Chapter 5 - Whit 1

I laid my head on my arm as I watched the bubbles in the gold alcoholic beverage float to the top of the glass and pop. I was so bored and bored wasn’t good. Not for me anyway. Let’s go to Anchor Cove. It’ll take your mind off work, Lou says. Hmph, work was more fun than this. It was four-something in the morning and the bar was full. I sat up and stared at the drink. The little gold liquid was so tempting, but I had to stay sober. Even one drink would have me bouncing off the walls. So why did I order it?
I sighed and sucked one of my cheeks in. Just then, a big hairy hand grabbed my drink. I swiftly turned around and watched as some fat, tattooed biker dude drank my beer. “Hey.” I said jumping off my stool. The man looked at me and slammed the glass on the bar. He wiped his mouth, which was hidden somewhere under a nasty looking beard. “You got something to say me, pretty boy?” he asked.
I automatically knew I had made a big mistake. I think I can take him...I hope. He belched and stalked towards me. His big gut stuck out from under his tiny T-shirt. “I asked you a question, pal. You got something to say to me?” He was about half a foot away from me. The smell of...well, he smelled like...he smelled so bad that I couldn’t even think of what he smelled like.
I turned my head slightly to the side as I tried to escape from his eye-watering stench. “Sorry, I don’t roll that way.” I blurted as I turned back around on the stool. Something told me that that guy wasn’t happy with his answer. Was it his stench that was getting closer to my nose that told me that? He slammed his giant, hairy, dirty, ugly hand on my brand new clean polo shirt. That shirt would never be the clean again.
“What did you say, pal?” he asked me. His teeth were even ugly. How could a person so...so...so...so ugh, live a normal life with citizens? He looked like he had been in a chemical explosion. Then again, he possibly got it from his mama. It was a good thing that that dude couldn’t read minds. I’d be toast. “Nothing, It’s just, phew, you smell really bad. I mean, hobos smell better than you. Dude, scrub yourself down. On second thought, take a bath in Clorox.” I called to the bartender for my bill. “Not so fast pretty boy.” The man said.
“We are just about to have some fun.” I turned my head and looked at him. “Oh sorry dude. I’m happily married. To a female. You know, a girl. Humans with boobs. Have you ever had one?” He laughed, it sounded like he was trying to cough up peanut butter. He coughed up something because it hit me on the face. He snapped his chubby fingers.
All of a sudden, the stool disappeared from under me and I fell backwards on the floor. It hurt like hell. It was like nothing was going on because no one even turned around to see if I was okay. Where was Lou when you actually needed her? The big guy grabbed me by my collar and said. “Let’s go.” I tried not to puke. “Are we going fishing?” I asked.
Before I knew it was shoved outside right into a light post. “You think you’re pretty funny don’t you?” the man said. Behind him were three other biker dudes. They all had twisted expressions on their grim faces. “When you say funny, do you mean as in funny ha-ha, or do you mean funny as in unusual or homosexual? If you mean the second one, I think you’re pretty funny, too.” I smiled and patted him on the shoulder.
The man threw his thumb at me and chuckled. “Funny, right?” he called to his minions. The others chuckled too. He turned back around to me and his gigantic fist rammed right into my gut. I was glad I didn’t eat dinner. I clutched my stomach and fell to the ground. I spit up some blood and started laughing. “You haven’t learned your lesson yet?” the man pulled me to my feet by my shirt.
“I’ve learned my lesson alright. Don’t make a gay man mad.” I smirked at him as I watched his fist ball up. WHAM! Right in the jaw. I stumbled backwards back into the light post. My jaw was searing with pain. I was no longer bored. “Is that the best you got? You suck!” I laughed at him. As I expected, he came charging at me. I was ready for him.
In swift movements, I was able to dodge his charge. He slammed head first into the light post. He held his head and cried out. His minions only stared. “What are you standing around for?” the man shouted. “Kill him!” Three of them and one of me. What to do, what to do....
For the first one, I used his slow attacks to my advantage. A knock in the head and a blow to the stomach was enough to make him fall on the ground with his gang leader.
The second one had huge eyes. They were so big that they bugged out of his head about fifty inches. Poing...poing...I hoped he didn’t need those eyes just then. The last one was such a joke. A young man about my age. He stood in front of me shaking as if I had shotgun in my hands. I could take that to my advantage as well.
Just as I was about to attack, POW! The man fell on the ground knocked out. Standing over him was Lou. In her hand was a hard bottom Prada bag. She tossed back her volumized brown hair and smiled at me. “Having fun?” she asked. “You know me, babe. I’ll find a way to beat boredom.” I replied.
I turned to look at once dangerous looking biker crew. Hurt, miserable, and pitiful. “Babe, let’s go. I think we’ve had enough fun here.” I took Lou’s hand in mine and stepped over the man who had started it all. “By the way,” I said facing him. “I still think you’re funny. As for me, I’m just lucky.” The man rolled his eyes and continued to rub his head.

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