the men we have to defend the citadel against Cenred and his guns. You put the knights and guards on that and I will take care of the sorcerer myself."

Uther had agreed, and now Arthur found himself hastening through the corridors to Gwaine's room where he had told Merlin to stay with Lancelot (Gwaine had gone to try and talk some sense into Gwen and Gaius, although with the Twilight books still intact, he wasn't very optimistic that he'd be able to get through to the former). He was going to try and work out a way to possibly smuggle Merlin out of Camelot but chances were that they were all going to die anyway, so the most he could really hope for was to keep Merlin out of Uther's hands until either some miracle happened and they all came out of this alive or they were all turned into living replicas of Swiss cheese.

Arthur skidded to a stop when he reached Gwaine's room and let out a growl of frustration. "Really, Merlin?" he hissed, anger warring with worry for dominance over his emotions. "Really, Lancelot?"

The room was empty. Merlin had either tried to get out thinking that somehow he might be able to help, recruiting Lancelot to go with him (and Lancelot always listened to Merlin over Arthur for some reason; it was something that Arthur had never quite been able to figure out) or Lancelot hadn't trusted Arthur to help Merlin and had taken it upon himself to get him out of the city. Either alternative made Arthur's blood boil at the two men but he couldn't dwell on it. As much as he hated abandoning the search for Merlin and Lancelot, he had other things to worry about. Namely the army of bloodthirsty modern ammunition bearers that were marching forth with the intent to blow Camelot off of the map.

Sighing, Arthur turned on his heel and headed toward Gaius's chambers. He hoped that Gwaine had been able to help the court physician regain his senses after the sudden and oh-so-tragic loss of his television. He hoped that the old man might have some advice on how to combat this threat and he also needed to inform Merlin's guardian about the predicament he had somehow landed himself in, no matter how difficult it might prove to be. And if nothing else, Arthur could really use a bit of Gaius's dry wit to help lighten the mood (or darken it, for an old man he could sometimes have a grim sense of humor). What he really wanted, though, was for Gaius to pull a "miracle cure" right out of one of those huge sleeves and fix everything.

Sadly, though, he knew that that wouldn't be the case.

O.o

"So what exactly is your plan?" Lancelot asked Merlin as they snuck through the town. They had almost made it out of the city. Merlin hadn't told his friend much of anything other than that they had to get out of Camelot and close to Cenred's army.

They quickly slipped out of the wall and took off at jog toward the woods, leaving technology-plagued Camelot behind them. Merlin smiled at his friend as they reached the edge of the forest, heading in the general direction of the approaching army. "Well, Gwaine said that we won't be able to fight off Cenred's men with Nerf guns alone," Merlin grinned.

Lancelot shrugged. "That much is obvious."

Merlin nodded. "And as much as I dislike those toys—"

"Oh I heard about the ambush," Lancelot told him. "Rotten luck."

Merlin rolled his eyes. "And where were you when all this happened, eh?"

Lancelot glanced over his shoulder mournfully, almost as if he could still see the Wii he had left behind. "Playing Super Mario Brothers," he muttered wistfully. "I had almost made it to the second world when it stopped working!" He scowled uncharacteristically. "And I would've made it even further if Gwaine hadn't kept making his pink dragon eat me!"

Merlin blinked. "Gwaine had a pink dragon?"

Lancelot shrugged. "I refused to let him have the green one. I think that's why he made his eat me." He rolled his eyes. "Revenge is so petty, don't you agree, Merlin?" He scratched his chin. "Just wait until Gwaine finds the garden snake I put under his pillow – he'll rue the day that he ever made Bubbles eat Luigi!"

"What was that you were saying about revenge being petty?" Merlin asked sarcastically. He shook his head as if to dislodge some disturbing thought. "Wait – he named the dragon Bubbles?"

Lancelot shrugged. "It's Gwaine, Merlin."

Merlin nodded. "Good point."

"Anyway," Lancelot continued, sounding much happier now that he was reminded of his plan to retaliate against Gwaine's Wii antics, "what does all of this have to do with your plan?"

Merlin gazed off into the distance before shaking his head again. "I have no idea. But here's what I'm thinking – what if Cenred's army also had only Nerf guns for weapons?"

"But they have regular guns," Lancelot reminded his friend. "Big, scary things that don't shoot plastic, suction cup darts but actual bullets!"

"How do you know so much about these weapons?" Merlin asked curiously.

Lancelot shrugged. "I played some Halo as well – lots of guns and stuff in that game."

Merlin sighed. "I should have known." He paused. "And as for Cenred's army, they may have those big, scary guns now, but if we can get to them in time and with a little bit of luck… we won't have a massacre but an all-out Nerf battle to the death – or exhaustion, more likely – that will result in a stalemate. No one can gain the upper hand if they can't kill the other side!"

Lancelot grinned. "You think your magic will work on modern weapons?"

Merlin bit his lip. "I sure hope so, Lancelot. Because it's the only plan we have."

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