Chapter 1 - A place to call home.

Kiyara's POV:



“Kiyara Sakura? Kiyara?”





That's my name right? That's my last name, right? I can't remember what our last name is in this school. Was it Tsuba or Iwazaki? Maybe that was the other school. Slowly I could feel Yuki's voice enter my head. `You forget this last name and I swear I'll hunt you down and kill you.' Nyu, why must I always be so forgetful?



“Kiyara Sakura?”



I might as well say something, she keeps on talking and my first name is Kiyara meaning that it can only be me.



Yes Sensei?”



“Stop daydreaming and pay attention.”



“Yes”



The teacher with her messily curly black hair swaying behind her turned and went back to the notes on the board. I snapped back to reality watching the other kids hurriedly put down the notes on the board trying not to be left behind. Then I looked at my notebook, empty. How long was I daydreaming?





I grabbed my pencil and started to write down what she was putting on the board, but I found myself always putting the pencil back down. What was the point? We'd eventually would blow our cover and leave this school too. I don't know why I bother.



Somewhere in the back of my head, I could here myself thinking that this could be the school, Ohnominami Middle School that would could be staying at. (A/N: If you were in 9th grade in Japan, you'd still be in middle school.) Somehow that felt a little too easy to say, it would be like the last ones.



How long as this been happening? How long have we been running and switching school ever few months? This however, was our life it may seem complicated but it was normal to us.



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Its been going on since I was 6-years-old. When I was little and I had just turned 6, my mother became infected with a disease called Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome (SARS). The disease also made breathing difficult and gave her a dry cough, one of the symptoms. Six Percent in person aged 25 to 44 years get it and mom was one of them. She became in contact with someone who had SARS being a young nurse and eventually had it.



She had gotten when I was 5-years-old and three months later after my 6th birthday she died. Although it was a fairly new disease just discovered it's felt like a lifetime in my family. We weren't allowed near mom, not at all, dad refused that and as soon as he figured out that she has SARS he sent us to go live with our grandmother in Osaka, Japan.



When I was 7-years-old, Yuki was 9-years-old, and my older sister Chiyo, Chii for short, was 8-years-old we had another tragedy strike our family. Dad had run away, we hadn't been living with him for around a year, but he wasn't with mom.



Chii was the one who picked up the phone that day since she had a habit of doing that around that time only to find out it was dad. She too had only heard from him in telephones or letters we hadn't seen dad in a long time. You could hear the excitement in her voice:



“Daddy? Daddy! It's Chii! How are you?”



I was right next to her since my habit around that time was following Chii who followed Yuki, who wasn't there he was out with grandma in the yard helping her with her garden since he always said that since we didn't have a grandfather, it made him in charge. Anyway, a long silence came; you could hear his breath and him trying to summon up the courage.



“Hi there Chiyo. I'm fine. How are you honeying? What are you up to?”



“ I'm fine daddy. I'm just finding some paper so Kiyara and I can make a sign.”



“A sign?”



“Yeah! She and I are doing a lemonade stand around the street. Yuki said he'll help us, but we have to make the sign.”



I was still looking for paper in the closet, but my attention on the phone was much more important. I looked at Chii, “I want to talk to him.”



“Just a second Kiyara-chan,” Chii had said playing with the wire on the phone.



“That sounds great honey,” Dad said after awhile. “How old are you kids now? Are you in Middle School?”



Chii laughed, “No. I'm 8-years-old now I just started 3rd grade in elementary school. Nii-chan (older brother) just started 4th grade he's around 9 now, and Kiyara-chan just started 2nd grade she's around 7 now. Daddy, when are you coming to pick us up?”



I stopped and looked at Chii, she was really happy and it would be great if our father came to play with us for a while. I stopped looking for paper and ran over to Chii begging her. “Let me talk to him. Let me talk to him.”



“One minute, Imooto-chan (Younger sister),” Chii has said patiently waiting for dad to answer



“I want to talk to him now,” I think another habit of mine was being impatient, but that maybe just a personality trait that I still have today.



