Chapter 3 - April Fools!

Chapter 3

April 1

A day of complete insanity




    “Okay, Zelda, you're going to the doctor.  I've had just about enough with your constant vomiting.”  Link said dragging her out of the bathroom.
   

She was hanging onto his leg begging not to go.
   

“No, I don't want to go!  I don't, PLEASE!!!”
   

“You're going!  I don't want you to die of some unknown disability that I never knew about.”
   

Meanwhile, downstairs all the children, including Kelda, were watching Japanese Anime on TV.  This is how the program went:

    Inu-Yasha: What are you doing Kagome?

    Kagome: Heh… heh… You want some sake, Inu-Yasha?  It's very good. *hic*

    Inu-Yasha (thinking): Oh, no…  She's drunk…
Miroku: Stay back Kagome!  Stop tugging on Inu-Yasha's leg! Huh? Sango, what in the world are you doing?

    Sango: Sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake, sake!!! *hick*

    Naraku: Foolish Inu-Yasha…  I have spread my Sake Miasma that makes all girls drunk.  Now your precious Kagome can't fire her arrow- Kagura, Kanna!  What in the world are you doing?  Get off me!!!


“Zink, this is weird… I mean, why does that person with the white hair have little doggy ears?” Lelda said lifting one eyebrow.



Suddenly, they heard a thud from upstairs, in fact, a series of thuds.  Everyone looked up and had their own reactions.



“Oh, no… don't tell me mom and dad are drunk…” Zink said.


“What are they doing?” Lelda added.


“Uh, oh... They're fighting over who gets to eat the rest of the leftovers again..." Nink added, folding both of his arms.



Eventually, they saw Link coming downstairs with Zelda being dragged behind him while she was screeching “no.”



“Where are you going?” Zink said turning around.


“I'm taking your mother to the- ugh- doctor.  She's been hurling too many chunks and I'm getting worried sick about her.  If anyone wants to come accompany me, speak now, or-ugh- forever hold your piece.”



Lelda raised her hand, “Oh!  Me! Me!  I can't stand being with two boys and a little one year-old!”


Link nodded and started to drag Zelda out the back door to the garage while Lelda followed.  Link put struggling Zelda into the car and strapped the seat belt for her then shut the door quickly.  Lelda climbed in as Link put his keys in to start up the engine.  They finally were on their way.  It was very quiet in the car until Lelda coughed and Link turned on the radio to the classical station.  Lelda suddenly spoke.


“Hey, dad, did you know I'm engaged to Kink?”


“WHAT!!!”



“Heh, heh! April fools!” She said putting her hand on her mouth.


Link paused and then smiled.  He sneered back at Lelda then looked forward.


“Hey, Lelda, did you know that Kink got meningitis and he went to the emergency room and died?”


Lelda screamed and then froze cold and Link started to laugh really hard.  Zelda hit him on the head and when she did, he stopped.


“Ignore your father, it's an April Fools joke.”


At last they made it to the hospital and it was just as much trouble getting in as trying to get Zelda to go in the car to get her into the hospital.  Finally, they made it into the lobby and after going to the counter; they sat down in the chairs along the walls with quiet elevator music playing. Zelda took out a magazine and began to read it while Link just sat in his chair with his arms folded.  Lelda was reading the posters on the wall, which read:

 

(Kid in an emergency room bed, on life support while holding up his thumb.  Doctors are surrounding the child with school level medical tools and one of them is holding up a dueling deck.) “You can trust in the Heart of the Cards!”

Suddenly, before Lelda could read the next one, (which in fact was an another strange one) the doctor came in and called for Zelda.  She got up and walked with the doctor to the room.  Zelda sat down on the bed.


“So, what do you claim is the matter?”


“I keep vomiting each morning, or as my husband says “hurling chunks”, and I seem to have emotional outbursts here and there.”


The doctor put his hand on his chin and narrowed his eyes.


“We are going to do some tests on you.”


Zelda suddenly got a cold look on her face, “Oh, why did Link have to call the doctor?”


Later, after Zelda got all her test results the doctor came in smiling with amusement.  Zelda stood up.


“Tell me, doctor, do I have a life threatening disease?”


The doctor laughed, “Well, actually…”


In the lobby, Lelda was sitting on Link's lap and he was telling her a story.


“…and the shiny pony lived happily ever after.”


