Hellfire

Chapter 0 - Q&A
Submitted: January 2, 2009 • Updated: January 24, 2009
Word count: 269 • Size: 1k • Comments: 16 • views: 1120

Chapter 0 - The Good Guys
Submitted: October 23, 2008 • Updated: February 21, 2009
Word count: 152 • Size: 1k • Comments: 16 • views: 898

Chapter 0 - The Bad Guys
Submitted: October 27, 2008 • Updated: October 27, 2008
Word count: 117 • Size: 1k • Comments: 16 • views: 833

Chapter 1 - The Arrival
Submitted: October 26, 2008 • Updated: October 26, 2008
Word count: 475 • Size: 2k • Comments: 6 • views: 709

Chapter 2 - Newcomers
Submitted: October 27, 2008 • Updated: October 27, 2008
Word count: 613 • Size: 3k • Comments: 8 • views: 699

Chapter 3 - Friendship
Submitted: November 4, 2008 • Updated: May 9, 2009
Word count: 1157 • Size: 6k • Comments: 7 • views: 394

Chapter 4 - Marked
Submitted: November 10, 2008 • Updated: November 10, 2008
Word count: 926 • Size: 4k • Comments: 6 • views: 409

Chapter 5 - Prophecy
Submitted: December 9, 2008 • Updated: December 10, 2008
Word count: 1158 • Size: 6k • Comments: 5 • views: 385

Chapter 6 - Encounter
Submitted: December 30, 2008 • Updated: December 31, 2008
Word count: 1163 • Size: 6k • Comments: 6 • views: 659

Chapter 7 - Alagor
Submitted: January 24, 2009 • Updated: January 24, 2009
Word count: 1040 • Size: 5k • Comments: 4 • views: 409

Chapter 8 - Astar
Submitted: January 24, 2009 • Updated: January 25, 2009
Word count: 944 • Size: 5k • Comments: 5 • views: 603

Chapter 9 - Kaesi
Submitted: January 24, 2009 • Updated: January 24, 2009
Word count: 1173 • Size: 6k • Comments: 4 • views: 393

Chapter 10 - Noah
Submitted: January 24, 2009 • Updated: April 8, 2009
Word count: 1357 • Size: 7k • Comments: 5 • views: 359

Chapter 11 - Betrayal
Submitted: February 17, 2009 • Updated: February 17, 2009
Word count: 969 • Size: 5k • Comments: 4 • views: 645

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DeathNoteSurvivor on July 12, 2009, 6:44:37 AM

DeathNoteSurvivor on July 12, 2009, 6:44:37 AM (Chapter: index)

http://www.tektek.org/dream/dream.php

YoriXYamiForever on March 7, 2009, 5:32:22 AM

YoriXYamiForever on March 7, 2009, 5:32:22 AM (Chapter: index)

Yay I got my questions answered! ^^

Wow! I want that many bookcases! *dreamy at thought*

YoriXYamiForever on March 7, 2009, 5:30:05 AM

YoriXYamiForever on March 7, 2009, 5:30:05 AM (Chapter: 11)

AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! ALAGOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TT_TT *sniffles* I hope nothing bad happens to him . . . .

AND THE ENDING!!!! Wow!! I didn't expect the "Father" thing. Wow. Ahh! T_T

Awesome chapter. I loved it! I just . . . . T_T

KelekiahGaladrian on February 18, 2009, 7:50:31 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on February 18, 2009, 7:50:31 AM (Chapter: 11)

Okay, so I didn't get this read and reviewed last night when I wanted to, but I did it today. That's like, a RECORD for me.

I have a feeling Wulf-chan/Yori-chan isn't going to be happy about this.

Terance, You should get a kick where it hurts. *pauses* Multiple times. You are not worthy of being liked anymore. If this is part of your secret "master plan" or whatever, I'll kill you. *pauses* Heck, I'll kill you anyway. *makes a face at him*

Other than that, I think the chapter was well written though there were a couple parts that I think I read wrong enough that I confused myself XP

If this is a "master plan" thing on Terance's part, the other demons have reason not to trust him though I think Noah and the others won't trust him either.

