Chapter 2 - How Rinku Got His Groove Back

Nanashi Kurai Hanashi

By Josh Sorey



Chapter 12

Curse of the Magical Juicer and How Rinku Got His Groove Back



(There is a book on a desk. It opens to a page with KEN on it)



Narrator

Once upon a time there

Was a young man.



Ken

I've got a lovely bunch of

Coconuts.



Narrator

Uh right, anyway he had four

Friends. A slacker



(Goes to RANMA)



Ranma

I prefer the term

Motivationally challenged



Narrator

A perverted nerd



(Goes to WES)



Uesu

Hey, when my character swings

Her sword I can see down her shirt!



Narrator

A psychopath



(Goes to RINKU)



Rinku

Ninjas everywhere!

Hey, a new season of Gundam!



Narrator

And this guy

(Goes to NABESHIN)



Nabeshin

(picking his nose)

What?



(NARRATOR begins speaking as a chibi reenactment occurs)



Narrator

They were very happy

Until the day they

Were cursed by a river

God who lived in a local

Pond. They then met five

Evildoers called the Cherry

Mountain Ninjas, who they defeated.

Next they met a demon prince, followed by

A hacker, then a sorcerer. One day the five

Friends decided to practice.



Ranma

Will wonders never cease?



Narrator

When the young man did

Something…odd.



Nabeshin

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!



Ken

I improved your drawings.



Nabeshin

My…my…manga.



Rinku

What's the matter young

Companion, huh? Ah!

(leaps back in fear)



Uesu

That's disgusting!



Ranma

The horror!

Nabeshin

My manga…is…is

COLORED!



Ken

Doesn't it look prettier?

Color always adds depth.



Nabeshin

Everything's orange and blue!



Ken

Point being…what?



Narrator

And another thing…



Ranma

I don't get it, why is my guitar

Sounding so weird?

(looks inside)

KEN!



Ken

I needed a place for my

KFC.



Ranma

And what compelled you

To store a bucket of fried chicken

In a guitar?



Ken

My friend Merv.



(Little demon pops up on RANMA'S shoulder.)



Merv

Ok Ken, now shove that

Wing down this guy's throat!



(Little angels in police outfits fly down and arrest MERV.)



Ken

See ya in 5-10, buddy!



Narrator

And…



Uesu

(chatting on PSO)

So you actually look like your character?

He he, schweet. Huh, you're in town!

Meet, sure thing. When? Today!

Where?



(Ken suddenly busts into UESU'S room with a toaster.)



Ken

Hey Uesu, check out the

Modification I made to your toaster!



(Presses button and lasers shoot out from the slots and melt the T.V.)



Uesu

NOOOOO!!!



Nabeshin+Uesu+Ranma

You're a walking disaster!



(Throw him out a window. Night-KEN is walking along a road with his fishing pole)



Ken

I really screwed up this

Time. The guys were even more

Than that time back in kindergarten.



(Goes to baby NANASHI playing with action figures in a sandbox, then baby KEN'S remote control dinosaur tears them apart and devours the pieces.)



However, I, in my infinite

Wisdom, have devised a plan

To win the hearts of my

Friends back!



(Goes to him fishing)



Step 1: Go fishing.

Step 2: Catch a fish

Step 3: Take it home

Step 4: Genetically alter it into

An unstoppable sea monster named

Honstile and use it to take over

The world's cruise liners.

Step 5: Take the guys on a cruise

In the Caribbean!

My plan can't fail!

(Catches juicer)

Hmm…CHANGE OF

PLAN!



(Day- NANASHI is sitting at a park, staring at a sandbox.)



Rinku

That looks familiar.



Uesu

That's where I lost

My Sailor Moon doll…

I”LL NEVER LOVE AGAIN!



Ken

Hey guys.



Rinku

Ah, good morning

Plus-size Adonis.



(Others are silent.)



Ken

Check out what I got.

(Pulls out juicer)



Ranma

So.



