Chapter 10 - Melons are here!!!!1
Submitted August 4, 2008 Updated March 8, 2009 Status Incomplete | Sonic and the gang need to find the Chaos Emeralds to save the universe from total chaos. On the way, they are tangled in a lot of random situations and meet characters they've never seen before... RANDOMNESS!!!1 8D
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Comics » Sonic the Hedgehog |
Chapter 10 - Melons are here!!!!1
Chapter 10 - Melons are here!!!!1
Commander: Lord Vader…? T-The Rebels have taken over Tatooine, m-my lord… The remaining forces are falling back… The planet is lost… Only the Death Star is capable of-
Darth Vader: … I find you’re lack of faith disturbing, commander…
Then Darth Vader did this awesome trick with his hands where he chokes the dude remotely. I mean, how cool is that?! I bet even Uri Geller or even Chuck Norris isn’t capable of doing that! That’s why Darth Vader is the shiznit, yo!
…
*ahem* Anyway, Darth Vader uses the Force on the dude’s @$$…
Darth Vader: Don't be too proud of this technological terror we've constructed... The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force…
Commander: ABLAGAAHDRABLAARGHBLAARGH!!11 *dies*
Darth Vader: …
Storm Trooper: My lord, you’re guests have arrived.
Darth Vader: Excellent… Let them in…
Storm Trooper: Yes my lord.
Darth Vader: …
Storm Trooper: …
Darth Vader: …
Storm Trooper: … This might be a bad time, but… Can I have a raise?
Darth Vader: … No.
Storm Trooper: Okay…… *closes door*
Darth Vader: *sighs*
Storm Trooper: *opens door* … How about just a small one?
Darth Vader: … No…!
Storm Trooper: … Okay…… *pouts and closes door*
Darth Vader: … Damn clones…
Storm Trooper: *opens door* ST-17509 gets fifteen dollars more then I do while we both patrol the stairs… My family is sick, and dieing and I’m so hungry…. I really need the money and-
Darth Vader: *sighs* FINE!!!! Just go to the HR department and they’ll handle it from there…
Storm Troopers: Thank you! Oh and you’re guests are here. I’ll send them through.
Darth Vader: … *sighs*
So after the door closes and opened up again… Vanilla, Cream, Amy, Tails and Tay Zonday walked through the doors… Tay Zonday was the janitor in chappie 8, by the way.
Darth Vader: You have information of the rebels, I believe…
Tails: Not only that… We know what you’re after…
Darth Vader: And what is it that I’m after…?
Tails: The Chaos Emeralds to power the Death Star…
Darth Vader: … Damn, you’re good.
Tails: Chyah.
Darth Vader: … I sense something. A presence I've not felt since...
All: … Huh?
Darth Vader: You, step forward…
Tay: Who, me?
Darth Vader: *nods*
Then Tay steps forward and Darth Vader places a hand on his shoulder…
Darth Vader: I sense the force is strong with this one…
Tay: Uhuh…
Darth Vader nodded over to a Storm Trooper, who immediately shot at Tay with some laser gun… Tay however, dodged the laser…
Tay: Ah moved away from the microphone to dawdge the oncoming laser.
Darth Vader: fracking hell..- I mean… Hmmm… TK-12475, what does the scouter say about his Midi-chlorian levels…?
Storm Trooper: … It’s over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!!! O_o
Darth Vader: What?!! Nine thousand?!! That’s…!! Impossosible!!!
Tay: Giggity, giggity, giggity!
Darth Vader: But it’s true… His power is beyond believe… But I can not help but to wonder… Why is it that you brought him here…?
Vanilla: There are three things we want…
Darth Vader: … Name them…
Amy: We know you are currently at war with the Covenant, looking for the same… We need to end the war and focus on the real threat here…
Darth Vader: And what is this… Threat…?
Vanilla: Sonic and his friends, who tries to save the universe… We only want our revenge… The Chaos Emeralds mean nothing to us… Once we defeated Sonic and his friends, the Chaos Emeralds are yours for the taking… But you’ll have to fight the Covenant for them…
Darth Vader: So you mean a little… “Truce”… With the Covenant until we find the Emeralds… And then double cross them by blowing them apart…?
Vanilla: … Exactly… *smirks*
Darth Vader: What else…?
Tails: Take Tay as you’re apprentice Sith lord… He might be very useful in our fight against the good guys…
Darth Vader: Yes… And the third…?
All: …
Darth Vader: …
Cream: …
Vanilla: Go on, dear, ask the nice man…
Cream: Can I have a helmet just like yours…? 83
Darth Vader: …
Cream: Pleeeeeeeeeeease?! 8D
Darth Vader: Alright, fine.
Cream: Yes!! Whoohoo!! 8D
Darth Vader: And so, a new alliance has formed to bring order in the Galaxy… Rise, my apprentice… Rise… You are no longer known as…
All: …
Darth Vader: What’s his name again?
Tails: Tay Zonday… -_-‘
Darth: Rise, my apprentice… Rise… You kneeled before me as Tay Zonday… You shall rise as Darth Chawklit… Rise…
Tay: Awright!!
Darth Vader: Okay, chill the frack out, kid… -_-‘
Meanwhile… In the eerie forests where the Sonic and friends are staying in a creepy motel in the middle of nowhere…
Shadow: -And then the chicken said to the pig, “Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion!!!” Bwhahahahahahaha!!!
