Chapter 4 - The Video

Mortal Kombat: Video Dating Alliance

Chapter 4: The Video (Dun Dun DUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!)

When we last saw our favorite virgin hero Raiden, He finally told Kenshi the truth of his virginity. And the truth is that every time he was about to get laid, he screws everything up! Well here's the next OH so weird chapter of Mortal Kombat: Video Dating Alliance.

Raiden: I haven't given up; through out the millennia I have tried and tried but failed. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DOES IT FEEL TO FAIL AT SEX THROUGH OUT 10,000 YEARS!

Kenshi: …dude…you have some serious issues!

Raiden: …you have no idea!

Kenshi: Well, tell you what, we'll all help you getting a date with the VDS. And also teach you the steps from A to Z on how to get laid.

Raiden: (Sniff) Really.

Kenshi: Sure!

Raiden: (Hugs him) OH THANKYOUTHANKYOU!

Kenshi: HEY! Let go of me! (Push Raiden away)

Raiden: Sorry I got a little emotional.

Kenshi: No matter. Lets round up the gang, since (Walks away) they have a lot of stuff to teach you.

Raiden: Why do I have the feeling this isn't going to be easy?

Next morning, the gang prepared the camera to begin taping the date seekers. And it seems that this will be a peaceful day…

Scorpion: I WILL GO FIRST!

…Well not really…

It seems that the gang is having an argument on who is going first.

Scorpion: I said; I will go first! I went trough hell and it smelled like cheap perfume!

Sub-Zero: No fair, I also went trough that hell! In fact it was my idea!

Hotaru: There must be an orderly way to do this.

Havik: You and your orderly crap! Can you just do something without order for ONCE!

Hotaru: Nope!

Shujinko: I should go first since I'm the oldest, well besides Raiden.

Smoke: No way old man! Besides No one can resist the SEX-Machines!

Cirax: YEAH! You tell them Boss!

Sektor: W00T!

Smoke and Shujinko stared at each other with blood lust in their eyes. But before they could battle the wall that was to their left blew up sending them flying.

Smoke, Shujinko: We're flying! We're FLYING!!!

Cirax: Smoke, Shujinko! Watch out for that!

Smoke, Shujinko: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! (CRASH)

Cirax: Tree…Ooh, that's gonna leave a mark!

Suddenly Mavado entered the room via the hole he made on the wall.

Mavado: (Latino accent) Are you people loco or something! The one who will be first is ME!

Scorpion: And who the heck are you?

Mavado: WHAT! You don't know who I am?

Shujinko: I don't! (Everyone stares at Shujinko) Well, I don't!!!!

Scorpion: Um, no and I don't care.

Mavado: Hsu Hao! Come over here and tell this puto who I am!

Hsu Hao entered through the hole in the wall, and walked toward Mavado.

Hsu Hao: He is no other than the greatest member of the Red Dragon; He is Mavado de la Villa Santa de lass Margaritas de Jose Luis Rodriguez Pacheco the Third (Takes a deep breath) Jr.

Mavado pushes Hsu away.

Mavado: But the ladies call me “Bravado” Mavado!

As you guessed, no one paid attention to Mavado. They continued to discuss who would be first. With the lack of attention Mavado sat in a dark corner crying.

Mavado: (Crying) why is it that anybody listens to me!

Hsu Hao: I listen to you boss!

Mavado: That's because you are a fag!

Hsu Hao: (Sitting in a dark corner) …

…Lets see how Raiden is doing with his classes, since no one wanted to help him; Kenshi had to do it by himself…Oh my GOD! THE HORROR!! Let's watch!

Raiden: I still don't get it!

Kenshi: FOR THE 125,876 TIME YOU PUT THIS ON YOUR THINGIE AND THEN YOU STICK IT IN HER THINGIE AND TECHNICALLY YOU GET LAID! GOT IT!!

Raiden: …

Kenshi: Well?

Raiden: No…

Kenshi began to bang his head on the table.

Kenshi: I… (SLAM) CAN'T… (SLAM) TAKE… (SLAM) IT… (SLAM) ANYMORE!

Kenshi slammed his head so hard on the table that he split it in two, and he laid on the ground with a huge bump on his head.

Kenshi: (Grumble) …

Raiden: I'm sorry Kenshi; it's just that this is too complicated for me!

Kenshi: How can this be complicated to YOU! I EXPLAINED IT TO YOU OVER 125,876 TIMES! That's it I give up! (Stands up and walks out the door)

Raiden: NO! (Grabs Kenshi's Leg) PLEASE I BEG OF YOU DON'T GIVE UP ON MEEEEE!

Kenshi: HOW THE F(BEEP) AM I NOT SUPPOSED TO GIVE UP ON YOU?

