Chapter 8 - Chaptearl 7

Chapter 7:

Dance like you want to live!, or Earl learns why he and his cohorts are being chased by show tunes.



“Why is there a wave of spontaneous song-and-dance chasing us?” Xvo demanded. Behind us, the cacophony of show tunes grew louder and stronger as it caused more musicals.

“It's a booby trap that's meant to isolate Water, so that he can't fix anything.” Wind said. He'd popped into the seat across from us.

“Why?”

“Because Water is the only person who can unmake the keyboards.” Wind answered. “That musical wave is going to make him sing until he's blue-er in the face. Unless he's given a drink from the fountain at Stately Demise Manor, he won't stop.”

“Oh, Earl has always wondered what that odd glowing fountain was for. I thought that it was merely for decoration.”

“The instructions are on the other side.”

“There's a concrete block on the other side.”

“So you can't read it.”

“Ahh.”



“Ah, yees, we are approaching Stately Demise Manor.” Earth said, cackling in French.

“Earl thanks you from the bottom of his newly restored heart, so could you please let us off?” I asked.

“Of coourse, and eef your run eento ze author, make heem stop making me used so many dooble vowels!” Earth dabbed at h is eyes, lit up an unfiltered cigarette, and he and Wind drove off underground.

“Earl, where are we?” Xvo asked, looking around.

“My friend, we are on the border of Tasmania!” Stately Demise Manor is located directly on the border.”

“Tasmania is an island. It doesn't have a border. Or dairy farms.” Maggie pointed out.

“Maggie, have you read any of our adventures? The author doesn't care about fact or fiction. Or reality. We're in his head; reason and logic have no power here.” Blue explained. “I mean, we've gone from a pub, to a court, to an Iron Maiden suspended above a pit of lava, to a train underground, to a mansion booby-trapped by a Broadwave, to the border of Tasmania.”

“Besides,” I said. “It's only located on the border of Tasmania because it's supported by some rusty stilts that extend from Australia. Now come, we must be off.”

“Eh?”

“Sorry, I was reading one of the author's other stories. He's very big on sword-and-sorcery adventures.”I brandished a copy of one of the author's other works, but it was snatched away by a six-eyed fish.

“That was a unimaginable-unthinkable-unnoticeable-unquestionable-untimely-unholy-ungodly-unspeakable-unforgettable-ungeniusable-undeniable-unchooseable-unmentionable-undecidedlyimaginablethinkablenoticeablequestionabletimelyholygodlyspeakableforgettablegeniusabledeniablechooseablementionablesupercalifragilisticexpialadociousable” I said.

“Was there any point to that?”

“No, the writers just wanted to see how many words they could hyphenate together.” I said, untwisting my tongue.

“Oh my God! Look at Earl's house!”

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