Chapter 2 - The Beast

Adventure 2.



So hmmm..... oh right of course! The island with Eugene that was where i was! Okay so.

I was stranded on a island just off the coast of Qwite Haezzy. I was left with a stick and some drunken guy named Earl, he claimed to be my brother, but he wasn't. I was stranded there with only a stick to talk to (Earl knew some people, they helped him off, Would you believe that they, all 124 of them, were his brothers & sisters?). First thing i did when i got on that island was i sat down and cried, for i was but a 2 year old, unless you're counting by when santa or is it the stork, either way, delivered me, than i was one and a half ( Don't worry delivery methods have improved since i was a kid).

No no no... From the expression of sheer confusion i can tell you've heard it all before (who woulda' guessed that not only am i a coolio pirate but also a splunkingly awesome psychic!). Oh i was at the part about the monster. We had finally caught the beast.... no here i just play the tape.



One brisk morn' i awoke to a bit of a growling noise like GRRRAREAEREAERERAE (that was the noise it made), and i presumed that it was the dwarves partying again. The dwarves have terrible habit of partying in the morn' and then sleeping in the noon and then pelting my campsite (and hammock) with terribly evil balls of tin..... foil. Anyways, this noise was in no way of the dwarven origin, it had a kind of gurgle to it, the dwarf parties had a very drawn out beating to them. So naturally i went and investigated the island. There was nothing to be seen, although i did find the dwarves as they were assembling their weapons of destruction, and i destroyed the destructive devices deviously!!! So i went to the wise and knowledgeable Eugene. I asked him if he had heard the evil noise of evil evilness, He hadn't and he took my hammock away because he though i was CRRRAAAAZAAAAYYY! er i mean crazy. Luckily his wife (or husband, i still can't tell) heard the noise but she couldn't distinguish the noise so i went on wondering what the heck was going on, oh and Eugene gave me my hammock back and all was fine, well for the rest of the day at least.

The next morn' i woke up and heard the noise again this time i ran toward the noise of noisy noisiness! I ran and ran and ran and RAN AND RAN!!! But then, being 1 and a half years old i forgot what i was doing so i turned around and headed toward camp, until i heard the noise again. I RAN AND RAN AND RAN AND RAN!!! Oh and ran and ran into a tree, then i was knocked unconscious by a confounded cocoanut!!! I awoke to the aroma of Baked sand (an island delicacy) and found that i had been found by Eugene Found (yes that's his last name).

" Stop chasing after figments of you're imagination" he told me.

" Well I ran after that lady, getting you a wife" I answered. Then for some reason Garlidir (the dwarf) began to blush, and blush really hard at that." What'sa matter?" i asked.

" Er....... um..... I....... I'm a guy, i thought you two were very girly girls because you have no facial hairs" He smiled. " No hard feelings?"

" None at all" Eugene said with a fake smile (no seriously they were selling them at the convenience store on the west side of the island).

" 'kay well can we get a divorce?" Garlidir asked. Eugene nodded hesitantly. So Galidir got up and went back to his village, and Eugene beat me with Mr. Stick. Oh and he took away my hammock!!! I screamed and cried and cried and screamed.

" DON'T TAAKE HIIIM AAWAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!" But he didn't listen. He just dragged Jimmy (yes i named him. NO IT'S NOT WEIRD!!!!) away. " I'm telling santa!" I said.

" Y' know what santa doesn't exist!!!" He yelled

"Than who manufactured you?".

" The stork man of corse!!!"

My world had been totally torn apart that day. Mr. Stick was lost, snapped in 2. Jimmy was pack away in his chest (wonder how he managed that). I discovered my best friend Eugene didn't believe in santa and i discovered that the stork was no ordinary stork, but an unusual MAN STORK. WHY?! WHY?! I decided that i was so low that i couldn't get any lower, so i decided to camp out that night and discover the evil noise. I sat in a tree with Seweerd the Seaweed and Grosand the grain of sand, this decision i lived to regret. Grosand and Seweerd were very vocal all night long, and this hindered my operations. I had no sight or sound from the mystery monster. I was having real problems on this fateful week, but not as many problems as Eugene was having. He had just lost his wife (you already know this) but then he discovered that he was being evicted from his home so that the dwarves could make new additions to their village. This meant he would have to move closer to the edge of the island. He was very very stressed out and he had other financial problems. He had to sell the hammock in order to keep his home, but now he needs to move his house so selling his hammock was useless.

"What do ya' want?" he said.

" Ummm..... I'm sorry, about everything, The night time noise, the wife er well actually husband but y' know. Sorry" I said in the sincerest way ever. He just glared at me, his glance was broken only by a piece of paper that flew into his face.

"Stupid paper!!!" he said before he even looked at the paper. Eugene tossed the paper at me." Go reline the paper meche toilet with this!!!". I bothered to read the paper. It said "Argraagra's Photo shot contest". Well actually it didn't actually say anything but more accurately it READ "Argraagra's Photo Shot Contest!!! If you get a snapshot of the item you could walk, swim, crawl or fly away with a great prize. Today's Photo is the ever rare " Man Koala". The Man Koala has never been seen before, but it is distinguished by it's growl " GRRRAREAEREAERERAE". Since the Man Koala has never been seen before you must have a video clip with audio. Today's Prize is "AN ALL EXPENSE PAYED MEMBERSHIP TO THE DWARVEN ACRES JUST OFF THE COAST OF QWITE HAEZZY". I got to thinking.