All: …
Blain: I don’t get it.
Sonic: Well, I do, but it’s not funny.
Knuckles: … Why are the girls sleeping in a different room?
All: …
Knuckles: What?
Shadow: You’re not that bright, are you?
Master Chief: …
Knuckles: What’s up, Chief?
Cortana: … I sense movement up ahead…
Master Chief: … Covenant…?
Cortana: No… I don’t think it is… I think they are… Well…
Blain: Werewolves?
Cortana: Yes, how’d you know?
Blain: Because one of them is waving at us through the window.
Cortana: Ah. Well, the wizard guy told us there’d be werewolves in the forests…
Blain: Dude, there’s more coming!
Master Chief: … Let’s kill them.
So all the guys got out of the motel and confronted the werewolves…
Blain: Hey werewolves?!! What the frack?!!
Werewolf 2: Keep the frack shut up, asshole!!
Werewolf 4: Yeah!! We’re gonna eat you guys!!
Werewolf: Rawr!!! >_<
Master Chief: *shoots werewolf*
Werewolf: EEP!! O_o *falls down*
Werewolf 2: Is that all you got, frackheads?!!
Blain: fracking… No……!!!
Werewolf 2: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit… I go back to town, to get some ale and whores!! Who’s with me?!!
Werewolf 4: I’m with you brother!!
Werewolf 2: Ale and whores for everyone!!
Werewolves: HUZZAH!!!! 8D
Werewolf 3: Sven is bleeding from the head!! 8D
Werewolves: …
… And so, they left…
Sonic: … The hell was that all about?
All: …
Meanwhile, over at the girls room…
Lara: … So, do any of you have pets…?
Tala: No.
Nicole: I have a pussy! =3
Lara/Tala: … O_o
Nicole: He’s called Diesel and Blain and I found him one evening while it was raining under our porch! The poor thing got soaked! He didn’t have any collar, and Blain hated him, so I took care of the poor little thing ever since! =3
Lara/Tala: … Oooooooooooooh…
Nicole: He’s so cute! X3
Lara: … Then where is he now…?
Nicole: … What?
Lara: Who’s taking care of him when the both of you are not around…?
Nicole: … Crap……
Lara/Tala: …
Tala: … So now what do we do?
Nicole: … We can sing a soooong…
Lara: … Oh dear God…
Tala: Oh yush! Let’s!
Nicole: Alright, just as we rehearsed…
Tala: Okay…
Nicole: You ready…?
Tala: *nods franatically*
Nicole: Alright…
All: …
Nicole: *sings* EVERYONE CHEER!!!
Nicole: *sings* YAAY!!!
Nicole: *sings* Melons are here!! Filled with seeds that grow out your rear!!
Tala: *sings* We eat melons every day!!
Nicole: *sings* Drop you’re pants, burn the seeds awaaaaaaaay!!
Tala: *sings* Buuuuuuuuurn, buuuuuurn the seeds away!! Make my @$$ save for today!!
Nicole/Tala: *sings* BUUUUUUUUUUUURN, BUUUURN THE SEEDS AWAY!!! MAKE THOSE MELONS DIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!1
All: …
Tala/Nicole: ^w^
Tala: Oh!! I know one too!!
Nicole: SHAREZEES!!! X3
Tala: … You know which one it is…… X3
Nicole: I do?! O_o
Tala: Yuuuuuuuuuuush…
Nicole: … Oooooooooooh! That one!!
Tala: *nods franatically*
Nicole: GLEEE!!! 8D
Tala: Here we go!!
Nicole: A wun… A toooo… A tree… A twenty six…
Tala: *sings* Here he is the electro gypsy!! In his caravan!! It's the future man!!!
See him play a tune upon his Yamaha!! A guitar won't do!!! They are too old skool!!!!1
Nicole: *sings* Watch him going door to door!!! Selling Pegs and lucky heather!! Dropping fine electric beats!!!! Wearing trousers made of leather!!!
Tala: *sings* Yama Yamahaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaa!!!! Moog and a Casio!!!
Nicole: *sings* There he is the electro gypsy!!!! He stands motionless!!!! While he drops a melody!!! Plays future music long into the night!!! Till his fingers bleed!!!
Well, that's alright!!! X3
Tala: *sings* Watch him going door to door!!! Selling Pegs and lucky heather!!! Dropping fine electric beats!!! Wearing trousers made of leather!!! X3
Nicole: *sings* Yama Yamahaaaaaaaa!!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaa!!! Moog and a Casio!!!! 8D
Tala: *sings* There he goes the Electro Gypsy!!!! Everywhere he goes, he needs to take a generator!!!! Power is not!!! What he craves, my friend!!! It's just the means tooooooooooooo his electro end!!!!
Nicole: *sings* Watch him going door to door!!! Selling Pegs and lucky heather!!! Dropping fine electric beats!!! Wearing trousers made of leather!!! X3
Nicole/Tala: *sings* Yama Yamahaaaaaaa!!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaaa!!! Moog and a Casiooooooooooooooo!!!! 8D
Lara: …
Tala: That was fun!! X3
Nicole: I KNOW ANOTHER ONE!!!!
Tala: … OOH!!! I KNOW THAT ONE TOO!!!