Raiden: Uhm…

Kenshi: JUST GIVE ME ONE GOOD REASON NOT TO GIVE UP ON YOU!

Raiden: … (Rolls his eyes) I can do better…

Kenshi: …that's all?

Raiden: I…think so…

Kenshi: (Sigh) All right, I won't give up on you.

Raiden: YAY!!!

Kenshi: Man, am I going to regret this BIG TIME!

Raiden: Don't worry Kenshi I won't let you down!

Kenshi: I'm already regretting it…(Sigh) why me… (Whimpers) T_T

Kenshi had to endure Raiden's stupidity for hour after hour after hour, well truthfully for a whole month to be exact! I don't think that any therapy will help Kenshi with this…

Raiden: I think I finally got it! I finally learned everything! Kenshi I… Kenshi? (Looks around) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Kenshi: (Sitting in a dark corner blabbering like an idiot) BLABLIBUBHABLABLIBUBHABLABLIBUBHA!

Raiden: Oh my GOD! I think I ruined his brain!

Kenshi: BLABLIBUBHABLABLIBUBHABLABLIBUBHA!

Raiden: Yup (Poke, Poke) that brain is definitely gone! I wonder if shock therapy will work on him.

Kenshi: BLAB!?

Raiden: (Takes a deep breath) Ok, I hope this works… HYAAA!

Raiden Throws a minor lightning at Kenshi but still…IT HURT LIKE CRAP MAN!

Kenshi: BLABLIBUBHABLABLIBUBHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! (Raiden stopped and Kenshi stood up in a heartbeat) WHAT THE F(BEEP) ARE YOU DONG?! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING?!

Raiden: You had brain damaged and I somehow cured it with shock therapy. Truthfully I had no F(Beep)ing idea how I cured it.

Kenshi: …o…k…

Raiden: Enough about the brain damage thing! What I wanted to tell you was that I finally got it!

Kenshi: (Teary eyes) YOU FINALLY GOT IT! YESSS! AT LAST THIS NIGHTMARE IS OVER!

Raiden: Wha…

Kenshi: I mean (Clears throat) you finally learned how to get laid. You should be really happy!

Raiden: Sure its does! I mean, know that I learned how to get laid, all I need to do is make the video and send it to the VDS, right?

Kenshi: Yeah, sure. Let's see if the gang has made any progress.

Raiden: Yeah, I wonder what kind of videos the guys made.

Raiden and Kenshi headed for the section where the MK gang was making the videos; let's just hope they made them. When Raiden and Kenshi arrived at the place, they heard something that scared the hell out of them.

Mavado: OH MY GOD NO! AAAAAAAAAH! OOOWAAAAAAAAHAAAA!! IM GONNA DIE!

Raiden and Kenshi stood in front of the doors with their eyes wide open; actually they are wider than normal…kind of like this: O.O

Raiden: What the f(Beep)?

Kenshi: …maybe it's nothing…

Raiden: You're joking right!

Kenshi: What?

Raiden: CANT YOU HEAR HIM!

Mavado: MY LEG!

Raiden: O.O

Kenshi: …must be fake bone crunching noises…

Mavado: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Raiden: And what about that?

Kenshi: Still fake…

Raiden: …never mind let's just go inside all right. (Opens the door)

When Raiden and Kenshi entered the room, they saw Mileena beating the hell out of Mavado.

Mileena: DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME AN UGLY @$$ dog!

Raiden: Noobs… (Shakes head)

Sonya walked up to Raiden and Kenshi.

Kenshi: For how long has Mileena been beating him?

Sonya: I don't know I lost count at four weeks.

Mavado: IF SOMEBODY DOESN'T HELP ME I'M NOT GOING TO BE ALIVE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!

Hsu Hao: I'd love to help but… SHE'S F(BEEP)ING SCARY MAN!!!

Raiden: …ok… (Looks at Sonya) Sonya, how are the videos coming?

Mavado: I CAN'T FELL MY BUTT CHEEKS! AAAAAAH! SHE'S BITTING MY @$$! AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!!!!

Sonya: COULD YOU PLEASE SCREAM LESS LOUDLY! (Clears throat) As I was saying, the videos are coming quite good. Almost everyone made their videos; the only ones who are left are you and Kenshi.

Raiden: Great! But first, I want to see the videos.

Sonya: Not a good idea…

Raiden: They're that horrible?

Sonya: You have no idea!

Raiden: Still, I want to see them.

Sonya: (Sigh) All right, just remember, you brought this on your self. But first, we need to clean this place…it looks like a battlefield.

So the gang cleaned up the place, it took them about a week. Yes they had to rebuild the wall. And yes Mileena is still beating the hell out of Mavado for calling her an ugly @$$ dog. (Nods) Poor rookie… After a week of cleaning and rebuilding the gang has finally finished, now all they need is to make some popcorn and watch the videos

Raiden: Ok, now that the place is in tiptop shape, let's watch the videos.