Before any of us could do anything, Yuki had come down the hall and swiped the phone out of Chii's hand. Chii whined, “Yuki, I asked dad a question. Let me talk to him!” Yuki looked at us and then put the receiver to his ear. “Dad?”



“Yuki?”



“Where have you been?”



“I've been around Kyoto for awhile. How are you?”



“Fine.”



“Chii tells me you're in 4th grade now. Congratulations, you'll be graduating Elementary School in 2 years.”



“You will come and see that right? The Elementary Graduation?”



Yuki out of any of us was never happy to hear from Dad. He always held a grudge about him ever since we moved to grandmas and each time we tried to ask him he pushed us away. I wonder if he's angry now. Another long silence came from the other end and you could dad thinking for a second. He must have been at a payphone cause you could hear cars going by in the background.



“Yuki, listen I-”



“So that's a no right?”



“Yuki, listen. I care about you kids, but things have gotten bad for me and it wouldn't be good if I hung around you 3. You know how it is.”



“ You can hang around us you just don't want to.”



“Yuki! C'mon don't be like this! Now listen, I have something to tell you. I'll be sending some money to you kids, that your mother and I use to save up for you three.”



“Why?”



“ Things have gotten tough Yuki. I don't know where I'm going or when I'm coming back, but I just wanted to tell you kids, that I love you. I may call in on your birthdays or something. But you have to be strong Yuki, for you sisters. Please, I feel bad enough all ready.”



I now heard the silence come from our end and I could see Yuki glancing at Chii and I wondering if he should yell or not. Then Yuki looked at the wall ahead of him.



“Goodbye.”



“Yuki I-”



Yuki hung up before dad could speak. I whined. “I wanted to talk to him. Did he say hi, did he?" For awhile the awkward silence invaded our house slowly and the only thing that could be heard was the shovel against the dirt of grandma digging holes for her garden new seeds and the birds chirping. Yuki stared into my gray bluish eyes, which is something we three held in common. He walked over to me and placed a hand on my head. "He says hi and that he misses you."



I looked up, "Is he coming Yuki? Is he coming to my school play on Thursday?"



Yuki's hand came off my head and saw him just creep a small smile or at least trying to. "Kiyara there is poster board and some markers on the counter in the kitchen, can you go get them, and they can be for our poster."



"Okay be right back."



I hadn't notice Yuki hadn't answered my question, but I ran off anyway into the kitchen. When I started to come back with the red and blue marker and the big poster board I stopped in the living room that led into the hallway I was just in.



"Nii-chan just between you and I Daddy is coming back right? He's coming to see Kiyara's play right?"



When I put my eye up to the little crack of the door, I saw Yuki's head down. He looked at Chii and I in my own way I felt like he was going to cry. Yuki walked over to Chii slowly and put his hand behind her head pulling her into a hug. Chii who was smaller then him at the time and always has been settled into the embrace.



"Nii-chan?"



Yuki closed his eyes and he still stood in the dark hallway, the only light was coming from the other end of the hall. "No. Dad is taking time from us. He's sending some money and he says that he'll try and see us, but he said it's hard. He said he loved us and that he'll miss us. Or that's what he meant."



I then saw Chii finally fall into that empty embrace he was looking for. I saw her orange cat plushie fall out of her arms and onto the floor. She hugged Yuki back and I then saw her tears come out. Yuki who seemed to expect she would cry just hugged her back.



Slowly I took my eye off the crack and stood behind the sliding door that divided the hallway and the living room. I felt my grip on the markers and poster board fall a bit, but not enough to drop it. My body felt like it was starting to fall and my heart began to pound. I would never see my dad again?



I, personally never ever really knew my mom. My mom was kind but all that was left was fading memories I couldn't place. Dad was always out on the road I was really hoping that he would take us back to get to know him better. I think it was the hardest on Chii though just like the death of mom was hard on Yuki. Yuki was close to mom and Chii was close to dad never knew why.



Me? I was closer to Yuki and Chii then anyone and maybe because I depended on them just like they depended on Dad and Mom. I heard the sniffs and the attempt to gain composure as Chii wiped the tears away and Yuki tried to stay strong.