Tala/Nicole: *sings* Macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, put the cheese and the noodles, and what do you get?! Macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, put the cheese and the noodles, and what do you get?! Macaroni, macaroni-
Lara: Don’t you ever shut up?!!
Tala/Nicole: Want us to sing a different song then?!! X3
Lara: NO!!! Just shut up!! Shut!! Up!!
Nicole/Tala: …
Lara: *sighs*
Nicole/Tala: *hums the song*
Lara: Shut up!!!
Tala/Nicole: We can’t even hum it?! O_o
Lara: No!!
Tala/Nicole: …
Lara: … *sighs*
Tala/Nicole: *sings* My life sucks, so I’m selling hotdogs- *gets KO’d by pistol-whips*
Lara: … I’m… Gonna see the guys for a bit… Uh… Yeah… Later.
And then Lara walks off while Nicole and Tala are unconscious…
Nicole awakes in a poorly illuminated bathroom many hours later… She looks around in horror and sees bloody walls and torn off limbs…
Tala: *gasps*
Nicole: T-Tala…? I-Is that you?!!
Tala: Yeah it’s me!! You o-okay…?
Nicole: Y-Yeah… W-Where the hell are we…?
Tala: I don’t k-know… I-I’m really scared…
Nicole: M-Me too…
Nicole: I-I’m chained down… I… I can’t move! I’m stuck to something!! I can’t see!! Where are you?!!
Tala: I don’t know!! It’s too dark!!
Then all of a sudden, a tv got turned on… And they see a freaky puppet face…
Jigsaw: Hello Nicole and Tala… I would like to play a game…
Nicole/Tala: …
Nicole: … Monopoly?
Jigsaw: … No…
Tala: … Cluedo…?
Jigsaw: No.
Nicole: *gasp!* I know! Twister!!
Tala: Oh I love that game!!
Nicole/Tala: GLEEE!!! 8D
Jigsaw: NO!!! >_<
Tala: Buh… *whimpers* I-I love Twister…
Nicole: … I think I-I know what he’s trying to s-say, Tala…
Tala: … R-Really…?
Nicole: Yes…
All: …
Nicole: He wants to play videogames!! 8D
Jigsaw: … No, I’m not talking about that either…
Tala: … Aww…
Nicole: … Can’t we just play one game of Call of Duty 4?!
Jigsaw: … No.
Tala: … World of Warcraft then!
Jigsaw: …
Tala: =3
Jigsaw: NO!!!! >_<
Tala/Nicole: … o_O
Jigsaw: Like I said… I would like to play a game… The two of you are on a quest to save the earth… You have battled the forces of evil under harsh conditions and could get along just fine… But, Tala…
Tala: Yush? X3
Nicole: … Battled the forces of evil…? o_O
Jigsaw: Once you found out that Nicole is a lesbian, you started to shun her… She would give her life for you in order to save you… You’re ignorance has caused Nicole grief and sorrow, while you are filled with hate and vengeance towards her nature, despite the fact that she did not choose for this when she was born…
Tala: … Nicole is a lesbian? O_o
Nicole: … So what the hell am I doing here?!
Jigsaw: Nicole… You’re gullibility has led you to believe you can have anyone in the world… You’re arrogance and lust surpasses beyond imagination… So tonight, I present you with a choice…
Nicole: ... Whoa, whoa, whoa, lust…? What the hell…? You’re saying I’m a slut?!!
Jigsaw: Tala… In front of you’re face, is a shotgun… Rigged to go off if Nicole or you escapes…
Nicole: Then what the hell am I stuck too?!
Jigsaw: Nicole… You are stuck to a contraption that will begin twisting you’re ears at 11:45 pm… You have one hour to make you’re choice… Are you willing to forgive Tala for what she did to you…? Or will you not…? Are you willing to save your own life and let her die for the things she did to you…? Or will you undergo your punishment and forgive her so that she may live…? You have one hour… Make you’re choice…
Then the tv monitor turns off…
Nicole: … Whoever informs that guy is waaaaaaay off… I think he got the wrong persons…
Tala: … You’re a lesbian?
Nicole: I might be. You make it sound like I’m some kind of alien.
Tala: *sighs* I-I’m sorry…
Nicole: Ooooh, so NOW you’re sorry huh…?
Tala: … Yeah…
Nicole: *wiggles in chair*
Tala: No, no, no!!! Don’t!!!
Nicole: *giggles*
Tala: Gaaaah…!! >_<
Nicole: I was just playing! X3
Tala: …
It stayed silent as the minutes passed by…
Nicole: … Battled the forces of evil…?
Tala: …
Fifteen minutes later…
Nicole: … I spy with my little kangaroo’s eye… Something bloody…
Tala: … Is it that torn off arm near the radiator…?
Nicole: … Wrong! It’s the leg near the window!
Tala: … Oooh…
Nicole: You’re turn! 8D
Twenty three minutes later…
Nicole: … Battled the forces of evil…? o_O
Tala: …
Thirty four minutes later…
Nicole: *sings glum* Everyone cheer…… Yaaaaaaaay… M-Melons a-are here… F-Filled with seed that grows… O-Out you’re rear… We eat m-melons everydaaaaaaaaaaaay… Drop you’re pant’s, burn the-
Tala: SHUDDAP!!!
Nicole: … *sniffles*
Forty five minutes later…
Nicole: “… Sp-… Spa- Spas-12”. … “Spe-Speciiiiiial… Pur… Purpos-Purpose… Auto… Autommmmm… Automatic… Sh… Shotgun!” …… “Frrrrrrrr…… Franch-… Franchise Ind… Indus… Industries!” Yeah! I can read upside down! Whoohoo!!
Tala: … You’re reading the lettering on the shotgun?!!
Nicole: Well, yeah, I gotta do something to kill time…
Tala: *sighs*
Nicole: …
Tala: … This is hopeless, Nic… Just go…… Go while you can…
Nicole: … Well I don’t know, I’m starting to like it here.
Tala: …
Nicole: … It’s because I’m with you…
Tala: …
Nicole: And… And I’ll stay with you… Even if it means getting my ears twisted…
Tala: … Why…?
Nicole: Because… Because you’re my friend… That’s what friends do, right……? *smiles weakly*
Tala: … Heh… *smiles weakly*
Nicole: Also, it’s easy to escape…
Tala: … Whadda ya mean…?
Nicole: … The shotgun’s safety is on…
Tala: You knew this all along?!!
Nicole: … Chyah… =3
Tala: … WHAT?!!!
Nicole: Well, Blain shows me how weapons work!
Tala: …
Nicole: And besides… I liked this special alone time… *smiles*
Tala: … Let’s just go…
Then the TV monitor goes back on again…
Jigsaw: Aww damn it! Amanda!!!
Amanda: I’m sorry!! I’m still new to this whole torture thing!!
Jigsaw: Damn it… Hey!! Nicole!! Tala!! HEY!!! Where you going?!! Come back!! You’re not supposed to leave the- Aw frack, they left…
Amanda: …
Jigsaw: …
Amanda: …
Jigsaw: Amanda… I would like to play a game…
Amanda: … Checkers?
Jigsaw: Fine… I’ll be black…
… Can I get a “Wh00t wh00t??!!!” 8D
…
Psh… You guys are boring… Anyway, back to the story…
All: …
Shadow: … So what’s the clue? I don’t get the joke…
Knuckles: …
Then there’s a knock on the door…
Sonic: There’s a knock on the door!
Shadow: No shoot, Sherlock… Open the door.
Nicole: Hello! 8D
All: …
Sonic: Where’d you come from?
Nicole: Tala and I come from the bathroom and played some games with a guy! 8D
Sonic: Do I wanna know?
Tala: … No, trust me, you don’t….
And then there was another knock… So Sonic opened the door again… Guess who were standing there…
Werewolf 2: … Well, well, well… We meet again… *growls*
All: …
Master Chief: … Didn’t I kill that one last time?
Werewolf 2: Stupid naive robot… Werewolves can’t die by ordinary bullets…
Werewolf: Yeah!! We only die by silver bullets and nipple twists!!
Werewolves: …
Werewolf 2: *slaps werewolf*
Werewolf: OW!!! Why’d ch00 do that?! *cries*
Werewolf: You’re NOT supposed to tell them our weaknesses!!!
Werewolf: … Ooh…
Shadow: …
Werewolf: … The hell you looking at? You wanna give it a go against me, pretty boy…? Who do you think you are anyway…?
Shadow: …
Sonic: … You shouldn’t have asked that to him.
Werewolf: … Why not?
Sonic: … Three… Two…
Shadow: …
Sonic: One…
Shadow: I AM!! Shadow the hedgehog!! I AM!!! The union of ideals dark and benign, but ultimately built in the name of love!!
Sonic: *snickers* Fag…
Shadow: I AM!! The ultimate Lifeform!! I AM!! The protector of Mobius!! Run home to you’re master and tell him!! THIS!!! Is who I am!!!
Werewolves: … O_o
Shadow: *pants*
Werewolf: …
Shadow: How was that?
Sonic: That’ll do, Shadow… That’ll do…
Tala: … *nipple twists werewolf*
Werewolf: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! I’m dieing!!!!1 *dies*
All: …
Werewolf 2: … This isn’t over yet…
All: …
Werewolf 2: Mark my words, you filthy animals, and mark them well… I have survived your predecessors… And I will survive YOU…
Master Chief: … ‘Kay.
Sonic: We are NOT filthy!! We bathe REGULARLY!!! >_<
Knuckles: Yeah!!
All: …
Werewolf: *ahem* But for now… We’re going back to town for more ale and whores…
Werewolves: HUZZAH!!! 8D
Werewolf 3: Sven is having his menstrual cycle!! 8D
Werewolves: …
Lara: … Uh, Tee em aye… -_-‘
… After the werewolves left again…
Nicole: … Does that mean Tala will die too if I twist her nipple…?
Tala: … No.
Nicole: … Awesome… ¬w¬
Tala: … You stay the hell away from me…
Nicole: … Awww…
All: …
Sonic: … The sun is coming up…
Shadow: Yeah… We better get moving again… We haven’t seen Sparrow and the others in a while… They must’ve been transported somewhere else during the paradox Elise caused…
Nicole: …TIME PARADOX!!!!!!!!!!1 >=(
All: … OH DEAR GOD NO!!!
Nicole: … I was just testing you guys…
All: …
MrGimp: … WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?!!!1 … WE NEED TO DO THE END LINES OF THE CHAPTER!!! … WHY IS NO ONE HERE?!!! WHY IS NO ONE HELPING ME OUT?!!1 … AND WHY THE HELL AM I TALKING TO MYSELF?!!!1 … IT’S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE, GUYS!!!1 …… *sniffles* … It’s not funny anymore… Dare I say it…? T-To be continued, folks…
Darth Vader: … I find you’re lack of faith disturbing, commander…
Then Darth Vader did this awesome trick with his hands where he chokes the dude remotely. I mean, how cool is that?! I bet even Uri Geller or even Chuck Norris isn’t capable of doing that! That’s why Darth Vader is the shiznit, yo!
…
*ahem* Anyway, Darth Vader uses the Force on the dude’s @$$…
Darth Vader: Don't be too proud of this technological terror we've constructed... The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Force…
Commander: ABLAGAAHDRABLAARGHBLAARGH!!11 *dies*
Darth Vader: …
Storm Trooper: My lord, you’re guests have arrived.
Darth Vader: Excellent… Let them in…
Storm Trooper: Yes my lord.
Darth Vader: …
Storm Trooper: …
Darth Vader: …
Storm Trooper: … This might be a bad time, but… Can I have a raise?
Darth Vader: … No.
Storm Trooper: Okay…… *closes door*
Darth Vader: *sighs*
Storm Trooper: *opens door* … How about just a small one?
Darth Vader: … No…!
Storm Trooper: … Okay…… *pouts and closes door*
Darth Vader: … Damn clones…
Storm Trooper: *opens door* ST-17509 gets fifteen dollars more then I do while we both patrol the stairs… My family is sick, and dieing and I’m so hungry…. I really need the money and-
Darth Vader: *sighs* FINE!!!! Just go to the HR department and they’ll handle it from there…
Storm Troopers: Thank you! Oh and you’re guests are here. I’ll send them through.
Darth Vader: … *sighs*
So after the door closes and opened up again… Vanilla, Cream, Amy, Tails and Tay Zonday walked through the doors… Tay Zonday was the janitor in chappie 8, by the way.
Darth Vader: You have information of the rebels, I believe…
Tails: Not only that… We know what you’re after…
Darth Vader: And what is it that I’m after…?
Tails: The Chaos Emeralds to power the Death Star…
Darth Vader: … Damn, you’re good.
Tails: Chyah.
Darth Vader: … I sense something. A presence I've not felt since...
All: … Huh?
Darth Vader: You, step forward…
Tay: Who, me?
Darth Vader: *nods*
Then Tay steps forward and Darth Vader places a hand on his shoulder…
Darth Vader: I sense the force is strong with this one…
Tay: Uhuh…
Darth Vader nodded over to a Storm Trooper, who immediately shot at Tay with some laser gun… Tay however, dodged the laser…
Tay: Ah moved away from the microphone to dawdge the oncoming laser.
Darth Vader: fracking hell..- I mean… Hmmm… TK-12475, what does the scouter say about his Midi-chlorian levels…?
Storm Trooper: … It’s over nine thousaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand!!! O_o
Darth Vader: What?!! Nine thousand?!! That’s…!! Impossosible!!!
Tay: Giggity, giggity, giggity!
Darth Vader: But it’s true… His power is beyond believe… But I can not help but to wonder… Why is it that you brought him here…?
Vanilla: There are three things we want…
Darth Vader: … Name them…
Amy: We know you are currently at war with the Covenant, looking for the same… We need to end the war and focus on the real threat here…
Darth Vader: And what is this… Threat…?
Vanilla: Sonic and his friends, who tries to save the universe… We only want our revenge… The Chaos Emeralds mean nothing to us… Once we defeated Sonic and his friends, the Chaos Emeralds are yours for the taking… But you’ll have to fight the Covenant for them…
Darth Vader: So you mean a little… “Truce”… With the Covenant until we find the Emeralds… And then double cross them by blowing them apart…?
Vanilla: … Exactly… *smirks*
Darth Vader: What else…?
Tails: Take Tay as you’re apprentice Sith lord… He might be very useful in our fight against the good guys…
Darth Vader: Yes… And the third…?
All: …
Darth Vader: …
Cream: …
Vanilla: Go on, dear, ask the nice man…
Cream: Can I have a helmet just like yours…? 83
Darth Vader: …
Cream: Pleeeeeeeeeeease?! 8D
Darth Vader: Alright, fine.
Cream: Yes!! Whoohoo!! 8D
Darth Vader: And so, a new alliance has formed to bring order in the Galaxy… Rise, my apprentice… Rise… You are no longer known as…
All: …
Darth Vader: What’s his name again?
Tails: Tay Zonday… -_-‘
Darth: Rise, my apprentice… Rise… You kneeled before me as Tay Zonday… You shall rise as Darth Chawklit… Rise…
Tay: Awright!!
Darth Vader: Okay, chill the frack out, kid… -_-‘
Meanwhile… In the eerie forests where the Sonic and friends are staying in a creepy motel in the middle of nowhere…
Shadow: -And then the chicken said to the pig, “Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion!!!” Bwhahahahahahaha!!!
All: …
Blain: I don’t get it.
Sonic: Well, I do, but it’s not funny.
Knuckles: … Why are the girls sleeping in a different room?
All: …
Knuckles: What?
Shadow: You’re not that bright, are you?
Master Chief: …
Knuckles: What’s up, Chief?
