Chapter 2 - Eggshells!!!! XDD

TTfan1: Okay, we’re back.
Itachi: *sigh* Unfortunately.
Sasuke: (duct-taped to chair) MMPH!!! *bounces up and down*
Raphael: (hands super-glued to armrests) T_T;
TTfan1: (waves glue gun) Now, there shall be no more DISTRACTIONS, now WILL there?!
Itachi: Dear Lord, I hope not. -__-;
Naruto: Why am I shackled to the stage?! >: *angry*
TTfan1: (sniffs) Comic relief.
Itachi: Effective comic relief.
Sasuke: MMPH!!! >:(
TTfan1: If you won’t be quiet, we’ll have to resort to Or Else.
Sasuke: Mnn? ._.

Translation: What’s “Or Else”?

Itachi: It’s OR ELSE, dear little brother.
Sasuke: Mnph?

Translation: Does Or Else include rape?

Itachi: Urm, no.
Sasuke: Nnn. T_T

Translation: Aww.

Raphael: If it makes you feel better, you can rape me! :)
Sasuke: HMM!!! ^_____________^

Translation: (Does it really NEED one?)

TTfan1: There shall be no gay sex while the camera is on!
Raphael: None? Like, at all?
TTfan1: NONE! >:
Raphael: Well, that sucks!
Sasuke: Mmm-hmm. U_U
Naruto: I don’t care, as long as I don’t have to experience it in any way.
Raphael: Oh, you will. YOU WILL.
Naruto: ... *stares straight ahead*
Sasuke: Mmmm mnph hmmm hmm hmmmmmm!!! ^^

Translation: ???

Itachi: Uh, what? o_o
Sasuke: Mmmm mnph hmmm hmm hmmmmmm!!! ^^
TTfan1: Raphael, take the tape off.
Raphael: (stretches over, grasps tape in teeth and tears it off of Sasuke’s face)
Sasuke: OWW!!! ><
Raphael: Um, sorry. (spits tape out) Blegh. >_o
Itachi: I have to pee. -__-;
TTfan1: Then go.
Itachi: Okay. (walks offstage)
.
.
.
Naruto: HE’S FINALLY GONE!
TTfan1: Now, everyone, STAY quiet. We have a SECRET to share with you all.
Audience: ? ._.
Naruto: And I’ll tell you if you’ll unchain me!
TTfan1: No need, I’LL tell them. ^_^
Naruto: Damn! >:
TTfan1: (stuffs sock into Naruto’s mouth)
Naruto: MMPH! >:
TTfan1: Okay, so WHO KNEW that ITACHI kept a DIARY?
Sasuke: Me.
TTfan1: Other than you. T_T
Sasuke: I dunno.
TTfan1: Exactly. (hold up purple-bound book) AND I READ IT.
Sasuke: YOU BAD GIRL!
TTfan1: I don’t care what YOU think!
Sesshomaru: READ IT! XDD
TTfan1: Now?
Sakura: Yes, NOW!
Kyo: I have a schedule, you know. T_T
TTfan1: Let’s! ^^ (opens book) Ahem. “Beloved Diary, how I missed you! I counted the minutes – no, the SECONDS until I was able to confide my deepest, most embarrassing secrets to you again. If I don’t, it all bottles up in my very core, and I might just do another one of those genocide numbers. But there is one thing I have been keeping back from you, my sweet Diary. I regret forcing you to shoulder my extensive emotions, but I must tell you, and it must be told now. I am--”
Itachi: (comes back) Whew, that was a RELIEF! …Wait, what are you doing?
TTfan1: Nothing! (hides diary)
Itachi: What’s that?! (points)
TTfan1: Junk mail.
Audience: Yeah, junk mail. IRS bills and crap like that. -___-;;
Itachi: (holds out hand) Let me see them. You’re too young to fully understand all those big words.
TTfan1: (steps back) Uh, no, it’s fine! I got it covered! Really!
Itachi: Just let me see. (steps forward)
TTfan1: N-No! O_O;
Itachi: You’re hiding something!
TTfan1: No, I’m not!
Itachi: Yes, you ARE!
TTfan1: NO I’M NOT!
Itachi: (LUNGE)
TTfan1: (DART)
Itachi: You come back here! >:
TTfan1: NEVER!
Itachi: (starts chasing TTfan1)
Audience: Screw if he finds out!! Finish it!! What’s the big secret?!!
TTfan1: (reads and runs at same time) “I am--”
Itachi: THAT’S MY PRIVATE DIARY!! GIVE IT BACK!!! (runs faster)
TTfan1: (circles stage merrily) Catch me if you can!
Itachi: GIVE IT BACK!!!!
TTfan1: (starts reading again) “I am, at least, I THINK I am in love. No, I KNOW it. That’s right, LOVE. The most powerful force in the universe, LOVE.” It goes on like that for a while… (flips page) “How do I know this? I don’t know. It reminds me of a thing that Deidara said, once. He said, ‘You won’t know when, and you won’t know how, and you won’t know WHY… but you’ll know.’ And I DO know. I know it with every fiber of my being, I KNOW! And the one I adore is--”
Itachi: (starts screaming) -!!!
TTfan1: BE QUIET! >: They can’t hear!! (stops, turns to face him)
Itachi: (TACKLE)
TTfan1: ACK! O_O
Audience: (watches as violent noises come from the stage)