Blackheart's powers rising while Astar's temporarily disable. . . . That doesn't sound very good.

I hope Noah embraces you tightly while your powers are at their height, Blackheart, so that he can completely mutilate you 'cause I really don't like you right now.

Congrats on an update. That's AWESOME. ^^ I love it and I'm excited for more.

Blackwolfmoon on February 17, 2009, 7:25:08 AM

Blackwolfmoon on February 17, 2009, 7:25:08 AM (Chapter: 11)

i liekd this chapter! i really want to know more about the ending so i can't wait for the next chapter, that should be interesting. what exactly are Exile Scrolls? o.o

ParanormalPhenomenon on February 3, 2009, 10:24:59 AM

ParanormalPhenomenon on February 3, 2009, 10:24:59 AM (Chapter: 10)

hmm...such a simple but detailed story line. really makes for a extraordinary tale. my friend did not lie when she said you were one of the better online authors, AND you actually know how to spell and your grammer! I enjoyed each character and how their personality were unique. i wont say i can't wait for the next chapter (because obviously i have to) but i shall look forward to then. until then.

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 8:15:34 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 8:15:34 AM (Chapter: 10)

WWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW

That was FULL OF STUFF.

I love the description and character and all that other lovely stuff. It's great to be able to get to know your characters even better. ^^

The fact that Noah knew the prophecy (I knew it was a prophecy, just KNEW it . . . but I'm not bitter) doesn't seem to surprise me as much as I thought it would. It also doesn't surprise me that he wrote that on the wall and in blood no less (the red makes more sense now XP).

Blackheart getting hurt by Noah's blood made me laugh. Hehehehehehe

What was that orb he shot away? What does the mark on Noah have to do with anything?

Impudent little Fleshchild. I REALLY like that insult. Me no know why right now, but, I really do like it. It's very funny. *laughs insanely*

The ending makes me wonder and I find it sad. What the crap has Alagor done to himself to screw up things? If he joined the dark side, I'm going to have a cow and then I shall proceed with my "kill then bring back to life" sequence thingy.

By the way, did you write that prophecy all by yourself or is that an actual prophecy? (I doubt it's a real one, but I dunno. I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to that stuff)

Me likes. I congratulate you with your ability to be able to update like that. You and Wulf-chan both. Lego-chan is JEALOUS!!! *sigh* Oh well. . . . I likes the updates though, I promise.

Great job!!! ^^ Have fun with your next update (when you get around to doing it that is)!! ^^

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:59:32 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:59:32 AM (Chapter: 9)

........ I am a very impatient person. Very impatient. If I woulda just waited ONE MORE CHAPTER. . . . *sigh* Oh well.

I loved the description and character in this chapter as well.

I feel bad for Kaesi. I hate pain with a passion and I imagine that must have been a VERY painful ordeal for her.

Wallow is evil. That's all I shall say about her.

Taking the scrolls was not a nice thing. Very mean.

I have decided, I REALLY don't like Wallow. REALLY don't like her.

I wonder what kind of scrolls those are and I'm excited to see what happens around those.

I'm also wondering, why red? Is there a specific reason for that particular color?

. . . . at least I get to see what the message was, but, is that a prophecy? I hate prophecies. They and the people they involve are SO annoying and are such a hassle and I hate dealing with them.

If it is a prophecy, that is okay, I promise. I'm just being weird is all.

Me likes. Very good job. ^^

ONE CHAPTER LEFT!!!! Then I'll be caught up for a little while.

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:46:45 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:46:45 AM (Chapter: 8)

........ You're really mean, you know that? Hinting at things but not telling us. So mean. At least it keeps us reading.

I loved the description and characterization in this chapter. 'Twas AWESOME.