Cortana: … I sense movement up ahead…
Master Chief: … Covenant…?
Cortana: No… I don’t think it is… I think they are… Well…
Blain: Werewolves?
Cortana: Yes, how’d you know?
Blain: Because one of them is waving at us through the window.
Cortana: Ah. Well, the wizard guy told us there’d be werewolves in the forests…
Blain: Dude, there’s more coming!
Master Chief: … Let’s kill them.
So all the guys got out of the motel and confronted the werewolves…
Blain: Hey werewolves?!! What the frack?!!
Werewolf 2: Keep the frack shut up, asshole!!
Werewolf 4: Yeah!! We’re gonna eat you guys!!
Werewolf: Rawr!!! >_<
Master Chief: *shoots werewolf*
Werewolf: EEP!! O_o *falls down*
Werewolf 2: Is that all you got, frackheads?!!
Blain: fracking… No……!!!
Werewolf 2: Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit… I go back to town, to get some ale and whores!! Who’s with me?!!
Werewolf 4: I’m with you brother!!
Werewolf 2: Ale and whores for everyone!!
Werewolves: HUZZAH!!!! 8D
Werewolf 3: Sven is bleeding from the head!! 8D
Werewolves: …
… And so, they left…
Sonic: … The hell was that all about?
All: …
Meanwhile, over at the girls room…
Lara: … So, do any of you have pets…?
Tala: No.
Nicole: I have a pussy! =3
Lara/Tala: … O_o
Nicole: He’s called Diesel and Blain and I found him one evening while it was raining under our porch! The poor thing got soaked! He didn’t have any collar, and Blain hated him, so I took care of the poor little thing ever since! =3
Lara/Tala: … Oooooooooooooh…
Nicole: He’s so cute! X3
Lara: … Then where is he now…?
Nicole: … What?
Lara: Who’s taking care of him when the both of you are not around…?
Nicole: … Crap……
Lara/Tala: …
Tala: … So now what do we do?
Nicole: … We can sing a soooong…
Lara: … Oh dear God…
Tala: Oh yush! Let’s!
Nicole: Alright, just as we rehearsed…
Tala: Okay…
Nicole: You ready…?
Tala: *nods franatically*
Nicole: Alright…
All: …
Nicole: *sings* EVERYONE CHEER!!!
Nicole: *sings* YAAY!!!
Nicole: *sings* Melons are here!! Filled with seeds that grow out your rear!!
Tala: *sings* We eat melons every day!!
Nicole: *sings* Drop you’re pants, burn the seeds awaaaaaaaay!!
Tala: *sings* Buuuuuuuuurn, buuuuuurn the seeds away!! Make my @$$ save for today!!
Nicole/Tala: *sings* BUUUUUUUUUUUURN, BUUUURN THE SEEDS AWAY!!! MAKE THOSE MELONS DIIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!1
All: …
Tala/Nicole: ^w^
Tala: Oh!! I know one too!!
Nicole: SHAREZEES!!! X3
Tala: … You know which one it is…… X3
Nicole: I do?! O_o
Tala: Yuuuuuuuuuuush…
Nicole: … Oooooooooooh! That one!!
Tala: *nods franatically*
Nicole: GLEEE!!! 8D
Tala: Here we go!!
Nicole: A wun… A toooo… A tree… A twenty six…
Tala: *sings* Here he is the electro gypsy!! In his caravan!! It's the future man!!!
See him play a tune upon his Yamaha!! A guitar won't do!!! They are too old skool!!!!1
Nicole: *sings* Watch him going door to door!!! Selling Pegs and lucky heather!! Dropping fine electric beats!!!! Wearing trousers made of leather!!!
Tala: *sings* Yama Yamahaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaa!!!! Moog and a Casio!!!
Nicole: *sings* There he is the electro gypsy!!!! He stands motionless!!!! While he drops a melody!!! Plays future music long into the night!!! Till his fingers bleed!!!
Well, that's alright!!! X3
Tala: *sings* Watch him going door to door!!! Selling Pegs and lucky heather!!! Dropping fine electric beats!!! Wearing trousers made of leather!!! X3
Nicole: *sings* Yama Yamahaaaaaaaa!!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaa!!! Moog and a Casio!!!! 8D
Tala: *sings* There he goes the Electro Gypsy!!!! Everywhere he goes, he needs to take a generator!!!! Power is not!!! What he craves, my friend!!! It's just the means tooooooooooooo his electro end!!!!
Nicole: *sings* Watch him going door to door!!! Selling Pegs and lucky heather!!! Dropping fine electric beats!!! Wearing trousers made of leather!!! X3
Nicole/Tala: *sings* Yama Yamahaaaaaaa!!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaaa!!! Yama Yamahaaaaaaaaa!!! Moog and a Casiooooooooooooooo!!!! 8D
Lara: …
Tala: That was fun!! X3
Nicole: I KNOW ANOTHER ONE!!!!
Tala: … OOH!!! I KNOW THAT ONE TOO!!!
Tala/Nicole: *sings* Macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, put the cheese and the noodles, and what do you get?! Macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, macaroni, put the cheese and the noodles, and what do you get?! Macaroni, macaroni-
Lara: Don’t you ever shut up?!!
Tala/Nicole: Want us to sing a different song then?!! X3
Lara: NO!!! Just shut up!! Shut!! Up!!