***

TTfan1: T_T (black eye)
Itachi: (clutches diary)
Naruto: …
Sesshomaru: …The silence is deafening.
TTfan1: Yes, it is. =__=;
Itachi: Nobody touches the Diary. NOBODY. >:
TTfan1: That’s what I learned today. U_U Other than why Ichigo’s Japanese sword is white and black.
Ichigo: (in second row) And WHY is that? :)
TTfan1: The black part is low-carbon steel, for flexibility, and the white half is high-carbon steel, for strength!
Ichigo: I taught you well. V_V
TTfan1: ^__^
Itachi: …As long as my diary isn’t involved.
TTfan1: That’s fine. I don’t need the book itself. ^^ (clicks remote)
Projector: (turns on again)
Screen: ITACHI’S DIARY: THE MYSTERIES REVEALED
TTfan1: I had it typed up and got it ready to publish!
Itachi: WH-WHA?!!
TTfan1: It’s okay! You’ll be, like, a villainous Anne Frank!
Itachi: Anne Frank wrote about her period in her diary!! O_________O
TTfan1: Exactly!! ^_______^
Itachi: NOOO!!! ////////// *sobs* TT_________TT
TTfan1: (clicks remote) :)
Screen: (changes)
TTfan1: (reads off screen) “The one I adore above all, the one I cherish, the one I hold dear, is none other than--”
Itachi: (destroys projector with laser vison) >:
TTfan1: D:
Kyo: (cracks up)
Itachi: All you need to know about my diary is that I HATE Tobi. -_-
Tobi: (pokes head onto set) You can’t possibly MEAN that, Itachi-san!
Itachi: (shoots at him with laser vision) -!
Tobi: Eek!!
TTfan1: Hey, guys. I keep accidentally typing Itachi’s name as ‘Itchi’. ^_^
Sesshomaru: Wow And I thought Fluffy was embarrassing.
Tobi: Itchi-san, please stop, I beg of you!!!! (gets shot at again) *dodges behind table*
Itachi: *rotates on heel and starts absorbing energy* (eyes glow red)
TTfan1: Where did you get laser vision? ._.
Itachi: (without looking at TTfan1) I took out Superman.
TTfan1: When was this?
Itachi: Friday. T_T
Naruto: Do we ever get to find out who Itachi has this mondo crush on?
Itachi: (whirls around) IT’S NOT A CRUSH!!! WE ARE SOULMATES!!! >: *keeps gathering energy particles*
Konan: *magicky POOF* Who left this freaky bag of flaming dog shoot on my porch?!!
Itachi: *SURPRISED* (accidentally fires laser vision at Konan) ..Oops.
Konan: (holds up mirror) *reflects it off*
Sasuke: (gets hit by beam) OW!!! >_<
Konan: Aw, shaddup. T_T
Sasuke: (fights against duct tape) MEAN LADY!!! DX
Raphael: Calm down, Sasuke. -_-; (still glued to chair)
Konan: Now who left the shoot?!
Kyo: (points at Ichigo)
Ichigo: (points at Kyo)
Konan: Whatever. I smell FOOD. +_+
TTfan1: (holds out tray of cookies) ^_^
Naruto: When did you make those?!
TTfan1: When you weren’t paying attention. :)
Konan: (gives cookie to Tobi)
Tobi: HOORAY! XD *munch*
Konan: (holds out cookie to Itachi)
Itachi: (stares at it) o_o
Konan: (shakes cookie impatiently) >:
Itachi: (doesn’t move) o_o
Konan: Are you dead? ._.
Itachi: (falls over like a board) x_x
Sasuke: WTF?
Naruto: Can I keep the body? ^^
TTfan1: Zetsu’s gonna wanna eat it.
Naruto: (resentfully) ZETSU… =_=
TTfan1: What are you planning?
Naruto: Nothing. Nothing at all… (unconvincing)
TTfan1: Right…
Konan: (pokes Itachi with a stick) o.o
Itachi: (clutches diary) O.O;
Tobi: Actually, these cookies are really good! *munch munch* ^________^
TTfan1: What do you mean, ACTUALLY?!! >:
Tobi: Uh…. >_>; *munch*
Konan: I’m still hungry. (keeps poking Itachi’s lifeless body)
TTfan1: Well, I WAS saving them for Deidara – IF he ever showed up – but I DID make fish sticks. They’re okay. (takes them out from under table)
Kisame: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! *flies out of nowhere*
TTfan1: HOLY HELL!!! (ducks and covers)
Naruto: DEAR GOD! *FLINCH*
Kisame: (grabs fish sticks, plunks them in fish bowl) Fish are FRIENDS!!! NOT FOOD!!! >_<
Fish Sticks: *sink to bottom*
Kisame: *watches them anxiously* O.O
Raphael: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOkay then. o_o;
Konan: Itachi’s dead. T_T
Kisame: Ah ha ha! No he’s not! ^_^
Konan: ? ._.
Kisame: (splashes water from fish bowl on Itachi’s head) :D
Itachi: *SPLUTTER* (SUDDEN INTAKE OF BREATH!) *jumps up not facing Kisame, really strained expression*
Kisame: See? He’s not dead at ALL!!! XDD
Itachi: *soaking wet* (whips body around without moving feet) KISAME!
Kisame: Yes? ^_^
Itachi: *OUTRAGED* YOU WARPED, PERVERSE LITTLE BA—

