Chapter 78 - ...Not the Destination

That was a surprising choice. Sai, of all people? Ryouko didn’t share his reasoning, though, and he wasn’t asked to.

“Alright. Let’s go!”

Shikamaru used an obvious Shadow Possession Jutsu. Ryouko leapt up to avoid it. He flung kunai at Shikamaru, hoping to force him to move and break his Jutsu. Asuma swept in with his trench knives and batted the kunai down. Shikamaru didn’t even move, and even more importantly, his shadow continued to chase Ryouko.

“Art of Cartoon Beast Mimicry!”

Sai attacked with his lions. They aimed for Asuma, forcing him to divert his attention. Ryouko got the hint and aimed for Shikamaru with a genjutsu, though not before Shikamaru changed his attacked to a Shadow Stitching jutsu. Now being in the air seemed like a bad idea. As he landed, Shikamaru’s Jutsu switched back and trapped him. Ryouko tried to use a genjutsu, but felt cold steel at the base of his neck.

“Alright, it’s over. Now, can you tell me why your plan didn’t work, even though it made sense?”

Asuma withdrew the trench knife from Ekyt’s neck, and Shikamaru let go with his Shadow Possession Jutsu.

“I have no idea,” Ekyt admitted.

“That’s fine, you weren’t supposed to. The problem is that you rely too much on yourself. You know your strengths, and you know other’s strengths. But how to integrate them is your first problem. When you’re one of the Twelve Shinobi Guardians, you’ll need to learn how to work with eleven others. People you don’t know, and some you won’t like. I guarantee you’ll want to kill at least one before all is said and done. All you have to do is trust them. Plan their downfall in your head, and be ready to fight in their stead, but make sure you can focus on your own fight.”

Ekyt’s face must have looked bewildered, because Asuma explained further.

“You noticed how Shikamaru didn’t move when you threw the kunai at him? It’s because he let me take care of it. And even if I didn’t, his jutsu could have protected him. You, on the other hand, took action too soon, and didn’t work with Sai. You assumed he would hold up his end of the fight while you handled yours. It doesn’t work that way. Now, we’re going to try this again. You against me and Shikamaru, without backup. GO!”

Ekyt immediately shot a blast of fire at Shikamaru, followed by a genjutsu aimed at Asuma. Asuma released the attack and charged forward. Ekyt drew two kunai to fight Asuma’s trench knives, but that left him open to Shikamaru’s Shadow Possession again. Using a replacement jutsu was his only option. But Ekyt added a little flash and sizzle by leaving an exploding tag in his wake. Asuma would have to move, but he didn’t. Instead, he kicked the log away from himself and Shikamaru, allowing it to explode harmlessly high in the air. Ekyt, meanwhile, dropped in behind Shikamaru and grabbed him in a headlock. Before he could even shout a warning to Asuma, a hand cracked Ekyt between the shoulder blades, dropping him into the dirt and freeing Shikamaru. He rolled over immediately, but found a kunai and two trench knives aimed at him.

“…”

“You did better that time. A hostage would normally work, but Shikamaru and I have a special trust. You haven’t found anyone to trust like that. Being honest, it was Azami that came closest.”

Everyone flinched- this had to be a sore subject. But Asuma kept on it. Even as a wave of anxiety hit Ekyt and he began to panic, Asuma kept on him.

“One ruined relationship can’t govern you. Emotions can’t govern you. Illness can’t govern you. You want strength? Then you’ve got to reach out and take it. Now, rest for a minute and collect yourself.”

Everyone suddenly perked up. Ekyt was still on the ground, but there were kunai all around him, held their by Mist Shinobi.

“Don’t interfere, Leaf ninja. We just want the boy, and the bounty on his head.”

Everyone expected Ekyt to stand and fight. But he couldn’t. He was clearly trying and failing. He was up to one knee, panting incredibly heavily. There was an almost crying sound in-between gasps of breath; a high-pitched ‘hehhh’ that sounded unnatural. His eyes were unfocused, and his hands shook.

“THIS is what we’re after? That can’t be right! Check again, Natsumi- this is the guy with the bounty on his head?!”

There were ten Mist-nin, and they were all perplexed. How could this pathetic thing be the scourge of their sacred ceremonies?

Everyone stood still, not wanting to let on that Ekyt was, in fact, the one they were looking for. Each Leaf ninja denied it, saying that this was a new jonin who had gotten injured. To Ekyt, though, there was more going on.

