Chapter 1 - Kind Of A Drag

Kind Of A Drag 
Hehe it's time for a story 

"Well girls and boys it's story time once again yay"

"Aw do we have ta" 

Yes you do now shadpup and listen
as  I  wove a tale of love jealously and a sneaky drag"

"Ooo a dragon" 

"Nope a dude in Drag"

"Darn it"

"UGH kids  sigh well here ya go the story goes as follows"



Squidward who works at the Krusty Krab was trying to drown out His coworker's Excessive dribble 
with the thoughts of his upcoming date with His Gal Sandy Cheeks the Squirrel 
whom he had been dating in Secret for Months 

"Um Sponge been nice chatting with ya really but  I'm going to go get ready for my Date"

"Whooo with Squidward?"

 :Whooo with What you're starting to Sound Like An Owl"

"Um What's an Owl?"

"Um Yeh nice Nature Discussion" 
I'm gonna go now"

"You Never said..." 

"Never Said What!"

"Who your date is Ya silly"

"Oh I meant a date to do my dishes " he fibbed to the yellow Kitchen utensil 

Okay Have fun with your dishes hahahhahahahah"

[Moron He thought the less people know the better]


AS he walked home he ran into a familiar but annoying face 
"Hey Squiddie how goes life for you mine is Top Noch as can be expected I'm Rich Talented and every Girl would be happy to get to know me better unlike you"


"Squilliaim i Don't have time to listen to you belittle me at the moment i have a few days to get ready!"

"Ready for what your Retirement from The Cashier life or your funeral both would be pointless no one would come! hahahhah "


"Stuck up jerk" he mumbled

"What was that, Pheasant!"

"You Heard me you caterpillar browed jerk you think you're better than everyone else well at least i  Have a girlfriend  
who actually likes me for me and not for some wad of cash i go flaunting around!


"Caterpillar browed !

"Why you insignificant  little twat who do you think you are  I could get any girl I wanted even yours


"Keep dreaming Squildum"


 "Hope to see ya never!"

Why That little ugh i can get his girl if i tried to trick them but how?

heheheh i got it
He Bought a bunch of stuff an old-fashioned dress and wig and some specs 

he said to himself even I make this dreck look good say hello to Auntie Squidillia 

Ding Dong 

"Who could that be My Date isn't for another day Please don't be SpongeBob and or Patrick"

"Hello Squidward"

"Do I know you, Miss?"

"Aw it's been a spell but I'm Your Auntie Squidillia"

"Auntie I never knew I had an aunt how exciting come in I'll give you my room I'll take the couch

I" don't want to be a Burdon I'll take the couch he said as he eyed his date calendar as he was eager to find out the other octopus's girlfriend's name 


"If you say so auntie but if you change your mind, you can always switch"


"Good to know sonny i'm gonna sit for a spell and stretch these old tenacles"

Let's seee who his girlfriend is most likely imaginary he chuckled to himself  
Sandy Cheeks Why does that name ring a bell  
He decided to call the number and to his surprise a voice he slightly remembered Saying Howdy
and it suddenly hit him who Squidward's gal was 


Ulp Helloo He blushed a bit 

huh what was that who's calling me Seems like Squidward's number but doesn't sound like him 

so, she decided to test them 


"Um Who is calling?"  "Squidillia Tentacles"


"And you are?"


"Squidward's aunt visiting from out of town"




"Okay well gottaa go Squidward's making his room up for me"

see you soon Sandy  heheh
hopefully this ruse will distract him long enough for me to think of way to get his gal away from him

 
What's so funny auntie i love a good joke once in a while not too often hehe 

well, a little scallop told me you have a date soon, but we can't have you dating when I'm here not until I'm gone if that's okay with you sonny 

dang how auntie know about my date oh so she's a snoop he thought eyeing the desk calendar
"I see you prepared the couch but I think i will switch with Ya sonny"

""Sigh Yes Auntie 
yup just like my family oh well I can date sandy another week 

but elsewhere Sandy called Granny and Mrs. Tentacles 
to find out if what squid's houseguest said was true, they never heard of them Squidward was an only child and has one cousin on her ex-husband's side Then Granny and Mrs. tenacles agreed to oust this phony 

"just as I thought a phony they all exclaimed lets' give em what for!"

"sonny can you get the door I'm indisposed at the moment" he lied as he adjusted his girdle how do girls wear these?

"Sure Auntie" 

to his surprise a trio of Women entered "Ma-ma Nanna what are you doing here 
And ulp Sandy what are you doing here?! Auntie said you and I could not date while she's here"

"Son, I Have no sister your only cousin is from your Dad's side isn't that right Mamma Yer darn tooting where is that phony Baloney?!"

What ?! I've been duped who is the wise guy!"

let's go find out shall we gals Squidward you find some clues like any attributes you noticed about our faker 

"hemmm  why that sneaky jerk!" as his mind remembered what he had forgotten  prior to feeling  joy about meeting a family member he never knew had  the same kind of unibrowed caterpillar as the meet up with his old foe 
"

"It's Squiliaim he pretended to be Auntie Squidillia  to get me in trouble by missing my date with Sandy"

"Why that No Good Horn Swangler Sandy grunted let's give em what for" 

The Three gals went to the bathroom and bust in the door where    Squillaim gasped and spoke 
"can't an old gal get a little privacy in this durn house 

Squidward and the gals entered as He gulped AND said can't we talk this out squiddie it was a joke"

 "Clam up you faker can't we talk this out it nothing"
 "Squidward we got this  Gals let's show this imposter how we deal with fake aunts  
a dust cloud of fists, feet and tentacles went outside the house

 "OHHH My Aching back you'll hear from my lawyers!" "

sandy chuckled and said oh i don't think so unless you want the public to see your new show Squilliaim in drag 


"What how nothing here was recorded!" 
"

"OH, I have my ways" she said as she revealed an underwater smart phone my new invention "a land cell phone that words under water"

Dang it and her smarts he thought which was why squidward liked her among other reasons he blushed 

Okay you win won't press charges   but why Squidward why not someone who's rich and talented like me?"

You don't get it do you His Mom said Squidward has learned how to care about other unlike you 

you are only about themselves and care not for anyone else 


But iiii Squiliaim realized they were right which was why he never found love he sighed defeated and threw his disguise  out  reveling his normal garb 

and called for his limo 
when they arrived, they asked "where too sir"

"Home I guess"

 "what's wrong?"

I I don't Really feel like talking right now let's just say I made a Sea @$$ out of myself and feel like nobody would ever love me for me and I just proved it! 

how so sir?

He wove his tale of stupid drags and sneaky ideas 

"that's sad sir even for you"

 "I know you don't have to rub it in?" 

Actually, I do as a familiar voice laughed evilly here Ya go plankton as promised this guy will work for you now"
    ! what the heck who are you?! 

oh, I am the writer of this here fic and i say you are going to give something to charity for this dumb idea!
if I don't then what?

Now 

 I will publish your little story on the net and you will work in the Chum Bucket for the rest of your life if you don't agree to give some money to charity and learn to give form the heart rather than only think of yourself  

can I still get him to work for me if he doesn't agree? sure cyclops  whatevea 

Okay this is getting weird drop me off at the nearest charity and I will make out a check just to get away from you weirdos!

The End

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