Chapter 2 - 2- In which Miss Bosso begs to go to Mordor, and t

Chapter Two- In which Miss Bosso begs to go to Mordor, and the narrator rants about the annoyingness of Frodo


When she reached the stables, as directed by Vienna/Bilbo, Tracey picked the horse she thought was Asfaloth and said doubtingly, "Um, listen… Asfaloth?"
The horse irritably nodded his head, realizing that his rider was quite clueless. He gave a great horse sigh, as if to say, "When's Glorfindel coming back?" Tracey patted his head understandingly, and murmured, "I know, the movie plotline makes no sense. But Glorfindel doesn't exist, so now I have to go rescue the useless hobbit."
Asfaloth nickered knowingly and trotted forward. "Oh, you know where to go, then?" Tracey asked, surprised. Asfaloth turned his head and stared at her with one eye as if to say, "What do you take me for?"
He cantered through the forest and crossed the Ford when they came to it. Tracey sighed and sat back, annoyed. "This is so pointless," she muttered. "Frodo goes crazy at the end, and Gollum has to indirectly save the day. Why am I going to so much trouble to rescue this idiot?" Asfaloth said nothing. Never saw that one coming.
Finally, they got to wherever Frodo was wasting away in his own stupidity and becoming a ringwraith, which are cool. He lay uselessly on the ground while smart people like Aragorn, Sam and Merry did smart things. Oh, and Pippin was there, too. Anyway, Tracey spoke some fake elvish, grabbed Frodo and took him. But before she left the forlorn group, she glanced back at Aragorn. He's even more gorgeous in real life, she thought faintly. Smiling slightly, she jumped back on the horse and rode away. "Um…" she muttered, trying to remember her line. "Oh, yeah. Uh, Noro lim, Asfaloth!"
Anyway, when the Nazgul started tailing her, she said some more elvish to the horse and continued on to the Ford. When she reached the other side, she turned to face the black horsemen on the opposite bank.
Resisting the urge to burst out laughing at the senselessness of her next line, she shouted, "If you want him… COME AND CLAIM HIM!…hee hee hee..." She drew her sword and struck an impressive pose, and the Nazgul turned and fled in terror. Lucky Miss Bosso, since she doesn't know how to make the river turn into pretty horsies, the narrator decided to make things easier for her.
When Frodo started gasping for air, Tracey rolled her eyes. "Oh, don't be so dramatic." Still, knowing that Elrond would kill her if she let Frodo die, she continued on to Rivendell. (Cue climactic music)

Much later, after Tracey had made herself at home in Rivendell with all the hot elves, and Frodo had healed, and yadda yadda yadda… Tracey had convinced her "father" to let her attend the Council. There, she ignored all of the dorky humans who wanted to use the Ring to save Gondor *cough*Boromir*coughcough* and spent the whole time staring at Aragorn. When he stood up to yell at Boromir, she grinned.
Finally, when they decided to have someone take the ring to Mordor, Frodo stood up and said, "I will take the ring to Mordor, although I do not know the way." Tracey snickered. Gandalf stepped forward and did his thing, and Tracey watched carefully as Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli volunteered to accompany Frodo. Finally, after Gimli had yelled, "And my axe!!" Tracey stood up and declared, "And you have my elvish hotness!…oh, and I guess in this version I have a sword, so that too." She finished and winked at Aragorn, who looked rather taken aback.
When all the little hobbits had run forward, Elrond looked at his daughter sternly and said, "Ten companions. The Fello-"
"Ha ha ha ha ha!!" Tracey exclaimed. "There are only nine Nazgul- we win!"
Everybody stared at her. "Sorry," she said quickly. Elrond cleared his throat. "The Fellowship of the Ring."
"Great," Pippin said in his cute little accent. "Where are we going?" Tracey giggled.

So they left Rivendell and journeyed south, Tracey riding her horse, Mango. As they crossed the snow-capped mountain range, I don't think anyone complained nearly as much as Tracey. ("My fair elvish complexion is getting ruined!") They journeyed for miles and miles and miles…. Until eventually they got to the entrance to the Mines of Moria. As Gandalf read the riddle, Tracey leaped up suddenly, causing everyone around her to jump, startled.
"Ooh! Ooh! I know!…wait, what was the word… I don't remember. Oh well- Gandalf, how do you say 'friend' in elvish?"
Looking considerably startled, Gandalf replied, "Mellon."
Frodo jumped up, indignant. "Hey, I knew that!" Tracey rolled her eyes.
"No, you didn't."
"I did too!"
"Only in the movie."
Everyone stared at her. "What?" Aragorn asked, puzzled.
Tracey looked down, embarrassed. "Never mind."
"Okay, well, let us enter into the deep… dark… mines…" Gandalf said dramatically. Tracey rolled her eyes again.
They advanced apprehensively into the cave entrance. The hobbits shivered in the sudden cold, Aragorn drew his sword, Gimli gripped his axe tightly, and Tracey hummed a Michael Jackson song. Nobody seemed to understand Arwen's optimism in the dark cavern littered with dwarf skeletons. Finally, when they got to the well, Tracey rushed forward before Pippin could drop the rock in it.
"Whoa, get a grip! I like you and all, but that would have been seriously stupid. Pippin simply stared at her, startled.
And so they made it out of the caves without much mishap, and without Boromir talking happily about cave trolls. When they made it out, Tracey realized that something was different. Scratching her head, she looked around the group.
With a start, she realized that Gandalf was there. "Awesome," she murmured to herself. "I saved Gandalf!"
Gandalf turned to look at her curiously, but said nothing. Tracey grinned and winked. He turned away, shaking his head and muttering about cheeky elves.

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