Chapter 1 - Sonic (Part 1)

Station Square

*It is night time in station Square. It is raining and the homeless are taking shelter in cardboard boxes. A helicopter is flying through the air dangerously close to the buildings and magically leaves them untouched. Also it is being followed by Navi/Tikal. Sonic soon arrives running on the buildings which is impossible to do in the actual game until he stops on top of a large building*

Sonic: Man, it's great to be back! This place hasn't changed one bit!

*Sonic looks down to see a homeless old man weakly crawling across the street to the Train Station for shelter but is run over by a taxi in the process*

Sonic: Yeah. Not a bit.

*Our hero soon notices a billion police cars driving like utter maniacs towards city hall and almost swerving out of control in the process*

Sonic: *jumps down from the huge building with no injuries what-so-ever* What's up with those guys??? *SPINDASHES* *takes off towards town hall in a blue blur creating a sonic boom and sending hundreds of people flying onto broken pieces of glass and whatnot*

Town Hall

Rofl Copter: *ROFL ROFL ROFL*

Police Cars: *--*

*A big watery monster thing jumps off of city hall's roof and lands near the police men*

Police Chief: Alright men! Let's foolishly shoot the damn thing even though we know full well that our bullets will go right through it!

*The police men fire their handguns and sawed-off shotguns and Spartan Lasers- wait, what?-but the monster remains untoutched*

Monster: GRRR. *he stretches his arm towards the police chief at blinding speed*

Police Chief: O- *he is caught off by the monster's (I'm just gonna call him Chaos to save time, kay?) arm impaling him in the stomach and ripping out his final cord in a scene so bloody, gorrifying and uncalled for that you could never in your dreams see it in a no-budget parody like this one*

Chaos: Grr.

The Police Men: *They all run off screaming in terror. One of them has shoot in his pants*

Sonic: *He arrives on the scene jumping on a police car. He sees [the-now-red-from-impaling-the-poor-rent-a-cop] Chaos* Heh. This oughta be fun! *He jumps off the police car and does a homing attack at Chaos' [brain-thingy-in-the-middle-of-his-forehead]*

Chaos: *He hit by the attack and falls over, turning into a puddle of water and escaping through the sewer system. He is now a brown-green-red color from the combination of blood, piss and shoot he has touched*

Sonic: *He looks down into the drain with a disgusted look on his face from the sight of the shootty-Pissy-Bloody Chaos*

*Atop the building is a man who is dressed in red, heavily intoxicated with beer and stands out like a circus in a Manson Family esque neighborhood. He is shouting at the top of his voice, but Sonic is too stupid/deaf to hear him*

Robotnik: YOU DUM F'KER-hic-! THAT'S THE GOD OF -hic- DESTRUCTION, KRATOS! IMEANCHAOS!! MUA-HAHAHAHAHA-cough cough cough-

-THE NEXT MORNING-

*Sonic is relaxing on a lawn chair by the Station Square Hotel pool reading a book with Mario on the cover titled "The Enclosed Instruction Book". He looks up to see a plane spiraling out of control doing barrel rolls and loop -de-loops. In the plane is Tails. He is DUI*

Sonic: *He drops "The Enclosed Instruction Book" and stands up off the lawn chair* Tails!! You know you're too young to drink!!

Tails: *He is too panicked to even hear Sonic* OMG, I'MGONNADIE I'MGONNADIE I'MGONNA- *His plane crashes into the beach far away from our hero, Sonic*

Sonic: *sigh* He'll never learn his lesson. Remember kids; underage drinking and flying is NO GOOD! *He takes off once again knocking the pools diving board over in the process, causing it to hit a handsome young man who's "suntan lotion' was sparkling off him in the sunlight. Soon after the incident, local authorities identified him as "Edward C.*

Emerald Coast

Sonic: *He is running along the coastline kicking up sand as he runs along. The sand gets into random robots gears and moving parts, kids eyes and swim trunks, etc, etc. He is unaware of this.* Do-de-do-de-do... Where IS Tails, anyway? *He soon passes a man who is watching the televison and unknowingly engulfs him in a pile of sand due to all the sand he was kicking up. He does not notice the Fox News special report*

Mike Schneider: Once again, that was the footage from a few hours ago when the orca Shamu escaped from Sea World and into the ocean. His whereabouts are unknown. Up next we'll teach you our secret of how we get lifeless people who live with their moms watching this channel like you to change your political beliefs.

-AT THE END OF THE LEVEL-

Tails: *He is sitting on the beach unconscious. He suddenly wakes up to a huge hangover* OW. My head! I never should have sneaked those drinks under the table with Cream... Hmm...? *He looks up to see Sonic. He is covered from head to toe in fish bones, seaweed, and a suspicious looking set of diving goggles.* Omg, Sonic! *His head throbs from shouting so loud* Ow! Nurff... What happened to you?

Sonic: *He spits out a live gold fish back into the ocean only to be swallowed by a huge black and white creature that was roughly half the size of Perfect Chaos (more on him later)* You don't wanna know... *He lends Tails a helping hand, but Tails is only creeped out by it when he sees that a huge parasectic leech has stuck itself to Sonic's hand. Sonic quickly realizes that the leech is upon him and snatches the leech from his hand, leaving bite marks in it. He the throws the leech onto the ground and crushes it beneath his foot, leaving nothing but a greenish bloody mess* Hee hee. ^^;

-BACK AT THE HOTEL-

*Sonic has just arrived at the hotel after dragging Tails along with him through all the robots and water and other shoot. Tails is covered in blood, scars and bruises and most likely has blood infections from sand literally being sprayed all over his wounds. Sonic gives him a ring and an extra life and all is well.*

Sonic: So what went on? It's not like you to drink and fly at the same time.