“Dad, I'm in 4th grade.  I'm too old for those stories.”


They noticed the door open and Zelda came through the doorway with the doctor following.  Link, after putting Lelda on the ground, rushed to the doctor.


“Is she dying?  How long does she have to live?”


The doctor began to laugh very loudly, “You amuse me.  Tell me, how many children do you have?”


Link held up four fingers and said, “Two girls and two boys.”


“Why don't you tell him, Zelda.”


“Were going to have another one.”


“Another what?” Link said confused yet nervous.


“Another kid!” Zelda said talking in his face.


“Oh!  Good one, Zelda!  Good April Fools joke! Ha, ha, ha, ha!… … You're kidding right?”


“Well, actually, she's quite serious.”  The doctor said.


Link then froze stiff and fainted.  He then woke up in a hospital bed with Zelda, Lelda, and the doctor looking down at him.


“Oh, was that all a dream?  How did I end up here?” Link said sitting up.


“No, that wasn't a dream.  Zelda's still expecting.”


“B-b-b-but…  more stres.. what if it's a boy?!?! HE'S GONNA JOIN THE OTHERS!!!” Link said with his mouth open in the pauses.


“Right…” The doctor said raising one eyebrow.


“No, really!  I'm telling the truth! *huff, puff*” Link said with his eyes still wide open.


The doctor patted his back and handed him a tiny box.


“Here is some medication to calm you down, I think you should go home now.”


Zelda stood up Link, who was very stiff, and nudged him out of the door with Lelda behind him.


“Oh, thank you again!” Zelda said smiling.



Link finally relaxed his muscles and they went to the car and went in.  Link strapped on his seat belt and just stared strait in front of him with his hands on the stirring wheel.  He kept this position for quite a while.


“I take it we don't tell Nink or Zink about this?” Lelda asked.


Link pointed at her, “If you do, I'll kill you.” He said before Zelda hit him on the head.  He then put his hands together and smiled, “I mean, please don't tell them! ^_^”


He started the car up and they drove off with classical music playing.  Zelda was smiling the whole way home while Link had a sour look on his face.


“Great… a fifth one… just what I need.”


Zelda looked out her window, “I wonder if it will be a boy or a girl?  Link is probably excited too.”  She said as she looked to the side and saw Link's disgusted face.


While they were on their way home, Zink was still on the couch in the same position as his father was when he was watching the cowboy rerun, except, he was watching an old fashioned vampire movie.  Nink got an idea; he sneered a most mischievous sneer and walked upstairs.


Later on, Nink put in red eye contacts in and started to sneak up where Zink was.  He heard the program continuing, he heard:

     Judy: Clark, I'm scared… there's something… in the dark…

     Clark: Come on, Judy…  You're with me, babe.

(They were in a room on a couch together, suddenly the door opened.  A vampire came in, and attacked the couple.)

When the vampire attacked the couple, Nink jumped on top of Zink and there was a mass of screaming.  Nink was pushed off and he was laughing really hard on the ground.  Zink turned off the TV.



“NINK!!! I was about to figure out if Clark was a fake scientist or not!”


“Oh, that was funny!” Nink said still laughing on the ground.


Zink then jumped on top of Nink and they started to wrestle with each other while Kelda was playing on her little blanket with her toy horses.

Link pulled into the garage and got out on his own.  Usually he would open the doors for Zelda and his kids, but this time, he just walked away on his own.  Zelda followed with Lelda after her.


When they entered the house, Lelda immediately ran upstairs while Nink slowly approached Link.


“Daddy…” He said with his voice different.


Link widened his eyes slightly, “Who are you?  What did you do to my son?”


“I… want…” Nink said then he switched his voice to normal and looked up at Link with his red eye contacts, “a lollipop!”


“Nink!  For crying out loud, don't do that!  You shortened my life by about ten years by making me think you were possessed!”


Nink smiled then stared at Zelda's belly with his eyes wide open with his nose only an inch away.


“Mommy… are you-” He was interrupted by Link picking him up.


“Okay, that's enough sugar for you.  Had a little too much Cocoa Frosted Sugar Puffs this morning now did we?”


Nink still was looking at Zelda with a curious face while she waved good-bye to him as Link carried Nink to his room.  After Link set Nink on the bed still with his confused face, and walked out of the room Zink jumped in his face, which Link was unaware, and Link gave a short shout.


“Hey, dad, can Bob come over to play?”