Ken

So, you guys want some juice?

Cause I made plenty!

(Pulls out tray of juice glasses)

Go ahead, try some.



(They drink a glass)



Uesu

Hey, that's pretty good.



Nabeshin

What did you use for

The juice.



Ken

Oh, this and that.



(Goes to the PANDA PANDAS dressed as witches pouring such things as “eye of newt” and “bat wings” into the juicer while saying “Double double, toil and trouble”.)



Rinku

This is quite good.



Ken

Thanks.

(Hugs juicer, genie pops out)



Nanashi

Holy crap!



Genie

Ok, who rubbed the juicer?



Ken

That would be me.



Genie

One wish, chop chop, I

Don't have all day.



Ken

Uh…a cup of pudding!

(gift certificate to 7-11 appears

In his hand)



Genie

There ya go.



Ken

Hey, I wanted a cup of

Pudding.



Ranma

And doesn't he get three

Wishes?



Genie

Sorry, but the union says

We can only grant one wish

Till we get a better vision

Plan from upstairs. The coupon

Is the result of budget cuts.

Sorry.



Rinku

That's stupid.



Genie

My hands are tied.



Rinku

I bet.



Genie

Hey, I work hard for

Your information!



Rinku

Sure you do, and Dick Clark

isn't a robot.



Genie

You want a piece of

Me, boy. Cause I'll punch you

So hard you'll fly into last week.

Literally!



Rinku

Ken, give that sorry excuse

For car exhaust!



Ken

Mine!



(They struggle, RINKU drops juicer. GENIE flies out with sun glasses on.)



Genie

Yes, I'm free. See you

Guys in the Bahamas.

Oh and as for you leather

Jacket man, misfortune is gonna

Infect every aspect of you life

For the rest of your days.



Rinku

Who says?



Genie

Management. See ya.



Ken

Wait, I can't buy anything from

7-11. We had a…uh, bad experience

there once. Wait!



Rinku

Misfortune, bah! I'm already

Cursed, what's one more.



(Satellite falls out of space, almost hitting RINKU.)



Nabeshin

Just had to say that.



(Goes to five sets of eyes in the bushes in the background.)



Sakana

Look at those fools.



Neko

Have you noticed that bad

Guys always use the word “fool”

A lot?



Kuwagata

How they laugh and

Play like fools.



Neko

See?



Tori

Completely unaware that we

Are watching their every movement.



Phil

…



Rinku

Hey watch where you're

Flying that thing!



Helicopter pilot

Sorry, but we need

To get her to water before

She dries up.



Nabeshin

The whale museum is on the

Other side of town, though.



Pilot

Really, sorry?



Uesu

Nother satellite!



Kuwagata

It would seem that the one

Known as Rinku is having some

Trouble.



Sakana

Looks like some one has some

Bad luck.



Neko

Really, who?



Tori

Let me see!

Hmm… it would seem so.



Nabeshin

Hey look what I found.



Ken

A wolverine?

This far south?



Ranma

RINKU!



Uesu

$50 on the rabid badger!



Tori

So my nemesis you are besmiten

With misfortune…



Neko

Is besmiten a word?



Tori

This is the perfect time to

Attack! Right now they're

Weakened by this handicap

Placed on their teammate!

Cherry Mountain Ninjas go!



(They charge.)



Kuwagata

Hello, I'm the leader!



(They dart back into the bushes right before NANSHI looks their way.)



Nabeshin

What was that?



Tori

Why are we hesitating?

Why do we not attack?



Kuwagata

Because these five, though young,

Have proven to be cleverer than

We give them credit for. This may be a trick

To lure us into the open. We shall follow this

Rinku and see if his bad luck really is a trick.



Neko

That's so evilly clever!



Kuwagata

Of course it is, I'm wearing red.



(Goes to a few panels of bad things happening to RINKU, then to him and NABESHIN playing video games.)



Rinku

At least I know that my

Luck won't affect me here.