This portion of our show has been edited for extreme profane language. Please stand by until our producers figure out how to cut out this problem. We thank you for your cooperation. Have a good day! ^___^

Good MORNING to YOU! Start your day off bright and SHINY, get up off your little HEINEY, and go start your happy day! XD

Itachi: -!!!!!!! *scary face!*
Kisame: Well, that’s all well and good… I suppose. O_O;
TTfan1: Heh heh heh… He called you a sick @#$%&@@%#&@#$%%%&. :)
Konan: At least he’s back to normal, right? Even if his blood pressure’s skyrocketed.
Itachi: (whips around again) AND YOU-!
Konan: Yup? ._.
Itachi: *deer in the headlights* O_________________O
Konan: WHAT IS HIS ISSUE?!!! >:
Kisame: Oh, you didn’t know? Itachi-san has this really creepy crush on you. (realizes what he said) NO! WAIT! I MEANT--
Itachi: (MENACING) KISAME…!
Kisame: Oh, DAMN! *CRINGE*
Itachi: (draws really REALLY sharp kunai) I’m going to ENJOY this, Kisame. *menacing look*
Kisame: ..Can I start running now?
Itachi: If you wish to survive. =_= *flicks kunai upward*
Kisame: (takes off flailing arms and screaming) -!!!
Itachi: (silently goes in for the kill)
Naruto: … O__O;
Konan: (takes out earplugs) Oh, sorry. I didn’t catch that. What did he say?
TTfan1: (smacks forehead, then Naruto for laughing)
Naruto: Ow! >:
TTfan1: Shut up, Naruto.
Naruto: (hurt) *sniffle*
TTfan1: Don’t tell me you’re CRYING! >:
Konan: You know you did it right if you make someone cry. ^^ (raises finger)
Kisame: (comes back with fishbowl on head) T_T
Fish: (swim playfully around the shark-like predator just unleashed unto their marine environment)
Itachi: (wearing BOYS LIKE GIRLS T-shirt) *sigh*
Kisame: Are we done yet? T_T
TTfan1: Not yet. We STILL have to collect the votes. Then we get down time. U_U
Naruto: PASS THE DAMNED SHOES BACK!!! >:
Konan: Why are Itachi’s shoes in the audience? ._.
Deidara: (finally shows up) Am I too late? Un?
Kisame: No. You’re just in time to see who gets the romantic candlelit night.
Deidara: YES!!! Un! >_>;
TTfan1: (pulls paper out of first shoe) It says Raphael AND Sasuke.
Sasuke: Hooray!!! XDD
Raphael: I told you it would work. ^_^
Sasuke: I was wrong to ever doubt you. V_V
Raphael: Yes, you were. T_T
Naruto: *cries* -!!!
Deidara: Pull MY name out! I have to get footage of this, un! XD
TTfan1: (pulls out name) Ichigo?
Ichigo: EWWWW!!! I DIDN’T PUT MY NAME IN THERE!!!!