"If i got a video of this Koala Man

"Man Koala!" some guy interrupted. I stood there dumbfounded for a minute, but then returned to my thoughts.

"If i get a video of this Man Koala then it wouldn't matter if Eugene is evicted, cause he'll live in the dwarven acres anyways!!!!!!!" i smiled in sheer brilliance. I ran off and set up a trap, and readied myself for a long long night.





The night was long, very very long but this time i didn't bring any of my friends, so i got work done. I figured that since the Man Koala hadn't come yet, my trap must be ineffective. I hopped down from the tree and looked over my trap, that when it happened! Well, it meaning the trap worked..... on me. I was suspended in midair by a bag, but i didn't scream because i knew if Eugene awoke and found me here, he would know that i was following a fools ambition. I sat there for at least an hour, and thats when it happened. It meaning i heard foot steps and thought it was Eugene but it wasn't it was actually the Man Koala coming to see me in all my pathetic-ness. At the time i wouldn't have guessed that it was a Man Koala, because he looked nothing like a Koala, he looked more like a duck with human feet and big puffy clown hair.

"Okay two questions, 1, Why didn't you come sooner? and 2, Why do they call you a Man Koala?" I asked. The abomination handed me a large dictionary. But this was no ORDINARY DICTIONARY, it was Earl Flindman, the blind man's UNUSUAL ANIMALS DICTIONARY!!! There was a bookmark in the dictionary, so i opened to the book marked page. It said "Man Koala" Well actually it didn't actually say anything but more accurately it READ "Man Koala- The man koala is named so because........ because Koala sounds funny and it is never used except for those dirty little rodents that hang on lamp posts, and man makes these things more manly sounding. Oh and the only way to lure a Man Koala is to hang yourself from a tree from a Man Koala trap (See ACME. com for more info.) and look pathetic."

"That explains alot!" I said. The koala nodded.

"SNAP"

The rope broke and i was free and the koala was now the one trapped. My problem now was I don't have a camera!!! DARN!!! DARN!! DARN!!! was my entire thought.

"Jingle Jingle Jingle"

I stopped my cussing (well only 1st degree cussing) to look up and see what was making the jingle noise.

"SANTA!!! IS THAT YOU?!" I exclaimed.

" HOHOHO!!! How are you number 52320458127488447945985522497? Otherwise known as Billiam M. McCroy," he responded.

" You mean YOU manufactured me?"

"HoHoHo!!! Of course, the Stork man only makes naughty kids, i make the nice ones who only ever so rarely go bad and become naughty!"

For the first time in my short insignificant life i felt that i had MEANING to being alive! I knew who i was ordered from and i knew my name.

"HOHOHO!!! So what you got under there?" Santa said

"Under where?"

"HOHOHO!!! Good one but i am serious, What's under there?"

"OHH!! Under the blanket! A Man Koala, the 8th wonder of the world."

"No he's not, that's king kong,"

"Okay maybe the 9th?"

"Nope that's baseball,"

"10th?"

"Yup, I guess," He paused "HOHO OH!! You did this for the nifty Argraagra's photo shot contest!"

"MMHMM," I nodded.

"Well if you want i can carry this thing to Argraagra for you and i'll return the prize for you"

I looked up at santa with happy gleeful eyes and said "Yes you can do that for me.......... oh right Please"

"Yup, i'll do it,". And he flew off into the sunrise with the Man Koala as i sat there and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited and waited





"ARGH! This darned tape player! One moment, I'll fix this"





And waited. Then at about lunch time he came back with the Dwaven Acres membership. I thanked him and he was on his way. I Ran to camp and gave the pass to Eugene, he thanked me and was on his way. After that things really turned around for Eugene.



"Hey i want to make it up to you for the whole I'm a guy thing," Garlidir said to Eugene one day. " My cousin is a real hottie, She's like a girly girly girly girl, you'll really like her,".

"Oh you don't have......... to.................................do........................

Eugene's speech was halted as soon as he saw Garlidir's cousin, Galida.

"Never-mind what i just said, You so totally owe me for that mistake, so i'll take her!!!" and he and she lived happily ever after.

Now my problem was, i had no one to talk to and i was all alone on the rim of the island. I sat down and cried.

"Jingle Jingle Jingle"

"SANTA?" I exclaimed.

"No i am just Thomas the Sound Effects guy, i was left here with my bell, my glass cup and hammer and some drunken guy named Earl, he's claiming he's my long lost brother,"

My head drooped.

"Jingle Jingle Jingle"

"STOP IT!!!" I yelled.

"It's not me!" Thomas exclaimed

"Oh hi bro, your name waaaaaasss TEDDY!" Earl said falling over into the sand singing "Who's belly's fuller than old Jack Brown" ( it's a great Pirate sing-along).

I looked up. "SANTA!!!"

"HO HO HO! I saw what you did for Eugeney the Meany, He's number 4 on the naughty list for killing many sticks and refusing poor children hammocks, But anyhoo i was wondering if you wanted me to take you to mainland and drop you off,"

I looked up at santa with happy gleeful eyes and said "Yes you can do that for me.......... oh right Please"

"HOHOHO!!! Yup i'll do it for you,". So i hopped in and took a ride in Santa's sleigh. He warned me to not lean too far over the edges or i might fall out. Sadly i didn't heed his warning and consequently fell out into the one city santa didn't want me to fall into





PIRATE CITY!!!

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment