Chapter 2 - Useless Muppets...

When I caught up with them, they were sat around the back of a derelict building on the outskirts of an old industrial estate near the town centre.
'' 'ow are ya darlin'? We missed ya!'' Armen said, wrapping his arms around me.
As soon as I felt his hands on my arse, my knee swiftly met with his groin.
I looked down at him, grinning, as he curled into a tight ball on the floor, gasping for air as the rest of the group took a few quick steps back, cringing.
''What did I say about physical contact?''
His mouth formed the outline of some words, but only a pained squeek came out.
''Kay,'' I said, as the cans of lager melted in my hands. ''you have to do at least one good thing within the next hour, otherwise you're screwed. Possibly quite literally.'' I shuddered slightly, remembering what had happened to the male Snavar, Anna May. ''So get your arse back into town and do. Some. Good!''
Their eyes were all fixed on the lumps of tin that had permanently melted onto the cracking concrete ground.

''Wait a min...'' One of his mates burbled. ''You jus' melted them cans!''
''Whut the 'ell are you? Sum kinda magician?!'' Squeeked another.
I just grinned, grabbed Armen by his up-turned collar and hauled him to his feet.
''Fine! If yu' really that desp'rat, I'll do summut 'good'!'' He wheezed as he tried to stand up straight, before hobbling away in the direction of the town like a little old man.

Once we got into town, I had to keep jabbing him in the ribs with my gloved fingers to stop him messing about. And the few times he made a pass at me, I did what anybody with more than one working brain cell would do. Punch him. Repeatedly.
At least he tried to help people.

He helped one of his mates polish off his ciggies.
He helped himself to a bunch of grapes on a market stall, then ended up using me, his mates and random passer bys as target practice.
His latest attempt was the typical cliche of helping the little old woman to cross the road. Which he still managed to bugger up by picking her pockets and making off with her purse. I made him give it back to her, contents included, much to his disgust, and me and his mates watched from a safe distance as she battered him with her shopping bag, which we all found hysterically funny. Then I decided to go rescue him from the 4 foot nothing blue rinse granny and gave him a good hiding of my own for being a complete muppet.

''You have ten minutes left to do something good before-- Um... Look. Just do a good deed without screwing it up, kay?'' I sighed.
Ten minutes. Ten long minutes of torture left before all this was over and I could go to bed.
I could hear him and his mates behind me taking the piss, and calling me all the names under the sun. I let all the insults go. You have to die sometime, right? So the more I was insulted, the more creative their demises became... Apart from Armen's. I already had his figured out when I first saw him.
When I came to from my musings, I realised they were looking around and saying things like ''Where'd she go?''.

Then I realised that Armen's time was up, and I could finally harvest his soul. I pulled my robe on and took out my sycthe as they decided that they weren't going to miss me and continued buggering about as they walked down the street. I followed them for a while and listened to their inane chattering.
''What a freak.'' Armen chuckled.
''Woooo..... Do sumethin' good, or else something bad'll 'appen... Woooo....'' Mocked one of his mates as he wiggled his fingers in the air at Armen and they all laughed.
That was it. I'd had enough. I was hungry, tired and I had had enough of these pricks.

I tripped Armen up with the length of my sycthe and watched as he stumbled out into the road infont of an oncomming lorry. He stared at it like a rabbit and his bones crushed horribly under the wheels of the massive vehichle, leaving him in a bloody mess in the road. It was satisfying to say the least, especially to see the looks of disbeliefe and horror on his cocky mates faces.

I walked casually over to the mess in the road that was once Armen Tasmal and pulled his soul from it by the ear like an angry aunt would do to a nephew who'd just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar before tea time.
''Whut 'appened?!'' He squeeked, looking at his mangled remains.
''I just killed you.'' I said plainly. ''And since you ain't done a single good deed in your miserable life, you get to skip the Sorting Office que in Limbo and you get to take a seat on the train to Hell.'' I finished cheerfully, glad the day was over.

Before he could say anything, I shifted my grip from his studded ear and took ahold of his up-turned collar and took him directly to the underworld and waved to him as the train chugged out of the dark, twisted station and down towards Hell, with him as one of the screaming passengers.
Ah, much better. Now I could go and put my feet up and be lazy for the rest of the day.

END!

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