Imma thinkin' I like Astar more than Alagor at the moment. Astar was smart enough to actually GO to the chapel instead of hinting at joining the bad guys. *smacks Alagor over the head with a math book*

Very nice. Lego-chan likes. Lego-chan likes a lot. Now Lego-chan must go read the other chapters to be all caught up.

Great job by the way. ^^

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:17:01 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:17:01 AM (Chapter: 7)

Holy cow. How come you people update so fast? *sigh* Guess I just have to keep better tabs on things.

Where to start. . . .

Very nice description. I absolutely adore it. It was full of mystery and still is because Alagor is NOT going to join the bad guys 'cause, if he does, I'll have his head and I'll kill him, bring him back to life, kill him again, and repeat the process MULTIPLE times.

I hate people that can just be so CALM in a situation like that. It's ridiculously CREEPY!!!!!

Me is excited to know about the others' situation. Guess that means I have to go read the rest of it now. ^^

Great job by the way. It was very good. ^^ Me likes. ^^

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:27:55 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:27:55 AM (Chapter: 10)

AHH!! Where's Alagor?! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Alagor, I hope you know I will kill you if you joined the bad side. What did I tell you?! DO NOT JOIN THEM!! PLEASE!!

Noah's part was awesome - and full of surprises! I can't wait for the next part!

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:20:42 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:20:42 AM (Chapter: 9)

Aww, poor Kaesi. I dunno what the scrolls are but they were obviously important. And the pain sounded horrible.

I love the message! It's way creative. I hope everyone can meet up again.

Now I'm worried about Noah. At least the other three had powers. Also, Blackheart's the only villain who hasn't shown up to torment people, right? Not good...

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:10:51 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:10:51 AM (Chapter: 8)

Ooooooooh, I wanna know what the message said!

I love Astar! His taunts at the beginning were great lol. Loved the chapter. ^^

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:13:42 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 9:13:42 AM (Chapter: 8)

Btw, I did spot one error:

“Then again, you couldn’t at you strongest.”

You have no clue how many times I've done that myself! lol, I'm always typing too fast so I miss letters - even whole words some of the time -////-

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 8:57:05 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 25, 2009, 8:57:05 AM (Chapter: 7)

NO ALAGOR! DON'T JOIN THEM!! BEAT THEM!! Even if it looks like you can't . . .

Oh well! I have faith in you!

That world would suck, but I love the idea. I'm so excited I have so many chapters to read!! ^^

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:36:21 AM

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:36:21 AM (Chapter: 10)

great chapter! keep wrtieing! and cant wait for the next! :3

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:27:07 AM

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:27:07 AM (Chapter: 9)

i like wallow! and did you make up the message on the wall? and whats the red stuff?

your writeing really brings each character to life ^^ i wish i could do that, i like how you gave each character a spefic personality which sticks out from the rest but also easily blends with the story, its really nice!

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:20:30 AM

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:20:30 AM (Chapter: 8)

Whered Astar go? and Gressil gets mad easily i guess
Note to self : dont piss Gressil off

anyways another awesome chapter! i like Astars insult in the begining of the chapter and the details are simple but theres something about it that keeps you interested, its really neat!

keep writeing!!

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:12:15 AM

Blackwolfmoon on January 24, 2009, 5:12:15 AM (Chapter: 7)

wow, a place only existing in your mind where you can get hurt ? o.o yikes! i hope Alagor gets out of that okay
anyways, a well written chapter. It kept me focused and i enjoyed the dialog.. keep writeing!

KelekiahGaladrian on January 20, 2009, 11:49:29 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on January 20, 2009, 11:49:29 AM (Chapter: 6)

I am sincerely sorry about taking so long to read and review this. I suppose you can say I've been procrastinating it, though, I swear, I haven't meant to.

