Chapter 29 - Chapter 26

I pushed against the thick blanket that was suffocating me, holding back my breath. My head was aching, and my heart barely beating. Echoing through my soul was the beep of a machine, the beep of my life. I was barely conscious, yet enough so to identify them. The three men who had most changed my life, well, in a way.



They had no idea I was awake, and only when I gave an involuntary shudder did they rush to my side.



***



The lone figure on the hospital bed shuddered, and Shigure and Hatori rushed to her side. Akito stood back, with no feeling. He could not remember the feeling he had had at the ceremony, but he now had a new ache, one that struck deep into his heart. Never before had he felt like this, and whilst Hatori and Shigure busied themselves around her, he walked out of the room, and out to the waiting car.



***



I looked up, through the eyes that I could barely open, and into his face. I tried to move my hand, but I didn't have the strength. My face contorted with pain and fear, I tried to speak.



***



Hatori spoke, “She's trying to speak. I need to go and sort something, I'll be back in a minute.”



Shigure could just nod, too occupied with fighting his own emotions. As Hatori walked to the door, he turned, hesitating, “She might_” he trailed off, no wanting to finish the sentence. Sighing, he left, saddened by the look of desperation on his friend's face, the look on the death the other's.



***



I could see him, vaguely, and I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to tell him so much. He had sat down on a chair beside the bed, and had put his hand over the top of mine, his head resting on the bed. He seemed so sad. I tried to speak, and he heard a little noise, and looked at me.



“Don't speak,” he told me.



But I wanted to, I needed to. I had to tell him. I tried again, and this time a horribly rasping voice emitted from me, “I…I” I gasped, shocked by such a sound. “I wanted, needed, must. I must tell you,”



“Sh,”

“Am I dying?” I whispered.



He looked shocked, and tears sprang to his eyes.



“Tell me.”



A ghost of a smile danced across his face, and he looked at me tenderly, “What answer do you want?”



That was answer enough. “Tell them all that I love them.”



“I will. I promise I will.”



“I would have always loved you.”



“I know. And I will always love you. I told you that just now.”



“Don't leave me.”



“I won't. I will never leave you.” A tear slid down his cheek, and another mirrored it on my own face.



I closed my eyes, fighting back pain, and sadness. “I forgive him.”



He began to cry harder. “I'll make sure he knows.”



***



Shigure couldn't stand the pain, the anguish. He felt as if his heart was breaking. He never though he'd have to watch her die. He'd never thought about it really. And here they were, her dying, fighting over her last breaths in order to qualm his own fears.



“Are you scared?” he asked her.



***



“Afraid to die?” she replied.



“Yes.”



“I'm terrified.”



I spoke the truth, knowing that it wasn't what he wanted to hear, but knowing that he would respect me for it.



“I love you.” I told him.



“I know, now hush. I know what you want to say, you don't need to tell me, it hurts enough already.”



I smiled softly.



***



He gathered her into his arms and hugged her whilst the tears begun to fall, faster now, and more furious. He now wished it would end. He held her tight to him, and they were sitting like that when Hatori peered into the room. He didn't enter, but instead took a seat outside.



***



It was a warm summer's day, and the four of us had been in the park, Hatori, Aaya, Gure and I. We had just eaten a picnic, and Tori and I were watching as Aaya and Gure played Frisbee. We must have all been about seventeen. I lay in the sun, and closed my eyes, letting the warmth heat my dreams.



And then he had collapsed next to me, and I had opened my eyes momentarily to see this sweaty, smelly guy, lying next to me, panting from heat. He had his eyes closed, and his tongue out, but when he had noticed me looking at him, he had opened one eye, and rolled onto his back, spreading his arms out wide to the sun.



Hari and Aaya had gone to buy and ice cream, so we were left lying there, and next thing I knew we were kissing, our first kiss. The first time in my life when I had felt truly happy.



***



And then she was gone. He knew it, yet the machines didn't. Her whole body had become limp in his arms, and she began to lose her warmth. He laid her back down on the bed, and set her out like an angel. Her air was fanned out around her head, framing it. She looked so serene, so free of pain.



And he hated himself, for he felt relieved, knowing that she was gone. Wouldn't his life be easier now?



He walked over to the window, and looked out, noting the wind and the heavy rain that reflected his feelings. Leaning his head against the cool glass, he let the tears flow freely, and began to note the anguish that had been weighing in his heart.



And then the machine noticed she was gone, and began to beep, fast and furious. He hit his fist on the glass, and let his hand slide down it. Doctors and nurses began to rush in, Hatori amongst them, and they began to speak of how they could save her.



So he spoke, “Leave her.”



They all looked at her, yet Hatori knew what he spoke was truth.



“Leave her, let her be. She's happier now. She's going to a place where she'll never be sad.”



And he just left the hospital.



He walked through the town, in the rain. He walked through the forest. And then, he got home, and everywhere he looked, he could see her. In her room, he could still smell her, the soft scent of her body. He could feel her hair, and smell it, as it flew around the room behind her.



Shigure could sense her, and hear her music, her voice, her song. Her laughter still echoed in his study, and her happiness still shone in the walls. He sat, and cried.



“Don't be sad,” someone whispered, “I said I'd never leave you.”



And through his tears he smiled.

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