Chapter 3 - Hansel & Gretel
Submitted January 1, 2007 Updated January 8, 2007 Status Incomplete | Imagine the characters of Soul Calibur 2 (Well most of them) in a Fairy Tale play! How would they react? Read on to find out! Yeah I know it's random but oh well... Lol
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Chapter 3 - Hansel & Gretel
Chapter 3 - Hansel & Gretel
Once Upon A Time...
Disclaimer: Do NOT own Soul Calibur. Nuriko btw is me so I own her!!! ^_^
Hansel And Gretel
CAST:
Hansel: Kilik
Gretel: Talim
Woodcutter: Mitsurugi
Woodcutter's wife: Sophitia
Witch: Ivy
Narrator: Nuriko
(Backstage)
KILIK: Hey Talim you look quite... cute in that... (blushes slightly)
TALIM: ??? Thanks! (turns to Yunsung who is pouting) Yunsung-kun what'd you think?
YUNSUNG: Hmph whatever... How come I don't get a part in this???
NURIKO: Because you said before you didn't wanna act anymore. Isn't this a good thing then?
YUNSUNG: Yeah but then no one will be able to see me!
NURIKO: Uh that's the whole point...
XIANGHUA: Kilik-chan! How come you don't say I look good in outfits???
KILIK: .................. Ah Maxi lemme help you with that bag of VERY HEAVY plastic cups!!! (runs off)
XIANGHUA: Moh! Kilik-chan!
NURIKO: Ok people places please! We're starting now!
(Curtains go up)
NURIKO: Once upon a time, there lived a very poor family. The father was a woodcutter and although they lived very close to the woods, he didn't make much money and God only knows why...
SOPHITIA: (starts to clean "house")
KILIK AND TALIM: (comes in) Mama what's for dinner?
SOPHITIA: Nothing again my dears. I am so sorry. When father comes back we might have something to eat.
KILIK AND TALIM: (look down sadly)
XIANGHUA: Oh my poor Kilik-chan!
MITSURUGI: I'm home!
KILIK AND TALIM: Daddy!!!
MITSURUGI: Hello children how're you today?
(Audience)
YUNSUNG: (pouting because he didn't get to be in this show)
SEUNG MINA: Hmm? Yunsung, why're you pouting?
YUNSUNG: I'm not pouting! Men don't pout!
SEUNG MINA: Yeah but you're not a man... You're a kid who's pouting.
YUNSUNG: ....... Shut up! You've never even STARRED in this stupid play!
SEUNG MINA: And it's a good thing too... I mean I don't wanna be embarassed like you were... Besides, if it is such a stupid play, why're you pouting because you're not in it?
YUNSUNG: Shut up!
(Back to the show...)
NURIKO: As the two children slept, the woodcutter and his wife sat by their fire and talked.
MITSURUGI: Do you think I look fat in these pants dear? I mean, look at my @$$... It's practically sticking out...
SOPHITIA: (looks at him weirdly) Uh dear... That's not what is important right now...
MITSURUGI: What'd you mean it's not important?! So you wouldn't mind if some woman comes up to me and starts flirting with me?
SOPHITIA: (attempts to whisper) We're not married...
A RANDOM CHILD IN THE AUDIENCE: Mummy if they're not married, how come they have two children? Are they adopted? Am I adopted?!?!?!?! Omg I'm adopted?!?!?!?! Mummy what's adopted?
CHILD'S MUMMY: ................. It's uh.... It's when two parents love their children who are NOT adopted!
CHILD: Huh?
MUMMY: Just watch the show...
NURIKO: The couple were talking about the CHILDREN'S well-being and NOT their PANTS...
MITSURUGI: What? Don't you care that my pants are too tight?
EVERYONE: NO!!!
MITSURUGI: Fine! (sits down and talks in a bored voice) So what shall we do with our children? They are not really good off with us...
SOPHITIA: Maybe we should leave them in the forest, for you of all people should know that richmen go past there everyday and maybe they will be able to take care of them.
MITSURUGI: But what if there aren't any and the children end up being eaten by wolves?
SOPHITIA: Better being eaten up straight away than starve to death.
MITSURUGI: Boy you're good!
SOPHITIA: Thank you!
NURIKO: Ahem! So the next day, the woodcutter took his two children into the forest, saying that he wanted to spend a day with them but the children knew otherwise for they had eavesdropped on their parents the night before.
