Chapter 2 - Kitty's Dream [part 2]

It had not even been an hour since the twosome become a threesome, when they entered the dark, spooky portion of the woods. The trees had no leaves, heavy grey clouds covered the entire sky, Michael Jackson fans wandered about... it was enough to leave both Kurt and Kitty pushing Scott to the front for protection. They had all been silent for the past fifteen minutes, but Kurt decided to break the silence.

“Hey, guys?” he started as he nervously looked around, “You don’t think there’s any lions around here, do you?”

Scott shook his head, “Lions are nothing. We should be worried about tigers.”

Kitty huddled a bit more behind Scott, “I’m more worried about bears.”

Kurt and Scott looked at her as if she were crazy. “What are you talking about?” Scott asked, “Everyone knows that bears don’t live in forests. They live in houses.”

“But-”

Kurt stopped her from saying anything to further embarrass herself, “Scott, you have to give her some leeway. She’s a foreigner, you know.”

After that discussion, Scott and Kurt had somehow managed to get themselves into an argument about whether or not a lion could beat a tiger in fisticuffs. Scott ended up making a very good argument and was able to prove that the tiger would most definitely triumph. The whole time Kitty had been growing more and more nervous about being in a forest where lions and tigers lived.

“Don’t feel bad,” Scott had been saying to Kurt in the aftermath of their argument, “Lions are very dangerous as well. They have those sharp pointy teeth and those huge claws. If we were to find a lion here right now, it would be able to kill us all within a matter of seconds.”

Kitty whimpered and grabbed a pointy stick for protection.

“Yes, of course,” Kurt nodded in agreement and added, “But, like you were saying before about tigers, they like to kill people really slowly and make them suffer for a while first. It’s probably the worst death a person could ever have.”

Kitty’s lip trembled and she pulled the stick closer to her chest.

“Well, we don’t have to worry about them,” Scott began to say. Kitty relaxed a little. The tin man continued talking to Kurt, “They wouldn’t go for you or I. Lions and tigers aren’t interested in straw and tin. They like blood. They’d go straight for Kitty.”

“I guess you’re right. We’ve got nothing to worry about,” Kurt smiled in relief. He turned and looked back at Kitty, who was petrified with fear, “Kitty? What’s the matter? Are you cold or something?” Kitty opened her mouth to speak but the only sound that came out was a small sob.

“Nevermind,” Scott said and pulled Kitty along by the arm, “We better get going. If we stay here for too long a tiger might catch your scent.”

At that exact moment a few feet from the trio, a couple of trees went flying and a big, furry, snarling something lunged out onto the path. The three screamed and scattered. Kitty hide behind some bushes, Scott converted himself into a tin can, and Kurt ran around in circles, still screaming. The thing watched them all for a moment, with little or no interest. After a few minutes, the girl, the tin man, and the scarecrow began to calm down and they all looked at the thing, which they quickly realized was not a lion or tiger, but a creepy mountain man. The mountain man had an annoyed look on his face, he began to say something, but that only sent the three running around screaming.

Finally, the mountain man yelled very loudly for them all to shut up. Each did as they were told, and they stood very still.

“Now,” the mountain man said slowly, “Why are you all screaming?”

The three didn’t move. They stayed in the same position with their mouths hung open. The mountain man stared at them impatiently until, finally, Kitty and Kurt nudged Scott forward to represent them to the mountain man. He stood awkwardly in front of the mountain man and said in a shaky voice, “We were screaming because you’re really creepy... and you did knock those trees out over there.”

The mountain man looked over at the aforementioned trees and realization crossed his face, “Oh. You mean when I did this?” As he said ‘this’ claws sprang out of his hands and he sliced a few more trees with little effort. The three shrank back and huddled together on the path. The mountain man turned back to look at them, “No wonder everyone is always screaming and running away from me.” He sighed and hung his head, “I don’t have any friends anymore.”

Kitty felt pity for the mountain man and began moving closer to him and asked, “Because they were all afraid?”

“No,” he said glumly, “Because I killed them all.”

Kitty stopped in her tracks and her face froze in a horrified expression. She reminded herself to continue being friendly, unless she wanted him to kill her, too. Her voice was now shaking as she said, “Why would you do something like that?”

He narrowed his eyes and looked off into the distance, as if glaring at the people he had mentioned, “They made fun of my hair.” Kurt was suddenly glad he had suppressed the urge to say anything on that subject.