The beginning was awesome and depressing at the same time. Bad guys are awesome and Blackheart is one of those REALLY awesome bad guys, like Voldemort though I'm sure Blackheart is more evil than Voldemort is. If that comparison offends you, I apologize (I understand many people don't like the Harry Potter series for one reason or another).

The chapter held me in suspense, though, from reading Wulf-chan's comment, I wasn't held in THAT much (but my brain is fried, so I'm not as focused as I could be).

I hate and love your cliffhanger at the same time. It's mean to end that way with next to no info about what's happening, however, being a writer myself, cliffhangers are awesome 'cause they keep you interested and waiting for the next part.

I'm interested to see how things go and what happens next. Great job so far and good luck to your writing of more of it. ^^

DeathNoteSurvivor on January 21, 2009, 10:43:01 AM

DeathNoteSurvivor on January 21, 2009, 10:43:01 AM (Chapter: 6)

you kidding? lol Harry Potter's like my fave series

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:08:05 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on January 26, 2009, 7:08:05 AM (Chapter: index)

Koolness. I love and hate Harry Potter at the same time, both the books and the movies (I read WAY too much fanfiction. . . .).

YoriXYamiForever on January 2, 2009, 2:50:24 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 2, 2009, 2:50:24 AM (Chapter: 6)

THAT WAS AWESOME!!! lol, The entire time I was reading I was leaning closer and closer to my computer screen, if the chapter would have been any longer I would have rammed into it.

BLACKHEART IS AN AWESOME BAD GUY!! The 'bad-er' the better lol.

Oh I'm sad though . . . I liked Clay . . . the scene was amazing though - it had me glued to my seat!

“Oh, wait, let me guess,” Alagor said exasperatedly. “It’s tonight.” lol, I was thinking that too. ^^

I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT!!!! =D

DeathNoteSurvivor on January 2, 2009, 1:16:06 PM

DeathNoteSurvivor on January 2, 2009, 1:16:06 PM (Chapter: 6)

lol well i dont know if this is good or bad but Clay only appeared again cuz you said you wanted him to lol

and as for Alagor's little comment yea i had to put that cuz i mean,...c'mon lol it ALWAYS happens the day or the day following when someone finds something out lol

YoriXYamiForever on January 4, 2009, 6:54:50 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 4, 2009, 6:54:50 AM (Chapter: index)

Great, I killed him. lol At least I did get to see him one last time.

Oh I know! They find out what's going to happen and then they have no time to prepare. I'm glad the good guys here have at least a little while. Although I'm worried about what Blackheart is doing right now . . . .

YoriXYamiForever on January 2, 2009, 2:39:27 AM

YoriXYamiForever on January 2, 2009, 2:39:27 AM (Chapter: 5)

lol, Love Alagor/Terence even more now ^^ I love the interaction you have between characters, it all feels really natural! The fight between Alagor and Astar was awesome ^^

I wish I could read as many languages as Noah. Exactly how much does this kid study? And how many bookcases does he have total? lol

I can't wait to meet Blackheart and I can't wait to see more about the prophecies. Great chapter!! ^^

Blackwolfmoon on December 30, 2008, 2:48:00 PM

Blackwolfmoon on December 30, 2008, 2:48:00 PM (Chapter: 6)

wow, awesome chapter!! lol, i tihnk im getting addicted to this story..i like the begining, but the ending part is my favorite! cant wait to read more ^-^

KelekiahGaladrian on December 14, 2008, 9:59:00 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on December 14, 2008, 9:59:00 AM (Chapter: 5)

ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, scary. I would hate to be in Noah's position right there at the beginning. . . .

The discussion between Alagor and Aster while they were fighting made me laugh, even if most of it was serious.

I agree with Aster when he says Alagor's an idiot. Though, I don't want his fist, or any other thing he might think of, coming ANYwhere near ANY part of my body. . . .

Blackheart . . . sounds not so nice. . . . That excites me.

The prophecy excites me as well, and Noah's knowledge of languages makes me laugh. Don't ask me why, it just does.