KILIK: (drops bread crumbs down on the ground to make a trail)
TALIM: ??????? Why not use pebbles?
KILIK: Cuz I'm older and I thought of this first! And crumbs are better!
TALIM: Ok ok! Geez...
NURIKO: ..... ANYWAY, it was soon nightfall and the trio were surrounded by nothing but trees....
TALIM: (snuggles up to Mitsurugi) I'm scared...
MITSURUGI: (gets up) You two stay together and I will go look for firewood to build a fire.
KILIK: Oh now you go... Great dad...
NURIKO: AHEM!
KILIK: I mean; Alright father... We will be here waiting for you...
NURIKO: As the woodcutter left, both Kilik and Talim... I mean Hansel and Gretel cuddled together for warmth, knowing that their father would never come back...
(Audience)
XIANGHUA: How dare Talim snuggle up to my Kilik-chan?!?!?!?!
YUNSUNG: Forget that! Nuriko FINALLY made a mistake! AHA!!!
AUDIENCE: Shh!!!
(Back to the show...)
NURIKO: The next day...
KILIK: Now see my lil sis! For the trail that will lead us home is...not there...
TALIM: I told you we should've used pebbles! At least they won't get eaten by animals in the night! Now we're lost!
KILIK: Uh... Don't worry! I know where to go! Uh... THAT way!
TALIM: (THOUGHTS: If we WERE lost, I'd kill you off for sure...)
NURIKO: (stops herself from snapping at people) So the two children followed the path that Hansel supposedly said to be the path back but they soon realized that it was the wrong was for they came to...
KILIK: Omg look! A house made outta sweets!
TALIM: (rubs eyes to double-check) It IS! You're FIALLY right! Maybe we shouldn't go though... What do you think brother? Brother?
KILIK: (runs to the house like it's the only thing in sight) FOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!
NURIKO: (THOUGHTS: I did say excitedly but not that much...)
TALIM: Are you... (stomach growls) (THOUGHTS: Man, when Nuriko said I shouldn't eat cuz I'm gonna hurl today... She lied... She wants to embarass me!!!) Alright... (goes over to the house and starts eating)
IVY: (comes out of the house dressed in her usual slutty oufit, making the men stare) Hello children... Like my house?
NURIKO: (THOUGHTS: ARGH!!! What's up with these people?!?!?!?! She's not supposed to wear THAT!!!!!)
KILIK AND TALIM: (after turning their eyes away from the outift) Yes we do...
IVY: Maybe you'd want to eat something that is NOT used to make my house... Come on in...
NURIKO: Gretel wasn't sure about trusting this...scary woman but her brother, oblivious to the bad aura, accepted the woman's offer. The two children entered and had the best time of their lives, well, for Hansel anyway...
KILIK: (all fat and chained to the wall but doesn't care because he keeps eating)
TALIM: (sweeping the floor and working basically)
IVY: (laughs maniacally) Gretel! Stoke the fire! We'll be having delicious meat today! (leaves)
TALIM: Y-yes ma'am... (slowly walks to the oven and stokes fire) Psst! Hansel!
KILIK: (stuffing his face with cakes) What?
TALIM: We have to get you out of here! The witch is going to eat you!
KILIK: Nonsense! She loves us!
TALIM: Yeah, she loves us nice and fat so she can roast us and eat us! Why'd you think you're only being stuffed with sweets and cakes and not healthy stuff?
KILIK: .............. shoot GET ME OUTTA HERE!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!
TALIM: Shh!!! I've got a plan! Oh no! The fire's gone out!
IVY: (comes out) Well then start it up again!
TALIM: I don't know how...
IVY: Stupid insolent child! Here, I'll show you! (bends over and all the men stare at her @$$)
TALIM: (pushed her into the fire and shuts door) She's dead! (frees Kilik)
KILIK: Let's go!
TALIM: But father and mother don't want us anymore... What's the point in going back? We'll just make their lives worse...
KILIK: ... Not with these! (takes the candies) With this much food, we'll be able to last a lifetime!
TALIM: That's the smartest thing you've said this whole time!
KILIK: Thanks and...hey!
TALIM: Let's go!
NURIKO: So the two children, with their endless supply of food, found their way back to their parents and they lived happily ever after. The End.
(Backstage)
NURIKO: Great work you guys!
XIANGHUA: Where's Kilik-chan?
KILIK: (working out) Gotta-get-into-shape-again-or-else-won't-be-liked...
NURIKO: Mentioned something about getting in shape... But anyway, see you guys next time for Cinderella!
