Chapter 3 - The Tale of a 10,000 year old Virgin

Mortal Kombat: Video Dating Alliance

Chapter 3: The Tale of 10,000-year-old virgin.

When we last saw our so-called Heroes, they where in another predicament! They planed and then they charged at Big Kmart. Scorpion and Sub-Zero got spayed. Mileena got down and funky! Havik and Hotaru joined in and got down with it, if you know what I mean. And Raiden finally got the video camera. And now here is the next chapter of Mortal Kombat: Video Dating Alliance.

Raiden: Where's Jax?

Sonya: Oh, he's getting a ride. I think that's him, lets go.

Jax entered the parking lot with a huge bus. Once he parked he exited the bus.

Jax: What do you think of my bus?

Raiden: WOW! Where did you get it?

Jax: The Special Forces gave to me.

Sonya: How the heck did the SF gave you the Bus?

Jax: Well I…

Jax told The Special Forces that Raiden was a 10,000-year-old virgin. And also that he made a bet with the SF soldiers that if Raiden loses his virginity, Jax can keep the bus.

Jax: And that's what happened.

Raiden sat in a dark corner crying.

Raiden: What have I done to deserve such horrible friends!

Sonya: JAX!

Jax: But, Sonya! They are going to give me one of their army busses! And it's shiny!

Jax held on to the bus.

Jax: My…precioussssss!

Jax entered the bus with a maniac laugh, and Raiden was still crying in the corner.

Sonya: Ooook…

Shujinko walked toward Sonya. And he brought some groceries.

Shujinko: Hey Sonya, Whoa! Nice bus! Where did you get it?

Sonya: Long story. Hey what did you got there?

Shujinko: Oh, Just some food, drinks, snacks. We can eat while we make the videos.

Sonya: Good Idea.

(If you played Armed and Dangerous you will recognize this scene.)

Suddenly out of nowhere a thief appeared and threatened the gang. And he also spoke with a Russian accent.

Thief: Rrright, gimme da kees!

Shujinko: What?

Thief: YOU HEARD ME! Gimme da kees, gimme da kees now or your frrriend is dead!

Shujinko: Sonya, what the heck is he saying? Give…give him a kiss?

Sonya: No idea, but you'd better do something quick!

Thief: Gimme da kees, NOW!!!

Shujinko jumped on top of the thief and gave him a kiss.

Sonya: EEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWW!

The thief slams Shujinko on the ground.

Thief: What the F(Beep) are you doing! That's it you're all dead!!!

Shujinko: Hold it, wait…wait! (Stands up) Give me another chance! It's been a long time since I kissed someone. I CAN DO BETTER!

Thief: (Crying) KEYS, you morrron; I said give me the KEEYS!

Sonya leaped in the air and knocked out the thief with one kick to the chin. She looked at him and said.

Sonya: Sorry, our mistake.

Shujinko: Uuhm, about the whole kissing thing…

Sonya: Never happened…trust me…it never happened.

Raiden finally stopped crying and got out of the corner.

Raiden: What happened here?

Sonya: Nothing, just some thief. Let's head back to the Wu Shi Academy.

Jax: (Blowing the horn) All aboard! Next stop the Wu Shi Academy.

Everyone entered the bus, and headed to the Wu Shi Academy. As they drove they noticed a strange smell.

Jax: (Sniffing) What's that smell?

Scorpion: That ought to be Sub-Zero and me.

Said Scorpion, in the back seat as everyone opened the windows with haste.

Frost: What happened to you, Sifu?

Sub-Zero: We managed to find the cameras but we were… distracted. And the way was blocked, so the only way to reach them was taking a short cut through the perfume department.

Everyone gasped.

Li Mei: WOW! Either you two are the bravest men or the craziest.

Nitara: What happened next?

Scorpion: Sub-Zero fooled me with his dying scene and he made me show my sensitive side

Cirax: You have a sensitive side?

Smoke: When you think you know a guy, something new appears.

Scorpion: And the worst part is that he got Annie Lennox killed by the perfume salesmen!

Everyone: WHO?

Scorpion: Annie Lennox? She sang the ending theme for the Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

Everyone: OH!

Scorpion: In the end when I found out that he fooled me I gave him an uppercut that sends him back to the perfume department.

Kenshi: Ouch! That's harsh.

Scorpion: Well he got what he deserves.

Mileena: Well, at least I had a hell of a great time.

Havik: You can say that again! And I still can't believe Hotaru did that!

