Chapter 2 - Shade

II.Shade
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        Something touched me and I rolled over away from it. No matter who was trying to help me, it didn't matter. I was dying, beyond help. "Calm down," a familiar voice cooed. "Whatever this is, fight it!" My brain said yes, but my body said no. This distant voice made my wild emotions calm down. It reminded me of all the people who would want me to fight this pain and get over it. Mom, Dad, Kara, and maybe even Callie and Bella. A soft whimper escaped my lips, and someone started stroking my hair slowly.

        Another wave of pain hit me, and the surge of voices drowned out whatever this comforter had to say to me. None of them said anything in particular, but it felt like thirty people were screaming in my ear all at once. "Stop," I sobbed helplessly. "Just make it stop." My eyes were practically sealed shut, and the tears that flowed from them were enough to make a river. My chest heaved violently, and my fingernails dug deep into our plush carpet.

        I shook, and I wasn't sure if it was from the pain, or if someone was trying to shake me awake. The screaming only got louder, but as it increased in small increments, my pain seemed to double and triple with every second. My screams echoed through the house, but they weren't as loud as the voices. Finally, one beckoned to me, and all the others stopped. My eyes snapped open, and I was staring down at thick, red liquid that dripped down my forearms. The voice's owner seemed to be smiling from its sickly sweet sound. "Come with me," it said. "You won't feel anymore pain if you come with me." My jaw dropped, and I wished I could be there. All thoughts were cleared from my mind as I tried to reach out and find the voice.

        "They couldn't hear you scream," that voice said softly. "After all, they don't want to know that you've gone crazy." Still weak, I rolled over so that I was lying on my back, and I found my head in someone's lap. I felt the warm softness of bare skin against my head, and then some silky sort of fabric. A hand stroked my cheek, and I smiled, already slowing the pace of my thoughts. Somehow, this person was blocking me from the voices. Maybe it was just my desire to follow that tantalizing voice.

        So I am crazy, I thought to myself, remembering the voice's comment. My parents might be right in getting help for me after all.
"You're not going to stay around long enough to let them take you to the therapist, are you?" she asked, playing with my hair slowly.
"Where else would I go?" I murmured. "I can't run away from home."
"But you're special," she cooed, emphasizing that last word. Oh, I knew I was special, just not in a good way.
"I'm crazy," I stated flatly.
"Haven't you ever wondered why you and your sister have the eye color you do?" she asked, raking her fingers through my light brown hair.

        To tell the truth, I never had. All I had ever thought about was what a freak I was because of my eyes. Not once had I thought about them as a gift. Were they something to make me look prettier? What on earth was this woman getting at?

        "What do you mean?" I asked. "Why do my eyes matter?"
"They're a symbol of just how special you are," she said, and I could hear the motherly smile in her voice. "You can do things that no one else I've seen can do, but it's no good if you can't control it."
"I don't have anyone to teach me," I griped. How could I listen to a voice like that and persist with my complaining? Wouldn't she get sick of me soon at this rate?

        Those hands stopped toying with my hair, and one rested on my shoulder. "Take my hand," she said. "Tell me that you will trust me, and all will be revealed in time." I hesitated, unsure of what she would want me to do. This voice begged to be trusted, but I almost thought it was too good to be true.
"Tell me what you want from me," I said, my questioning nature coming back as my thinking cleared.
"I'll show you how to prevent another episode like that," she said, rubbing my upper arm. "I'll show you just how special you are."

        I listened to her words and smiled. No more rolling on the ground in pain. No more voices drowning out reality. Then again, maybe this was just another voice, and I was just crazy. Who knew? For all my great judgment, I was living in my own world of havoc and hallucinations. Just great. Now I got to decide whether I was going to embrace the fact that I was crazy or continue fighting my parents. Neither option seemed all that appealing, considering my Mom's capacity for hysterics.