IVY: Are you STILL going to do it eventhough we embarassed you?
NURIKO: Yeah, cuz it's fun and I love it! So... Cya next time!
Disclaimer: Do NOT own Soul Calibur. Nuriko btw is me so I own her!!! ^_^
Hansel And Gretel
CAST:
Hansel: Kilik
Gretel: Talim
Woodcutter: Mitsurugi
Woodcutter's wife: Sophitia
Witch: Ivy
Narrator: Nuriko
(Backstage)
KILIK: Hey Talim you look quite... cute in that... (blushes slightly)
TALIM: ??? Thanks! (turns to Yunsung who is pouting) Yunsung-kun what'd you think?
YUNSUNG: Hmph whatever... How come I don't get a part in this???
NURIKO: Because you said before you didn't wanna act anymore. Isn't this a good thing then?
YUNSUNG: Yeah but then no one will be able to see me!
NURIKO: Uh that's the whole point...
XIANGHUA: Kilik-chan! How come you don't say I look good in outfits???
KILIK: .................. Ah Maxi lemme help you with that bag of VERY HEAVY plastic cups!!! (runs off)
XIANGHUA: Moh! Kilik-chan!
NURIKO: Ok people places please! We're starting now!
(Curtains go up)
NURIKO: Once upon a time, there lived a very poor family. The father was a woodcutter and although they lived very close to the woods, he didn't make much money and God only knows why...
SOPHITIA: (starts to clean "house")
KILIK AND TALIM: (comes in) Mama what's for dinner?
SOPHITIA: Nothing again my dears. I am so sorry. When father comes back we might have something to eat.
KILIK AND TALIM: (look down sadly)
XIANGHUA: Oh my poor Kilik-chan!
MITSURUGI: I'm home!
KILIK AND TALIM: Daddy!!!
MITSURUGI: Hello children how're you today?
(Audience)
YUNSUNG: (pouting because he didn't get to be in this show)
SEUNG MINA: Hmm? Yunsung, why're you pouting?
YUNSUNG: I'm not pouting! Men don't pout!
SEUNG MINA: Yeah but you're not a man... You're a kid who's pouting.
YUNSUNG: ....... Shut up! You've never even STARRED in this stupid play!
SEUNG MINA: And it's a good thing too... I mean I don't wanna be embarassed like you were... Besides, if it is such a stupid play, why're you pouting because you're not in it?
YUNSUNG: Shut up!
(Back to the show...)
NURIKO: As the two children slept, the woodcutter and his wife sat by their fire and talked.
MITSURUGI: Do you think I look fat in these pants dear? I mean, look at my @$$... It's practically sticking out...
SOPHITIA: (looks at him weirdly) Uh dear... That's not what is important right now...
MITSURUGI: What'd you mean it's not important?! So you wouldn't mind if some woman comes up to me and starts flirting with me?
SOPHITIA: (attempts to whisper) We're not married...
A RANDOM CHILD IN THE AUDIENCE: Mummy if they're not married, how come they have two children? Are they adopted? Am I adopted?!?!?!?! Omg I'm adopted?!?!?!?! Mummy what's adopted?
CHILD'S MUMMY: ................. It's uh.... It's when two parents love their children who are NOT adopted!
CHILD: Huh?
MUMMY: Just watch the show...
NURIKO: The couple were talking about the CHILDREN'S well-being and NOT their PANTS...
MITSURUGI: What? Don't you care that my pants are too tight?
EVERYONE: NO!!!
MITSURUGI: Fine! (sits down and talks in a bored voice) So what shall we do with our children? They are not really good off with us...
SOPHITIA: Maybe we should leave them in the forest, for you of all people should know that richmen go past there everyday and maybe they will be able to take care of them.
MITSURUGI: But what if there aren't any and the children end up being eaten by wolves?
SOPHITIA: Better being eaten up straight away than starve to death.
MITSURUGI: Boy you're good!
SOPHITIA: Thank you!
NURIKO: Ahem! So the next day, the woodcutter took his two children into the forest, saying that he wanted to spend a day with them but the children knew otherwise for they had eavesdropped on their parents the night before.
KILIK: (drops bread crumbs down on the ground to make a trail)
TALIM: ??????? Why not use pebbles?
KILIK: Cuz I'm older and I thought of this first! And crumbs are better!
TALIM: Ok ok! Geez...