It's true, other languages can become biased when they're translated.

Awesome job on another chapter! ^^ I LUV it!

Blackwolfmoon on December 10, 2008, 6:39:50 AM

Blackwolfmoon on December 10, 2008, 6:39:50 AM (Chapter: 5)

oh i like this chapter ^-^ my favorite part is the prophecy, the next chapter will rerally be interesting. my other favorite parts is when Kaesi comes back with the books =P “Oh and by the way, what’s with those magazines?”

overall this is a really good chapter ^-^ i love it! *gives you a resses cup*

Sirengina on December 10, 2008, 5:47:35 AM

Sirengina on December 10, 2008, 5:47:35 AM (Chapter: 5)

This is really good Josh ^^

I really like the prophecy, its intriguing. Cant wait to read more <3

MagusFarlorn on November 18, 2008, 9:00:55 AM

MagusFarlorn on November 18, 2008, 9:00:55 AM (Chapter: 2)

Not bad, but not as good as the first chapter. It seems rather rushed in fact.

The only major problem I see is that it seems all three demons are pretending to be from one human family. Why are they all in the same class? It would be odd if they were the same (human) age. It would make more sense if they had lost two sets of parents in some unspecified disaster. This is particularly appropriate since Astar is darker-skinned, and wouldn't seem related. Am I just misreading it?

The minor problem (concern, really) is that it seemed at first the demons weren't too familiar with Earth (assuming it is Earth). How did they know what names to pick, or what style clothing to wear?

You could add a nice touch (assuming you are ever in the mood to edit) by adding a back-story character that provided them with the necessary info. When they change, they might be in clothing that is horribly out of date. After all, demons might not keep up-to-date records. What's a century to a demon?

Also, entering school isn't that easy. They'd need to fake some kind of records, and fill out forms. Again, this seems like something beyond our trio.

Why enter school at all? This would seem to limit them in their mission. It would certainly make them less mobile. If, however, they need to learn about the human world in order to function smoothly, it would be the perfect place.

bookworm369 on November 18, 2008, 10:02:46 AM

bookworm369 on November 18, 2008, 10:02:46 AM (Chapter: 2)

ALSO (sorry i keep thinking of things lol) in response to the comment i accidentally deleted, keep in mind that Noah reads alot of books on mythology; its not a stretch for him to immediately think "vampire" when he sees a red eyed fanged creature

MagusFarlorn on November 22, 2008, 10:26:10 AM

MagusFarlorn on November 22, 2008, 10:26:10 AM (Chapter: index)

Considering the difference in my age and Noah's, I've probably read at least 3x the mythology that he has. Nonetheless, my first response would not be to stake someone that looks vampirish. The first might be to put some distance between it and myself (I think an ocean's length might do), or to ask what's up. Remember, you established this as the day after Halloween. I think anyone over the age of two would think "vampire" but I meant that most people wouldn't attack as a first response. The thought of "Oh, my God, I just killed a guy in a costume!" would keep my hand back, unless he tried something freaky.

bookworm369 on November 18, 2008, 9:56:47 AM

bookworm369 on November 18, 2008, 9:56:47 AM (Chapter: 2)

thanks for the critism, its good to have feedback. (btw didnt mean to delete your other comment, sorry^^")
and yea trust me, i noticed all those problems too, i was just too lazy to fix it

bookworm369 on November 18, 2008, 9:58:26 AM

bookworm369 on November 18, 2008, 9:58:26 AM (Chapter: index)

oh also i kind of assumed this was an understood thing, the demons keep up with the human world, and as for the family thing and the age thing....i just kinda took a shortcut, sorry if that bothered you

MagusFarlorn on November 22, 2008, 10:15:22 AM

MagusFarlorn on November 22, 2008, 10:15:22 AM (Chapter: index)

You want to remember that your audience only knows as much as you tell them. We can assume certain things (and you might lead us to believe them) but they might well be wrong. The only one who knows everything about your story is you. Regarding the age thing, the only thing about it that bothers me is the unlikely happenstance of three siblings in the same grade. Not impossible, but odd. Remember that you are operating under the "suspension of disbelief" system. In other words, the less things there are that the reader has trouble swallowing, the easier the story is to accept.