I took a deep breath, and I was supposed to pretend like I hadn't heard anything. I opened the door completely getting their attention and smiled. "Hi there."



Chii looked up, but just picked up her plushy instead of saying hi. Yuki smiled back at me, but then trailed his eyes on the poster. "Kiyara I know how much you wanna do this lemonade stand. But lets do it another time, okay?"



"What? Why?"



Someone who usually had handled pressure beautifully was Chii, she was amazing at it and usually brought Yuki and I back to reality but now.now..she was-



"Because daddy just called! He isn't coming back!"



"Chii!" Yuki had spun and looked at her I could see her breath become shorter and her face turn light pink, she had tears in her eyes.



"What?" I tried to make it sound like I hadn't know, but the weight off my shoulders started to get me upset too.



"Nothing Kiyara, just go and play or something."



"But.."



"Do as I say!"



"Fine."



I walked off dropping the poster board and markers. I was angry why he hadn't told me, but I knew how Yuki had gotten when he was angry. I opened the door out to the back and sat on the little porch. An unused juice box sat there and I picked it up watching grandma move the shovel with ease.



The sweet taste of oranges and apples entered my mouth and the spring heat was coming on me. I heard the door behind me open and Yuki came out. He had red eyes as well, he looked like he was crying. He sat down next to me swiping the juice out of my hands drinking it. He still hadn't say anything, but he still kept on drinking the juice.



"Onii-chan?"



Yuki pulled the straw from his mouth and looked at me, he hadn't say anything, but he just stared.



"Are you okay, Yuki? You look like you were crying."



Yuki looked ahead taking his eyes off of me and watching grandma. He rushed his hand through his light brown hair that was mess. His dark blue t-shirt hung off his body and his blue jeans with a few holes in them hung around his waist loosely.



"Dad loves you Kiyara, understand?"



"Uh huh."



"He just is busy a lot, but I promise I won't let anything break us 3 up whether its him leaving or grandma leaving or anything."



"Yuki?"



"I care about you two, I won't let anything happen. I promise you."



"Yuki?"



"I don't care if I have to work for hours or anything."



"Onii-chan?"



"What?"



I knew that he was going off somewhere cause he was talking without answering me for a few, but now, now he was asking me a question. The sudden surprise kind of threw me off guard of what I was going to say.



"Just, its.."



"What is it?"



"Your just really grown up and you shouldn't hide how you feel even if you really grown up. Its just, your pretty amazing."



It was Yuki's turn to be surprised, he looked straight at me not that he already wasn't, but his emotion in his eyes changed. "Kiyara..."



"And Chii, Chii is just upset because Chii was really close to him, right? So please don't get mad at her."



I looked down at the grass that silently blew in the wind. I myself felt strange for giving him advice, but it was a good feeling. My yellow t-shirt hit against my body as I waited for a sound to happen.



Yuki then grabbed my arm and pulled me into a similar hug that Chii and him were in before. He closed his eyes and his breath grew calmer not like before. "I won't let anything happen to any of us or you two."



"And we, we will both protect you Onii-chan."



"Thanks"



"Its what sisters do, right?"



Yuki laughed a little and pulled me from him to look in my eyes again. "If you ever need me Kiyara, I'll be there, just call my name okay?"



"Yeah Okay."



Most of what Yuki said from the point of the phone call to the end of the day didn't make sense. He blubbered mostly to himself or said odd things about our life when we get older to Chii or I. Grandma eventually found out and I could see pale come to her face. Was she too going to miss Dad?"



Chii after an hour of crying gave up on crying and pulled herself outside. We went on a walk together and climbed the Sakura tree not far from Grandma's house. She said if I went first she would catch me, so I did, I ended up falling and scraping my knee. Still, I followed Chii up the tree wondering if I could help her to be happy.



Sometime around 5 at night we had walked home. It was becoming dark and she was showing me all the stars in the sky. Even though the pocky in my mouth was still occupying it, I spoke up."Onne-chan you are happy?"



She looked at me and pulled the strawberry pocky out of her mouth, for a moment the crickets could only be heard. "Kiyara-chan you worry to much." She smiled and I knew it was a real one I had done my job.