Ashrah: Did what?

Hotaru: (Blushed) Nothing, just forget it.

Ashrah: Oh come on! You can tell me, please!

Hotaru: …Oh all right but I'll whisper it to you.

Ashrah: ok.

Hotaru whispered to her his experience with Mileena. Ashrah's face turns red.

Ashrah: OH MY GOD! I can't believe it, you, of all people would do something so naughty! I mean I thought in Seida you couldn't do that.

Hotaru: Actually, we can't…but something came over me, I felt free and wild I-I just had to do it!

Havik: You've made me so proud!

Hotaru: Please, you making me throw up! Humh!

Raiden: Enough! Jax, how long before we reach the docks?

Jax: Well be there, right, about, now. Where here!

Jax parks the bus, and everyone walks out. They stood at the docks as Raiden summoned Shang Tsung's boat. Half an hour later the boats arrives.

Raiden: Alright, let's get on board. Huh! What's that?

Sektor: I'll check it out.

Sektor uses his cybernetic eye to zoom to the location of the unidentified object that's headed to their location.

Sektor: Its looks like a man with a really long neck…

Raiden: (Confused) What?!

Sektor: Sorry, my mistake it's actually a man tied to a pole.

Sonya: A man tied to a pole?

Raiden: Yeah, that's strange; I mean what kind of idiot gets tied to…a…pole…

Sonya: OH MY GOD! We left Johnny tied to a pole.

Sektor: Actually that's him, and he doesn't look that happy.

Some how Johnny managed to rip out the pole and ran after Raiden and the gang. He sure moved with haste that he reached the docks. He stopped in front of Raiden. And like Sektor said earlier; he was still tied to the damn pole.

Johnny: You guys are the worst! You left me tied to this pole.

Raiden: So I noticed…

Sonya: How did you get loose?

Johnny: Well since the pole was in a bad shape I managed to break the base.

Sonya: And for how long you've been following us?

Johnny: Ever since the end of Chapter 2.

Sonya: So I see. Well, now that you're here, we can go back to the Wu Shi Academy.

Johnny: Yeah, I could use some rest. (Falls asleep on the ground) ouch…

Our heroes entered the boat and traveled to the lost sea.

Johnny: YO, Raiden, how long till we reach the Wu Shi Academy.

Raiden: In just a second, let me create the portal to the Wu Shi Academy port.

Johnny: Oh, ok.

Raiden began chanting the spell for the portal, but Johnny interrupted him.

Johnny: Are we there yet?

Raiden: NO! I still haven't made the portal.

Johnny: Sorry.

Raiden: Keep quiet and let me do my job!

But as we all know Johnny is an idiot and something tells me he' getting shocked again.

Johnny: Are we there yet?

Raiden: No…

Johnny: Are we there yet?

Raiden: No…

Johnny: Are we there yet?

Raiden: No…

Johnny: Are we there yet?

Raiden: No!

Johnny: Are we (Raiden throws him a thunder bolt) AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Everyone stood calm in his or her rooms. Because they already knew Johnny pissed Raiden off again.

Sonya: (Reading a book on her bed) When will Johnny ever learn.

Raiden: I'm sorry but you're the one who brought this on yourself.

Johnny: Yeah (GZZZ) I know (GZZZZZ) I just have a thing for getting shocked (GZZZZZZZZZZZ) O-OH YEAH! That was a good one!

Raiden: …Freak…

Ok, now that Raiden got that out of the way, he finally made the portal to the Wu Shi port. And the boat goes through it and arrives at the Wu Shi Academy.

Raiden: At lasts! The Wu Shi Academy. From here on I will do whatever is necessary to end my virginity once and for all! (Heroic music and applauses)

Kenshi: Powerful words.

Raiden: Huh! OH! Kenshi I didn't saw you there.

Kenshi: Raiden?

Raiden: Yes.

Kenshi: Can I ask you something?

Raiden: Sure, ask away.

Kenshi: Why are you a 10,000 year old virgin?

Raiden: (Chokes) WHAT?

Kenshi: Sorry that I asked, it's just that…

Raiden: I know…and all of you can come out of there!

Johnny: (Hiding behind a barrel) Damn, he found us!

Jax: SHUT UP!

Raiden: I already knew all of you where hiding.

Kenshi: So will you answer my question?

Raiden: I know that all of you are curious about me, but please respect my privacy.

When he boat docked Raiden quickly exited the boat and headed for the Wu Shi Academy, but what he didn't knew was that he was going to be greeted by an old friend.

