Chapter 3 - Ussop

Luciado: I wanna see The Ring! Ringu! Ringu! Ringu! Grr!



Kayako: Uuuuuuuhhh!



Toshiho: MRRRREOOOW!



Luciado: I AM IN NO MOOD! (storms off)



Kayako: O.O



Toshiho: O.O



Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece or Ju-On (The Grudge).



And now… Ussop



“Hello. My name's Ussop. And I'm the fearless captain of eighty-million pirates… with mustaches! And I just noticed that the reason why my nose is so big is because the character designers were thinking about Pinocchio just because I tell little white lies! I find that offensive! Why would anyone want to make fun of the Great Fearless Captain Ussop? Why! I'm so cool! Poking fun at me would be… uncool! I'm the captain of coolness and S.S. Style is my vessel. I don't see why stupid Luffy should be King of the Pirates! I'm ten times better than that elastic loser! I can hide! Not many people have that special talent. But hiding is only one of my fantastic traits. I'm also very brave! I'm so brave, just the other day I shot one of my sling-shot bullets through the window of the weird house Zolo and Sanji went in ironically before they disappeared. Well, actually. Sanji was dead. Zolo's still missing. When we found Sanji's body stuffed in the poop deck's attic, I wasn't a bit scared!”

Flash back…

“AAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIYEEEEEEEEEEEE! Oh my go-- Oh my go-- AAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Oh my go-- Oh my GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! He's-- He's-- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! He's DEAD! OH MY GOD! SANJI'S DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD! OOOOOOOHH MY GOOOOOOOO--”

Nami then slapped Ussop upside the head. “Shut up, Ussop! You haven't even seen the body!” stated Nami. Ussop was still whimpering and crying pitifully.

End Flash back…

“Yup. Didn't affect one bit! So as I was saying, I went in to retrieve my bullet, when suddenly I got hungry! So I went to the frig in the house for some Raman. I thought nobody would mind since I was the Great Captain Ussop! I opened it and sniffed it. It smelled good! So I popped in the microwave to warm it up. After it was done, I slurped up some. But the strangest thing happened. The Raman tasted funny. I examined it and saw there was gross looking black hair in it! EW! I was so grossed out, I left the house immediately in disgust! So there you have it! The Great Captain Ussop is also a very clean captain! And that meat last night was delicious…”

Squish

Squish

Squish

“Eh? What was that?” wondered Ussop. He looked down stairs and saw Zolo walking slowly by. But his head was hanging low so his face wasn't visible.

Ussop hurried downstairs, passing by a creepy naked boy standing in the corner. Ussop didn't notice him. And that's good `cause he was naked!

“Hey, Zolo! Where have you been? Everyone's been worried about you! And why are you walking like a zombie?” asked Ussop. Zolo didn't respond and just kept walking.

Squish

Squish

Squish

Ussop was wondering what was making that squishing sound. He looked at the floor as Zolo was beginning to step down the stairs.

Ussop saw that it was blood. “Zolo! What the heck happened?” asked Ussop glaring concernedly at Zolo.

Zolo stopped and lifted his head slightly. He turned around and faced Ussop. He cracked his neck into place and stared at Ussop.

Ussop began whimpering and gasping in horror.

Zolo's let his rotting tongue just hang out as if it was going to slip out because there was no bottom jaw to support it.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!” screamed Ussop. He screamed for a very long time. Zolo rolled his dead eyes in irritation as Ussop just wouldn't stop screaming.

About an hour later, Ussop still would shut up. Dead Zolo had had it. He marched up to Ussop and beat him to death with a monkey wrench.



Luciado: W00t. That part with dead Yoko and Alex really freaked me out. But that wasn't the part that scared me the most.



Kayako: Uuuuuuhhh.



Luciado: Stupid scary hairy lady! Why you gotta be like that?



Kayako: -.-;;



Luciado: Oh yeahh. Your husband butchered you and drowned your son gruesomely. You should've hid that book better.



Kayako: …

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