Chapter 4 - Nami

And now… Nami



“Hi! My name's Nami! And I'm the navigator for the Straw-Hat pirate crew! I was a lone master thief before I met Luffy. But now that I've joined him, I find more rich pirates to act all horny on them so I can steal their treasure behind their backs! Ahahaha! The pirates are always infatuated by me because I'm so developed even for an eighteen-year old! But enough about that. I'm also a part-time aphrodisiac merchant. It's a goldmine of a business! I would scrape the slime from Arlong's webbed-fingers and sell them as love lotion. It was too bad that Arlong was defeated. The love lotion had to be discontinued. But hope was not lost! I took a few bushels of tangerines from the tangerine garden and used them to make candles that get people aroused. Ahahaha! I tried to scrape some of Ussop's nose for some new product. But he had died! As did Zolo! We found their bodies below the main deck. Ussop looked like he had been beaten with a monkey wrench. And Zolo's bottom jaw was missing! I wonder where it went… Ugh! I had to get away! I went to Tokyo for a little while and went into the house Sanji, Zolo, and Ussop had gone into. There just had to be something I could use in there! I thought I smelled something I could use, but it was actually this little blue boy who meows like a cat. How weird is that? I left immediately when I couldn't find anything to use. I thought I could use some of the gross hair I found, but that's just too gross! Nobody would buy that! Now what am I gonna do?... I think I'll go for a little walk!”

Nami went outside in the white hall way and strutted around a bit. Then her cell phone began ringing.

Boop.

“Hello? This is Nami the sex product merchant. May I ask who is calling?” she asked politely.

“Uuuuuuuuuhhh…”

“Pardon? I'm not familiar with `Uuuuuuuuhhh'. Did you dial the wrong number?”

“Uuuuuuuuuhhh…”

“I'm sorry but you have the wrong number!”

“Uuuu--”

Boop.

Nami hung up on the anonymous person with the throat problem. “Stupid retard. Doesn't even know how to talk. I hate retards. Especially when they have the wrong number.” she muttered angrily. She continued strutting around the building and went to a downstairs area. Oh. And it was nighttime.

“Hmm. Hmm hmm mmm.” hummed Nami. She stopped and looked around. “I should really stick around more to appreciate the surroundings.” she said to herself. Then…

DE-FLASH! (O.o??)

“-Gasp-!” gasped Nami. She looked up and saw the lights shutting off suddenly. One by one. She began to get scared. Then she looked down the spiral stairs and saw a zombie-like woman struggling up the stairs on her arms.

“Eeeeep!” screeched Nami. She rushed out the door just as the light on her floor shut off. But uh oh! Her… her… UNDERWEAR got snagged on something. She took the precious time to look behind her and saw the zombie-lady tugging on it! “AAAAAAAAAAH!” screamed Nami. She ripped away and escaped without her underwear and fell back. She saw the zombie-lady looking back and her clutching to Nami's underpants as the door shut.

Nami was shaking in sear terror and embarrassment. She ran like a little girl into the security room. Where a smelly and ugly guard was there. “Please! Please! Help! Help! There's a spooky zombie-lady trying to kill me!” screamed Nami.

“Wagga?” said the guard. Nami then realized that the guard spoke in the language of Ya.

“Linki. Linki. Poshikuni wa suna fot kidada. Hasa… kidada.” Nami said shakily. “Rekuku se kula linki.”

The guard nodded and left Nami to go see the strange thing.

Nami watched carefully on the security cameras as the guard looked in the door where the zombie-lady… hehe… snatched her underwear. She sighed with relief and smiled as the guard was coming back because he didn't find anything.

Then… the camera began getting all static and fuzzy as a shadow rose up from the floor and began slowly approaching.

She gasped in horror as she high-tailed it out of there and back to the ship.

She slammed the door behind her as she rushed into her room. Thoughts and questions were racing through her mind. As in “How am I going to replace that pair of underwear?” and “Why does Sanji's voice sound funny when he talks?”

Her phone rang again. And as scared as she was, she answered it.

Boop.

“H-hello?”

“Hi, Nami!”

“-sigh- Luffy. What the heck do you want?”

“Umm… I dunno!”

“What ever. I'll buzz you in.”

Boop.

She went and pressed the… buzz-in button near her door and waited for about five seconds until--

Ding-Dong.

“That was fast.” said Nami.

She looked through the glass hole. It was Luffy, picking his nose. She sighed irritably and went outside.

“Look, Luffy. I don't what you--” she cut herself off when she saw that Luffy wasn't even there. A beat of cold sweat flashed through her. Her phone rang again. She pulled it out of her purse and without even answering it, came--

“How DARE you hang up on me, you stupid bit-- I uh mean. UuuuuuuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUHHH!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” she shrieked in terror and threw the phone down. She ran back into her room, locked her door, and hid under the blankets. She was shaking in horror.

Then she felt something in her hand she looked and saw it was… HER UNDERWEAR! “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” she screamed and she threw her underwear on the floor.

Then she saw that something was crawling up her blankets. “AAH!” she shrieked as something yanked her down a little. She looked under the blankets and saw and uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug-lay face staring back at her. “Uuuuuuuhhh!” she croaked. “Ew! Perverted zombie!” exclaimed Nami and kicked her in the face. That just made her angry.

“Uuuuuuuuuhhh!” she croaked and pulled Nami down into nowhere. “Wow! It's magiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiic…” echoed Nami as she was pulled into nowhere.

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