Chapter 2 - Hell to heaven; recover from the pain
Submitted June 13, 2009 Updated June 10, 2010 Status Complete | these are a few poems i have written, more sober though, my fave is 'hell to heaven; recover from the pain' enjoy :P Andi xxx
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Chapter 2 - Hell to heaven; recover from the pain
Chapter 2 - Hell to heaven; recover from the pain
I have never ever written anything more from my heart than this, and it feels so good;
.It's all true.
I dreamt last night,
I actually dreamt,
And to say the least,
it wasn't pleasant,
I never remember my dreams!
So why this one?
Why now?
Why about you?
For all that you've done,
all those years of my life,
living in uncertainty,
sadness and fear,
because of you...
...and your words.
I remember,
not 2 years ago,
I left you behind,
you and your cruelty,
straight from heaven to hell,
It's strange really,
I notice only now,
That you are the reason,
why I was like that
last year,
why my confidence was gone.
2 years...
That's how long it took me to recover.
I know it was true,
because art is part of me,
but you even managed
to take that away from me
My drawings from 4th grade
were better than the ones last year,
not to mention they were
screwed, evil, and demented
Now I am well,
with help from my family,
not you, my true family,
and friends,
and undoubtedly, myself,
But I still can't forget,
because scars never heal,
because you can live with them,
ignore them,
cover them up,
but you can never forget them,
because they're engraved.
Like you in my mind.
And then what about my dream,
it was about that night,
before the years of straight hell,
who remembers things from when they were 5?
me.
And only that.
You can stand up and lie,
with your 'oath to the bible'
but my memory is clear, and true,
a child's worst fear,
You hit her, you did,
and my memory, my heart, and also my dream,
told me so.
A child can't testify,
so what could I do?
You did it only to hurt mom,
but do you know how it hurt me?
The files I found and read
and worst, believed,
because you paid him to lie,
against the bible, in front of all
the judge, Mom, Sean,
For what seemed eternity I believed it...
Then mom realized and told me,
but then she had to tell me everything,
that's what hurt.
Because I'm not small,
don't underestimate me
like you have all my life.
Treating me like I can't take in anything.
It's the biggest mistake you ever made,
because I know what you are,
I know everything that was going on
in those frozen years.
I wonder sometimes,
Do you know?
Do you regret? Repent?
Do you care?
Do you feel bad?
do you feel sad?
Do you feel sorry?
Can you feel?
Now here I sit,
thinking, and typing; my way out.
And yes, you are forgiven,
because it is not for me to judge,
God will do that,
and when you stand in front of him he will know all,
your intentions, you life, your lies,
and he will judge.
I hope you repent
otherwise it won't be a good turnout then.
If it isn't then maybe you will know how I felt,
but I hope you never do,
I hope no one has to go thought that, not even you,
because although I hate it, and I can't help it,
I still love you.
Because you are my father,
I believe good is in everyone,.
Even the murderers and the thieves,
everyone has a reason, even you.
Forgiven, you may be,
but that doesn't mean that we are OK,
because I don't think we can be.
I don't really want to see you,
I know I'm safe here, in Canada,
where we moved, or escaped,
England haunts my memories
and I only miss the people in it.
I f I ever go back
I will be eating my long awaited 'fish & chips'
pondering, should I visit, but I caution,
If you read this,
the outcome probably won't be in your favor,
if you still care.
The bold are the most meaningful (to me) verses there
each sentence symbolizes and entirely new and different struggle, each word is carefully placed and is meaningful if you can figure it out. I hope you enjoy this note from my soul :P
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nedj77 on November 8, 2011, 9:21:56 AM
nedj77 on
IS ANY OF THIS TRUE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! WAS YOUR FATHER REALLY THIS MUCH OF A DUSH?????????????? ARE YOU OK??????????????????????????????