Scorpion: All right, here is mine. BUT DON'T LAUGH OR ILL FATALITY YOU!

Raiden: Sheesh! No need to be so sensitive! (Press play on the VCR)

Raiden pressed play on the VCR and Scorpion image appeared on the TV. Let's see what kind of video he made.

Scorpion: …

Sonya: Pst! The camera is rolling! Say something!

Scorpion: OH! (Clears throat) HI! My name is Scorpion and… I'm a ninja specter. My occupation was to kill Sub-Zero because I thought he killed me and my family but when I kicked the crap out of him in MK 4 I found out that I was Quan Chi who killed my family. So now my new occupation and destiny is to KILL THAT MOTHER F(BEEP)ER! YOU HEAR ME QUAN CHI! YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED! NUMBERED I SAY!

Sub Zero jumps on him and tries to hold him down.

Scorpion: GET THE F(BEEP) OFF!!!

Sub Zero: HEEEEEELP!!

(Static)

Everyone placed their hand in front of their faces.

Raiden: O.O…ok…that was emotionally powerful…I think. Who's next?

Havik: OH! MEMEMEMEME!

Kenshi: (Whispers) God not him…ok, lets see what you got!

Havik: YAY!

Havik inserts the tape in the VCR and presses play, and his image appeared on the TV.

Havik: Hello ladies, my name is Havik and I come from the Chaos Realm. Now I know what you're thinking, but the Chaos Realm is the best damn place ever!! There are no rules; you can do what ever you want! Not like the Order Realm where there are laws, rule and a lot of other orderly crap! And everyone who comes from that realm are idiots.

Hotaru: How dare you insult my Realm!

Havik: It's true, once I sent Shujinko to spread some chaos.

Hotaru: WHAT!

Shujinko: It's true I needed the coins. All I needed to say Chaos and everyone ran like crazy.

Hotaru: That it's definitely not true!

Havik: Chaos!

Hotaru: CHAOS! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! (Ran away screaming)

Havik: I rest my case. So ladies if you want a good time, just come to the Chaos Realm. See ya there! (Static)

Raiden, Kenshi: X_X …next…

Ashrah: Can I show mine?

Raiden: Sure.

Ashrah inserts the blah blah blah yada yada yada…

Ashrah: Uhm, hi my name is Ashrah, and I'm a demon from the netherworld. But I'm good one, well that is if you want me to be bad (Giggles) And to make things interesting I'm looking for a guy that could purify me, if you know what I mean? (Giggles) So don't be shy and take me out. (Static)

Kenshi: Nice!

Raiden: That was really good.

Ashrah: Thanks!

Kenshi: Ok, who's next?

Jax: My turn!

Raiden: Knock yourself out!

Jax inserts the tape and press play on the VCR.

Jax clears throat and starts talking in a Barry White Voice tone.

Jax: Oh Baby! My name is Jaxx, and I'm one mother…

Sonya, Kira, Jade: Shut your mouth!

Jaxx: Hey I'm just talking about me!

Sonya, Kira, Jade: We can dig it!

Jaxx: Baby, if you go out with me, I'll let you know what sexual chocolate means. And I promise that you'll beg for deserts. (Static)

Raiden: Somebody kill me…please…

Kenshi: Next!

Smoke, Cirax and Sektor stepped forward.

Smoke: Were next! (Puts in the videotape and presses play.)

Raiden watches the TV but there is no image, the screen is completely black.

Raiden: Uhm, where's the video?

Smoke: Just give it a second.

Suddenly the words IT'S PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY TIME! Appeared on the screen. And Smoke, Cirax and Sektor appeared on the screen dancing in a banana suit.

Raiden: X_X WTF!!!!!

Video…

Smoke: (singing and dancing in a banana suit) It's peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time!

Cirax: (singing and dancing in a banana suit) Were he at

Sektor: (singing and dancing in a banana suit) There he go

Cirax: Were he at

Sektor: There he go

Smoke: Do the peanut butter jelly, peanut butter jelly. PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWITHABASEBALLBATPEANUTBUTTERJELLYWITHABASEBALLBAT (Starts to break dance)
Cirax: Now, break it down and freeze (Smoke stops)

Smoker: Now tic-tac-toe

Cirax: Uh-huh

Smoke: Tic-tac-toe

Sektor: Let's go

Smoke: Tic-tac-toe

Cirax: You got it

Smoke: Tic-tac-toe

Sektor: Let's ride

Smoke: Now, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, freestyle, your style (Smoke, Cirax and Sektor started to dance freestyle)

Raiden had to watch a lot of videos for countless of hours. From the lame, the stupid, the creepy and the just pain weird.