(Killed in five seconds later.)



Surely that was fluke.



(Keeps fighting poorly.)



I don't believe this…

My groove…it's gone.



Uesu

His what?



Ranma

His groove. It's the very

Essence that makes Rinku,

Rinku. It is the governing force

In everything he does. When his

Groove is thrown off he becomes

Irritated, depressed, or just incapable

Of doing things effectively.



Uesu

Oh. My old girlfriend used

To get like that sometimes.

She must have had this groove

Thing as well.



Ranma

Uh, not exactly.



Uesu

Then what?



Ken

We can't talk about it or

The feminists will slit our throats.



Rinku

Hmm…perhaps it is just bad luck.

I'm sure my ninja skills are top

Notch.



Nabeshin

That's what they all say after they

Get served by Da Fro.



(Goes to RINKU trying to perform ninja moves, but in vain.)



Rinku

I am completely incapable

Of performing ninjutsu…this

Has never happened before.



Neko

It would seem that this isn't

A trick.



Kuwagata

Yes…very well then.

Cherry Mountain Ninjas

Attack!



(They fall out of a tree.)



Nabeshin

The hell?



Uesu

Dude, it's that hot

Chick from Chapter 3!



Neko

Uh, my name's Neko.



Nabeshin

Hey there baby.



Ranma

Didn't she try and kill you?



Nabeshin

Vile assassin!



Kuwagata

So we meet again, Nanashi.



Ken

Who are you guys, again?



Cherry Mountain Ninjas

We are the most elite team of ninjas

In the world, the Cherry Mountain Ninjas!

Rinku

You!



Tori

My nemesis.



Nabeshin

So why the hell are you guys

In my backyard?



Kuwagata

We've come to challenge you

Five once more.



Rinku

This isn't a good time right now.



Sakana

Silence insolent wel-



Tori

No! If these boys don't feel

Like a match, fine. Instead we'll

Limit it. Just me and my sworn enemy.



Rinku

Uh…



Nanashi

Sounds good to us.



Rinku

What!



Ranma

Anything to keep from doing

real work.



Uesu

You'll do fine.



Ken

Buddha's compassion go

With you.





Rinku

I swear to God when this is

Over I'm gonna-



(TORI attacks, RINKU dodges. They fight with RINKU losing badly. He is eventually knocked to the ground and TORI leaps into the air.)



Tori

Now to take my revenge fro my

Defeat last time!



(Screen turns white. RINKU is staring at fruit bat.)



Rinku

Who are you?



Bat

I'm your inner voice.



Rinku

My inner voice is a fruit bat?



Bat

Yeah, so stop doging.

Basically I'm supposed to tell you

That all this bad luck is in your head, that

Your groove really isn't gone and not to give up.

However, I just bought FF 11 last night and I'm still

Psyched about it so you get the short version. Now

Show that chick how real ninjas fight.



(Goes back to RINKU in battle.)



Tori

Shinimasu!

(Writer's note: Die)



Rinku

You're still leaving yourself open.

STEALTH ATTACK

KOALA STYLE SECOND FORM!



(TORI slices the illusion just as RINKU appears behind her and almost hits her neck with his ninja-to.)



Rinku

I win.

Tori

Not again.



Sakana

Blast it all!



Phil

…



Nabeshin

You guys wanna get off

My property now?



Neko

You've won this round…



Sakana

But we'll return…



Kuwagata

And stronger.



(Throw smoke bomb, TORI disappears into the smoke.)



Tori

And next time I'll win.



Nabeshin

Well that was a complete

Waste of an afternoon.



Uesu

You guys wanna grab some

Food and play a game?





End of Chapter 12



Greetings ladies. Uesu here, and you won't want to miss the next chapter of Nanashi Kurai Hanashi. It's really weird and demented and if it doesn't leave you with deep psychological scars that'll haunt for eternity, then this probably will. I'm naked.



Next time on Nanashi Kurai Hanashi



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