Chapter 6 - No Memory Okay To Forget

I'm sick
Sick of you
Sick of all the shoot we use to do
I'm sick of your smile, your laugh, your touch
In the end they don't amount to much
I'm sick of your lies, your gossip, your cocky games
Because of you I'm slowly going insane
I can't help but remember our times together
When being in your arms to me seemed like nothing could be better
Those once happy memories haunt my every move
This is one wall I cannot break through
Even now with the man I love with my entire being
I can't help but remember you when it is him I am seeing
How this is so
Believe me, I don't even know.
For you and him are as fire and ice
You dwell on making others suffer while he tries to make everyone's day nice
You wanted to control me, wrap me around your finger
He wants me to be happy, he works to erase the pain that lingers
You would yell at me when I needed your help
Because frankly my dear you only gave a damn about yourself
He held me and soothed me when I fell apart
It was only a matter of time until he won my heart
It is true that I left you for him
But I do not believe one would call that a sin
I needed him, you were killing me
This is the one thing that you will never see
I was not at fault, I am not the reason for why you were caused such misery
You see, I was dying I was slowly fading away
You ignored me and told me to get over myself while he gave me reasons to stay
That night when you told me you would cheat on me
He called me up and gave me a time and a place to be
I walked around with him, talked with him, until it was time to leave
He showed me kindness, something I never thought I would receive
It was that same night that my life had changed
For before we departed he told me something strange
the one thing I thought I would never live to see
He told me that he liked me
At that moment a great weight was lifted
My heart, my feelings, everything shifted
Who was I?
Why was I with someone who only made me cry?
Why did I let him ruin me?
How could I have let this be?
Later that night I thought about it more and more
I cried until my eyes went sore
I knew what my mind wanted, and what my heart longed for
It was not for you anymore
I wanted him, needed his embrace
I knew with him I would always be safe
So that night I made the call
You pleaded for me to not let our love fall
I remember thinking of what "love" you meant
Were you referring to all the blood, the tears, and the pain that was spent?
You cried and cried
But I knew every word was another lie
You said you'd change for me
But I knew staying with you would only cause more misery
I thought I loved you, I thought I could trust you
But you proved to me that meeting you was the wrong thing to do
So I said my goodbyes
And I tried to ignore your cries
My heart was hurting but I knew this must be done
It was then you proved my choice was the right one
You tried to get everyone to hate me
But it was a wasted effort for you laid out your true self for the world to see
With our last conversation you made a choice
One that I can not say without fear ringing in my voice
Because of that you gave me my reason as to why
Being with you again was not worth a try
So months have passed
My relationship still lasts
With him who is the sun to my never ending night
I know in time it will be him who will guide me to win this fight
Looking back now though, I can't help but remember
Every touch, every kiss, every whisper in the phone
How your voice use to make me feel at home
Those memories, good as they were,
haunt me for evermore
I cannot forget them, I cannot forget you
I will never forget what you brought me to.
I do not hate you, more so I am happy that we met
If it was not for you, my path with him would have not been set
Although the pain of my time with you fills me with dread
I know deep down... there is no memory okay to forget.

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