“Would you have killed them if they hadn’t said anything about your hair?” Kitty didn’t really know how to talk to creepy mountain men, so she spoke to him as if her were a child. It didn’t seem to invoke his rage.

“Of course not,” he said, shocked that she would even suggest such a thing. The three relaxed a little. The mountain man narrowed his eyes again, “Unless they really had it coming.” He looked over at Kitty, “I wish I could have comfortable conversation with everybody, like I’m having with you.”

Kitty nodded stiffly, a fearful smile across her face, “Yes. I totally agree with everything you just said. Please don’t kill me.”

The mountain man looked thoughtful for a moment, “I was planning on going to see The Professor and see if he can fix my creepiness.”

“Really? That‘s convenient!” Kurt asked in surprise, “We’re traveling to go see him, too!” Upon saying this, he was elbowed in the side by Kitty and had his foot stomped on by Scott.

“In that case,” he said, “Would you mind if I came along with you?”

Scott swallowed hard and stared at the mountain man’s claws, “Just as long as you don’t kill us.”

“Deal,” said the mountain man, “By the way, my name is Logan.”

So the threesome become a foursome.

Little did the four of them know, they were being watched by the wicked witch of the west, Wanda. She sat in her castle, watching Kitty very carefully through her magic crystal ball, which had very good connection, since she had finally switched to a cable modem. Wanda was not pleased with what she saw. Kitty had something Wanda wanted and there was no way the witch would let her get away with that.

Just then, several of Wanda’s monkey minions; Pietro, Lance, Todd, and Fred, flew in through the window.

“We’ve completed our mission,” Lance reported as he tossed a bag at her.

“Great, I’m starving!” she exclaimed and opened the Taco Bell bag, only to find a shocking site, “Where’s my Chalupa!?”

Fred wiped a bit of sour cream out of his fur, “It must have escaped.”

“You fools!” she hissed, “Do you realize what this means?”

“You won’t go out with me?” Todd asked sadly.

She growled, “No, it means that you’re all idiots! Now go back and do it right this time! And get me some cinnamon twists, while you’re at it!”

“So, you’ll go out with me when we get back, right?” asked Todd hopefully.

“Get out of my site!” Wanda screamed at them, sending the four on their way out the window.

Pietro muttered under his breath, “Geez, must be someone’s time of the month.”

“Notice how she didn’t say ‘no’?” Todd said to Fred.

~~~

This dream is brought to you buy Taco Bell: the Mexican fast food restaurant of choice for nine out of ten munchkins. Also, that one munchkin who doesn’t choose Taco Bell has no taste buds and watches Lifetime.

~~~

Not long after meeting up with Logan, Diamond City was finally in sight. It was the single most beautiful thing Kitty had seen in her entire life. Except for that time she had seen had seen that empty plastic grocery bag caught in an updraft. All that lay between the group and Diamond City was a large field of poppy flowers. Little did they know, Wanda had used a spell that caused the poppies bring about a deep sleep for anyone who smelled them. They had all obviously forgotten about when, five minutes ago, a couple of Wanda's monkey minions had accidentally told them all about it.

They all began to run as fast as they could towards Diamond City. The group had not even gotten halfway through the field of poppies, when Kitty and Logan stopped mid-run, got funny looks across their faces, and fell over. Kurt and Scott came back to the fallen friends to investigate.

"Oh no! Their dead!" Kurt cried, "What'll we do!?"

Scott took a closer look, "Judging by Logan's loud snoring, I'd say they're just sleeping."

"Why would they be sleeping?" Kurt asked.

"It must have something to do with these poppies," Scott observed. The poppies were indeed very suspicious, being poppies and all.

"Poppies..." Kurt mulled over what he had just been told, then his eyes got big and round, "Poppies make opium! They've been drugged!" He began to violently shake Kitty in an attempt to awaken her from her tripped out state.

"Um... Kurt..." Scott started but was interrupted by Kurt's loud wailing.

"Cut down in the prime of their lives!" he sobbed, "They didn't even get to see The Professor! WHY!?!?"

All of a sudden, Rogue, the good witch of the north walked up to them. Without saying a word, she dumped a bucket of water on the two sleeping forms, waking them instantly. Before anything could be said, she disappeared into a bubble and floated away.