NURIKO: ..... ANYWAY, it was soon nightfall and the trio were surrounded by nothing but trees....
TALIM: (snuggles up to Mitsurugi) I'm scared...
MITSURUGI: (gets up) You two stay together and I will go look for firewood to build a fire.
KILIK: Oh now you go... Great dad...
NURIKO: AHEM!
KILIK: I mean; Alright father... We will be here waiting for you...
NURIKO: As the woodcutter left, both Kilik and Talim... I mean Hansel and Gretel cuddled together for warmth, knowing that their father would never come back...
(Audience)
XIANGHUA: How dare Talim snuggle up to my Kilik-chan?!?!?!?!
YUNSUNG: Forget that! Nuriko FINALLY made a mistake! AHA!!!
AUDIENCE: Shh!!!
(Back to the show...)
NURIKO: The next day...
KILIK: Now see my lil sis! For the trail that will lead us home is...not there...
TALIM: I told you we should've used pebbles! At least they won't get eaten by animals in the night! Now we're lost!
KILIK: Uh... Don't worry! I know where to go! Uh... THAT way!
TALIM: (THOUGHTS: If we WERE lost, I'd kill you off for sure...)
NURIKO: (stops herself from snapping at people) So the two children followed the path that Hansel supposedly said to be the path back but they soon realized that it was the wrong was for they came to...
KILIK: Omg look! A house made outta sweets!
TALIM: (rubs eyes to double-check) It IS! You're FIALLY right! Maybe we shouldn't go though... What do you think brother? Brother?
KILIK: (runs to the house like it's the only thing in sight) FOOOOOD!!!!!!!!!!
NURIKO: (THOUGHTS: I did say excitedly but not that much...)
TALIM: Are you... (stomach growls) (THOUGHTS: Man, when Nuriko said I shouldn't eat cuz I'm gonna hurl today... She lied... She wants to embarass me!!!) Alright... (goes over to the house and starts eating)
IVY: (comes out of the house dressed in her usual slutty oufit, making the men stare) Hello children... Like my house?
NURIKO: (THOUGHTS: ARGH!!! What's up with these people?!?!?!?! She's not supposed to wear THAT!!!!!)
KILIK AND TALIM: (after turning their eyes away from the outift) Yes we do...
IVY: Maybe you'd want to eat something that is NOT used to make my house... Come on in...
NURIKO: Gretel wasn't sure about trusting this...scary woman but her brother, oblivious to the bad aura, accepted the woman's offer. The two children entered and had the best time of their lives, well, for Hansel anyway...
KILIK: (all fat and chained to the wall but doesn't care because he keeps eating)
TALIM: (sweeping the floor and working basically)
IVY: (laughs maniacally) Gretel! Stoke the fire! We'll be having delicious meat today! (leaves)
TALIM: Y-yes ma'am... (slowly walks to the oven and stokes fire) Psst! Hansel!
KILIK: (stuffing his face with cakes) What?
TALIM: We have to get you out of here! The witch is going to eat you!
KILIK: Nonsense! She loves us!
TALIM: Yeah, she loves us nice and fat so she can roast us and eat us! Why'd you think you're only being stuffed with sweets and cakes and not healthy stuff?
KILIK: .............. shoot GET ME OUTTA HERE!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!
TALIM: Shh!!! I've got a plan! Oh no! The fire's gone out!
IVY: (comes out) Well then start it up again!
TALIM: I don't know how...
IVY: Stupid insolent child! Here, I'll show you! (bends over and all the men stare at her @$$)
TALIM: (pushed her into the fire and shuts door) She's dead! (frees Kilik)
KILIK: Let's go!
TALIM: But father and mother don't want us anymore... What's the point in going back? We'll just make their lives worse...
KILIK: ... Not with these! (takes the candies) With this much food, we'll be able to last a lifetime!
TALIM: That's the smartest thing you've said this whole time!
KILIK: Thanks and...hey!
TALIM: Let's go!
NURIKO: So the two children, with their endless supply of food, found their way back to their parents and they lived happily ever after. The End.
(Backstage)
NURIKO: Great work you guys!
XIANGHUA: Where's Kilik-chan?
KILIK: (working out) Gotta-get-into-shape-again-or-else-won't-be-liked...
NURIKO: Mentioned something about getting in shape... But anyway, see you guys next time for Cinderella!
IVY: Are you STILL going to do it eventhough we embarassed you?
NURIKO: Yeah, cuz it's fun and I love it! So... Cya next time!
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