Nicole/Tala: …
Lara: *sighs*
Nicole/Tala: *hums the song*
Lara: Shut up!!!
Tala/Nicole: We can’t even hum it?! O_o
Lara: No!!
Tala/Nicole: …
Lara: … *sighs*
Tala/Nicole: *sings* My life sucks, so I’m selling hotdogs- *gets KO’d by pistol-whips*
Lara: … I’m… Gonna see the guys for a bit… Uh… Yeah… Later.
And then Lara walks off while Nicole and Tala are unconscious…
Nicole awakes in a poorly illuminated bathroom many hours later… She looks around in horror and sees bloody walls and torn off limbs…
Tala: *gasps*
Nicole: T-Tala…? I-Is that you?!!
Tala: Yeah it’s me!! You o-okay…?
Nicole: Y-Yeah… W-Where the hell are we…?
Tala: I don’t k-know… I-I’m really scared…
Nicole: M-Me too…
Nicole: I-I’m chained down… I… I can’t move! I’m stuck to something!! I can’t see!! Where are you?!!
Tala: I don’t know!! It’s too dark!!
Then all of a sudden, a tv got turned on… And they see a freaky puppet face…
Jigsaw: Hello Nicole and Tala… I would like to play a game…
Nicole/Tala: …
Nicole: … Monopoly?
Jigsaw: … No…
Tala: … Cluedo…?
Jigsaw: No.
Nicole: *gasp!* I know! Twister!!
Tala: Oh I love that game!!
Nicole/Tala: GLEEE!!! 8D
Jigsaw: NO!!! >_<
Tala: Buh… *whimpers* I-I love Twister…
Nicole: … I think I-I know what he’s trying to s-say, Tala…
Tala: … R-Really…?
Nicole: Yes…
All: …
Nicole: He wants to play videogames!! 8D
Jigsaw: … No, I’m not talking about that either…
Tala: … Aww…
Nicole: … Can’t we just play one game of Call of Duty 4?!
Jigsaw: … No.
Tala: … World of Warcraft then!
Jigsaw: …
Tala: =3
Jigsaw: NO!!!! >_<
Tala/Nicole: … o_O
Jigsaw: Like I said… I would like to play a game… The two of you are on a quest to save the earth… You have battled the forces of evil under harsh conditions and could get along just fine… But, Tala…
Tala: Yush? X3
Nicole: … Battled the forces of evil…? o_O
Jigsaw: Once you found out that Nicole is a lesbian, you started to shun her… She would give her life for you in order to save you… You’re ignorance has caused Nicole grief and sorrow, while you are filled with hate and vengeance towards her nature, despite the fact that she did not choose for this when she was born…
Tala: … Nicole is a lesbian? O_o
Nicole: … So what the hell am I doing here?!
Jigsaw: Nicole… You’re gullibility has led you to believe you can have anyone in the world… You’re arrogance and lust surpasses beyond imagination… So tonight, I present you with a choice…
Nicole: ... Whoa, whoa, whoa, lust…? What the hell…? You’re saying I’m a slut?!!
Jigsaw: Tala… In front of you’re face, is a shotgun… Rigged to go off if Nicole or you escapes…
Nicole: Then what the hell am I stuck too?!
Jigsaw: Nicole… You are stuck to a contraption that will begin twisting you’re ears at 11:45 pm… You have one hour to make you’re choice… Are you willing to forgive Tala for what she did to you…? Or will you not…? Are you willing to save your own life and let her die for the things she did to you…? Or will you undergo your punishment and forgive her so that she may live…? You have one hour… Make you’re choice…
Then the tv monitor turns off…
Nicole: … Whoever informs that guy is waaaaaaay off… I think he got the wrong persons…
Tala: … You’re a lesbian?
Nicole: I might be. You make it sound like I’m some kind of alien.
Tala: *sighs* I-I’m sorry…
Nicole: Ooooh, so NOW you’re sorry huh…?
Tala: … Yeah…
Nicole: *wiggles in chair*
Tala: No, no, no!!! Don’t!!!
Nicole: *giggles*
Tala: Gaaaah…!! >_<
Nicole: I was just playing! X3
Tala: …
It stayed silent as the minutes passed by…
Nicole: … Battled the forces of evil…?
Tala: …
Fifteen minutes later…
Nicole: … I spy with my little kangaroo’s eye… Something bloody…
Tala: … Is it that torn off arm near the radiator…?
Nicole: … Wrong! It’s the leg near the window!
Tala: … Oooh…
Nicole: You’re turn! 8D
Twenty three minutes later…
Nicole: … Battled the forces of evil…? o_O
Tala: …
Thirty four minutes later…
Nicole: *sings glum* Everyone cheer…… Yaaaaaaaay… M-Melons a-are here… F-Filled with seed that grows… O-Out you’re rear… We eat m-melons everydaaaaaaaaaaaay… Drop you’re pant’s, burn the-
Tala: SHUDDAP!!!
Nicole: … *sniffles*
Forty five minutes later…
Nicole: “… Sp-… Spa- Spas-12”. … “Spe-Speciiiiiial… Pur… Purpos-Purpose… Auto… Autommmmm… Automatic… Sh… Shotgun!” …… “Frrrrrrrr…… Franch-… Franchise Ind… Indus… Industries!” Yeah! I can read upside down! Whoohoo!!