Tails: *He is still recovering from his hangover and tries to talk as quietly as possible* Well... I was at Knuckles' "Save the Emeralds Fundraiser" party... and it turns out Cream was invited too... so... we talked for a while... and she said that she wondered what champagne tasted like... so... I got- *He pauses with a puzzled look on his face, trying to remember what happened. He soon looks up as he remembers what happens If you can read this, you don't need glasses.* -two glasses of champagne for... Cream and I-

Sonic: *He interrupts Tails in the middle of his "On the Last episode on Dragon BallZ" moment* This is starting to sound suspiciously like a slash fic...

Tails: Is it MY fault... that people like- *He winces from shouting* -to ship us just because we're kids? Anyway... we each took a sip... then another... then... a whole gulp. It was so bad at first... but... bubbly... It wasn't good... but it wasn't bad either... Anyways we sort of- *He pauses again, then remembers what he was going to say* got carried away had a few more glasses... I don't remember much after that... When I regained my... *He looks up to see that Sonic had prepared him a drink of cabbages and raw egg-im not kidding this has been know to cure hangovers- which Tails gulps down in one chug. He regains his focus and can speak a little louder now*-thank you- senses, Cream was lying next to me and... not much else I remember except finding this. *He reaches into his @$$ and pulls out a pretty shiny thingy. Cue emerald jingle*

Sonic: *he jumps back out of surprise* OMG, a Chaos Emerald!! 8D

Tails: *He winces from Sonic yelling because he still has the headache. He then talks faster to save time and because of my laziness* Yeah,IknowbottomlineiwasusingittoflyaprototypeplanewhichisoverninethousandtimebetterthanyourssocomebymyworkshoptoseeitsoIcanrubitinyourfacekthxby[br]e. *He casually runs off to the train station*

Sonic: ... What's his problem? *Runs off to the station as well*

Mystic Ruins

*Sonic and Tails are headed towards the workshop with Tails having difficulty keeping up because of his headache. They're almost to the workshop when something crash lands on Tails, ending his headache because it has been crushed beneath the weight of the man in the contraption that landed on him. That man is Robotnik.*

Sonic: Hey, look everyone! It's a drunken egg!

Robotnik: *He has a speech impediment from drinking, his Egg-mobile is swerving from his DUI, and he smells like stale Budweiser* SHUT YER' -hic- F'KIN MOUTH, BLUU, SP'NY N' QUIK!! I'M ROBOTNIK!!! AND CALL MEH THAT, CAUSE CALLIN' MEH EGGM'N -hic- SOUNDS LIKE IMMA DAIRY PRODUCT OR -hic - SUMTHIN'!! NOW, IMMA DOIN' A NEW PLAN N' -hic- IT'S NOT GUNNA FAIL THIS TIM' CAUSE IT'S -hic FOOL PROOF, SO FORK OVER YOUR CHAOS EMERALD -hic- NOW!!

Sonic: Or else what, Miller-head? *He thinks to himself "Oh, God, that was LAME..."*

Eggman: *He disappears behind a rock and come back with two drill attached to his Egg-mobile* R'ELSE IMMA -hic- TAKE IT FROM YOU THE HARD WAY!!!

Tails: *The gaming system has reloaded his model making it so he has no injuries what so ever* That's what she sai-

Robotnik: DUN YOU DARE! -hic-

Sonic: *He appears a few yards from Robotnik and his Egg-mobile. He appears to be wide open for an attack from Robotnik* Hey, Eggmaaan~ I'm over Heeere~ Come drill my aaaass~

Robotnik: *He tries to charge at Sonic, but he is still drunk and swerves out of control, hitting Tails in the process. One of the drills burrows into Tails' chest until he's nothing left but half a head, arms, legs and half of one tail*

Robotnik: DAW, S*IT, AH KILLED AH MAIN CHARACTER!!! *His machine explodes in an epic scene of epic proportions.*

Tails: *The Tails gored to death turned out to be a Shadow Clone made by Naruto fans screwing up the Sonic franchise and relating him to Naruto only bevause they're both foxes and not much else.* Well, at least anime's good for something except being a cash cow…

Robotnik: *In a fit of drunken rage, he rips the Chaos Emerald from Tails' hands and kicks him to the curb.* OH, YEAH!! WHO'S UR DADDY NAO, DUM *hic* F'CKER!? COME ON CHAOS, CHEW *hic* ON DIS SH*T!!

Chaos: *he randomly appears from the floor and eats the Chaos Emerald. In a case similar to Nightmare from Soulcaliber, he gains a deformity in his right arm.*

Sonic: Chaos. You mean to say that Sonic Team couldn't have made a better name then that?

Eggman: A'IGHT SONIC, *hic* SINCE IMMA CRAZY DRUNCK BAST'RD, IMMA TELL *hic* YOU MAH PLAN SO THAT- OH, SCREW IT, IM GOING TO GET A GLASS OF WATER! *he hits a button on his Egg-mobile and teleports to an unknown location. Which is pretty screwed up considering that if it were Chaos Control than it would mean that he knew about it before anyone else on the un-named planet Sonic is on*

Sonic: Alright, so we need to collect the Chaos Emeralds again. And from this point on, it appears as if this concept will be in every single game from this point on. This has got to be the WORST idea SEGA has ever ma- *he pauses to see Tails show him a rare copy of the SEGA Game Gear* This has got to be the SECOND worst idea SEGA has ever made. Oh, well let's go Tails!

Tails: *He has been forced to cosplay as a cirtin orange "ninja" we all know and despise.* Even I can't believe it…

And now the three most feared words in the english language; To be continued

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