Chapter 1 - Interview #1

The following is a text version of the night of the eleventh at 6:32 p.m. This is the day that was the turning point of talk show history. Never again shall we hear the sweet counseling voice of Dr. Fil. 

Dr. Fil: All right, everybody! Today we will have some special guests with us today, here to talk about their problems! These trainers only have one thing in common. Their mutual friend, Crystal! Now, let’s bring her out! 

[applause]

[Crystal walks out] 

Dr. Fil: So, Crystal, how are you?

Crystal: Fine, I guess.

Dr. Fil: What’s it been like to have been fought over endlessly?

Crystal: Well, it’s been very stressful. Is that what I’m supposed to say?

Dr. Fil: Just say what you feel from the heart.

Crystal: Uh...okay. Uh...thump, thump, thump, thump?

Dr. Fil: ....Well, let’s bring out her two friends, Rhia and Brendan! 

[clanging and commotion with a few yelps] 

Dr. Fil: ....What’s going on? 

[Rhia and Brendan tumble onto set, punching each other]

[cameraman leaves his station to break it up] 

Dr. Fil: ...

Crystal: *sighs* This is what it’s like every day. 

[collective gasps] 

Brendan: *gets up* Why am I introduced after her? Shouldn’t it be Brendan and Rhia?

Rhia: No. *adopts overly gentle tone* See, the world works like this. The winners, the best, get their names said first. The losers get their names said second. Kapeesh?

Brendan: NO!

Rhia: *grabs him by the shirt collar and slams him against the wall*...I said Kapeesh?

Brendan: *gulps* Y-yeah....

Rhia: Good. *sits down*

Brendan: *runs over to Crystal and sits right next to her for protection*

Dr. Fil: Ahem. *faces audience* This is what we’re here for. To solve these two’s problems with each other. 

[scattered applause] 

Dr. Fil: *squints at prompter* What do you.....*squints harder* dislike about....beach otters?

All: *confused looks*

Rhia: Otters don’t live at the beach, you non-technologically related n00b.

Everyone else: *confused looks*

Rhia: ....Don’t tell me that you all don’t know what a n00b is.

Everyone else: *confused looks*

Rhia: *sigh* A n00b is.... 

[Rhia is interrupted as Team Rocket, Magma, and Aqua bursts in] 

Brendan: *high girly shriek of terror* OMG! It’s Team Rocket, Magma, and Aqua!

Dastardly Villains: That’s right! And we’ve all banded together to form.....Team Rockmagqua!

Brendan: *higher girlier shriek of terror* OMG! It’s Team Rockmagqua!

Crystal: That was original. I wonder how you made up that name.

Team Rockmagqua: Through our sheer genius.

Crystal: ....Did anyone explain the concept of sarcasm to you?

Team Rockmagqua: .....Uh.....no. What is this.....sarcasm?

All: *sigh* 

[several people get up and leave, muttering something about “stupid talk shows”]  

Team Rockmagqua: *ignores the fact that audience is far from scared* Gimme all your loot!

Rhia: Gimme? Gimme? Oh, please, correct grammar! Here’s a simple easy trick to remember... 

[Rhia takes Dr. Fil and hurls him at Team Rockmagqua]

[Team Rockmagqua gets knocked unconscious] 

Random Member of Rockmagqua: ....We’re beaten up again! *faints* 

Brendan: *has already fainted a long time ago* ........*he says nothing because...duh...he’s unconscious*

Crystal: *has fallen asleep a long time ago* *wakes up* Huh? *looks at Team Rockmagqua* I saw this one before.....zzzzz.... 

[Dr. Fil twitches] 

Rhia: We should get medical attention for this guy. *shrugs and walks off*  

 

The End

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