Rukia: I put it in there FOR you. You NEED a love life, Ichigo. U_U
Ichigo: WITH OTHER MEN?!! O_O
Rukia: Anywhere you can get it.
Deidara: A foursome, un? (rubs hands together) *smirk*
Tobi: This is really random and all, but WHO remembers that time when I dressed up like Konan and made out with Itachi?
Itachi: I don’t recall that. -_-;
Tobi: You were drunk! ^_______^
Itachi: I HATE YOU!!!
Konan: Don’t we all?
Tobi: *GASP!* B-But you gave me a COOKIE!
Konan: Immersing you in a false sense of security. U_U
Tobi: *cries* YOU PEOPLE DON’T KNOW WHAT I GO THROUGH!!! EVERY DAY, I’M DISCRIMINATED AGAINST JUST BECAUSE I’M LATINO!
Kisame: You’re not Latino. ._.
Tobi: STOP RUBBING IT IN!!!! *WAIL* (runs offstage, knocks over table and three chairs)
Itachi: …
TTfan1: Well, at least he’s out of our hair, right?
Deidara: Actually, no. I might just have to borrow Itachi’s shampoo to get the stench of Tobi out.
Konan: He’s polluted my brain. T_T
Itachi: I would like to know your interests. Would you mind telling them to me?
Konan: What? ._.
Itachi: I SAID TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU?!!
Naruto: O_O
Sesshomaru: WTF?
Sasuke: Cool.
Raphael: He’s still not as good a drag queen as YOU are, honey. ^^ *moves fingers merrily*
Sasuke: *wriggles against tape* Oh, STOP. /////
Itachi: *gets into it* HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CARRY ON, WHEN ALL THAT I’VE BEEN LIVING FOR IS GONE?!?!?!?? ><
Konan: He’s scaring me.
Rukia: (pushes Ichigo down the aisle)
Ichigo: *panicking* I DON’ WANNA!!!
Naruto: (struggles against chains) NEITHER DO I!!!!
Sasuke: Can somebody PLEASE cut me free?
Raphael: And bring me some Goo-Gone. T_T
TTfan1: I suppose we DO need a commercial break. >_>;
Itachi: (stalks Konan around the stage) Haru no hikari atsumetara hana sakasete! Natsu wa tsuki ukabu, umi de mitsumete! Aki no kaze fuyu, no yuki mo! Sono toiki de atatamete hoshii!!! Four seasons with your love!! Mou ichi dou!!!!!!!!!!! ><
Konan: Erm, I have to go now-! O_O;
Itachi: (clings to her leg) Negai dake no yakusoku wa!!! Toki ga tateba iroaseru!!!! Can you feel me underneath the skin? Anna ni!! Kasaneta omoi nara!!! We'll be alright!!! Shinjite ireba sou!!! Donna tookute mo!!!! Stay with ME!!! >_______<
Konan: *POOF*
Itachi: *curses God on knees*
Deidara: Cough cough, un.

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