Chapter 1 - The Beginning Of Doom

Sig stepped forward in the queue, awaiting the judgement as to what he will be for the rest of eternity. Another unfortunate irken stepped out of the doorway in front of him, escorted by two rather large figures “Foodcourtia?” said the small irken “Zim needs no vacation! Why are you taking Ziiim???” The small irken, Zim obviously, kept talking continuously until he could be heard no more. “Neeext…” came a voice over a loudspeaker.
Sig walked through and came up to the podium, with the two almighty tallest, Red and Purple, standing adjacent. “You are one of the finest examples of the Irken race we have to offer!” Exploded Red suddenly, which somehow hurt Sig’s ears even though he had none, but not nearly as much as the explosion hurt. “You shall be-”
“Wait, wait, wait, wait,” Intervened Purple “Is that the same speech that you wrote for the Invader’s ceremony?”
“Oh yeah, it is.” Red said. They both paused and there was a silence. “AH HAHAHAHAAAHAHAHA!”, They both burst out laughing and continued to do so for along the space of 10 minutes. “Ahhh…” Red sighed “You will be a janitor.”
“What?!? Sig cried “ Whyyyy? Sig cannot be janitor! I have my own designer label see?” He said fluttering his cape around, “Designer clothing cannot be made duuuuuurty!!”

“My head is not supposed to be that flexible…” Sig mumbled as he pryed his head off of the large metal pole that happened to be sitting outside of the judging hall. He did not remember exactly how he got there but he imagined that it cannot have been a friendly ushering out by the tallest, he remembered that it had something to do with catapults. A Sir unit suddenly came hurling out of the doorway and smacked right into Sig’s stomach. After coughing up a lot of his vital organs and such, Sig looked down at the Sir unit. It stared back at him and frowned, suddenly changing shape into a black cat and hopping up onto his shoulder. “Errmm, okay…” He liked having a Sir unit but this one seemed… creepy. A large hand gripped Sig around his antennae and picked him up, he looked at who was holding him and it turned out to be one of the same figures that had taken that other Irken, Zim. After a fair amount of walking, stepping over things, flying and dancing the figure threw Sig into a cramped ship with around ten others. All the other irkens seemed to be happy with the outcome of what their judgement was, except for one. A strange Irken, with purple slits for eyes, she looked around the room glaring at every single person. When her eyes finally got to Sig, they felt like swords, he was waiting for blood and organs and small dachshunds to start flying out of his body any moment. Sig smiled in order to try and calm the situation but realised that it wasn’t appropriate when his head had been hit into a fair number of walls in the ship’s cargo hold.
After a few hours had passed and Sig had popped all of his dislocated joints back into place, he once again looked uneasily at the strange irken, he noticed some more things about her, she had a beauty spot above her lip and a cable running from her forehead to the back. “Stop staring at me.” She snarled. Gulping down some air, Sig decided to ask “What did you get assigned?” The irken growled angrily and amazingly said “Janitorial.”
“Me too.” Replied Sig, “What did you really want to be?” Sig felt as though every word he said might get him killed by this emotionally problematic girl. “I wanted to be an invader, but Zim ruined it for me. ZIM WILL PAY!” She screamed the last part suddenly standing on her chair and the whole cargo bay staring at her. They realised not to do this after she managed to stuff them all into a single trashcan that sat at the corner of the ship. There was complete silence except for the pilot who insisted on singing his music on his headphones out loud. Sitting back down the irken said “My name’s Tak.”
“I see, my name’s Sig.” He replied while trying to deflect his eyes away from the mound of green flesh, antennae and beans sticking out of the trash can. “Well, every Invader needs to have their own Sir unit. And so obviously you need one.” Sig handed over the Sir unit to Tak and with their piercing gazes combined he swore the whole ship was going to split in half. “Thanks. I’m now one step closer to my revenge on ZIM!!” She screamed standing back up on top of her chair. One small eye peeped out from the trashcan in the corner but quickly disappeared out of view again for fear of being thrown out the airlock. Deciding not to delve to deep into who Zim was, which must have been a good idea considering that she stuffed eight unlucky Irkens into a single trashcan when his name was mentioned, Sig merely sat opposite Tak for the rest of the trip.

“Everyone off…” Said the pilot turning around at the end of the trip. He surely expected to be greeted by a bunch of unhappy Irkens but was instead greeted by a large amount of pain, courtesy of Tak. The amount of Irkens in the trashcan was now up to nine. Tak dragged the can off of the ship’s loading bay and came up close to Sig and said quietly and slowly, “Have this ship, a gift to you.” Sig blinked a few times and said “Uhhh… Okay, thankyou Tak!” Sig looked up at the rusty lunky ship again. The feeling of having his own ship finally dawned on him and a feeling of overwhelming joy came over him. “Thankyou, thankyou, thankyou!!!” He repeated bouncing, dancing and exploding regularly with joy. Sig ran up into the ship’s cargo hold, he turned around and saw Tak still standing outside, “Come on Tak!” He yelled out to her. “No, I think I’ll stay here.” Tak said with her gaze seeming a bit less lethal, “I want to construct a proper invader style ship, there’s enough here for me to create one.” Even though a few hours before Sig was having to reconstruct his body after being bounced around the cargo bay of the ship he was now standing in, he felt somewhat upset to let Tak go. “Are you sure?” Sig asked. Tak’s stare hardened and Sig realized he could have his rather flexible head disconnected from his body at any moment. “Okay.” Sig said in mutual agreement and backed off slowly onto his newly acquired ship.
When hovering higher and higher above the ground he looked down and saw Tak already constructing her ship, he tooted his Dukes of Hazzard style horn (How Sig knows of Dukes of Hazzard I really don’t know…) and flew off into the distance.

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