MagusFarlorn on November 18, 2008, 9:32:35 AM

MagusFarlorn on November 18, 2008, 9:32:35 AM (Chapter: 4)

Well done. The dialogue is crisp and entertaining. I hope you do more.

MagusFarlorn on November 18, 2008, 8:37:06 AM

MagusFarlorn on November 18, 2008, 8:37:06 AM (Chapter: 1)

Very nice. The dialogue moves the story, as it should. Dialogue should never be an excuse to waste a few pages for the sake of filling space. It also establishes personality.

Being as the portal was being used on Halloween, perhaps it was because that is one of the times the veils are thinnest between worlds.

YoriXYamiForever on November 16, 2008, 12:08:32 PM

YoriXYamiForever on November 16, 2008, 12:08:32 PM (Chapter: 4)

lol, I like Clay, minor though he may be ^^

TEETH! That part made me laugh. I love Terance!

I wanna know what Noah's mark is! Curiosity is killing me >_< Oooh, and I can't wait to see a fight!

Great chapter! Can't wait for the next one ^^

KelekiahGaladrian on November 16, 2008, 11:46:10 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on November 16, 2008, 11:46:10 AM (Chapter: 4)

I'M SO SORRY IT HAS TAKEN ME SO LONG TO COMMENT!!!!!!! Stupid school has kept me away XP

Anyway, I'll review now............ or comment or whatever......

Noah being tardy for class is a scary thought. The description and character in the chapter was great. The ending was awesome too. It excites me. Overall, I adore it. It's as wonderful as ever. ^^ *thumbs up*

Sirengina on November 11, 2008, 12:54:08 PM

Sirengina on November 11, 2008, 12:54:08 PM (Chapter: 4)

Great job Jt!!!! =3
I love the story so far, its simply amazing

Cant wait to read more <3

Blackwolfmoon on November 10, 2008, 11:58:45 AM

Blackwolfmoon on November 10, 2008, 11:58:45 AM (Chapter: 4)

WOW! i loved this chapter, i loved the part about Terance's teeth, and the ending!

keep writeing!

KelekiahGaladrian on November 5, 2008, 9:37:23 PM

KelekiahGaladrian on November 5, 2008, 9:37:23 PM (Chapter: 3)

Wow. This chapter was so full of personality. I luvs it.

I love how Noah is so willing to help even though it could be (most likely XP) dangerous.

The content of the chapter was really good and I still can't really pic a favorite character, even though I do like Nikita/Kaesi. They all have wonderful personalities and it's hard to choose. For me anyway, Wulf-chan found a character and just attached herself to him, I swear....

The ending makes me extremely excited for more. You have a great way of ending chapters like that.

Great job JT! I luvs it!!! ^^

YoriXYamiForever on November 5, 2008, 8:31:04 AM

YoriXYamiForever on November 5, 2008, 8:31:04 AM (Chapter: 3)

lol! I loved when Noah stabbed Terance! ^^ And the "I liked him better when he was about to pee his pants, but this is good too." line. Terance is definitely my favorite! hehe

The Mark of the Damned sounds very painful but I can't wait to find out what it is ^^ Ooooooh, I love how the story is unfolding. I can't wait for more!

