Chapter 1 - 1
Submitted July 13, 2005 Updated July 13, 2005 Status Incomplete | A good bye poem
Category:
Miscellaneous » Characters |
Chapter 1 - 1
Chapter 1 - 1
You’ve told me lies,
You’ve keep all these secrets,
Why did you do this to me?
Don’t you see?
I love you!
You’ve made me cry my tears,
Made me scream in fear,
You leave me all alone,
The pain you’ve made hurts to the bone,
I loved you!
Now I see the truth,
I was nothing to you,
Just a pawn in you game,
You didn’t feel the same,
I used to love you!
Well here’s a surprise,
It will be a shock,
It’s just for you,
Guess what baby.. I hate you,
And I’m leaving you!
You’ve keep all these secrets,
Why did you do this to me?
Don’t you see?
I love you!
You’ve made me cry my tears,
Made me scream in fear,
You leave me all alone,
The pain you’ve made hurts to the bone,
I loved you!
Now I see the truth,
I was nothing to you,
Just a pawn in you game,
You didn’t feel the same,
I used to love you!
Well here’s a surprise,
It will be a shock,
It’s just for you,
Guess what baby.. I hate you,
And I’m leaving you!
Comments
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mikita_inugirl on February 2, 2006, 10:46:14 AM
See. This is exactly why I don't have anything to do with relationships. ^_^Himehoshii on September 26, 2005, 1:25:49 AM
Himehoshii on
Love often turns to hate quickly. I know this feeling well...Your style is simple, but very effective.kos on September 24, 2005, 1:42:04 AM
kos on
It's so sad how quickly love flips over. I hope you never have to feel that way again.I like the poem and the way that it is carefully structured into matching stanzas; with rhyming on lines 3 and 4 and the refrain on line 5. It is very effective.
Sometimes though I got thrown off the rhythm of the poem, which is a pity because it almost flows but not quite. Maybe if you could match up the number of sylables in each line, or have the same number of sylables in the corresponding lines of each stanza, or something like that. That might make it flow better. But of course there are no 'rules' for how you should construct your poem; write how you feel.
Overall, great poem. Keep up the good work. Maybe you'll have a happier topic to write about soon, ya?
theGhostofInuYasha on July 14, 2005, 3:18:57 AM
twist towards the end...love to hate just like that! Sho sad...