Raiden: (Foaming through the mouth) …make…it…stop…X_X

Kenshi: (Poke, Poke) Uhhh, Raiden, are you ok?

Raiden: NO I AM NOT OK!!! I JUST SPENT COUNTLESS OF HOURS WATCHING THE MOST HORRIBLE VIDEOS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!! AND ONE OF THEM INCLUDED 3 CYBORGS DANCING IN A BANANA SUIT!!! AND YOU HAVE THE F(BEEP)ING GUTS TO ASK ME IF I'M F(BEEP)ING OK!!! IF I HAVE TO WATCH ANOTHERVIDEO…I'M GOING TO EXPLODE!!! (Creates a thunder crash and started to breath heavily)

Kenshi: Whoa buddy, take it easy! Now relax… (Raiden lowers his arms) a bit more… (Raiden lower his arms a bit more) more… (Raiden falls face flat on the floor) good! Felling better?

Raiden: (Still lying on the ground) yes…

Kenshi: Want to take a break?

Raiden: (Still lying on the ground) yes…

Half an hour later, Raiden and the others were having lunch. Raiden and Kenshi were talking about what kind of video they will make.

Raiden: Hmm, I don't think that's one a good idea.

Kenshi: Yeah, I don't think it would be wise to tell the girl that you're a virgin!!

Raiden: True…true... (Scratching his head) If only someone could give me a good idea…

Johnny: I CAN HELP!

Raiden, Kenshi: HELL NO!!!!

Johnny: Oh come on!

Raiden: No!

Johnny: Please!

Raiden: NO!

Johnny: Please!

Raiden: Nope!

Johnny: Come ON!

Raiden: Go away!!

Johnny: Please!

(Tick Tock) Two Hours later…
Johnny: OH PLEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

Raiden: SHUT THE F(BEEP) UUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!! Raiden sends a hell of a giant lightning bolt at Johnny that blew up half of the Wu Shi Academy, after the smoke cleared out there was no trace of Johnny everywhere…

Sonya: OMG! You killed Johnny….

Everyone: YAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

Johnny: (Standing in the middle of the crater.) HA! You missed me

Everyone: O_O…. THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE!!!!!

Raiden: …I missed?

Kenshi: Didn't saw that one coming!

Raiden: OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T SAW IT COMING!!! YOURE BLIND!!!!!!

Kenshi: (Sitting in a dark corner) That really hurts…

Raiden and the others ignored Johnny and returned to what's really important… Making his VDS Video and end this nightmare once and for all. Raiden stood in front of the camera, while the others watched.

Sonya: Ok, just say something manly and sexy. Women like that kind of stuff.

Mileena: Are you joking? No, women prefer a man that's good on bed! Isn't that right Hotaru!

Hotaru: (All the way at the back of the room) Wanna do it again?

Havik: (Jaw drops)

Back to Raiden's location:

Raiden: Are you people done?

Jax: Listen Raiden, the only way to get to a woman's heart is very simple. Just lie, it worked for me. I do it all the time.

Mileena: So you lied to me?

Sonya: And me? (Every female warrior walked up to Jax)

Jax: Uhh…I…er… LOOK! KUNG LAO IS DANCING AROUND NAKED!!! (Jax points to the wall behind them)

All Female Warriors: WHERE????!!!! (They looked behind and Jax ran away. When they turned around Jax was gone.) He always gets us with that one.

Hsu Hao: Yup, he always does… (Everyone stares at Hsu Hao) What?!

Raiden: Are you a fag?

Hsu Hao: Uhh…I…er… (Runs away)

Kenshi: I think that was a yes…

Raiden: O…k… back to business.

Raiden stood in front of the camera.

Sonya: And…

Before Sonya could say action, the wall exploded and Onaga flew in and took away the camera.

Onaga: (Flying away) if someone is going to get a date, it's going to be ME! HAHAHAHA!!!

Raiden: …ONAGA!!!!!!!! GIVE ME BACK THAT CAMERA!!! I STILL HAVE TWO MORE PAYMENTS ON IT!!!!!!!!! (Flies after Onaga)

Everyone: ………...(Cough, cough)………………..

Sonya: Jax…get the buss…

Jax: But I left…

Sonya: Don't give that crap… the SF buss can go on water, I saw you tying it up behind the boat.

Jax: …

Sonya: SO GET THE DAMN BUSS AND LETS GO AFTER RAIDEN!!!!

Onaga has taken the camera and Raiden has gone after him, like we didn't saw that one coming. I know I did! (God that was lame…) So the MK Gang has to go after them. So don't miss the next action/comedy/weird full episode of Mortal Kombat: Video Dating Alliance.

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