Bob was really Selda, but since Link doesn't like them being together, he won't really approve of them playing together because he's afraid they might share their “declarations of love.”  Link sighed and turned away.


“Fine, whatever.”


Zink jumped up with joy and he got the phone and ran to his room to call Selda.  Link just went to his room and looked into the mirror in the bathroom.  He got the bottle of pills the doctor gave him to calm him down.  He looked on the back.


“Let's see… two pills if you weigh 135 LBS… okay.”  Link said opening the container and pouring two pills into his hand.


He misread the bottle, it was actually 235 LBS for two pills and those were pretty strong for medication pills.  After gulping down some water, he started to walk out of the bathroom.


Meanwhile, in Zink's room, he anxiously waited for Selda to come.  The doorbell rang and he ran downstairs to get the door.  He opened it and there was Selda at the door, except she wore a black mask to hide her face.


“Oh, come in, Bob.”


“Okay.” Selda said quietly and trying to imitate the voice of a boy.


She stepped in the house as Zink whispered in her ear.


“Let's go throw eggs at my dad.”


Selda giggled, “It will be the perfect April Fools prank!”


Link was in the kitchen reading the morning newspaper trying to calm himself down, but he seemed to get very groggy instead.  Zink and “Bob” each got eggs and they crept in front of Link and threw one each at him.  The eggs went through the paper and broke on Link's face.  Quickly, he dropped the newspaper, drew his sword and pointed it at them with the egg yolk running down his face.


“All right…  I don't want you doing that, okay?  Zink, do you want Bob to go home?”


Zink and Selda were laughing on the ground with eggs beside them.  Link just put back his sword, wiped his face and went upstairs.  When he was beside the bed, he dropped to the ground and fell asleep.


While Zink and Selda were playing together in his room, Nink walked in with his curious face.


“Hey, Zink, did you notice something strange about Mommy today?”


“Um… no.  I haven't seen her that much today.”


Nink just walked out of the room with his blank face and he went to his room.


Zelda was in the kitchen, preparing lunch for everyone, she was washing the dishes first, though.  Meanwhile upstairs, Link finally woke up and his eyes were like puppy eyes and he smiled brightly.  His eyes seemed to be enlightened and he seemed to be relieved of all his stress.


Zelda was humming “*Love at Home” while getting out the bread and ingredients for making bologna sandwiches.  Link suddenly came downstairs and slid into the kitchen.


“Hey, baby, what are ya doin'?” He said holding out his hands like guns and making a clicking sound.


Zelda turned toward him, she noticed that he was wearing sunglasses, which he did not like wearing.


“Umm… making lunch.”



Link held her back and bent her over like they were dancing.  He smiled and said,



“Why it was the punch you made last night.” Link said still bending her over.


“What punch?  I didn't make any punch…”



Link stood up strait, dropping Zelda on the ground and he put one foot up to his knee.



“I feel so HAPPY!!!”


Zelda got up and raised one eyebrow.  She widened her eyes then ran upstairs and got the little bottle containing the pills that the doctor had given him.  She read the bottle slowly.


“Okay…  Warning, overdose side affects contain emotional outbursts and extremely hyper attitudes.  Look at weight variations for more information…  Oh, no…”



She looked and saw Link leaning against the wall smiling.  He took off his sunglasses and Zelda saw the “puppy eyes.”  Once again she looked at the bottle.


“If overdose occurs, use the vaccine that comes with medication.” She said as she smiled on the last part.


She got the little box and pulled out the vaccine and inserted it into the shot… thing…  and approached Link.


“What are you saying `uh oh' for, honey?  Don't you LOVE me?” Link said very happily.



Zelda smiled and put her hands together.


“Link, dearest, would you please lift your sleeve?”  She said getting the bottle of rubbing alcohol and cotton.


He pulled down that white material he had on his arm and lifted his sleeve not knowing what Zelda was going to do, he was too happy to know.  Zelda rubbed the little cotton ball with alcohol and rubbed it on Link's arm.  She quickly inserted the vaccine in the right spot and Link began to wobble as she pulled his sleeve to normal after putting a bandage on.


“Oh, that feels nice…” He said smiling. 


Then he fell to the ground, sleeping.  Zelda lifted him on the bed halfway on and then left the room acting like nothing happened.


Link eventually fell off the bed and was on the ground until six o' clock at night.  When he woke up he had a major “hangover.” 