Tala: … You’re reading the lettering on the shotgun?!!
Nicole: Well, yeah, I gotta do something to kill time…
Tala: *sighs*
Nicole: …
Tala: … This is hopeless, Nic… Just go…… Go while you can…
Nicole: … Well I don’t know, I’m starting to like it here.
Tala: …
Nicole: … It’s because I’m with you…
Tala: …
Nicole: And… And I’ll stay with you… Even if it means getting my ears twisted…
Tala: … Why…?
Nicole: Because… Because you’re my friend… That’s what friends do, right……? *smiles weakly*
Tala: … Heh… *smiles weakly*
Nicole: Also, it’s easy to escape…
Tala: … Whadda ya mean…?
Nicole: … The shotgun’s safety is on…
Tala: You knew this all along?!!
Nicole: … Chyah… =3
Tala: … WHAT?!!!
Nicole: Well, Blain shows me how weapons work!
Tala: …
Nicole: And besides… I liked this special alone time… *smiles*
Tala: … Let’s just go…
Then the TV monitor goes back on again…
Jigsaw: Aww damn it! Amanda!!!
Amanda: I’m sorry!! I’m still new to this whole torture thing!!
Jigsaw: Damn it… Hey!! Nicole!! Tala!! HEY!!! Where you going?!! Come back!! You’re not supposed to leave the- Aw frack, they left…
Amanda: …
Jigsaw: …
Amanda: …
Jigsaw: Amanda… I would like to play a game…
Amanda: … Checkers?
Jigsaw: Fine… I’ll be black…
… Can I get a “Wh00t wh00t??!!!” 8D
…
Psh… You guys are boring… Anyway, back to the story…
All: …
Shadow: … So what’s the clue? I don’t get the joke…
Knuckles: …
Then there’s a knock on the door…
Sonic: There’s a knock on the door!
Shadow: No shoot, Sherlock… Open the door.
Nicole: Hello! 8D
All: …
Sonic: Where’d you come from?
Nicole: Tala and I come from the bathroom and played some games with a guy! 8D
Sonic: Do I wanna know?
Tala: … No, trust me, you don’t….
And then there was another knock… So Sonic opened the door again… Guess who were standing there…
Werewolf 2: … Well, well, well… We meet again… *growls*
All: …
Master Chief: … Didn’t I kill that one last time?
Werewolf 2: Stupid naive robot… Werewolves can’t die by ordinary bullets…
Werewolf: Yeah!! We only die by silver bullets and nipple twists!!
Werewolves: …
Werewolf 2: *slaps werewolf*
Werewolf: OW!!! Why’d ch00 do that?! *cries*
Werewolf: You’re NOT supposed to tell them our weaknesses!!!
Werewolf: … Ooh…
Shadow: …
Werewolf: … The hell you looking at? You wanna give it a go against me, pretty boy…? Who do you think you are anyway…?
Shadow: …
Sonic: … You shouldn’t have asked that to him.
Werewolf: … Why not?
Sonic: … Three… Two…
Shadow: …
Sonic: One…
Shadow: I AM!! Shadow the hedgehog!! I AM!!! The union of ideals dark and benign, but ultimately built in the name of love!!
Sonic: *snickers* Fag…
Shadow: I AM!! The ultimate Lifeform!! I AM!! The protector of Mobius!! Run home to you’re master and tell him!! THIS!!! Is who I am!!!
Werewolves: … O_o
Shadow: *pants*
Werewolf: …
Shadow: How was that?
Sonic: That’ll do, Shadow… That’ll do…
Tala: … *nipple twists werewolf*
Werewolf: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!! I’m dieing!!!!1 *dies*
All: …
Werewolf 2: … This isn’t over yet…
All: …
Werewolf 2: Mark my words, you filthy animals, and mark them well… I have survived your predecessors… And I will survive YOU…
Master Chief: … ‘Kay.
Sonic: We are NOT filthy!! We bathe REGULARLY!!! >_<
Knuckles: Yeah!!
All: …
Werewolf: *ahem* But for now… We’re going back to town for more ale and whores…
Werewolves: HUZZAH!!! 8D
Werewolf 3: Sven is having his menstrual cycle!! 8D
Werewolves: …
Lara: … Uh, Tee em aye… -_-‘
… After the werewolves left again…
Nicole: … Does that mean Tala will die too if I twist her nipple…?
Tala: … No.
Nicole: … Awesome… ¬w¬
Tala: … You stay the hell away from me…
Nicole: … Awww…
All: …
Sonic: … The sun is coming up…
Shadow: Yeah… We better get moving again… We haven’t seen Sparrow and the others in a while… They must’ve been transported somewhere else during the paradox Elise caused…
Nicole: …TIME PARADOX!!!!!!!!!!1 >=(
All: … OH DEAR GOD NO!!!
Nicole: … I was just testing you guys…
All: …
MrGimp: … WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?!!!1 … WE NEED TO DO THE END LINES OF THE CHAPTER!!! … WHY IS NO ONE HERE?!!! WHY IS NO ONE HELPING ME OUT?!!1 … AND WHY THE HELL AM I TALKING TO MYSELF?!!!1 … IT’S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE, GUYS!!!1 …… *sniffles* … It’s not funny anymore… Dare I say it…? T-To be continued, folks…
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