Everyone stared after her, than exchanged confused glances. They all decided at that moment, to never mention the particular event ever again.

They faced many more obstacles on their way to Diamond City. Fierce weather, munchkin attacks, a few run-ins with Wanda and her monkey minions, even a few plagues... but nothing was able to stop them. Three weeks later, they had finally finished walking the seven yards to Diamond City.

Once at the front gate, Kitty noticed a large sign that said, 'PLEASE KNOCK.' She did as it ordered and, moments later, the doorperson, Jean, peeked out at them.

"Can I help you?" she asked quickly.

Kitty smiled politely at her and answered in the nicest-sounding voice she could manage, "Yes, please. We're here to see The Professor."

"No," she said and slammed the door shut. Kitty stared at the door for a moment, then looked back at her companions. They motioned for her to try again, so she knocked on the door once more. It opened and Jean appeared at it, "I already told you, you can't see him."

"Why not?" Kitty asked, managing to catch the door before Jean slammed it again.

Jean got an impatient look on her face and answered, "It's against regulations."

"What is?"

Jean looked even more impatient and said, "If you don't have an appointment, you can't see him. Now go away, he's got other clients to see." With that, she slammed the door again.

Kitty turned around sadly and looked at everyone else, "What now?"

"Get out of my way," Logan grumbled and pushed her aside. He banged on the door noisily. Kitty, Kurt, and Scott all looked on in quiet horror. Even though the guard hadn't let them in, they didn't want to see her ripped apart by a disgruntled mountain man.

Once more, Jean opened the door and looked out, "Can I help you?"

"Yes, actually you can," Logan started off in a calm, courteous voice, that left his companions' mouths hanging open, "I'd like to make an appointment to see The Professor."

Jean smiled at him and pulled out an appointment book, "What time would you like to make it for?"

Logan feigned a contemplative expression, then answered, "How about right now? Is he available then?"

Jean looked in the appointment book. No appointments were scheduled for the entire day. She smiled up at him, "Looks like there's an opening. Come right this way." She opened the door for them.

Logan looked back at Kitty. "That's how you do it," he said, his voice dropping down to it's usual growl. Kitty scowled at him, then stomped in through the door.

Upon entering, they found that Diamond City was not actually a city at all. It was just a very large, fancy city-looking building. Inside the building, they were all amazed at what they saw. Nothing. It was just an empty room with plain, white walls and ordinary white tiles. Jean lead them through the room and into a separate room which had a sign across it that read, 'The Professor.'

Jean stopped at the door and told them, "You're on your own from here. I have some important filing to do." With that, she departed to go file her nails.

The four entered the room, which was quite dark. Kitty squinted in the dark to see, when suddenly two columns of fire rose from the other side of the room, and The Professor's giant head could be seen.

"I am The Professor!" said the head, then stared blankly at them.

Kitty stepped forward, "My name's Kitty. The good witch of the north told me that you would, like, know how to send me home."

The Professor stared at her, "Really? The good witch of the north said that?"

"Um... yeah..." Kitty said uncomfortably.

The Professor thought over the new information, then said, "I suppose I could do that.... but at a terrible price."

"Which is...?" Kitty asked.

"Uh..." The Professor looked around, "Well... hm... Oh, I got it! Bring me the broom of the wicked witch of the west!"

"But she's mean! She won't give it to me!" Kitty whined.

"Than I guess you won't be going home, will you?" The Professor said.

"Fine!" Kitty yelled, "I'll get it!" She folded her arms over her chest and turned away to pout.

The Professor turned his attention to the others, "What do you want?"

Scott began, "Well-"

"Bring me the broom and I'll do it," The Professor cut him off.

"But-"

"Broom!" he said.

"The Professor has spoken!" said The Professor and more fire shot up. Suddenly, a curtain behind the head caught on fire and began to burn. "You fool!" shouted The Professor to the source of the fire. St. John stopped shooting the fire around and stared at The Professor for a moment, then ran away, laughing insanely.

The four left the room angry, annoyed, but mostly just confused. None of the spoke to each other the whole way out of Diamond City and through the poppy field. In fact, nobody said a word until they were halfway through the spooky woods.

"So, how are we supposed to get the broom?" Kurt asked.

Logan pulled out his claws and said in a sadistic, yet creepily excited voice, "Looks like we're going to have to kill the witch." Kitty gave him a stress ball. He began squeezing it until the evil glint disappeared from his eyes.

"I think the best thing to do in this situation," Scott began rationally, "Is to go to where the witch is and take the broom."

"Oh really?" said Kurt sarcastically, "That easy, huh? And I think the best solution to your heart situation is to just go and rip it out of someone's chest."

Scott stared at him for a moment, and an expression of realization crossed his face, "You know, I never really thought of that..." Kurt raised a cloth eyebrow at him, then backed away slowly. Scott looked at Logan's chest and wondered how he could get the heart out of it.

They had no more time to wonder how to get the broom before some of Wanda's monkey minions, Pietro, Lance, Todd, and Fred, all flew down from the sky. Pietro grabbed Kitty and began to fly away with her.

"Where are you taking me," Kitty shrieked and struggled against the flying monkey.

Pietro grinned and said, "To Wanda's castle."

"Oh," Kitty sighed and relaxed. That was the exact place she had planned on going to, anyway, and this way she didn't have to walk. She smiled up at Pietro and said, "Thank you."

Pietro scowled slightly. Of all the people to kidnap, he just had to get the one who actually liked being kidnapped. It completely took all of the fun out of it. The monkey sighed and used his super speed to get the terribly nice kidnapping over with.

Meanwhile, Fred was also having an unusually easy time kidnapping Logan, whose stress ball had somehow put him in a euphoric oblivion.

"Um..." Fred shifted the mountain man's weight around, "I'm kidnapping you and there's nothing you can do about it!"

"That's nice..." Logan purred. Fred was becoming increasingly uncomfortable with this assignment.

At the moment, Lance and Todd were having a bit of trouble with Kurt and Scott. Their orders had been to simply destroy the scarecrow and the tin man. They thought it would easy but found that the victims were fleeing in terror. It was completely unexpected.

Finally, Lance created an earthquake with his power and sent a pile of rocks tumbling down off a convienent cliff and on top of Scott. The rocks smashed the unfortunate tin man appart.

Todd chased after Kurt as that was happening. Sometimes Todd would fly and sometimes he would hop, which made Kurt very confused. He had never been chased by a monkey/toad before and didn't exactly know how to deal with him. So he improvised and teleported himself around, just managing to stay out of the reach of Todd. Just as Kurt thought he was going to get away, Todd snagged a piece of the scarecrow's shirt and yanked hard on it. The shirt was pulled open and the straw inside Kurt flew out.

"My straw! I need that to live!" Kurt yelled and tried to grab at the straw, but to no avail. Soon he was just a pile of German cloth.

Todd and Lance smiled smugly at each other and flew away to tell Wanda what a good job they had done. Sometimes if they were really good she'd give them a cookie. The rest of the time she would just hit them a lot. They liked the cookies better.

Back at Wanda's castle....

"Wanda, I got the girl!" Pietro said as he threw Kitty onto the ground in front of the witch.

"Good work, idiot," Wanda said and gave Pietro a cookie. He happily munched on it and flew out the window. Once he was sure she couldn't see him anymore, he stuck his tongue out at her. 'I sure showed HER!' Pietro thought proudly.

Kitty pulled herself off the ground and faced Wanda, and said in the most assertive voice she could muster, "You have something I, like, want!"

Wanda looked surprised for a moment, but then idea came to mind and she grinned down at Kitty, "What is it you want?"

"Your broom," Kitty said, still trying to be assertive. She pointed at the broom Wanda was holding in her hand.

Wanda looked from Kitty to the broom and wondered why anyone would want it. She shrugged and said, "Okay. But since this IS my only broom," she thought back to the whole closet full of other brooms, "Why don't we make a trade?" Kitty began to pull out her wallet, but Wanda stopped her, "I don't want your money. I want those shoes your wearing."

"My shoes?" Kitty looked down at the shoes on her feet, "You mean these ruby ones I, like, got on sale at K-Mart?"

"Exactly!" Wanda said. Kitty didn't see anything wrong with this trade. She didn't actually like the shoes. They were very ugly and she had only bought them because they matched that cute red dress she had. She took the shoes off her feet and exchanged them for the broom.

As soon as the shoes were in her hands, Wanda began cackling evilly, and was about to unleash the shoes true powers, when Fred slammed the door open.

"Wanda!" he said loudly, abruptly ending the witch's cackling, "I put the mountain man in your bedroom just like you told me to!"

