Chapter 1 - They arrive

Chazz: Im bored. Does anyone have any white bread?
Hassleberry: White bread gives you cancer. Ive got some wholemeal, though, soldier.
Chazz, grimacing: Yeuggh! Get that away from me!
Jaden: I dont think he likes it, Hassleberry.
Chazz: I DIDNT ASK YOU!
Jaden: Uhmm... okay.
Bastion: When is the next bush tucker trial?
Crowler: Not yet.
Alexis: Shut up, Fouler!
Zane: I hate it here. Its hot and sticky.
Chazz: Tell me about it. Theres barely any light around here, and worse  my hair is frizzing!
Jaden: Big deal!
(Chazz stares him out)
Jaden: Uhmm... okay.
Syrus: Look guys! I bought a bottle of cream soda and some cups!
Alexis: MINE!!!! (Leaps forward and grabs the drink, swallows it in five gulps)
(Jaden, Zane, Chazz and the rest look horrified)
Alexis: What?
All (except Alexis): GET HER!!!
Aster: Hold on.
(ALL STOP)
Aster: You cant hit girls. It would make you a wussy. So... I will do it for you!
(Alexis screams)
(Aster reaches out but actually slaps a rabid monkey coming up to her from behind)
Alexis: Phew. Thanks, Aster!
Aster: No problem. (Winks)
(The others pretend to be sick)
Syrus: Dont worry guys, I bought a second bottle!
(Some burly guards barge in and take Syruss bottle)
Syrus: Whaaaaaaaaaa!
Jaden: Uhh... Okay.
Chazz: Ahahahaha. Baby! You wouldnt be so crybabyish if you joined the...
Everyone else: Shut up, Spazz!
Hassleberry: I know when the next bushtucker trial is, soldier!
Crowler: So do I  not yet.
Alexis: Shut up Fouler! Youre always so pessimistic.
Syrus: Im trying to sleep. Shut it.
Hassleberry: Aster Phoenix, front and centre.
Aster: Are you talking to me? I said are you talking to ME? DIE!!!!!
(Hassleberry and Aster get into a fight)
Zane (wearily): Guys, its too hot to fight. Calm down and sort out your problems like civilised human beings.
(They pay no attention)
Zane: Sigh. I did try!
Hassleberry: Soldier! At ease!
(Aster stops)
Alexis: Phew.
Jaden: I gotta go. (Hurries off to the toilet)
Chazz: Thats the last well see of him!
Zane: What do you mean?
Chazz: Hes run off. Left. Escaped. Evaded. R-
Alexis: oh just shut up, ya brainwashed freak.
(Both argue)
Chazz: But I didnt tease you when you blah, blah, blah!
Alexis: but that was completely different. Youre a dirty great git!
(All gasp and Alexis slaps her hand over her mouth)
Chazz: And youre a dirty great cow!

One hour later...

(Alexis is being restrained by Zane and Hassleberry)
Alexis: LET ME AT HIM! LET ME AT HIM!
Chazz: Mommy?!
Jaden: Uhh... its time for the bushtucker trial!
(Z + H let go off Alexis)
Alexis: He came back?!?
Jaden: Of course I did.
Chazz: I was wrong...NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! (Starts choking)
Jaden: uhmm... Okay.
(Chazz is unconscious)
Alexis: Hooray!
Crowler: what?!
Zane: Come on. We havent got all day.
(They all rush off to the bushtucker trial)

Two hours later...

Jaden: Puff. Puff. Out. Of. Breath. Puff. Puff.
Alexis: YOU can talk. (Jogs up and down on the spot like nothing happened)
Chazz: Yawnnnn... he can talk, Im SO tired....
(He has a swelling on his head)
Zane: Oh My God!!! Hes concussed!!
(Alexis slaps him)
Alexis: Look. Spazz. Stay awake! Youre concussed! How did it happen, anyway?
(Chazz groans)
Chazz: Ungh... Ive been a naughty girl today Mommy....
(Aster gapes)
Syrus: thats it. He lost it.
(Jaden laughs and pulls out a video camera)
Jaden: MAJOR blackmail time!
(Films intently)
Chazz: Kookoo kookooo!! Mommy can I have a cookie? Daddy ate my hair!
(Zane tries hard not to laugh)
Chazz: did you feed the bikes Moly?
Alexis confused: What bikes? And whos Moly?
Chazz: Their feed is sawdust, ketchup and chicken soup. The pillows need hugging, or theyll destroy us all!
Alexis: ????
Chazz: I want a choo-choo train! Sweet hellfire! Im a firestarter! Twisted Firestarter! Bwahahahaha!!
(Alexis is near to tears in confusion)
Chazz: Happyslap! Happyslap! Happyslap! Chazz it up! Chazz it up! Chazz up the turtles! Hey there little snapping turtle snappin at a shell! Kookoo! Kookooo!
(Slaps himself around the face)
Chazz: Take that you stupid turtle! Guess how many fingers Ive got!
(Jaden chuckles)
(Suddenly, Chazz snaps out of his drunk-like stupor)
Chazz: what the hell just happened?
All (except Chazz): BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Chazz: What the hell?? Will anyone just tell me what just happened?
Jaden still laughing: You fell into a drunken stupor which was a mix of sunstroke and concussion. You bashed your head.
Chazz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO (takes a deep breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (takes another breath) OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (chokes)
(Zane reaches over and slaps him on the back)
(Chazz coughs)
Chazz: Uhmm... what happened?
(Jaden shows him the footage)
Chazz: RARGGHHHH!! (Dives for the tape)
Jaden: (screams like a girl)
Chazz: IM GONNA KEEEELL YOU!!
Jaden: Eeeeeek.

Ten minutes later...

(Alexis is tending to Jadens wounds)
Zane: Its a good thing that guard chucked me that tranquilizer dart gun. Chazz could have murdered him!
Hassleberry: hm...Ugh... Zzzzzzz... What?

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