When I came home that evening and grandma had fed us to dinner and sent us off to our merry way. I had traveled up to Chi's and my bedroom, I was the only one up there and I lay on the bed. I watched the lights in my room and felt myself get tired.



What would our future be like? I wonder if what Yuki said of staying together and keeping each other safe would be the same tomorrow? And that's all I wanted, was yesterday to be tomorrow and things just to be the same before the madness came.



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I think adults that I've come across in my life can be rather careless. Its almost as if once they start having responsibilities they start to run or shrug it off. Those in my life who do seemed to take responsibilities are usually snatched away either by death or something else. Grandma wasn't someone to run off, but I think the pressure of having us 3 around started to come upon her.



Its not like Grandma was to sick or elderly to watch over us make sure we did our homework and what not, but its not like she was exactly fit to keep up with our energy. Eventually a few months past by after having that phone call from Dad; Grandma began to become over stressed. When Chii, Yuki, and I weren't making trouble or being hyper we were usually getting other kids in trouble. We mostly hung around one another since friends seemed a little overrated at the time, but once with other kids we were little troublemakers more then usual.



Even though Grandma loved us, she said she couldn't take it and so she drove us to the Hinageshi Orphanage in Kyoto. I was in the car ride that morning to the orphanage and I was holding onto the small turtle doll that I had gotten from my grandmother before we left. Yuki sat on the other car window and Chii in the middle. I bounced up in the seat and kept looking out the window. Grandma turned to me "Kiyara, please calm down, honey."



"I can't grandma. Were going to Kyoto."



Chii looked at me and I could see Yuki look at me too. Chii blinked, "Why is that so great Imooto-chan?"



"Because Daddy said he lived there right, so maybe he will adopt us."



Yuki's face color flushed from his face and Grandma put her hand on her head and back on the steering wheel. Chii looked at me as her hands folded in her lap and she sat back and closed her eyes. I don't know what I had said, but it must have been bad considering silence came in the car. I sat back in my seat and looked out the window, I didn't mean it. Whatever was going to happen I hope that I wouldn't loose any more people in my family.



When we arrived at the orphanage grandma began to bawl like a mad man, she didn't get out of the car that made Yuki caused the first move. He opened the car door and hopped out landing on the rock that was suppose to make it look like a driveway. Chii and I hopped out of the car after him and I slammed the car door shut. I could hear Yuki trying to calm grandma down and bring her inside, but grandma just kept bawling. I looked at Chii as we were waiting. "What did I say in the car, Chii-chan?"



Chii looked at me and placed her hand in her little sweatshirt. She looked the other way I wondered if she was crying too, by now Chii was 9, Yuki 10, and I 8-years-old. I watched her and that's when I noticed Chii looked so grown up. When did that happen? She opened her mouth. "Kiyara, dad's not coming to get us. He never is, don't you get it? Don't you understand? Dad can't have us, he can't afford to have us with him."



For a moment I was so lost in what she said. He was not coming? He would never come? He couldn't afford us? I couldn't get it through my head of what was going on, but its not like I had time too. It was all happening very fast. Slowly Grandma got out of the car and started to lead us to the orphanage. I tugged at Yuki's sleeve so he didn't move so fast. "Yuki.."



"Yeah?"



"Dad loves us right? He's coming, right? He's coming?"



Yuki now took the silence that Chii had taken only a few minutes ago. I now noticed he looked grown up as well. When did we all start growing up? Did it happen to me too? Yuki grabbed my wrist and started to walk after Grandma and Chii in order not to get left behind. He didn't turn back, but I could hear sincere in his voice. "Kiyara. Dad loves you, dad loves us, dad may not come back, but don't ever think that he doesn't love you. Do you understand?"



Why was everyone always asking me if I understood? I don't think I would or could at this point, but maybe that's why they're asking. It made me feel like I was still that little kid who didn't get anything and always had to be explained it. Somehow I think this was the hardest on Yuki and Chii then me. I hadn't been around dad or mom enough to make any sort of connection, but Yuki and Chii they had more time and so it must be hard. I felt so bad and I felt like all my problems were just adding to the weight on their shoulders.