HalfDemonScy on November 5, 2008, 12:28:59 AM

HalfDemonScy on November 5, 2008, 12:28:59 AM (Chapter: 3)

very creative

Sirengina on November 4, 2008, 12:28:07 PM

Sirengina on November 4, 2008, 12:28:07 PM (Chapter: 3)

Omg...that was amazing Josh! You are such a good writer <3

I love Alagor, he... is freakin hilarious XD

And I love the fact that you made this chapter longer! Cant wait to read more ^^

Blackwolfmoon on November 4, 2008, 12:27:37 PM

Blackwolfmoon on November 4, 2008, 12:27:37 PM (Chapter: 3)

I like this chapter, the ending surprised me a bit, but u defineitly have my attention, i do believe Nikita is my favorite so far

Keep writeing <3 ur very good at it

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:45:35 AM

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:45:35 AM (Chapter: 2)

"Yeah, he's up."

LOL!! That was awesome ^_^

I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THE SCHOOL THING!! Absolutely horrible.

I love the personalities of your characters, you have a way with that ^^ I can't wait to keep reading!

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:40:38 AM

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:40:38 AM (Chapter: 1)

I love it so far ^^ Demons are awesome and I love how you portray them. LOVE ALAGOR'S WINGS!!

Must keep reading!! ^^

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:36:02 AM

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:36:02 AM (Chapter: index)

Awesome!! ^^ I think Terance is going to wind up my favorite... just a hunch lol

Now to read and see if I'm right!

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:33:30 AM

YoriXYamiForever on November 2, 2008, 1:33:30 AM (Chapter: index)

BAD GUYS!!!! lol I love the character designs and I can't wait to see them in action!

wolfmoon on October 28, 2008, 7:13:18 AM

wolfmoon on October 28, 2008, 7:13:18 AM (Chapter: index)

You should make wallow really hot. Just sayin.

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:48:49 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:48:49 AM (Chapter: 2)

Once again, lots of personality in it and it's short but sweet. The ending makes you want more. I'm excited to see more of it.

Great job! ^^

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:47:41 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:47:41 AM (Chapter: 1)

Awesome first chapter. Short, but sweet. ^^ The personality you put in for each chapter was awesome. I love character personalities. ^^

Great job! ^^

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:46:13 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:46:13 AM (Chapter: index)

Hmm... they all definitely look like their element, that's for sure. Hehe, born of Sin... that makes me laugh. ^^ (inside joke XP) Great job! ^^

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:44:30 AM

KelekiahGaladrian on October 28, 2008, 3:44:30 AM (Chapter: index)

Love the characters. They're AWESOME. Each one is definitely unique in their own way. I'm interested to see the different... elements I guess I can say that each one is born of and how they work, I guess anyway.... XP Great job! ^^

Sirengina on October 27, 2008, 2:25:34 PM

Sirengina on October 27, 2008, 2:25:34 PM (Chapter: index)

I LOVE the bad guys Josh, especially Wallow ^^
Great job =3 <3

Sirengina on October 27, 2008, 11:02:29 AM

Sirengina on October 27, 2008, 11:02:29 AM (Chapter: 2)

I like it Josh ^^
The demons are funny =3

Cant wait to read more <3

Blackwolfmoon on October 27, 2008, 9:21:07 AM

Blackwolfmoon on October 27, 2008, 9:21:07 AM (Chapter: 2)

oh cool! =3 i like the demons additudes x3 keep writeing ^-^

Sirengina on October 26, 2008, 1:39:55 PM

Sirengina on October 26, 2008, 1:39:55 PM (Chapter: 1)

Its so good Josh <3

You are seriously one of the best writers I know, cant wait to read more! ^^

Blackwolfmoon on October 26, 2008, 8:18:23 AM

Blackwolfmoon on October 26, 2008, 8:18:23 AM (Chapter: 1)

Very well written, i love the ending to this chapter

can't wait to read the next one ^-^

Sirengina on October 25, 2008, 1:48:09 PM

Sirengina on October 25, 2008, 1:48:09 PM (Chapter: index)

Love the characters, especially Nikita ^^
I cant wait to read your story <3

Blackwolfmoon on October 23, 2008, 1:32:14 PM

Blackwolfmoon on October 23, 2008, 1:32:14 PM (Chapter: index)

nice characters Josh ^-^ can't wait to read the story!