Chapter 2 - the big black cigar

One day a man walks into a train station. The man walks up to the secretary at the central desk. “May I help you?” says the secretary. “Yes”, begins the man, “I'm here to apply for the train conductor job for track 12'”.

“Oh, you're in luck!” says the secretary “no one is scheduled to apply for that job, I'll see if you can go right in”

The secretary walked off into the back area of the central offices. She took an abnormally long time; the man began to get nervous. Finally the secretary returned and escorted the man to the back office. In side the manager of track 12 greeted him:

`Hullo my boy how yaw doing? Please, please have a seat”

The man did so.

“Now', began the manager, “From what I here you want to be a conductor for my trains? Why would you want a job like that?”



“W-e-w-ww” stuttered the man, “I'm sorry sir I'm very nervous, do you mind if I smoke?”

The manager laughed and pointed to an ash tray filled with old cigarette stubs'

“O' course not”

The man then reached into his coat pocket and pulled from it a large black cigar. The man if in almost a trance promptly stuck it in his mouth and lit it; He then took a long, deep, drag, and released it. The man's complexion completely changed, he became relaxed and spoke coolly.

“Ever since I was a little boy I wanted to be a conductor, even after the other kinds laughed at me I swore I would make my dream come true.”

The manager was touched

“Son” started the manager, “your tale has touched my heart, and I would be honored to fulfill you dream. You start on Monday”

Monday came and so did the man. He walked to the train locker room and prepared himself for his job. When he was all ready he went out on the platform.



Meanwhile the manager was working happily in his office. All of a sudden the phone rings

“Sir”, says the secretary on the other end of the phone, “you better look outside…”

Confused the manager leaves his office. What he sees horrifies him: the man he had hired was yelling at the passengers, carelessly handling luggage (Even the ones with fragile on it), he even saw him push an old couple onto the train because they were taking to long

“WHAT THE ^@! %*#&! ARE YOU DOING!!?”

“My JOB what do you think?” Replyed the man.

“You imbecile that's not how you do this job, I've lost valuable customers because of you, your FIRED!!!



And he promptly kicked the man out.



Later in the day the man is sitting next to a road contemplating his situation

“Man what am I going to do”, he thought, “I'm going to lose my home, and be forced on to the streets” the man eventually decides what he's going to do…



A few hours later he walks into a bank, right up to a teller and pulls out a gun

“NO ONE MOVE, GIVE ME ALL THE MONEY YOU HAVE!!” he shouted

The teller is very nervous and takes too long, in a panic the man shoots him and runs off

And is met by the full force of the police outside. They arrest him, and the man is put on death row

After a few months his death penalty is decided, Death by electric chair. So on that day the guards strap him in to the Chair pt water on his head, Etch. The Judge presiding over the death offers him a last request. The man thinks but he's very nervous and it takes him a while, finally he says: “I want one of my favorite brand of cigars”

So they bring him one of those big black cigars and put it in his mouth, light it and he takes a Long drag of it and releases it slowly.

“Ok I'm ready”, he says in a cool, calm voice

The judge signals for the switch to be pulled. The man is shaking as the electricity flows through him they let it run for one minute then they shut it of.

The paramedics run up to the body and examine him; the paramedic with the heart monitor suddenly jumps back. “What's wrong?” asks the judge.

“He's not dead!”

“WHAT!”

And surly enough the man was blinking his eyes open. Feeling he cannot try and kill some one twice the judge lets him go.



So the man is on the streets again. He know knows there is no way he can reassemble his life at this point. In his despair he goes into a liquor store where he picks up a case of beer, and a package of those big black cigars. As he approaches the casher he picks up a large glass bottle and smashes it to make a weapon and begins to threaten the casher for all of the money he has. The casher has been threatened many times and in worse ways he was prepared, from underneath the counter he pulls out a shotgun, the man sees this and grabs it, he and the Casher fight over it for a bit. Finally the man pushes the casher into the shelves that contain all the glass bottles. The bottles break and the shards go into his spine killing him instantly.

The man rushes out of the store but again is caught by the police (a Good Samaritan had seen what happened and called the police)

Again the man goes on death row, and sentenced to death by electric Chair. He is prepared again but this time there is a catch, all of North America's power grids are going into this one execution. The judge again asks him for a last request. The man is so nervous he can hardly speak, he finally utters: “c.c...Cigars!” They fulfill his request, stick the big black cigar and light it; he takes a long drag of it and releases it slowly.

“O.K., I'm ready” he says in a cool calm voice.

They throw the switch and the Electricity starts flowing through him

The man is violently shaking and occasionally his skeleton flashes. From space you can see lights going on and off all over the North American continent. They finally stop it and the man looks up (very surprised and flabbergasted)

“DAMN”, said the judge tearing his hair out

He has no choice but to let him go







The man decides not to divvy from his path of crime but to do something less dangerous to human life. So one day on the streets he grabs an old ladies purse. However the old lady is tough and holds on tight, she and the man fight over the purse and the man, being much stronger than an old lady, spins her causing the old lady to lose her balance and falls into oncoming traffic.



The man is immediately taken to the execution center and thrown into the electric chair. They stick a big black cigar into his mouth, light it, and lower him into a pit with a layer of water in the bottom. The judge gives the order to throw the switch; the person who does so pulls it and dives behind a pile of sandbags. The catch this time is that they have linked a power grid from North & South America, Europe, Asia, and parts of Africa (as well as all of the batteries in the city). Since the man is in the pit the only thing seen is flashes of light then all goes black. From space the entire earth is black for the first time in years after a few minutes the power comes back on. They bring up the man and he's just sitting there…………………………………… …………………………………………long dramatic pause……………………………...

……………….smoking his big black cigar.



The Judge was horrified. He burst out into the chamber and almost in tears says:

“I DON'T GET IT, HOW ARE YOU NOT DEAD!!!?”



“Well” said the man in his cool, calm voice, “I guess I'm just a bad conductor.”

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