They’re protecting me… But they’re in danger, because of me. Because of my weakness…

“This is the man I want protecting my children…”

“That’s the guy with the bounty on his head…

Those two comments…even in the midst of my fight at that tournament, I heard those two comments. I don’t know who said them, but I remember they helped me keep going. But are those two comments true anymore? I’ve got to do this. I’ve got to stand and fight…

Sweat cascaded down Ekyt’s face. He couldn’t feel his shins or forearms, plus everything in-between, except for the knot in his stomach and the pain in his chest. All the same, he couldn’t let the others pretend he wasn’t who he was. Even if he died, Ekyt had always wanted an identity of his own. He was always one of the crowd, and as much as he prized that, he always wanted to be the one who stood out, just a little bit.

“HYAH!”

Ekyt palmed the ground, and fire shot up. The flames launched him in the air, where he twisted until he was facing the right way. He kicked down, planting both feet on the chest of one pursuer. Using that momentum, he kicked another in the jaw, landing crouched in the center of the remaining eight. From there, he created two Shadow Clones who charged the two ninja on either side of him. The others charged, either convinced of their target or to help their teammates.

“FLAMA SUCCENDO!”

Fire rocked up from the ground and burned the first wave of two ninja. The next two were stuffed in the gut by a fist, then thrown backward into the next wave. By now, the others recovered and attacked. Ekyt met them head-on.

What if I get sick? What if I can’t breathe, or I throw up?
No no no, stop it! It won’t happen! And if it does, it does!
Control your breathing, and stay calm!
I feel sick…
It’s just your anxiety!
…
But what if it’s not? What if it’s the one time it’s real?

Ekyt’s rally was over. He had wounded his attackers enough to discourage them. He stayed on his feet, but to anyone that knew him, the fight was over. He would be helpless if attacked again in this state.

The nine exchanged glances. Once again, they were together, and Ekyt was by himself. It was almost like a metaphor for real life. For Ekyt, there could be no one. His instinct to protect is what both drew people to him and pushed them away.

“Now you see… Now you understand…” Ekyt panted, on all fours again, looking at the group of nine. They had started walking, but turned back to face him.

“Now you understand why I could never ask a girl to join me. This is living. I could never ask anyone to share this personal hell!”

There was silence. Everyone got the sense that Ekyt wasn’t done talking. They were correct.

“I don’t know why I’m scared of girls. I’ll never understand. But that doesn’t mean I don’t desire one for myself! But it’s selfish to ask someone to take on my problems! That’s why it bothered me so much with Azami. I made her problems mine, but I couldn’t let her take on my burdens! And in the end, she couldn’t come to me with her problems! I had to protect her, and I begged for her trust! Instead…instead I learned why I can’t have a normal life. That’s why I’m always alone, and why I take on impossible burdens in fight-

To me, strength is my only solace. Trusting isn’t something I can do. Friends betray you. Girlfriends leave you. The more things change, the more things stay the same. And worst of all, when I finally learned to trust…

That trust was betrayed.”

Naruto pushed his way to the front of the pack. He knelt down next to Ekyt.

“Do you believe that? After all you’ve been through in the Leaf Village, you still don’t think you can trust anyone? Even after the nine of us drag you to the Fire Daimyo to make your life better, you think we’re going to betray you?”

Ekyt shook his head. “It’s not like that. It’s more of… I have to protect, but I won’t let myself be protected. I could let more advanced jonin fight against the Akatsuki, but instead I…”

“You take on the fight…” Yamato finished for him. Ekyt nodded.

“Yes. I can’t stand to see people I care about hurt. Even when I know they’re better, if I can fight, even if I lose, they stand a better chance of winning. And all this comes BEFORE the anxiety.”

No one knew quite what to say after that. Ekyt NEVER opened up. The only one present who had ever heard him do so was Sakura, and she had been certain Ekyt’s last speech was a ‘deathbed confession’. But now she wasn’t so sure.

He never opened up before for a reason. Because no one ever understood him? Does this mean that he trusts all of us on a different level? Are we somehow ‘worthy’ of understanding him, or something like that? Well, whatever the case, he’s speaking now, and if I’m sure of one thing, it’s that he didn’t have many listeners before.

To Sakura’s surprise, it was Ino who beat her to the punch.

“So this is what’s been floating around in your head? This kind of…what’s the word…self-abuse, maybe? We all knew you beat yourself up over your studies, but do you really give yourself a good butt-whooping for everything?”

Ekyt had since gotten to his feet. He couldn’t make eye contact with anyone- part of his anxiety that had, no doubt, made people wary of him. The bags under his eyes had gotten thicker. There was no doubt in anyone’s mind that this was a sick man. There was no hint of fire in Ekyt’s eyes right now. How frustrating must it have been to have an illness no one else could see tangibly? An illness that no one could explain to you? An illness no one could understand? An illness that many have, yet is unique to each? How lonely an existence it must have been…

And when the girl left him, it became even lonelier… Sakura thought, studying Ekyt, as though that would give her an idea of what was going on in his head.