“Oh, gosh…  my head…  What in the world happened?”


He got up and walked downstairs and saw Zelda sitting on the couch reading a book, while the children were somewhere else doing something else.  Link sat beside her with his groggy face.


“Oh, finally woke up, did we?  Still stressed out?”


“What happened?”


“You… freaked… me… out, Link.  I mean you wore those sunglasses I bought for you, but you didn't even want to try them on.”


“I wore them?”


Zelda nodded, “However, I assume you have gotten over your stress?”



“Maybe, but I'm still disgusted.”


Meanwhile, up in Zink's room.  Selda had gone home back to her father and Zink and Nink were together in the room.  They had a little fake fire set up and Nink had some bongos while Zink had a headband with Indian feathers on it.



“Something is strange about mom…” Zink said with his hands on his knees.


“Yeah… *bong, bong, bong.*” He said banging on the bongos.


“I think we should eavesdrop on one of their conversations to see what's going on…”


“Yeah…*bong, bong, bong.*”


Quietly, they went downstairs and crept into the room where Link and Zelda were sitting together.


“Oh, Link, did you order those knitting kits I wanted.”


“Yes, they should be in tomorrow.”  He said before letting out a heavy sigh, “Man!  I don't want another one…  Why couldn't we just end up with four?”


Zink and Nink looked at each other with very wide eyes.  They then turned toward the couch where they were sitting.


“Relax, Link…  You know, Zink and Nink have been unusually quiet lately.”


“You're right…” Link said standing up, “I'll go check up on them.”



Zink and Nink quickly ran upstairs to their room before Link could even get out of the family room.  They sat on either side of the fire and stared with wild faces.


“Mommy is… you mean she's…”


Zink nodded with his wild face.


“That means… I'm going to be a big brother again! ^_^” Nink said smiling.



Before Zink could respond, Link came opened the door and saw the two of them sitting around the fake fire.


“What are you doing?”



“Umm… Playing Indian!” Nink said happily holding up his bongos.



“Right…” Link said lifting an eyebrow, “You were eavesdropping on you're my conversation with your mother weren't you?” said Link drawing his sword.


Nink began to panic while Zink just kept calm and cleaning his nails while whistling.


“Tell me the truth…”


“No.” Nink squeaked.



Link brought the sword slightly closer.


“OKAY! We were eavesdropping!  We know Mommy is expecting!  Please don't hurt us! PLEASE!!!” Nink screamed while squeaking.


Zelda heard the screaming from upstairs.  She lowered her book and called out to Link.


“Link, do you have your sword out?”



She heard a sword being put away and then Link's voice, “No.”


“Don't lie to me!  Come back down here, before you scare Nink even more!”


Upstairs, Link looked at Nink and Zink and spoke,


“Great, you got me in trouble.  Don't you eavesdrop on us anymore!”


Oh, Nink wasn't going to eavesdrop… No he wasn't, he had something else in mind.  It was very late at night, about 12:00 AM and Nink was in the bathroom putting on his red eye contacts.  He draped a black, silky cape over his shoulders and put vampire teeth in.  He went into Link and Zelda's room with equipment that was fit for his objective.


First, he placed red light projectors all around the room, second, he put a tape recorder on the floor, and finally he put a mist projector under the bed.  So he was all set to do his impossible objective, scare his father.  Of course it was a simple task to scare his mother though.


He turned on the red lights; they were all focused on him while the mist was going at him feet.  He started up the tape recorder and he lifted his arms and revealed his teeth like he was going to suck the blood out of someone.  You couldn't see Link sleeping soundly, just Nink preparing for his scare.  Suddenly the tape started, it went:


“A, B, C, D, E, F, G-” It seemed to be so friendly and the voice who sung it was a nasal little kid.


Nink stopped himself and stopped the tape and flipped it over.  It then played organ music and the red lights flashed once in a while and Nink began the last procedure once again.  Suddenly, the music seemed to stop and the lamp beside the bed turned on.  It was Link who had turned on the lamp and he just stared at Nink saying,


“What are you doing?”


“I was-”


“Go to sleep, I have to have a good night's rest for the next day.”


Suddenly the wall behind them was pounded on.  Beyond that wall was Zink's room and he had pounded on it extremely hard.


“WILL YOU SHUT UP!!!  People are trying to sleep, you know!!!”

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment