Chapter 1 - The Addiction

Its sad really. Relying on one thing to get you though, but at least I am not going to lie about it.

That one perfect thing that lights up my day, no matter how *terrible* its going. Just the quick eye catching sight of it makes my smile to myself. Its sick really. How my day could change by seeing it. [br]
I could not even image my life without it. It is my soul purpose, my everything. From the way I try to dress and why I am not already in doubly-digits. The reason I even get up in the cold mornings for school. Just so I can see it before class starts. I keep my morals the way they are. Just so I can stand out and maybe catch Its attention of being different. [br]
Sad, really. I am horrible addict. And not matter how many times I realize I need to just throw it away, I cant. And no matter how many times I actually do, I let it slip right back in to my head. Just because I like it the way it makes me feel. [br]
It was mutual, but Im not so sure now. Even if it was I dont even deserve it. Someone as selfish and low as me. Teasing with temptations of false hope, not to sound slutty. I was just afraid. Honestly. [br]
This was no ordinary brand, if I remember correctly; it was quite popular with practically everyone. Boys and girls alike. It could have hooked anyone it if wanted it. [br]
It just so happened that this rare brand got hooked on me. Im still not really sure how it happened. But I guess I never really appreciated it until it was sold out. [br]
It just stuck with my for so many months, I took it for granted that the it would never go away. Though when it did, the withdraw was unbearable. But still not as unbearable as the second time it happened, because by then I knew that I would never get over this addiction if it left me again. [br]
The second time it left me; it had been about a year and showed up out of nowhere. Of course I wanted to binge right away. The only problem was I didnt know how to. [br]
Never was it that I didnt love its excellent taste, I just didnt know how to fully love it. I was just scared it wasnt going to be put to good use by me. And one day it would just leave. [br]
So I distanced myself, but it didnt really work. It only confused it with me and me with it. I didnt fully want to let go, but I couldnt hold on. [br]

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