And then he lost the fight against her. He had no self-respect to begin with… No doubt that was damaging beyond our understanding… Yamato stayed silent, not sure about getting involved just yet. Technically, Ekyt wasn’t his problem. Yamato wasn’t unkind, but his orders were very specific.

So it’s a cycle. His insecurities feed his other insecurities. And the cycle was broken when he found Azami… Kakashi decided to give the matter further thought. So he DID need a team. Moreso than we thought. Not for his strength, but for his health.

“It’s…so…Goddamn unfair!” Ekyt roared suddenly, punching a tree as hard as he could. The tree shattered into splinters, cutting Ekyt into bits. He didn’t pay it any mind- he just continued his rampaging. “For fourteen Goddamn years it’s been like this! I hide it, I beat it, I fight it, but it never ends! WHY?! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO?! WHAT’S BEING ASKED OF ME?! IF STRENGTH CAN’T BEAT THIS, WHAT CAN?!”

Ekyt had lost his composure, finally. Their was still no fire in his eyes, despite the angry outburst. Instead, his eyes held nothing. No emotion, save for frustration. That disappeared as Ekyt brought himself under control again.

“I’m…I’m sorry. I’ve dragged all of you into this now… A matter that no one else can understand… This is my cross to bear. All of you have your own, and I shouldn’t complain that this one is heavy. I’m not going to die from it, and I can beat it. Theoretically.”

What am I doing? Ekyt wondered. Asuma lost his father. Choji is fat. Sakura thinks she’s homely. Ino thinks too much of herself. Kakashi lost his teammates and all his family. So who am I to dog?

But why shouldn’t I?

No, it’s unfair to the others. If I have to complain, I’ll do it in private. I won’t trouble them again, not like this. They’re insisting on lending me their strength, and I’d be stupid to pass it up. But when I DO borrow their strength, I will take it with dignity and pride. Not with a temper tantrum. I will not lose my control like that again. Not ever again in public.

Even the distracted Ekyt perked up when a girl came running up. She was clothed in a white gi top with a red hakama.

A Miko? What’s a Shinto priestess doing here? Shikamaru wondered.

“Please, I beg you, Leaf Shinobi- help us! Our temple is under attack! We can’t fend them off any longer without aid!”

Everyone looked to Ekyt- the obvious baggage of the group. To their surprise, he was standing up straight and looking somewhat more healthy.

“Lead the way,” he said firmly, bowing in greeting to the shrine maiden.

“Yes, this way!” she said. Rather, stammered. After she made eye contact with Ekyt, she couldn’t seem to meet his eyes again.

Oh? The girl’s blushing? And only when Ekyt spoke? Well, he’s certainly a ladies man suddenly! I wonder if he noticed?

Ekyt started to run, in the middle of the pack. Red was etched on his face.

Yup, he noticed. Asuma thought with a grin. A miko and Ekyt? That’s no odder than Ekyt and a bounty hunter, I guess…Tho’ I might be jumping the gun a bit. Ekyt’s hardly in any shape to fight, let alone worry about his love life.
--

The Fire Daimyo sat behind a curtain, looking out at his twelve guardians. His head guardian, Masato, bowed and stood near the Daimyo’s chamber, ready to repeat his words. He nodded and bowed after each sentence. He spoke very softly, though his words echoed. The room was so dark it was impossible to see your hand in front of your face.

“Shinmaru, you will be evaluating a potential new member. You will likewise be evaluated. Should you fail to defeat this newcomer, you will be removed from the Twelve Shinobi Guardians, and he will take your place.”

Shinmaru, who wore a mask that covered his face except for his mouth, bowed respectfully, but asked ‘Why was I chosen?’
In response, he was handed a BINGO book. It came from the Mist Village. Intrigued, Shinmaru looked at the page that was marked.

“Ekyt…adopted name of Kaguya. Twenty-five million ryo bounty when turned over to the Mist Village. Known genjutsu specialist. Fierce opposer of the Akatsuki. Currently a jonin in the Hidden Leaf…”

Shinmaru immediately saw why he had been chosen. Truthfully, there were two reasons. First of all, as the newest guardian, it was his position that Ekyt would be after. Shinmaru was more or less a temporary guardian. He was sure to have the spot, he was told, unless a challenger came.
The second reason- fighting style.

“This will be an interesting fight. There’s no disgrace to be had by loss- only honored to be gained by winning.”

Masato bowed again, speaking the Fire Daimyo’s words. “Shinmaru, the Fire Daimyo wishes you luck. He also wishes to remind you that death must be avoided, lest you break your word, and your probation terms…”

“Yes. I know I’m here as a criminal, and I wish to repent. I’ll repent by continuing to serve the Fire Daimyo with all my energy. My crimes must be repented.”

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