        "Don't look up," she commanded, and I didn't, hoping she would give me answers if I obeyed most of her commands. "I'm just a shadow, part of your imagination. At least if they see you lying down now, they'll just think you're daydreaming." With a dopey smile on my face, I turned my head over and settled, getting around my long hair.
"I don't know that you're a shadow," I replied, braiding my hair and tying it off with a black elastic. "How can I believe that this isn't all a dream? It seems surreal enough."
"You have to trust me," she replied softly. "Just take my hand and we can escape from all this pain that is being inflicted upon you." That pale hand extended toward me again. A bracelet of shiny, black pearls encircled that delicate wrist and I touched them curiously.

        "They're real," she said, and I heard her smile once again, buried in the inflections in her voice. "As real as you and I. Now come along, Merina. Dawn is slowly finding its way home, and we still have a decision to make." My brain raced with indecision, and a few of the screaming voices crept back into my head. A tear dripped out of my eye, and I saw those pearls flash in the electric blue light of the TV as she wiped away my tear.
"I want it to stop," I whimpered, barely holding back the tears of frustration and fatigue. That was all I could choke out. Nothing else mattered, and I didn't care if she could cure me. It could be temporary.

        I blinked a couple times and then shifted my position again, keeping my hands firmly away from the hand that seemed to belong to a perfect, porcelain doll. All my life, I hadn't known about these voices, and now this lady showed up and said I was special. How did I know that it wasn't just another voice, telling me what to do? This was supposedly the sort of stuff schizophrenic people went through. Voices came into your head, and they told you to do things that were often interlaced with paranoia. This was just a voice telling me to run away from home. What would I do after that?

        "What if I don't want to run away?" I asked in my best bratty voice. "What if I want to stay with my parents, and you're just a figment of my imagination?"
"Well, they'll label you schizophrenic and shove some prozac down your throat for good measure," she replied, and I heard a soft, musical giggle. "Silly child, you're seventeen, and you still can't comprehend what's going on around you."
"I can't run away," I snapped, realizing how irritating her sarcasm had become. "I don't know where I'll go or what I'll do. Not to mention, I don't have any money."
"You don't need money where you're going," she answered smugly. "Jewel will take care of you."

        Suddenly, I remember the first time I heard this voice speaking, when I was lying on my bed. "Jewel could find her in a heartbeat." That made running away from this lackey of hers really, pathetically pointless. This "Jewel" would be able to find me anyway, and she would probably force me to come if I didn't go along of my own volition. Then again, it could be an empty threat, a ruse to force me into some sort of stupid criminal act.
"I'm not coming," I said firmly, "not until I get some answers."
"Fine," the woman said. "I'll come back tomorrow night, right here, and we'll discuss the matter further."
"Wait," I said pathetically.
"What is it?" she asked, stroking my hair.
"Can I know your name?"
"I don't have one," she replied. "I'm nothing more than a shade."

        My head slipped silently down to the floor, and I heard the rustle of clothes. A graceful yawn stole through the other woman's lips, and I smiled dumbly. Even if she was a little--heh heh-- shady, that was the first time since hearing the voices that someone had talked to me without making it sound like I had a problem. Even Dad, who was trying to be calm and collected for Mom's sake was breaking apart at the seams. Now that the woman was gone, I heard his voice creep into my head, and I listened carefully, noticing the stressed tone he had.

        "I want her to be happy," he was saying in a defeated tone. "I want Kara to be happy too. Is that just too much to ask, or is someone out there against me? Have I been a terrible father or something?" I sighed and droned out the voices as best I could. After knowing what that perfect silence felt like, it was easier to go back.

        Anyway, when my parents settled down together to have a family, they were young, just about nineteen or so. They'd actually done a fine job with parenting, but they hadn't gotten to live the part of someone's life when you usually learn about babies 101. Every once in a while, this little road block convinced them that they were bad parents, unfit to have any children. I thought they were good, and all my problems came from me, not from them. They hadn't chosen to have two children with funny eyes. They hadn't chosen to make me crazy. Chance was throwing us a curveball, and none of us were dealing with it well.

        I let my mind wander for a few minutes, but I also made sure to hold on to the silence. Before long, it had taken me over, and I was sound asleep on the living room floor.....

        When I woke up, I could't feel anything through the grogginess. Somehow, I had made it back to my bed, and a small jewel the color of my eyes rested on the nightstand. "Unh?" I mumbled, examining it carefully. Where it had been sitting, there was a note.

To Merina, as a token of my trust. Hopefully we can come to share it.

I wiped the sleep from my eyes and looked at it. Right away, I knew what I should do. Just like those black pearls, this was special, and I couldn't lose it. I took a phonebook and my coat and got ready to go for a walk on this beautiful Saturday morning. Everyone else would be sleeping in, so I had time. Grabbing my purse, I slipped out the door and started heading toward downtown.

        Everything was crowded downtown, but this was the first time I didn't enjoy it. Here, the voices began to mount to so many that it was hard to maintain my beautiful silence. They were loud, too, almost exuberant. No wonder. The first snow was falling, and a thin sheet of white made everything look very picturesque. Maybe our downtown would make the next popular Christmas card.....or maybe not.

        Suddenly, I stopped and turned into Monique's Bijouterie, or Monica's Jewelry Store, for those of us who aren't from a foreign country. The woman behind the counter was very short, with a slight build. Her black, curly hair fell to her shoulders in one mass of wide ringlets. Blue, blue eyes peered out, a smile touching them ever so gently. "Good morning," she said with a heavy accent. "How may I help you?"
"I want this set in silver," I told her, figuring that gold would be on the side of both gaudy and expensive. I had plenty of money, but if I left home, I didn't want to be stuck almost broke for the sake of making some pretty jewelry.

        "What would you like?" the saleswoman asked me with a smile. "A necklace, a ring, a locket?"
"I think I'll take a necklace. Can you make it a short chain, though?"
"I have the perfect idea!" she exclaimed, digging through some box behind the counter. Finally, she opened up a jewelry box and showed me one of the most gorgeous pieces I had ever seen. It was a short chain, with several others festooned along its length. In the center was a silver oval with a pattern of a vine and leaves engraved in it. My jaw dropped, and my hand reached eagerly for my purse.

        After I had regained control of myself, I smiled and took out my wallet. "How much does that one cost?" I asked, knowing I would probably pay whatever it was.
"A lot of people said it was too old fashioned, and it wasn't selling, so I'll take forty-nine dollars for it," she stated with a smile, happy that I loved it so much. "Also, I wouldn't want you to be unable to afford something that pleases you so much. May I see the jewel you want me to set in there?"

        I pulled the jewel out of the pocket in my purse that it had stayed in, and noticed that it didn't have a scratch. When she saw it, the woman almost squealed with delight. "I've never seen anything like this!" she proclaimed, scrutinizing the round, indigo orb. "It is perfect in every way. How did you acquire such a jewel?"
"It was a gift," I replied quietly.
"I'll have it ready by tomorrow," she replied, eager to get to work on this fascinating new project. "You can pay me then."

        Slowly, I bid the woman farewell and after noticing the time, I started running back to my house. It felt good to be running so fast that my lungs were straining, that even if I was hearing more voices, I could only concentrate on filling my lungs up again. If I didn't I would fall over dead for sure. That would be my second experience with death, and if I could help it, I didn't want to be able to have a third. Not that I didn't want to live. It was just that.....well, the pain.

        When I finally got home, it looked like everyone was up. I strolled in the door panting, pretending to be casual. "Where have you been, Merina?" Mom asked, immediately going into freak-out mode.
"I went for a run," I stated with a shrug. "Do you mind if I call Callie and Bella? I just want to see how they're doing." I didn't wait for an answer as I smiled and went upstairs with the cordless phone in hand.

        I could have dialed either of those two numbers in my sleep. Considering she was more of a morning person, I decided to call Bella first. The phone rang twice before I heard Bella's mom answer with a shaky "hello?".
"This is Merina," I said casually. "Is Bella home?"
"She's....well, she's at the hospital right now," the woman answered on the other end. I could hear her voice quivering. "Sh-she was i-in a car accident, and she had to go in for surgery."

        My mouth gaped open as I sat there in shock. What had happened that afternoon? Why would Bella have been hurt that bad. "Thank you for telling me, and....I'm sorry to have bothered you," I said breathlessly, and hung up. It could have been completely separate from the happenings of that day, but somehow I knew it wasn't. Something had happened, and it was way bigger than I could ever be.

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