Wanda glared at him, "I told you to put him in the dungeon!"

"Oh..." Fred looked down at his feet, "I thought dungeon was just another room for bedroom."

"Idiot!" Wanda shouted. She pointed at Fred and Kitty, "You two stay here until I get back!" She pushed passed Fred and stormed out of the room.

Fred and Kitty sat in silence for a moment. Kitty finally looked over at Fred and said, "I'm really thirsty. Could you get me, like, a bottle of water or something?"

"Uh, okay," Fred said and exited, a few moments before Wanda reentered.

"Now where was I?" Wanda said as she stepped back in. She picked up the shoes and began cackling again. The true power of the shoes was about to be released when Fred slammed into the room again.

"I got the water!" he announced and handed it to Kitty.

"Oh, thanks! It's, like, really good to finally have some real bottled water for a change," she exclaimed and began to drink it.

"Well, actually," Fred said sheepishly, "We were out of bottled water so I just filled an empty one with tap water."

Kitty immediately spit the water and tried not to freak out. "I can't drink tap water!" she shrieked, but was interrupted when she noticed Wanda screaming. She looked over and saw that she had accidentally spit all of the water on the witch. "I'm sorry," she said, "Is that, like, a new cape?"

Wanda continued screaming and her body began to smoke. Kitty watched in disgust as the witch melted.

Fred and Kitty stared at where Wanda once stood. Neither knew exactly what to say. So they didn't say anything. They just walked in separate directions, never to see each other again.

Kitty found Logan and both went out in search of Kurt and Scott but all they could find was a big pile of metal and a few pieces of cloth. Instead they just built a new Kurt and Scott. They were almost exactly the same, except that Kitty decided to make Kurt a girl this time.

Once they were all reunited, they traveled back to Diamond City to see The Professor.

"So," said The Professor after he had heard the entire story of how Wanda had been defeated, "You threw water on her and she melted? It seems a little too convenient. Go back and kill her again. This time, make it more exciting."

Kitty looked at him in shock, "But-"

"You all have to leave now," Jean said as she directed the four out of the room, "It's time for The Professor's nap."

The four left the building in disappointment.

"What are we supposed to do now?" asked Kurt. Nobody knew the answer except Scott, but he decided to keep not mention anything.

They were all in the middle of feeling sorry for themselves, when the good witch of the North floated down in her bubble.

"So how did it go with The Professor?" she asked.

"Terrible!" Kitty groaned, "You said he'd help me and he didn't!"

Rogue shrugged, "Well, what do you want from me? I'm just a witch."

"If your a witch, can't you help me get a heart?" asked Scott.

"Sure, why not?" Rogue pulled a heart out of her pocket and handed it to him. He looked at it in disgust for a moment, then walked away to figure out how to put it in his chest.

"What about me?" Logan demanded, "I was going to ask him to help me not scare everyone off."

"Here," Rogue said and handed him a new stress ball. Logan squeezed it a couple times, got a large smile across his face, then walked away to make some friends.

Kurt stepped forward, "And me? Can you fix my... being a scarecrow?"

Rogue stared at the scarecrow for a moment. She had remembered Kurt being a boy scarecrow before. She shook her head, then said, "But why would a pretty scarecrow like you want to be anything else? Come on, lets go braid your hair!"

Kurt giggled, "Okay!" And the two skipped off.

"Hold on!" Kitty yelled after them, "What about me!?"

"Use the shoes! They have powers!" Rogue called back at her before she and Kurt disappeared out of site.

Kitty looked down at her feet, only then remembering giving Wanda her magical shoes. Now what would she do? How would she get home? Would she ever get to see Popo again? How would her socks stay clean without shoes? She was all alone now because her friends were actually happy. The jerks.

She knew what she had to do. She had to live here in this strange land and make a place for herself. Maybe she would become the new wicked witch. That's right, she would go back and get her shoes, release their evil power and...

"Hey there's my house!" Kitty exclaimed as she saw the farm. Turns out, the tornado had only moved it a few feet to the left.

With that, Kitty woke up. She rubbed her eyes and looked around her room. There was no farm, no witches, no shoes...

"Weird," she said and went back to sleep.

Meanwhile, the professor was sitting quietly, thinking over what he had just seen. He decided that it would be best to not think about it and instead forget he had ever seen it.

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