Kai: Raiden, how are you doing?

Raiden: Kai?

Kail: It's been a long time hasn't it?

Raiden: What are you doing here?

Kai: Well, Kitana called me from the hospital. She said that Liu Kang slipped and crashed really bad, so I went to see how he was doing.

Sonya: So how is he?

Kai: Oh he's just fine. Still, he's a nothing more than a crybaby; I still don't know what Kitana saw in him.

Sonya: I think the question is what she “SAW”?

Sonya giggled like a high school girl.

Raiden: Uuh, if you don't mind we have to go the yard and then make the videos for the Video Dating Service.

Kai: Video Dating Service? OH! Kitana told me about that.

Raiden: Really, and I bet she told you about my situation…

Kai: Sadly, no she didn't.

Raiden: What! She didn't tell you that I'm a 10,000 year old virgin? (Realized what he told him) oooh crap…

Kai: …(Smirks) How lame are you?

Radien: (Sitting in a dark corner) That really hurts you know!

Kai: Just messing with ya sparks! Of course I knew you where a virgin.

Sonya: And why did you torment him?

Kai: Just for the heck of it. But enough about that, the reason I am here is that I want to join the Video Dating Alliance.

Raiden: Whatever…

Kai: Was that a yes or a no?

Sonya: I think that was a yes, so if you don't mind go bother someone else!

Sonya grabbed Kai and threw him far away. When se turned to see if Raiden was alright he was already long gone to the Yard. He was meditating when Sonya arrived.

Sonya: Uhm, are you all right?

Raiden: How would you fell if you had my problem?

Sonya: How should I know? I'm not a…oh…sorry.

Raiden: Truthfully, this virginity thing is just stupid you know. I mean, why can't I get laid? All of you get laid everyday.

Sonya: What! Oh no, I don't get laid every day.

Raiden: Sure you do, you slept with Jax, Striker and even Johnny! All of you get laid nine times a day. No wonder their so happy.

Sonya: (Blush) I-I-I don't know what you are talking about.

Raiden: Sure you do! You even use the “thing”

Sonya: How the hell do you know about the “thing”?

Raiden: Every time you got drunk you told us about how you use the “thing”

Sonya: (She was about to cry) How many times did I said it and who did I told it to?

Raiden: Well, (Pulls out an abacus) lets see, you got drunk 50 times and…you told every single soul in the Wu Shi Academy and in the other realms. To tell you the truth, the whole universe knows about the “thing”.

Sonya ran away with haste and her face was as red as a tomato from the embarrassment.

Raiden: Well, being a 10,000 year old virgin it's a whole lot worst. When are you planning to come out of there?

Kenshi jumps down from the tree.

Kenshi: F(Beep) How did you knew?

Raiden: You drooled on me when I mention that Sonya was using the “thing”.

Kenshi: …well, I couldn't help it! Every time I hear about the “thing” I drool like a retard.

Raiden: Yeah, (Wiping the drool off of him) so I noticed. At first I thought it was raining, but then I noticed the sushi smell.

Kenshi: Still, I really want to know why you are a 10,000 year old virgin.

Raiden: You're going to keep this up all day aren't you?

Kenshi: Yes.

Raiden: (Sigh) All right, I'll tell you. You see; my virgin problem is not a great secret. It's just that every time I'm about to get laid, I screw everything up!

Kenshi: In other words you suck at sex?

Raiden: …yes…

Kenshi: What are you, some kind of freak or something?

Raiden: (Sitting in a dark corner) That's it I'm scarred for life!

Kenshi: Ops, sorry about that! (Pat's Raiden on the back) Come on buddy, don't let it go to your head, I mean just because you screw everything up when your about to have sex, doesn't mean you have to give up.

Raiden: I haven't…

Kenshi: What?

Raiden: I haven't given up; through out the millennia I have tried and tried but failed. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DOES IT FEEL TO FAIL AT SEX THROUGH OUT 10,000 YEARS!

Kenshi: …dude…you have some serious issues!

Raiden: …you have no idea!

Kenshi: Well, tell you what, we'll all help you getting a date with the VDS. And also teach you the steps from A to Z on how to get laid.

This is it! The time we have been waiting for. Raiden and the gang will start to make the videos. And they will also help him with his “problem” let's just hope they don't use the “thing” Well all will be revealed on the next episode of Mortal Kombat: Video Dating Alliance.

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