Chapter 1 - Jay's first day at Iceland

“Gran! We need to go now!” shouted Jay as he tried to get his hair into a pony-tail in front of the bathroom mirror. Gran didn't reply. Jay sighed and walked into the living-room. “Gran, if you don't come now then I'll go by myself because I don't want to be late for my first day at work!” Gran was sat in an old arm-chair with her eyes closed and her mouth open. “Gran, are you alright?” asked Jay, cautiously. Still, no reply. “Gran, come on… We have to go” he shook the old woman's shoulder gently and her head slumped to one side. Jay withdrew his hand quickly. He couldn't believe it. His Gran was dead. Jay fell to his knees in despair and wept. “No! This can't be happening… My lovely Gran!” At that moment Gran opened one beady little eye and began to laugh

“Oh Jay!” She said “You should have seen your face!” Jay stopped crying and looked up at the old woman.

“How could you do that to me?” He asked, looking hurt

“Never mind about that!” replied Gran “Get that hunk oh metal out your face and get me to Iceland!”



Jay was about to get behind the till when Gran stopped him.

“Now before you crack on with your job, you don't suppose you could get me some of that ketchup from the top shelf, do you? You know the one I like.”

“Of course Gran” said Jay, testily.

When they reached the right aisle, Jay quickly reached up to get the ketchup.

“Gran, have I got the right one?” Gran didn't answer. “Come on now Gran, if this isn't the right one then you'll have to get the one you want yourself because I'm not reaching up again” still, Gran didn't answer. “Alright then, I'm bringing it down now” Jay turned round and froze in horror. For sailing past him in a shopping trolley was Gran's body. Jay stood motionless for a minute, then fell to his knees and wept “No!” he cried “No, my lovely Gran!” It wasn't long before Iceland's security guard heard him sobbing and asked him what the matter was. “It's my Gran!” howled Jay “She's gone!”

“I'm here, Jay!” said a familiar voice. Jay looked up to see Gran looking down at him with her shopping trolley. “Honestly Jay you shouldn't get so upset. I can't be with you all the time!” she turned to the security guard and said “He's such a sensitive boy”





Jay was sat behind the till scanning the items that came past on the conveyor belt. Suddenly he grabbed something that felt like a strange sort of coco-nut. Jay looked down to see that he'd grabbed hold of Gran's head! She was lying on the conveyor belt with her eyes closed and her mouth open.

“Come on now Gran, don't you think you've done this for long enough? Get off the conveyor belt, I have customers!”

“How can you speak to your Gran like that?” said a woman, looking horrified.

“No, no, it's alright, honestly” said Jay, calmly “She's always doing this. It's just a little joke”

“This old woman is dead!” said a man passing by “Show some respect!”

“She's dead?” said Jay, slowly turning pale “You mean, she really is dead? Not pretending?”

“Of course she's dead!” said the man “Just you feel her pulse!” Jay looked down at his beloved Gran. The poor old woman had died on his conveyor belt!

“No!” said Jay, tears streaming down his face. No, this isn't possible! My lovely Gran… She's dead!”

“Oh, Jay, will you ever learn?” said Gran

“You're not dead?” said Jay, suddenly turning very red.

“No! Of course not dear!” laughed Gran

“Well there you go!” said Jay to the people around him. “Look what I have to put up with!” With those words the whole shop roared and laughed.

“You really do need to get a sense of humour!” said the man, who'd previously said that Gran was dead.

“You mean, you were all in on this too?” said Jay, looking horrified.

“Of course they were dear!” said Gran, still lying on the conveyor belt.

You are not authorized to comment here. Your must be registered and logged in to comment