"Yuki.."



"Kiyara?"



"He will come back. He will."



Yuki glanced at me for a moment and said slowly. "We don't deserve this, but as long as I have you two, I'm good." I felt really happy then for a quick moment that he said that, I would try to be really good for them. Yuki grabbed Chii's wrist too who stopped to pick a flower up in the yard that clearly had a sign up that said 'Do not pick' Yuki turned to both of us as grandma rang the doorbell. "I promise, I will never let anyone adopt any of us without one another, I promise you both that."



Chii looked at me and back at Yuki. "That's really sweet, Nii-chan. I promise I will not be adopted." Then they both looked at me who was still trying to figure out anything that was happening. I realized they were looking at me and nodded agreeing. Maybe one day I'll understand what's going on, but now its all just confusing. I wonder when they ask me if I understood what was going on when I get older, I would finally be able to say yes.



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Sometimes you don't fit in places and I think the orphanage was one of those times. We were the new kids and naturally the fresh meat. Suddenly our trips to inside of the orphanage weren't all that glamorous like the times we'd run into grandma's house.



Food was something to add to my despise list and the sleeping hours were nonetheless horrible. The only time I liked spending time in that orphanage is when we'd all been allowed to go outside. Next door was a family with two little boys and they were always showing me some cool stuff. They one time were showing me how to jump off the roof correctly.



Yuki hated me hanging around those kids so naturally I wasn't allowed to be by them and that just ruined my day. Chii liked swinging on the two swings in the backyard with some girl named Melody so I used to watch them as I stacked number of rocks. Yuki had become fascinated with soccer, but slowly I saw him fighting with the other boys on who could play so he just instead started playing against himself and the wall.



The time I was around 11-years-old, Yuki had come home in a huff. He couldn't take it anymore living here and no one was adopting us at least not all together. So he sat Chii and I down and told us that we would be sneaking out.



When I was sleeping one night Chii had come and woken me up. I don't remember how we got through the door, but we did and eventually out on the road. I had an anxiety of knowing what we were going to do. Yuki explained that he's been rounding up money since we got here and that we could live in shacks and small portions of food till he raised enough to buy a house.



Constantly we were always on the run of the orphanage ever since we saw posters up for us. While we attended new schools, mostly public since we couldn't afford private schools, we were still in paranoia. When we started our runaway Yuki's first last name he gave us was Saskue. When someone asked our last name my first day of 6th grade, I said “Ritsuko” which was our original last name, and then we were back on the road again in any attempt to hide from the orphanage.



I don't remember how many schools I went through or the new last names he kept giving us. For about a year we went through so many shacks and once and awhile we lived in opened garages of gas stations. The other second year we were living in parks and in the winters we were sleeping in bus stations.



Chii got a job when she turned 14 and I was to stay at home as Yuki and Chii worked every night saving up for either food or the next house. It seemed like we were always assuming that we were going to screw up somehow and go to a new house.



When I turned 14-years-old, Chii was 15-years-old, and Yuki was 16-years-old it seemed that Chii and Yuki had raised enough money to buy a home. It wasn't far from the bus station we were living at now but it was a good home.



I never had a job, but the summer before this school year Chii and I got a job as waitresses at a coffee shop. Yuki works at home a lot as a Computer and Telephone Management. This is where the whole story starts.



My life, our life, has been always on the run, but this is the first time we've actually had a home in awhile, food in the fridge, and a good bed to sleep in. I think we were starting to have high hopes of not blowing our cover and live the remainder of our childhood in this house.



High hopes, high hopes was something that always got me really down. Every time I assumed something it was always changed around and I think in the end my spirit just broke. Dad hasn't been seen since I was around 7-years-old and I hadn't heard from grandma since the day she dropped us from the orphanage.



I however have an older brother and an older sister who seemed to be taking life all in fate right now and pretty much watch over me. So why is it, why is it that I can't seem to have the same spirit as when I was a kid?



But maybe, this is the place this town, this school, this house is finally a place to call home.



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